FeatherWriter fanfic fan club :)

[Quiver]

Editing.

 

(Come on, do all my pre-show reviews have to have witty one-liners? You expect too much of me.)

 

Scene One

 

Still reading, but I thought you might like to know you offically managed to get a spit-take. I read Valentina's offer for special merchandise, Seiko's response, and sprayed water all over the screen in shock at Valentina offering to buy them a Sherman Tank. Then I remembered the PPDC guy, and it made more sense.

 

But it isn't as awesome.

 

Okay, so... that was interesting.

 

First of all, the way Valentina reacted to Dmitry's name. The way her smile froze makes me wodner what the story is there, if she has some sort of an enmity with him or if it was just a case of being caught off-guard by it. Either way, I'm curious; I've said before that, with the little details about him before, I expect him to show up eventually, and Valentina being present gives both an excuse and an added wrinkle to that reunion (if it ever happens).

 

Miranda's reaction to the kaiju remains is interesting. Yes, we know that she's had an unfortunate past with them, and you've said that she disapproves of Katie's collection, but I think this is the first time we've seen her be so overtly negative about the whole thing. My guess is that the cult, refreshing memories of Scissure, Jason and having herself named as the Kaiju Anti-Christ might have pushed those feelings back to the surface a bit.

 

And again, I find ti funny that Sylvie's reaction to a box full of stuff from a crime boss is "tech?" She really is an addict, isn't she?

 

Miranda's plan was pretty surprising. Granted, fiVe agreed to it, but it was still surprising to see them try to go through with it. I liked the little touches, of fiVe being afraid she might be abandoned again, or being particularly eager to aim the turret at "Anna", but what I liked more was Sylvie initiating the shutdown code.

She had seemed to be making sure progress with fiVe, too. I am very much looking forward to the fallout between the two, and between Sylvie and the rest of the crew, from that little incident. 

 

And I liked how the plan fell through, because after what they did, a fight breaking out in said crime figures club? No way are they getting the jonjsbgkdtdgvtg

Ignore that. It was just more water getting into my keyboard at Seiko suggesting he use the back door. Which puts your spit take count at two, and leaves me absolutely stunned. I didn't think he had that kind of innuendo in him.

 

Scene Two

 

Yes! Character drama and conflict! Exactly what I read this for.

 

So... yeah. I want to say something, but I'm not sure what to add, other than the sort of thing I'm looking forward too in the future, like the ramifications of this. I don't think Sylvie would be dropped from the team (isn't there a rule along the lines of 'Don't split the party?') but consequences? Oh yes. 

 

And... I found Miranda's description of her relationship with fiVe interesting. This piece -and the stuff you and the other Scroungers have written, in general- seems to have identity as a pretty core idea of it. You corrected my earlier about homophobia in relation to Greg, but the reaction of Katie's parents to her sexuality, Seiko's choice of clothing, Sylvie's self-loathing and Eleanor's secrets... it's all building up to form a complex (and interesting) picture, but for some reason, Miranda not knowing if fiVe is like a daughter or a sister stands out.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure why. But it does add to this over arcing theme and interest you guys seem to have in liminal identities.

(Did I use that word right? Liminal means fluid doesn't it?)

 

SCENE THREE

 

WE ARE SHOUTING BECAUSE THE ENDING DOES NOT AMUSE US.

 

Seriously. That whole third scene just ratchets the tension up, and up, and up, and then it just ends and aaarrrghhh! I want session #27. Now.

 

But I suppose I need to be more constructive than that. So, I'll say this; I loved, love, and will continue to love, how you guys handles the AiVee issue.

 

The opening, with Sylvie buying for time, I was convinced she had a sinister intention behind that; that she was going to steal fiVe, or try fix her, or... something, while everyone was busy. After how fubar the last scene ended, it wouldn't have surprised me. And for some reason, I'm still fairly suspicious; yes, she couldn't have had nearly this reasonable a conversation with fiVe in the room, but I kind of get the feeling she was hoping for the team to say something to turn her against them.

 

The drifting will definitely be interesting. Again, great drama and conflict with Miranda and Seiko's argument. This scene and last (and the last few for a while now) have shown Seiko trying to be more welcoming towards Sylvie, so it's kind of interesting to see that juxtaposed with him breaking his relationship a bit with Miranda.

 

And again, the fiVe stuff, being pulled in multiple directions was beautifully written.

 

WE DEMAND MORE.

Edited February 11, 2014 by Quiver

[Joe ST]

I agree RE sinister Sylvie, and CLIFFHANGERRRRR

[FeatherWriter]

Note to self: Don't read Quiver's reactions while in class. You will grin like a moron and the professor will KNOW something is up. OOPS.

 

Scene 1

I will deifinitely have to tell Ellie that she made you spit take twice. She will be so pleased. (I've said it before and I'll say it again, but the way Ellie writes Seiko is fantastic and I am so jealous of everything because she's amazing.)

 

Miranda completely and absolutely loathes the Kaiju. This came out most in the cult, but it's definitely still a thing. Fun fact: part of fiVe's senseless loathing of Sylvie is an extention of the way that Miranda loathes the Kaiju. So that's fun.

 

Ehehe, Sylvie and her tech. Some things never change. And I was rather surprised at Miranda's plan as well. It's a bit of an interesting parallel. Sylvie infiltrated the cult last Act, and now they were going to have fiVe try to infiltrate Valentina's systems. It didn't work out, but there's some interesting set up there. 

