Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Ashspren]

2 minutes ago, IGetLIFTed said:

I know I’m really late so I don’t know where things are right now, but can I go next round?

This might take a break for a while... but definitely!

[Ashspren]

This is finally back guys... 

I'd like to apologize for the extremely long wait. Life has been crazy right now, but that's really no excuse for me being so inconsiderate. That being said, let the next round begin... 

Team 1:   
@ILuvHats, with Frost! 
@John203, with Hoid!

Team 2:    
@Kidpen, with Dilaf!   
@Ark1002, with Venli!

Theme: Your roast must be based around bad metaphors... or similes, for that matter. 

Twist: Your entire roast must be composed of limericks. 

Good luck!

[Paranoid King he/him]

23 minutes ago, Ashspren said:

Theme: Your roast must be based around bad metaphors... or similes, for that matter. 

Twist: Your entire roast must be composed of limericks. 

Good luck!

Oh my goodness, that twist! This round's gonna be like brain surgery on a sheep! You see, it looks really difficult, but it's just a sheep, so nobody minds if it's not genius.

Good luck, you four!

[AonEne he/him]

4 hours ago, Paranoid King said:

Oh my goodness, that twist! This round's gonna be like brain surgery on a sheep! You see, it looks really difficult, but it's just a sheep, so nobody minds if it's not genius.

Good luck, you four!

I bet the sheep cares.

[Fezzik]

There once was a man from Nantucket..., and now I'm out of limericks.

[Paranoid King he/him]

2 hours ago, John203 said:

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Whose rhymes were like frogs in a bucket!
When came roasting day, the frogs fled away,
farther than he could have chucked it.

...Now I'm glad I ended up with Shakespeare.

[Turtle373 he/him]

22 hours ago, Paranoid King said:

Whose rhymes were like frogs in a bucket!
When came roasting day, the frogs fled away,
farther than he could have chucked it.

...Now I'm glad I ended up with Shakespeare.

yeah I'm kinda glad I dropped out

[Kidpen he/him]

*comes in here for the first time in a while*

*notices it's my turn*

Welp, time to try and probably fail at making a good roast.

[Fezzik]

I hope no one thinks less of me

Lim'ricks will be the death of me

He said with a sigh

Kiss my chances goodbye

All I can say now is eff me.

[+ILuvHats he/him]

@Ashspren I need an extension.

A project defied comprehension.

It took me 10 hours,

And now my mood's sour.

Without sleep, I fear vast inattention.

[break away from limerick] Sorry to ask this, but could you extend the deadline by 12 hours?  I had an assignment that took way too long tonight, and that was with 6 hours of preparation before today.  Plus, I have work tomorrow until mid-afternoon, so I can't get pumping on my limericks until then.  

Edited February 9, 2019 by ILuvHats

[I think I am here. he/him]

A man didn’t know he was here.

He thought he just might disappear.

And his continued insistence,

On his doubtful existence,

Caused him to live in fear.

-

The man needed to do a trick.

Maybe write a poem for kicks?

So he wracked his brain,

Amd what remained,

Was a super meta limerick.

 

[Ashspren]

5 hours ago, ILuvHats said:

@Ashspren I need an extension.

A project defied comprehension.

It took me 10 hours,

And now my mood's sour.

Without sleep, I fear vast inattention.

[break away from limerick] Sorry to ask this, but could you extend the deadline by 12 hours?  I had an assignment that took way too long tonight, and that was with 6 hours of preparation before today.  Plus, I have work tomorrow until mid-afternoon, so I can't get pumping on my limericks until then.  

Go ahead.

[+ILuvHats he/him]

Thank you so much.

[Ashspren]

@ILuvHats @John203 @Kidpen @Ark1002 24 hours left!

[Fezzik]

Spoiler

There once was a man named Midius

Who beseeched Hoid "Could you mentor us?"

"Why give a plurality?"

"I have personality,

You also can call me Cephandrius."

 

Now that I've got your attention,

Pal Frost, I wanted to mention.

He stays out of sight,

I like him despite,

His oath of non-intervention.

 

First up on the block is Dilaf.

We laugh, when your robes, you peel off.

