Alley ╔╦╦═╬╦═

[Voidus]

Voidus watched with a hint of surprise as Mac began to scowl at the ball bearing. No questions, no hesitation, he'd just started staring at the ball until eventually he'd started frowning, then scowling.

He might have a talent for this.

Eventually Mac seemed to reach an appropriate state of mind and spoke.

"I think I hate it. I certainly need that out of the room."

"Good." Voidus smiled for a moment, taking the ball bearing back and putting it in a pocket.

Then his expression firmed again and he took a calming breath, trying to keep his mind still even with what he knew was about to happen. Perhaps this was why he hadn't been checking up on Mac before now, he'd known that he'd have to face this eventually. Even knowing that it was nearby caused him pain.

"Drop it." He said, speaking into a nearby intercom.

A moment later a small hatch opened in the ceiling and a small object fell down, bouncing a little as it hit the surface of the table and rolling around towards Voidus.

Instantly his face twisted into a mask of seething hatred, he clenched his jaw until his teeth began to creak.

"Next." He growled. "You get rid of it."

A small patch of pure darkness flashed across the room, colliding with the pineapple on the desk before promptly vanishing, along with the pineapple. And the desk. And a portion of the floor.

Overdid it again. Stupid, disgusting things. If I ever finds who started importing these here then I will erase them and everyone they've ever met from existence.

He took a sharp intake of breath before remembering that he needed to relax. It took another minute before he calmed enough to look at Mac.

"Now you might have felt something when you first snapped, a sort of empty feeling? You might want to use that like Stormlight, take it out and throw it at things like a Radiant. That's a sure and easy way to kill yourself. You don't take that out, you put other things into it. Once you hate it enough you need to focus on it, hard as it may be you need to force yourself to think about it. Think about it rolling into that emptiness until it turns into more emptiness. Until it joins the Void and there's nothing left to hate anymore."

He took the ball bearing out and placed it gently on the table again.

"Just don't overdo it, if you get too carried away you'll end up throwing pieces of yourself away as well."

Voidmaking was a dangerous art to learn, to even acquire it at all you needed to be closer to death than an Allomancer and more broken than a Radiant. And things only got harder from there.

[MacThorstenson he/him]

Mac stared at the ball bearing, feeling hatred fill his mind. He reached out to slap it across the room, then stopped himself.

Gah, disgusting feeling. It makes you lose control.

“Why do we need to hate it? Isn’t hate Odiums intent?” He paused, thinking back to his moments of weakness. They were all caused by unbridled hatred. What he did then was good. But it would have been better if he was in charge instead of emotions. He continued softly, “It makes you lose control.”

[Voidus]

Voidus nodded, calm had taken him once more as he waited for Mac to proceed.

"It can, and yes it is of Odium. But Hatred isn't the key, just the easiest way for most people to access it. Some things you need to get rid of not because you hate them but because you need to protect, or out of shame, regret, even love. Sometimes for something you love, oblivion can be the best option."

He stopped, picking the ball bearing up again and silently regarding it.

"But those kinds of feelings aren't usually as easy to manifest, this is simply the first step. Emotions help to generate the required strength of will, you just need to channel the parts of it that you need and don't let the rest of your anger affect you. It's not unlike embracing Saidin in a way, but instead of eliminating your feelings entirely you burn away all the parts but what you need in that moment. Use it to fuel your motivation but don't let it distract you. Eventually you'll be able to avoid the emotional requirements entirely, but it takes a firm mental discipline to have free access to that kind of willpower."

He placed the ball back on the table and took another step back.

"Now, unless you can find some way to consider annihilating this ball to be an act of love then we'll keep going with anger." He said. "So, let's try again."

[MacThorstenson he/him]

Mac nodded. It made sense, that emotion wasn’t the key, but that willpower was. 

“Ok.” He refocused on the ball. The embodiment of sloth, of Apathy. For him the symbol of his failure. It was shameful. It was the essence of weakness and failure. He felt the urge to slap it off the table again, but instead of slapping it, he drew it into himself. Into the void. 

He forced it out of this universe into the void. Then the void did its job, turning it into more void. 

With his eyes he saw a point of darkness form and head toward the ball. Colliding with it. The ball started to dissolve, slowly the outer layer turned to darkness and dissipated. 

When all was said and done, the ball barely looked any smaller than before.

This isn’t like Voidus’. What am I doing wrong?

”What am I doing wrong? Is this a normal amount of power?” He asked with a look of confusion. 