 

Re: Fallout. Obviously there was quite a bit of fallout with the crew (as Seiko and Katie both attack Sylvie immediately) and the others are extremely disapproving of what Sylvie has done, but you might have realized that fiVe is... quite a bit less upset about this than the rest of them. And that's kind of the thing. fiVe and Sylvie have both seen Sylvie using the override code as inevitable. I mean, like Sylvie says, this is exactly the kind of situation for which it was designed. fiVe is far more surprised that she's managed to go this long without Sylvie shutting her down, and in a way, she's kind of pushing the envelope: "How far can I push Sylvie toward the edge before she snaps and uses it?" Meanwhile Sylvie thinks that she really does have every right to use that code but she promised she wouldn't and everyone else seems to think it would be a terrible thing if she did.

 

Despite everyone else thinking that fiVe is in the right with her choice to be her own person, fiVe and Sylvie are both kind of in agreement that it isn't. fiVe sees herself as a rebel and a rule breaker. She thinks that the "right thing" to do would be to go back to Sylvie, but... she doesn't want to do the right thing anymore. She wants to be selfish. She was so sure that when other people found out about her they would say that Sylvie is right and that she should go back. The fact that they all took her side and think Sylvie's totally in the wrong is both surprising and satisfying to fiVe. She feels like she's pulled a con over everyone without even meaning to, and she's going to enjoy it while it lasts.

 

Scene 2

Character drama and conflict... yep. You're definitely going to like this arc. Heh, I've had to split up the original Session 27 into two separate sessions because it was like... 86 pages long and 37,840 words before editing. Even split up, that's still two sessions which are INCREDIBLY long. And the reason why? Character conflict. Lots of one-on-one conversations happening simultaneously between characters, and that throws the length out  a lot.

 

Yeah, fiVe's relationship with Sylvie is a hard thing to put into terms. Is she a daughter or a sister? I think Zhu would probably say "daughter" as she tends to treat Vee like she's Sylvie's (possibly abused but not really) daughter, and encourages Vee to think of fiVe as a sister. There just isn't really a good relationship word out there for it, though. Of course, Sylvie would use this to argue that fiVe is herself and trying to explain it with other terms is obviously going to be difficult.

 

(I think the word "liminal" tends to be used to talk about "conscious" actions. As opposed to "subliminal" which would be "subconscious." But I understand your meaning!)

 

Scene 3

 

EHEHEHEHEHE. You don't even know how close I was to tacking on the Drift to this session. SO CLOSE. Emma and I wrote it in between the two sessions, so I really could have, but I like it better at the beginning of the next one. 

 

I actually had to edit in quite a bit of what Sylvie was doing with the secretive plan thing. It was something that I decided about halfway into the conversation that she'd done and so I added some things in to reflect that. I distinctly remember telling Gavin privately about halfway through that: "Hey I just decided that Sylvie totally lied about how long is left until fiVe can be reactivated. K? I'm gonna do a thing, watch."

 

I'm glad that she reads as somewhat sinister, because I wanted the reader to be worried that she had some terrible plan up her sleeves, but really she doesn't have any nefarious hopes for this little situation. She realizes she's on VERY thin ice and is about to lose everything with this crew, so she's strategizing to help fix things. So, she and Vee go to work. Vee wakes fiVe up as soon as the override period is up as a gesture of goodwill, and then Vee convinces fiVe to stay silent as they listen in. Sylvie knows that this group needs to talk things through and work through these issues, and she wants fiVe to hear this happening. Sylvie wants to make amends with the crew and with fiVe, and she managed to pull off this little situation to make that work.

 

Ah, poor Seiko. As Ellie has said, he could be seen as selfish because he puts his priorities (his sisters) above everything else, and then gets upset when others do not also hold those priorities above all. It's worth noting that fiVe's texts here are... not completely genuine. They're what she's actually thinking, of course, but she probably wouldn't have just sent them on her own. She realizes that Seiko is going to not be happy with the situation and is going to try to talk Miranda out of it, so she sends off texts to try to counteract what he's doing. Fight fire with fire; fight Seiko with Seiko.

 

Awwwww.. writing compliments. *blushes* I really do love writing fiVe. She's so fascinating. And I will try my hardest to get Session #27 up soon, (though most of the really interesting interpersonal stuff has now been separated off into Session #28). You'll get to see the Drift at least though, and some of the aftermath of that! Should be a fun ride!

[FeatherWriter]

Session #27, go go go!

[Joe ST]

OH GOSH OH WOW OW GOOWOOOWOOWOWEFO:ASD:FGH SAIOUOSYAGUOAHV V

alsoo weeeeee cute AI security system

[Quiver]

First thoughts; I actually think the ‘prologue’ line fills a much greater purpose here. Usually I ignore them, since I was reading the pieces when they were already published. Here, it actually does a good job of raising the stakes a little. I was interested by the idea of Sylvie and Miranda drifting because it’s such a cool idea to have it happens. This short explanation of the possible consequences actually made me more aware of what could happen as a result of this.

 

… There is nothing I can say about scene one.

I mean it, and in the best possible way. It’s well-written, it has that disjointed feeling I like from drifts, and, okay, people are looking at me but it’s only because I have dust in my eyes, okay?

Um… so yeah, I like it. A lot. And the way it intensifies towards the end, and… yeah. Beautiful, intimate and emotional.

I need to take a bit of a break before reading the rest of it.  

 

Okay... it took the kicking of several puppies, but I'm good. So. Scene two.

Right well... again, I like it. It has Eleanor doing the medical stuff, which I always like seeing her do; since she is the physiologist (or is it psychiatrist?) on the team, I always think she should do more of that social subterfuge and infiltration stuff. I also... like that Avery is being used again?

 

Well, let me re-phrase that. I don't like Avery being beaten. Xe's adorable.

But I do like that it's Eleanor's contacts that are throwing the plot into action this time. Katie going for relic-hunting set up Act I, and Sylvie and Miranda seemed like the focal points of Act II. It's nice to see a plot spin out from Eleanor this time (and yes, I fully expect that if there is an Act IV, it will involve Wulagu, Seiko or his sisters.)

