Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Kaymyth she/her]

1 minute ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I do enjoy our time together. I love the way he likes to sleep right up against my side (you know, until he nearly pushes me off the bed  ) and the way his tail wags slowly back and forth when I take him for walks never fails to make me smile. Not to mention the look on his face the first time he saw someone vaping—I'm pretty sure he thought he'd met an actual dragon. That's all part of what makes the worrying worse—I love this dog, so if something preventable happened to him because of my own ignorance or stupidity, I don't know what I'd do. I know I'm doing everything I can, but still. 

I've got a vet appointment set for next payday, so that helps. 

Thanks.  

I don't know how I could get out of it, though. They know I'll be able to take paid leave after October, and they know most (if not all) libraries in the US close on Christmas day and usually Christmas Eve, so if I told them I had to work on Christmas they'd know I was lying. (And even if it did fool them, they could just look at the library website and see for themselves.) I can probably make it a shorter visit though; they don't know how much leave I'll have saved up by then and I haven't explained much about the policy, so I could just tell them I only have so many hours of paid leave saved up and not mention the rest. 

You could just say that sure, you have the leave, but you can't afford the plane ticket right now. 

(Then, at least, even if you do wind up having to go, at least you've gotten them to buy your ticket.)

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

You could just say that sure, you have the leave, but you can't afford the plane ticket right now. 

(Then, at least, even if you do wind up having to go, at least you've gotten them to buy your ticket.)

There's a fun idea.  Though I think they'd mentioned getting me tickets as part of my present, so I'll save that defense for if they say "Oops, sorry, we just don't have enough money for plane tickets now because we spent thousands of dollars updating the bathroom so you buy them and we might will pay you back." 

[Zathoth]

You have Winterosis, or the Snowflue, or grotesque snowmen are starting to appear outside your window. Yes I know you are in New Orleans, that's why it is even weirder.

Then you go spend christmas with Kaymyth instead.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

17 minutes ago, Morzathoth said:

You have Winterosis, or the Snowflue, or grotesque snowmen are starting to appear outside your window. Yes I know you are in New Orleans, that's why it is even weirder.

Then you go spend christmas with Kaymyth instead.

"Oh my goodness! They've moved Mardi Gras up a few months! And instead of holding it downtown, they're celebrating right outside my window! They have my place completely surrounded, Twimom--I won't be able o get to the airport. So sad."

[Zathoth]

6 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

"Oh my goodness! They've moved Mardi Gras up a few months! And instead of holding it downtown, they're celebrating right outside my window! They have my place completely surrounded, Twimom--I won't be able o get to the airport. So sad."

Perfect.

As ridiculous as I am being I am mostly serious, find an excuse not to go, then do something else.

 

[Kaymyth she/her]

1 hour ago, Morzathoth said:

You have Winterosis, or the Snowflue, or grotesque snowmen are starting to appear outside your window. Yes I know you are in New Orleans, that's why it is even weirder.

Then you go spend christmas with Kaymyth instead.

Heh.  I think we're locked into doing Xmas stuff with my family this year, though so far as I'm concerned Twi is welcome to drive up to our place for Thanksgiving.

[ThirdGen]

6 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Rambling below the spoiler. I just had to get it off my chest. 

  Hide contents

I used to get panic attacks somewhat frequently. On the surface, the triggers seem kind of silly—turning in an assignment late, a difficult customer at work, a fight with Twimom, thinking I turned in an assignment late, etc. Now I know, of course, that there was more to them—crem below the surface that I hadn't dealt with—and moving out has really helped. The past four months have been incredibly peaceful, and I've felt calmer than I've felt in years. 

Yesterday and this morning, I felt another one coming on. I wasn't on the verge of it, but it was like I could see it coming somewhere in the distance without knowing when or where it would hit. I think Bruce's medical issues are part of the cause. And I know that's kind of ridiculous. They aren't serious. He's sitting next to me as I write this, happily shredding a TP roll. When I last took him to the vet, the vet said I've been doing everything right. But I can't stop wondering if I'm not, or if I won't later. What if Bruce winds up having some huge problem that I can't pay for? What if I don't recognize a problem as serious until it's too late? 

And then on top of that there are all of the usual adulting fears—car, job security, does everyone secretly despise me—that I can't get rid of. My supervisor seems to like me a good deal, so I doubt I'll be let go at the end of my probationary period unless I make some humungous mistake, so of course I worry that I'll make a humungous mistake before my six months are up. Twimom and Twidad want me to visit around Christmas; what if that makes my anxiety worse? They know all my weak points and how to exploit them. What if something awful happens to Bruce on the plane even though he's small enough that I can take him into the cabin with me? 

Then there are the outlandish fears. What if I do get published sometime in the future and everyone hates it? What if it destroys my reputation? What if it's so full of unfortunate implications that nobody caught? What if it's actually very well received, but someone finds things I posted on the internet when I was younger, takes them out of context, and holds them up as proof of how I'm actually a terrible person? 

I know most of these what-ifs won't happen, but I can't stop thinking about them. 

Though on the upside, I do feel a little better for having written them all down. 