[Voidus]

Voidus nodded, taking a quick look at what remained of the ball bearing.

"Very normal. A little better actually, for a first attempt." He commented as he inspected the small pits that covered the surface of the ball. "Feeding physical matter to the Void is very inefficient, even I couldn't do this on that large of a scale. But practicing should give you a better feel for Voidmaking, and it's the fastest way we have to increase your ability. Once you've mastered this we can move to Investitures and other magic."

It would take time, though Mac seemed to be picking up things quickly. But Voidmaking had certain other restrictions.

"Now, once again. Concentrate. Focus all the willpower you can and try to get rid of it."

Hopefully Mac would be strong enough to survive.

[MacThorstenson he/him]

"Huh." Questions flooded Mac's mind about the nature of Voidmaking, why would feeding physical objects take less effort than investiture? Aren't they just throwing stuff into the void? But there wasn't time for that right now. Now he had Voidus' attention and needed to Voidmake. 

He tried to refocus on the ball and feel the same hatred that he felt earlier, but it was more difficult this time. The hatred was still there, but he didn't feel the same desire to remove the ball from existence. He doubled down, trying to recapture the same hatred, the same willpower, that he had before. 

This ball is failure. It is me and my apathy. My fear of death. It MUST BE GONE!

With that mental shout he pulled the ball into the void, trying to remove it from existence as quickly as he could while he still had the will power. He gave it his all, and forced everything about the ball- its physical, cognitive, and spiritual aspects - into the void. The ball became void. 

A small point of darkness surrounded the ball. Turning the area darker as it slowly absorbed all the ball. It still wasn't disappearing fast enough. What was happening? Mac pushed harder and harder, but it felt like he was just climbing up a hill that got steeper and steeper. 

The longer he went, the less was getting done, and worse the less he wanted to do. He just wanted to give up. NO! he needed to do this, he needed to prove that he could do this, that he was still strong. But nothing was being done. The darkness was fading, the ball wasn't disappearing what was happening? Mac still hated the ball, but there was no willpower. It was gone.

"I can't do it anymore," He whispered, "I failed." He gave it one last push, and then stopped. "Why do I feel like this? This emptiness." 

It was more than a loss of will. It felt like a bit of his soul was missing.

There wasn't anything there, just the void. Nothingness. His eyes widened with fear. "What's happening? Voidus? " He started to grow cold. It was like he had fed a bit of his soul to the ball. His senses dulled, and his movements became sluggish. It was like being a drab, but very extreme. "What is this?" There wasn't any room for fear, of death or failure. The only emotion he could muster was a little passive curiosity. 

Edited January 31, 2019 by MacThorstenson

[Voidus]

Mac faltered, the darkness of hid Voidmaking vanished as he seemed to lose all drive to continue.

"What's happening? Voidus? What is this?"

Mac's voice was dull and emotionless as he spoke, a small trickle of fear and then nothing.

"That's enough for today." Voidus picked up the remnants of the ball bearing, what was left of it was beginning to crumble away, lacking the structural integrity to maintain itself. "You did well, this is one of the consequences of overuse. You'll recover with a bit of time."

Voidus felt a twinge of guilt as he explained to Mac. He'd known that Mac wasn't strong enough to feed that much matter to the void, but he'd pushed him. Tried to make him stronger, faster. He'd risked Mac's life just for his own goals.

"Come on, there are some new Acolytes trying some research a few Alleys over. I could use a nice return to something simple for a while. Once you've rested a while we can go through some of the theories and principles that you'll need to understand, then once you've fully recovered we can try something practical again."

Unfortunately, he might need to continue to push for these risks if they wanted things to return to normal.

[old man moomba he/him]

A team of janitor-monk-mimes swept throught the lab, restoring it to it's original state.

[MacThorstenson he/him]

"What? No!" Mac said, exhausted, "I am well enough to learn. Voidus, I need to learn this. Sudiov is hurting the DA. We can barely leave our own territory! I need to learn this." He tried to summon some passion into his voice, but he still only felt the void.

"I need to figure this out." He tried to stand up but couldn't muster the effort.

"At least tell me what's wrong with me? I need to know that much." Again he tried to stand up, but failed. He opened his mouth to talk, but was confused when he found that he didn't want to.

He focused his attention on trying to talk and barely squeezed out "Somethings wrong."

In the back of his mind, he realized that Voidus was right. Whatever this was, he wouldn't be able to learn. He could barely function right now. It's like he had lost the will to talk. 

He whispered, "You're right. I need to recover."