 

Speaking of psycho, again, seeing how he's interacting with everyone now is going to be interesting. Like I said, I thought it was neat how he was, sort of, making an effort to be nicer to Sylvie while Miranda was geting frustrated and calling her 'Mansen'. It's interesting to see him refer to Miranda in a similar way, calling her 'Cross' without even  a title, whereas Miranda closes the scene hugging and supportive of Sylvie.

 

In fact, the whole scene does have a bit of a prodigal son feel to it, with Katie, Eleanor and Miranda all comforting Sylvie and welcoming her back after she realises how badly she's messed up until now, while Seiko gets angry and resentful. 

 

Scene three.

Expletive. Eleanor is annoyed.

 

After all the jokes I've made about dark!Eleanor, seeing her show such obvious passion for someone without her scary grin is a very welcome moment. As a quick aside on Doyle, I don't know if Ellie reads this thread, but thanks for the picture. I'm a little reluctant to bring up my gender faux pas from earlier, but that picture (along with the brief description here) has really helped me form a better mental image. I have to admit that, if I was looking for someone named Avery, I'd probably refer to them as male as well, though -in my not very good defence- the reference Gavin mentioned about "Is it a boy Avery or a girl Avery" flew right over my head. I always thought Avery was solely a boys name.

 

My point is that... the picture has helped, and Katie getting revenge against the "D-Sec" guards was satisfying (if a reminder that I'm not nearly as good about these things as I should and want to be). It's a bit of a surprise seeing de Banns reappear, though it does make a lot of sense; she was there when the whole thing started. I admit, I kind of thought it was going to be Mike again, so I'm glad to see my unfounded presumptions proven wrong.

 

Scene Four

Curse you Dmitry Yegerov Hiddleston!

It's interesting to see that plot thread get picked up, since... I honestly wasn't expecting it to. I thought Dmitry himself might appear (doubly so since we met his sister), but I didn't spare a second thought to the people he'd beaten. I feel a little guilty now. 

 

It's a brief scene, so I don't have much to say. I kind of suspect Valentina is involved in this somehow, though it leaves a bit of a question as to why she waited so long. 

 

Scene Five

WAIT, WHAT? SYLVIE JUST OUTRIGHT KILLED A GUY?

I mean, I know Seiko was doing it with the guns in earlier missions, but just... snapping a neck? She's gone full on Man of Steel on us. I can kind of imagine Gavin having pages and pages of notes on that guy, how he thinks, why he does what he does, his motivations and back story so you could interrogate him when you take him hostage... and instead you just STRAIGHT UP MURDER HIM.

 

damnation. 

 

I like the reactions of everyone to this. People have died before, but this seems... like a bit of a special moment (not necessarily in a good way). I'm not really sure how to respond to the kill, since it was... kind of a shock moment. I'm not sure what to say about it, except I'm really, really looking forward to the consequences. And damnation. Again.

 

Scene Six

And okay, a nice little scene between Vee and fiVe, and it's nice to see Vee come across as more reasonable and in the right, and it's nice to see Corazon again, but sorry, I'm still processing Sylvie Manslaughterer.

Edited February 12, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter]

Scene 1

I'm glad you liked the Drift. It was a really intense thing to write and I think it's definitely changed Sylvie and Miranda quite a bit. And I feel strangely proud that Emma and I were able to make you cry with it. I mean... get dust in your eye with it. Those snippets of Seiko/Miranda scenes at the end are from the infamous secret Seiko/Miranda convos of which I have heard so much. I've gotten ahold of a few of them from Ellie and Emma, but they guard those with such ardor that I have to beg for even glimpses. 

 

(Which they then give at opportune moments because they enjoy causing me pain, those two.)

 

Scene 2

Oh no not the puppies!

 

Hehe, I have a feeling this Act is Eleanor centric. With Avery as a potential love interest for her, and Yegorov being a major part of her backstory, it certainly seems that way! I am glad that  you don't want to see poor Avery beaten, but I know what you mean about seeing xem used more! 

 

Seiko is of course still upset with Miranda because she risked letting Sylvie know about his secrets, so he's still being sulky. 

 

(AAAND, I've just gotten word that there was a secret convo between Seiko and Zhu while he's out wandering, so I'm going to try to get ahold of that and edit it in ASAP. I don't think that one will be restricted, I just didn't know about it and needed to ask for a transcript. Sorry about that!)

 

Scene 3

I think Ellie keeps up with these somewhat but I will definitely pass along the message to her! (Her art is so pretty isn't it?!) And yeah, her Avery turned out really well. Hehe, I think it's funny that you originally coded Avery as masculine, because I orignially coded xem as feminine. (I still catch myself occasionally wanting to use she/her/hers pronouns for xem, even though I know it's not right.) I suppose that just shows that Gavin's writing xem well! *dismantling the gender binary one J-Tech with a pompadour at a time*

 

Hehe, Mike can't always go running off to help the Scroungers. He's gotta earn his keep protecting Zhu some of the time! De Banns is cool though. We love our recurring NPCs, do we not? (De Banns is currently fancast as Nichole Beharie, ala her portrayal of Abbie Mills on Sleepy Hollow.)

 

Scene 4

Yeeeeeep. I thought it best that I go back and quote what Zhu said to Eleanor, since I figure most people probably aren't going to remember the specifics of what happened way back in Session #10. The group of us all immediately knew what was up, but we also have reason to remember Yegorov after my wailing over the fancast of Hiddleston for him. 

 

Scene 5

Heh. So... I should maybe explain what happened there. Here's how combat works in FATE: You've got stress boxes (which can take a little bit of damage) and consequence slots (which can take more damage, but are gonna leave your character with lasting impacts.) Each of these slots can take a certain amount of damage. If a character takes more damage than they have slots to cover, they get "Taken Out".