 

Your brain hasn't 100% caught up to your low-pressure situation yet.  As the panic stops finding reinforcement in other worries, it loses its formerly easy accessibility even more.  You're on a very good track.

[marsoupial they/them]

Just now, Cognizantastic said:

Keep being you, Twi. The world needs it. 

Truth.

[Straw he/him]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles here are some excuses I thought up.

-Bruce is sick and you have to take care of him. Partly true.

-The Library workers are having a big Christmas party and you signed up to do something (run activity/bring food). Not true.

-Snowed in/sick/friend is sick. Maybe true.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

The main issue with the Christmas thing I foresee is one where you lack transportation to get away if need be. If you had that, do what you want to do. You could always leave, and they would know that (hopefully). 

Other than that, I would minimize your stay there. That's just how I might react, though. Honestly, I think you underestimate your ability and capabilities to resolve your current quandaries.

[Straw he/him]

Twi, one thing I do to prevent stress is try to think up a logical reason why the horrible thing I'm worrying about could happen. That way I either know that I should be worrying about it and should take precautions, or I can't think up a reason and I can forget about it. 

Notes: This anxiety might stem from coming into a new place. Try taking Bruce for some walks at a popular park, around a nearby neighborhood, or take a day trip outside the city. Find a special spot to walk Bruce in so you have a excuse for you to get out of the house on a bad day. Make a list of ways you can save money and stash the money you saved for emergencies.

 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

12 hours ago, Cognizantastic said:

It was in a Random Stuff around a year ago, when you had Pattern as your profile picture. Around the same time you established 'BAD JOKES UNITED' and those various game thread things as Eternal_Radiance.

 

You seem to have hidden the original post, though.

Pardon me, but you seem to be avoiding the issue which was raised.

You....remember me? I must have forgotten about that :/

On 29 August 2016 at 9:57 PM, Darkness Ascendant said:

Hence the spoiler. But I take your point

I thought I had already accepted it

the. For clarification, I solemnly swear I shall not post dead baby jokes from hereinafter 

Can we drop it now? And leave as good friends?

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

1 minute ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

You....remember me? I must have forgotten about that :/

I thought I had already accepted it

the. For clarification, I solemnly swear I shall not post dead baby jokes from hereinafter 

Can we drop it now? And leave as good friends?

We can drop it. But just after I solemnly swear to upvote all the dark jokes I see from here now on. These are jokes, they don't deserve all that hate. O.o
 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Just now, Pestis the Spider said:

We can drop it. But just after I solemnly swear to upvote all the dark jokes I see from here now on. These are jokes, they don't deserve all that hate. O.o
 

At least Morzatoth and u understand

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Well, you know what they say:

Dark humour is like food. Not everyone gets it.

I'm so sorry, everyone. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

I guess I offend people too

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

At least Morzatoth and u understand

Just hopping in to point out: It's not about "understanding" or not. It's simply a matter of being sensitive to those who don't like certain types of dark humor. This doesn't mean never posting any dark jokes at all, but rather recognizing that some people don't like (not "don't get," but don't like) dead baby jokes and not saying they just don't get it when some people object to them. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

1 minute ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Just hopping in to point out: It's not about "understanding" or not. It's simply a matter of being sensitive to those who don't like certain types of dark humor. This doesn't mean never posting any dark jokes at all, but rather recognizing that some people don't like (not "don't get," but don't like) dead baby jokes and not saying they just don't get it when some people object to them. 

Why did u quote me???

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

4 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

Why did u quote me???

Because the quote was relevant. If the post was deleted in the time it took me to type my response, I'll delete the quote from my post. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

I literally just asked if we could drop it...

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

14 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Just hopping in to point out: It's not about "understanding" or not. It's simply a matter of being sensitive to those who don't like certain types of dark humor. This doesn't mean never posting any dark jokes at all, but rather recognizing that some people don't like (not "don't get," but don't like) dead baby jokes and not saying they just don't get it when some people object to them. 

Obviously you're right. People have every right to not like seeing dark jokes, and people that want to post dark jokes need to recognize that. I agree. And that's where the [Spoiler*] tag proves to be very useful. 

1 minute ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

I literally just asked if we could drop it...

That's my fault. I am so sorry.  

Haha, but seriously, sorry for starting the dying topic again. It's 3am here, and I might (or might not) be thinking/saying some stupid things, so I'll better go now.

[Delightful]

 

9 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I do enjoy our time together. I love the way he likes to sleep right up against my side (you know, until he nearly pushes me off the bed  ) and the way his tail wags slowly back and forth when I take him for walks never fails to make me smile. Not to mention the look on his face the first time he saw someone vaping—I'm pretty sure he thought he'd met an actual dragon. That's all part of what makes the worrying worse—I love this dog, so if something preventable happened to him because of my own ignorance or stupidity, I don't know what I'd do. I know I'm doing everything I can, but still. 

I've got a vet appointment set for next payday, so that helps. 

Thanks.  