Your bones been transformed,

Severely deformed;

Character's bland as rice pilaf.

You wanted to kill all Elantrians,

"Can't save your wife?" Then destroy whole nations.

The head of Dakhor,

You're really a bore.

Not much--the arm that slew you was Hrathen's.

 

Venli--sold out your sister to Odium

Heard only screams while attuning the rhythm

Of peace--making lightning,

She died like a cremling.

Eshy drowned in the base of a chasm.

You got your own people enslaved

E'en Demid, there're none you could save.

How many sides have you switched?

The two that I know of which

Proves mentally you are depraved.

 

When asked who beat you say: "Topaz;

I realize now I was outclassed."

You failed miserably,

Like a kettle of pee.

The limericks that roasted you? Dope-as$.

Similes italicized.

[Fezzik]

So do we win by default?

[Kidpen he/him]

20 minutes ago, John203 said:

So do we win by default?

This is gonna be terrible, but I will attempt to make a limerick metaphor rap in the next 25 minutes. 

[+ILuvHats he/him]

Go for it.  I'm trying to finish 4 stanzas in that time.

[Kidpen he/him]

Spoiler

Hello everyone, it's Dilaf

Guess who I'm about to kill off?

That's right, it's you

And yes it Is true

My victory will be like beef stroganoff

 

I see my partner is Venli

Who once was a little bit trembly

But now, you see

She's as strong as a tree

And holds her Spren quite tenderly

 

I see in front of me Frost

Who will soon feel like salad-tossed

You sure have it rough

You don't seem so tough

And soon you will have lost

 

Next over there is Hoid

Who makes everyone annoyed

You insult your betters

With words and with letters

Truly you are one to avoid

 

[+ILuvHats he/him]

Spoiler

Allow me to offer advice.

I’ll endeavor to make it concise,

Please don’t mess with a dragon,

Unless you imagine,

You’ll taste good with garlic and spice.

 

Take young Midius here for example.

Though hideous, he is quite ample.

If we weren’t old pals,

I might eat him for cals

(plus my earholes might rest) but I ramble.

 

Dear Dilaf, don’t tell me you’ve perished!

You had so much to live for and cherish.

A decades-dead wife,

A lackluster life,

And the screams of Elantris to relish.

 

You’re much like a jar full of pins,

With sharp pointy bones on the in.

You’re so full of hate,

You and Venli should mate

And add siring Rayse Jr. t’yer sins.

 

Speaking of Venli, young girl,

Your atrocities just make me hurl.

Wake up you sheeple!

Your betrayed your whole people.

You can never atone to the world.

 

You thought you’d be lauded with power?

Your reward was to quiver and cower.

You’re a toothless great white,

All bark and no bite.

Gainst old Frosty you’d not last an hour.

 

I’ll admit I’m an old-fashioned man,

I don’t intervene if I can.

But you two disgust me.

I would eat you with glee,

If my principles let me leave Yolen .

 

[Ashspren]

@Ark1002, waiting on you.

[Paranoid King he/him]

4 hours ago, Kidpen said:

Hello everyone, it's Dilaf
Guess who I'm about to kill off?
That's right, it's you
And yes it Is true
My victory will be like beef stroganoff

Burst out laughing here. We need more hungry roasters in this thread!

[+ILuvHats he/him]

@Paranoid King, totally random thought, but there's a typo in your signature and now it's bugging me .  Also, I concur.  Kidpen clearly has the best metaphors in this competition.  They're the only ones that don't make any sense!  And he composed them in 20 minutes too!!  Pure genius.  

[Paranoid King he/him]

14 hours ago, ILuvHats said:

@Paranoid King, totally random thought, but there's a typo in your signature and now it's bugging me .  Also, I concur.  Kidpen clearly has the best metaphors in this competition.  They're the only ones that don't make any sense!  And he composed them in 20 minutes too!!  Pure genius.  

#4YearsAndNobodySaidAWord
#NeedAPersonalEditor

Speaking of which, I notice you have two spaces after every sentence. Why is that?

Edited February 12, 2019 by Paranoid King

[+ILuvHats he/him]

Guess I’m old fashioned.  Which is ironic considering I’m less than 20.