 

Now, getting Taken Out does not always mean death. It's not like D&D where if you run out of hitpoints you die or something. Basically it means that the character finds themselves in a condition where they can no longer be a part of that combat, and... the character that did it to them gets to decide what that condition is. It can be death, or it could be something like being tied up completely or knocked unconscious or thrown overboard on a ship. (So, PCs can get Taken Out by NPCs without dying, which is nice, but then the GM would decides what happens to that PC.)

 

So... Katie attacks this guy, and and he retaliates (but neither of them do damage on their first roll.) Then Sylvie steps up. I roll RIDICULOUSLY WELL again, and Gavin tells me that I can have Sylvie take this guy out in one hit if I boost with a Fate point. I do that, of course, because yeah that's awesome and why not? (And I have tons of Fate points stored up from making poor Sylvie miserable with compels all the time, hehe.)

 

So that means I get to decide what happens to this dude. I could have had Sylvie knock him out or break his legs or something so that he couldn't fight anymore, but would still be alive, but I decided, "She's in a bad state of mind and this would certainly stir things up: Let's have her kill him without thinking."

 

And I'm kinda really glad I did. Sylvie's guilt over that guard that she murdered in the prologue is not something I've been able to play with much, but you can rest assured that it comes up now. It also fits into my "Taravangian" idea of character development: Gotta tear them down completely before you can build them up stronger. The Drift tore down a lot of Sylvie's perceptions about herself, and this little combat scene is going to tear her down the rest of the way.

 

Also NO MORE HOSTAGES. TOO MANY HOSTAGES ALREADY. ACTIVATE MURDER MODE. (Warning: Flashy Homestuck gif.)

 

Scene 6

This is actually a pretty important scene for Vee as well: she's the one that finally figures out why fiVe hates Sylvie. It's the abandonment issue, and... when it gets looked at closely, it doesn't completely make sense. The rest of the crew has mostly been thinking that fiVe hates Sylvie because Sylvie doesn't respect her as her own person, but really, deep down, this is what the problem is. And now Vee knows it.

 

And then, yes, Corazon's back! Woo! What'd I just say about recurring NPCs?

[Joe ST]

Your set of NPC's are awesome, as are the whole of the cast and ahhhhh just such a pile of wonderful people and brilliant writing

[Mailliw73]

I just finished the introductory stuff and Session 1 of Scroungers. I have to say, I was a bit wary of it, but I did like it so far. Quiver's covered most everything I have to say though. The tense thing didn't bother me too much, as I'm a member over on MBI and that's how it works over there too. I liked the "lawyer" scene. That was quite fun to read.

[FeatherWriter]

Wooooo *pops confetti* Now I've got three new readers of Scroungers! AND NEW READERS OF SCROUNGERS ARE MY FAVORITE. I've got Weiry and Fruity over on tumblr, and now you over here! I will assure you, They get much better after the first few sessions, trust me. We start to really hit our stride around Session... 7, I'd say. That's when we as writers really start to mesh, I think. 

 

(Also at first I feel like seven sessions is like... egregiously long, and then I remember that these first few aren't nearly so long as the later sessions. Quiver, Joe, care to back me up on the session quality increase?)

[FeatherWriter]

Session edit! Session #27 now has a new scene: Seiko's talk with Zhu during the Drift. It's scene 2 now, if you want to go check it out!

[Joe ST]

I definitely agree that the quality jumps through the roof, it's just amazing now *fangirl*

[Quiver]

Okay, first of all... the second scene. I know I've said before you should leave these out and edit them later as flashbacks or something, but I'm glad you didn't for this one. It does seem sort of important; it changes how the rest of the Act plays out. Whenever Miranda rang him, I thought he hung up on her sharply because of how irritated he was.

 

Obviously he still is angry, that's clear from the way he's sitting in the car, and how he addresses them.But this new scene kind of tempers that a bit; reading without it, I would have expected Seiko to stay, in a word, pissed at them longer than he might end up doing otherwise.

 

As for the first few sessions, It's hard for me to comment on them. Do you guys get better at playing off one another, and meshing your characters and words together? I'd say so. But I still maintain that the first few sessions can be somewhat disorientating, especially if he's read the prologue beforehand. As you say, third person omniscient is the only way FATE core could be written, but it's still a tad confusing to move from a "traditional" piece of writing in the prologue to that style.

 

As such, while you do get better I'm hesitant to say how much of it is because that includes acclimating to the style. As the sessions go on, I found it easier to distinguish between the characters, but at first, I'd recommend Mailliw do what I do and keep the roll call open as a cheat sheet.

 

And, uh... sorry for stealing all your words.

[FeatherWriter]

No worries, I see no word theft! So remember how I said it might be a while on Session 28? Well, thanks to the wonderful co-transcribing help of Emma, IT'S FINISHED ALREADY WOOO. 

[Joe ST]

wowowowwowowowwowowowowowowowowoowowoowowowopwowowowowowowowowowow

[Quiver]

First of all, I like the prologue. Punching each other is kind of your 'thing'.

The first scene is a pretty good set up for the rest of the Act, reintroducing Corazon to the party- I'm guessing her intro with the Vees last time was one of those secret scenes? The only thing of note I have to say is the promising set up at the end for a Seiko-Sylvie Showdown. It's another moment that probably works better with your new second scene lady time, since that explains why he feels this is so important now.

Minor point for your attention; I'm making my way through the second scene and there's a bit of repetition between Seiko wiping the blood from her hands and the Sylvie looking at them 'which Seiko had been wise enough to clean'. I don't know if both those lines are necessary. Sorry.

That nit-picking aside though, I really like the scene. It basically finishes whatcI've been saying for a while now. Seiko started out (to me) as the badass loner stereotype, but over the game he's had the layers of that peeled back. So I like his confessional here. The things he says he wants are so at odds with how he first appeared, but they add so much depth to him.