I don't know how I could get out of it, though. They know I'll be able to take paid leave after October, and they know most (if not all) libraries in the US close on Christmas day and usually Christmas Eve, so if I told them I had to work on Christmas they'd know I was lying. (And even if it did fool them, they could just look at the library website and see for themselves.) I can probably make it a shorter visit though; they don't know how much leave I'll have saved up by then and I haven't explained much about the policy, so I could just tell them I only have so many hours of paid leave saved up and not mention the rest. 

If you really had to, you could just say "nope nah ah aint spending time with you on Christmas I'm busy." And don't give any more details. I mean, it'll make Twimom mad at you probably but.....she's not exactly Mrs Friendly to begin with? You don't *need* to justify yourself. 

(This might be terrible advice. Use Own Judgement.) 

13 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Rambling below the spoiler. I just had to get it off my chest. 

  Reveal hidden contents

I used to get panic attacks somewhat frequently. On the surface, the triggers seem kind of silly—turning in an assignment late, a difficult customer at work, a fight with Twimom, thinking I turned in an assignment late, etc. Now I know, of course, that there was more to them—crem below the surface that I hadn't dealt with—and moving out has really helped. The past four months have been incredibly peaceful, and I've felt calmer than I've felt in years. 

Yesterday and this morning, I felt another one coming on. I wasn't on the verge of it, but it was like I could see it coming somewhere in the distance without knowing when or where it would hit. I think Bruce's medical issues are part of the cause. And I know that's kind of ridiculous. They aren't serious. He's sitting next to me as I write this, happily shredding a TP roll. When I last took him to the vet, the vet said I've been doing everything right. But I can't stop wondering if I'm not, or if I won't later. What if Bruce winds up having some huge problem that I can't pay for? What if I don't recognize a problem as serious until it's too late? 

And then on top of that there are all of the usual adulting fears—car, job security, does everyone secretly despise me—that I can't get rid of. My supervisor seems to like me a good deal, so I doubt I'll be let go at the end of my probationary period unless I make some humungous mistake, so of course I worry that I'll make a humungous mistake before my six months are up. Twimom and Twidad want me to visit around Christmas; what if that makes my anxiety worse? They know all my weak points and how to exploit them. What if something awful happens to Bruce on the plane even though he's small enough that I can take him into the cabin with me? 

Then there are the outlandish fears. What if I do get published sometime in the future and everyone hates it? What if it destroys my reputation? What if it's so full of unfortunate implications that nobody caught? What if it's actually very well received, but someone finds things I posted on the internet when I was younger, takes them out of context, and holds them up as proof of how I'm actually a terrible person? 

I know most of these what-ifs won't happen, but I can't stop thinking about them. 

Though on the upside, I do feel a little better for having written them all down. 

 

Writing about it helps.

What also helps is writing down each fear separately and, like Claincy said (I think it was Claincy, sorry), think through/write down worst case scenario and how you would deal with each. On the flip side, write down the real logical reasons these things won't happen. You can convince your emotions with enough logic (sometimes). 

You didn't think you could manage the move and you did. 

You have plenty of evidence that you're great at adulting.

The fact that you keep taking Bruce to the vet means you're being responsible and doing whatever you can to help him.

Your supervisor likes you; even if you did mess up majorly it sounds like he's impressed enough that he'd give you another chance. As mentioned before, the probation is mostly a technicality so they can weed out the druggies (no pun intended).

And seriously I'd recommend seeing a therapist, at least until you're fully settled in. it's their job to help and tell you you're wonderful and help you cope.

 

*hugs*

You're great. You'll do great. And we are all here for you.  

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

I feel like crem today. 

Woke up fine, then got out of bed and got hit in the stomach with the most excruciating of pains. I told my parents about it (they're both doctors), and turns out I have a stomach ulcer XD, and I might have gastritis. Dad says it was because I eat to much spicy food, and the acid from the chilly eroded the lining in my stomach. I spent the rest of the morning either in bed, idly reading WoR, or vomiting my guts out in the bathroom. Whenever I cough I can smell the metallic scent of blood and I am feeling nauseous and have a slight migraine. This is why I might have seemed a little whiny on the Shard today.

And on top of that...my aunt's cat died. It got run over by a car  

[marsoupial they/them]

8 hours ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

You....remember me? I must have forgotten about that :/

I thought I had already accepted it

the. For clarification, I solemnly swear I shall not post dead baby jokes from hereinafter 

Can we drop it now? And leave as good friends?

Please, let's do.

 

And I'm sorry your day has been so cremmy. 

I get the feeling. But, like I says to Twi, you always have your Shard family if you need us.

Edited September 1, 2016 by bleeder

[Delightful]

4 hours ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

I feel like crem today. 

Woke up fine, then got out of bed and got hit in the stomach with the most excruciating of pains. I told my parents about it (they're both doctors), and turns out I have a stomach ulcer XD, and I might have gastritis. Dad says it was because I eat to much spicy food, and the acid from the chilly eroded the lining in my stomach. I spent the rest of the morning either in bed, idly reading WoR, or vomiting my guts out in the bathroom. Whenever I cough I can smell the metallic scent of blood and I am feeling nauseous and have a slight migraine. This is why I might have seemed a little whiny on the Shard today.

And on top of that...my aunt's cat died. It got run over by a car  

at least you have WoR and us to keep you company. 

Feel better!