I also like the line you said about still hearing the snap. Not to harp on it too much, but that's how I still feel about MoS.

Oh damnation. Sorry, have to go, I'll finish this later

EDIt Don't worry about it, I'm probably overdue a few neg reps by now. I'll finish my comments here, no point splitting them up.

Scene Three

Still reading, got to Miranda saying Hiddleston not being there is one of the reasons their poker group is better. Thought you might like to know I mentally added "The other is stripping".

And done. I mentioned my suspicion that this arc will be Eleanor heavy or driven, so I'm glad this part featured so much of her. She came across a bit differently than she has in other sessions as well; this isn't the first time that she's smiled or laughed, but she did seem a bit more at ease here than in earlier scenes. I also noticed that we got a bit more of her thoughts, but that they were followed by her chastising them as not being professional, or as her being jealous, which... I'm sure is one of the few times we've seen her express things like that.

I don't know if it was intentionsl, or just because I associate it with his speaking style, but I thought fiVe using Mira and Sylvie's surnames sounded Seiko-ish, as if she was standing in for him since he wasn't there, but I don't know if I'm looking too much into it lol.

Scene Four

Even though most of the dialogue is Sylvie's and Reyes, I think I found Seiko the most interesting character here. It's interesting how after he let the mask slip and throw his tantrum (as you put it) he was able to slide back into a different identity. But then, he still managed to slip and refer to Miranda as Mira so... I wonder if, the fact he's now being more honest to more members of his team might have impaired his judgement somehow,nor at least his discretion.

It's fairly funny the slip, actually, given his reaction to Sylvie's for managing too remember which name he is supposed to be using.

Scene Five

YES.

That is all.

Scene six

I'm guessing constable Brown got involved through Katie's contacts skill, the same way you got to Wulagu way back when?

Anyway, I like the short dialogue between Katie and Zhu. It feels a bit more relaxed than it has in earlier sessions with Zhu admitting her mistakes about Sherman, and the way you used her first name at points to say who was speaking.

Scene seven

Oh my did I like this.

You've been trying to balance the whole Vee fiVe thing over the last couple of sessions, but this really does lend a lot of support to the fiVe being broken thing. She almost sounds a bit crazy when she talks about wanting to kill Sylvie's and then accusing Miranda of having been screwed with by Sylvie's drift. It's neat how you structured the scenes so that they all build up and come together in this one. I don't know if what happened with Miranda is just dissonance as they claim, or if fiVe is being paranoid (sort of crazy- again, supporting earlier comments the aves made about fixing her) but I'm excited to see the repercussions of it. This seems like kind of a big deal.

Scene Eight

So, Sylvie's confession to Zhu is a pretty big step forward in terms of responsibility, even if about half of the dialogue was her shifting blame (maybe correctly). If Zhu was a real person, I'd offer her a lot of sympathy at being stuck between Sylvie's and Mukes lover talk.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but given all the fiVe glitches, I can't help but think that not letting Sylvie's drift (not letting Vee fix her) is significant.

Also significant: de Banns not having checked in. For some reason that seems really, really ominous to me...

Scene nine

Nit the full on, Jerry Springer style family tear down I expected, but it's a start lol. I found Seiko's reaction kind of interesting; Miranda thought fiVe was broken, suggesting she was starting to buy into the machine thing, whereas Seiko takes it as proof of her being her own person. Considering what fiVe said to Amira a looking time ago about the difference between humans and machines dealing with memory, it seemed interesting.

And, just as I was about to go to edit in scene ten... I just re-read Seiko's line about Mira liking Reyes, and wondering just how strong Advanced Hydrophobia is....

Scene ten

CORA AND MIRA, IT COULD HAPPEN, DON'T TELL ME IT COULDN'T HAPPEN.

And I'm sure you guys are gonna take it easy and rest, just like she suggested.

Scene Eleven

Wow Seiko, couldn't wait five minutes?

Okay, seriously... I liked the conversation. I liked the fact that it's the two of them discussing it and dealing with it as ordinary adults, and I like that the dialogue (to me) seems really ambiguous as to whether their talking about making them work as a team, as a family or as a couple.

Scene Twelve

So, seeing Katie's reaction to this is another pretty interesting moment. You said you were surprised that everyone took foVes side earlier, but it looks like the lines are starting to be blurred a bit more. I have to admit, I sort of wonder how Katie would have reacted if it had been, say, Zhu in fiVes sights instead of Sylvie. As much as she steps back sometimes, Katie does seem pretty good at holding her people together, though I find it ironic that this session the group dynamic has been so broken, given how well they seemed to be at the start, the status quo is shifting a bit.

Scene thirteen

So... I find Vee's dialogue about the month they spent separated very interesting. It's something I've thought a little about. Sylvie has a pretty fragile ego. Having herself there to say she did good might boost her ego, but I imagine when she's in outright self-loathing it's fairly awful. How long has it been since the characters drifted? I know it hadn't happened since session 2 in game, but has it been off screen?

And I just realised Vee is planning an intervention. That's sweet.

Scene Fourteen

Out of curiosity, how many of these Zhu conversations were secrets, and how many were you guys just playing it with in-character knowledge?

And... again, I like that Miranda's words are half explaining her side and saying she messed up, while the other half is giving excuses and blaming Sylvie. It's interesting.

Which is something I also have to say about her relationship with Vee. It seems like Vee is getting much closer to her and Seiko now, and I'm curious to see how fiVe reacts to that. My guess is not well.

Scene Fifteen

Hilarious, but now I want to know what happened in Lima.

Though for some reason I think it'll turn out that Mike and de Bsnns remember Lima very differently.

Anyway, more cuteness and more... well, of what I've said before about the Sylvie-Vee-Mike triangle. I feel a little sorry for Vee at the end, even though she herself admits that it's for the best.

Scene sixteen

That was interesting.

Again, I find it interesting the role Vee is increasingly taking on this session to the rest of the team, while fiVe is getting more ostracised. The ending with Seiko might undermine it a little, but given they still seem to be on good terms...

And fiVe hearing the recording makes me eager to see her reaction in the next session. I've been assuming she wouldn't be fixed until near the end of the campaign. If you plan on this lasting 8 acts, that makes playing the card this early interesting; I want to see what kind if complications we get out if this.

Edited February 14, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter]

OH NO I MISSED AND HIT DOWNVOTE! Don't worry, I'm going to go upvote two of your posts to fix it! Dang mobile site...

@Joe: Ehehehehehe. Your reactions amuse me greatly...

@Quiver:
Scene 1:
The AiVee scene actually wasn't private, though I did it in a side chat. It actually took place at the same time as the Avery rescue scene (probably why Sylvie's quiet in that one.) Basically to amuse myself, I started having Vee and fiVe chat and then Gavin decided to have Corazon interrupt them.

Some of this was originally altogether, so perhaps that's what's throwing it off?

Scene 2
That phrasing was actually intentional. The "wise enough" is the key part there, Sylvie's looking at her hands and feeling the metaphorical blood on them. It's very much to the benefit to her already fragile mental health that she didn't see ACTUAL blood there. Yeah, I very much liked Sylvie's line about the snap. She is very haunted by what she's done.

I really love what Ellie did with Seiko here. Somehow, Sylvie's broken down his professional mask and suddenly the relaxed petulance of a kid who didn't get his way shows through. Seiko shows himself as the youngest member here, really, the kid who never got to grow up normally and got thrown into a world he didn't want before he was ready. It's a vulnerable spot for him, but not one borne out of trust, but rather just not being able to care anymore. Oh no, I gave myself Seiko feels. I just love their dynamic and the little bit of almost good-natured bickering over who's the people person and neither of them know how to deal with things and just sort of being DONE with everything together.

(And I'll edit in when you get to the rest.)

 

Scene 3

"Stripping" is definitely the implication that you are supposed to be reading in that statement, hehehe. c;

 

Eleanor gets a lot of the spotlight in this arc, especially in the actual plot-centered parts of the story. I'm really liking the new sides of her that we're seeing here as well!

 

And fiVe gets a lot of her professionalism from Seiko, yes! Especially in the way that she uses names. To strangers, people are referred to by Title + Last Name; to acquantainces (like most of the team) she uses just last name; to her family, she uses first names. And then Sylvie gets called "Sylvia" to her face.

 

Scene 4

Yeah, Seiko's just really interesting through this whole session. Aaah, Ellie does so well with him. And yes, I love his little sarcastic clapping at her. I really like the pettiness and slight insults that sneak into the Seiko/Sylvie dynamic sometimes. They're just a couple of rival dorks sometimes. Oh those two and their fake names.

 

Scene 5

Pffft. Nice. Feeling a bit of Eleanor/Avery shipping there, Quiver?

 

Scene 6

I'm pretty sure Brown was a contact roll of Katie's. Heather tends to be the business, plot-driving player sometimes. While everyone else is fainting and punching each other and yelling, Heather makes sure Katie's still doing productive things so that we can move the plot forward. Woo.

 

I like the casual air between Katie and Zhu. They're a good contrast to Sylvie and Mike, I think. Here we see Katie and Zhu are both on the job, discussing the mission and important matters. There isn't a lot of flirting or outward affection, but there's a casual easiness between them as they work. It's a comfortable feeling scene. They work well together.

 

Scene 7

I'm really quite satisfied with how well these last few scenes managed to work out. Simultaneous scenes like these are usually my downfall, but I think it worked out well here. We get small subtle reveals that "something has happened" as Eleanor and Katie both hear something going on at the end of their scenes, and then we finally cut to Miranda and see that it was her fainting that caused the scene.

 

Miranda explains a bit better later on, but what she's worried about is that fiVe's hatred of Sylvie is derived from Miranda's hatred of Kaiju. Miranda knows that kind of destructive, utter loathing because she recognizes it, and it's not a kind of emotion that she feels okay with fiVe having towards Sylvie. Hating giant alien monsters of destruction like that is one thing, hating a human being and a teammate like that is... very dangerous. Miranda feels responsible because she feels like she gave that part of herself to fiVe.

 

(And Miranda's not entirely wrong. fiVe's hatred of Sylvie has a lot of issues, and it's destructive aspect is only one of them. Vee's starting to pick up on this... Even aside from her damage, fiVe is not in a healthy state of mind here.)

 

Scene 8

I think Sylvie and Seiko said it well: Zhu is the ultimate people person of this group, and she handles her crew members so well. She's so wonderful. Ehehehe, poor Zhu having to deal with her bodyguard's strange relationship with the dangerous fugitive she's been chasing for a year. I have a feeling this was not what she expected would happen when she finally found Sylvie Mansen, heh. (But Mike and Sylvie cutes continue to be my favorite.)

 

Sylvie's being forbidden to Drift is something that Zhu and Miranda were hoping for: that she would find a way to deal with her problems without running off to Drift with Vee. Now that she's not allowed to for medical reasons, she's going to have to do something else. (And she and Vee are going to "sync" the old fashioned way: they're going to talk for a few hours about what happened and why it happened and what they're going to do next. 

 

Scene 9

Miranda doesn't necessarily think fiVe is broken the way that Sylvie does, but she think's fiVe is dangerous. Seiko, on the other hand, doesn't care. He's used to messed up, dangerous people. He is one, and he knows that he gave some of that part of himself to fiVe as well. 

 

Heh, I think Miranda's line about liking Corazon has a lot more to do with... her history regarding people who work in the medical field. (Remember what Jason's job was?)

 

Scene 10

What, Seiko and Miranda not following the doctor's orders? That doesn't even sound like them...

 

Scene 11

If you're an Adv. Hydro shipper like me, you're hoping this conversation refers to all three: teammates, family members, and (maybe) a couple? *fingers crossed* 

 

I told you there was a lot of interpersonal drama in this session! I was talking to Emma about this as we edited, but I think it says a lot about our group that THIS is the session that's super long. There's not a lot of plot-events going on here, it's not an action sequence. It's just... the whole crew taking a moment to rest and talk through their issues, and I think it shows just how character-driven Scroungers is. (Aaah, I love this whole group, they're all so wonderful.)

 

Scene 12

The tables are turning against fiVe here. She pushed her luck with that Drift and now it's starting to come back against her. Even Katie, who is very protective of her, is starting to think that her behavior might be out of line. Status quos are definitely shifting and it's really interesting. fiVe is starting to get confronted with some of her own issues (after everyone took her side, she started to think that she was totally in the right and that there was nothing wrong with her) but now... something's not right and she doesn't want to admit that.

 

Vee has also started to realize this. There's something wrong with fiVe that has nothing to do with her processing damage.

 

Scene 13

Vee and Sylvie had a few very difficult months after their incident, and it took them a long time to recover. I think those months are when Sylvie and Vee started Drifting all the time. Like, I'd imagine that when she was with the PPDC, Sylvie did probably one routine Drift a day with Vee... but after they're on their own, it gets to the point where they're Drifting every few hours.

 

How long has it been right now? Well, Sylvie and Vee have had... 4 on-screen Drifts if I remember correctly?

Programming in Session 2, Right before the PPDC come aboard in Session 9?/10? (when Seiko uses the override code against Vee); the epilogue for Act 1 (after Sylvie wakes Vee up from the override), and then the Drift while they're inside the cult when Sylvie fixes Vee's damage from Katia. (There's also an attempted Drift during the Zhu talks, but Miranda comes in and interrupts them.)

 

Offscreen though, Sylvie and Vee Drift a lot. Like... for hours a day multiple times per day. If they're alone in Sylvie's apartment, they often just walk around in the Drift together and spend their days like that. Sylvie always makes sure to Drift with Vee before she goes anywhere as well, so if she's just arrived at a meeting or something such, you can assume that she and Vee have finished Drifting before she left her house. The funny thing is, when the sessions take place, Sylvie's usually on the job, so they're some of the few times that she isn't Drifting with Vee. Heh. At this point in canon, the last time Sylvie Drifted with Vee was that morning, right before arriving for the weekly meeting with Zhu.

 

As for Vee's behavior here: yeah, she's planning an intervention. She really does care about fiVe a lot, and she's going to go to the people that she thinks are going to be able to help her make fiVe better: her family. Fun fact: Vee is slightly nervous around Seiko and Miranda because she sees them almost like fiVe's parents 

 

Scene 14

This conversation was secret for a very short time. Gavin and Emma ran this one on their own (just in case any spoilers came up) but when it was finished and there wasn't any sensitive information in it, they immediately shared it with the rest of us. The only convo that was secret for an extended length of time was Seiko's (and that's mostly because I didn't know it had happened and didn't know to bug Ellie or Gavin for it.) So, most of the reaction stuff is just in-character. The players tend to know a lot more than the characters at pretty much all times. I tend to do mine publically because I don't hide much, but the other players are a bit more secretive than I am...

 

Scene 15

DID YOU JUST MAKE AN AVENGERS REFERENCE? A+ QUIVER. YOU GET GOLD STARS FOREVER.

 

I have canonically declared that this is Sylvie's first kiss. Because reasons. Reasons that totally don't involved the fact that I do not know how to write a character who has experience being kissed, as I do not have that experience either. Noooo, definitely not.

 

And as for the triangle, it says something that Sylvie doesn't see it as a triangle. Poor Mike started to get upset that she would prefer Vee's company to his when she asked about Drifting, but she doesn't even see Drifting with Vee as chosing company. (And I like to headcanon that when she did get approved to Drift, she asked Mike to stay with her through it, for one, as a protective measure in case something went wrong, but also so that she and Vee could be together with him for once. I'm not saying there were mid-Drift kisses... but I like to think there might have been mid-Drift kisses.)

 

Scene 16

This'll come up more later, but now that Vee has figured out where fiVe's loathing of her and Sylvie comes from (her idea that they abandoned her) she knows that the hatred is irrational and unhealthy. So she and Sylvie are going to work together to try to overcome that hatred and show her that her feelings towards them are hurting her more than they're hurting anyone else. Vee really does care about fiVe (perhaps even more than Sylvie does) because Vee and fiVe are both AI. While Vee can share her memories with Sylvie, that's not an experience that Sylvie will ever have to live with... but it's something that fiVe does. So there's a connection between Vee and fiVe that goes even a little deeper than Sylvie's idea of fiVe.

 

I thiiiink actually that fiVe doesn't end up talking in the next session. There's a bit of a time skip, if I recall correctly, and fiVe has gone off to think about things on her own. Seiko and Miranda have been giving her space and respecting her wishes, but she's not going to speak to any of the team for a few days, Seiko and Miranda included.

 

She's pretty shaken up after hearing indisputable evidence that shakes her worldview that Sylvie and Vee just completely abandoned her -- as well as getting smacked in the face with her own contradictory logic: Is Sylvie leaving her the worst thing that happened to her and reason to hate Sylvie; or was it her "escape" and the best thing that ever happened to her? fiVe's been trying to play it both ways, and it's finally starting to fall apart on her.

 

 

[Peng the Just]

OH NO I MISSED AND HIT DOWNVOTE! Don't worry, I'm going to go upvote two of your posts to fix it! Dang mobile site...

 

I upvoted it. Problem solved.

[FeatherWriter]

Thank you for that! I'll give you an upvote of gratitude in return!

[FeatherWriter]

Whoops, I'm late posting hte link over here, but Session #29 is up! Session #30 will be following pretty soon as well. (I'll probably just link it in this post maybe.)

[Quiver]

Don't worry about being late, it just means I actually got the whole thing read before commenting for once lol. As such, I hope you don't mind if I comment on it as a whole, rather than breaking it into scenes as per usual.

I know I've said it before about other scenes, but , again, I have the feeling that this is like a soft reboot for the series. The drift really threw the status quo out of line, and this session seems like it's resetting what the set up is gonna be going forward. I say that mainly because this scene seems reminiscent of the first session of this Act (and of the previous meeting room moments); especially since such a long time has passed between the last one and now. Tempers have cooled and people seem to have gotten used to this new working arrangement.

Sylvie's critiques of herself seem like a little more like light-hearted self-degradation than the loathing she was showing at the end of the last scene. That, and her trying to get closer to Mira (or should I call her Miri) seems like an interesting comparison with fiVes current situation and origin story. Like Vee, I'm curious about the phases you seem to put your characters through, with one being disliked or withdrawn while the other becomes more social. An overly crude way to put it, but I think you get what I'm trying to say.

On the topic of Vee though, she finds fiVes casing intimate? Do the AiVees have a ship name yet? Anyway, I'm interested to see how Vees infiltration goes; it seems like it should be another intervening point of comparison and contrast between her, Sylvie and fiVe.

I'm sure the points been raised somewhere, but I found Miranda's protectiveness of her suits and the blueprints of them reminiscent of Sylvie's feelings towards the Vees. Given how specific she argued against the use of Mira, I'm curious about how aware she and Seiko are of their feelings for one another.

Tying into that is Seiko's line about preferring to take orders rather than give them. It certainly tallies with everything we've seen of him so far. Professionally, he is a good soldier and does what he's told; I can't think of a moment when he really disobeyed a direct order from Katie or Miranda. Salvaging the con is probably the biggest thing he's done under his own initiative, and the team ended up spending nearly half of this session debating with each other what that meant and how they were going to deal with that.

Personally... Well, he does take his own decisions on behalf of his sisters, but even there, he kind of... follows someone else's words? I can't think how to put it, but the fact he's trying to trust Zhu, to the extent of telling her about the lockdown code for instance seems to suggest he foes feel more comfortable when he knows what he's going to have yo do. I think most of the romantic moments between the two, like the kiss earlier on, we're also stuff initiated by Miranda, do I wonder if he's waiting for her to make the first move.

You've mentioned that Katie is the plot-driving player, do I have to admit, I kind of read her handing control of the operation as a "Lets see how you like it!" moment to free herself up to do some fainting and punching and yelling. It's going to be interesting seeing how she reacts to this op though; neither Seiko nor Eleanor were particularly eager to be in command, and from the sounds of things, Zhu might be too distracted to send in support if necessary. I'm curious to see how Katie (the character) reacts to something when she isn't in control- I remember her not exactly being thrilled any other time the team went off book.

And, since their tangentially related, I'm calling Zhu's increased work load and party situation as a plot point lol.

And maybe it's intentional, maybe it's overly optimistic wish fulfillment, but I'm taking Eleanor's sleepiness as proof that she and A- J-Tech Doyle are romantically involved. Yeah, I'm shipping them, so what? If they are already a couple, I hope we get some more on-screen appearance of Doyle; it wold make the two of them the least complicated couple of the series so far.

Speaking of Eleanor though, I liked the scene at the end with her and Seiko bluffing their way past Valentina, particularly the use of physical actions, like deliberately looking too much at Yegerov to make her think she has the upper hand. The scene ended, generally, in.their favour, but... I don't expect that to last long. Worse, I kind have a bad feeling about leaving Vee in this situation; unlike Sylvie, she'd be easy to replace (just make another backup), which makes me a little more wary of her survival than I would if it was any other member of the team.

Edited February 18, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter]

Yeah, this is very much a resetting point. For Gavin's plans as well as the characters, since we kinda threw everything out of alignment with the Drift stuff, heh. We've got a couple of days break while everyone recovers and now the team's ready to get back to work.

 

I'm glad you picked up on Sylvie's tone here! She's definitely recovering and trying to make light of the situation as best she can. She and Vee have Drifted since then of course, so in addition to feeling better about being synced she's also picked up Vee's desire to reach out and rehabilitate fiVe naturally. (Heh, you should probably call her Miri unless you want her and Seiko coming after you!) Yep, at the moment fiVe and Sylvie are just too diametrically opposed to both be happy and functional at the same time, and that's fiVe's fault mostly. If Sylvie's upset, she's happy. If things are going well for Sylvie, she's upset and counts that to her detriment.

 

Heh, “Backwards Compatibility” is that ship name. It's had followers for quite a while, and it's DEFINITELY a favorite of Gavin's, which I use to keep leverage, heh. This is somewhat of the first real canon hinting at it, though Zhu's potluck saw some kindness between the two of them. Ellie's art of Vee and fiVe is also heavily BackCompat themed. You'll see more Backwards Compatibility in the future, of that you can be sure.

 

Sylvie and Miranda actually have quite a few similarities on that front. Sylvie foils nicely with both members of AdvHydro (which is what makes fiVe such an interesting character to write, as she's all three of them). Sylvie's all about software, while Miranda's all about hardware. They're an interesting pair and I'm glad their relationship is starting to develop as teammates.

 

Speaking of AdvHydro... They are rather aware of their feelings for one another. Miranda has not made it a secret that she's attracted to him (though a lot of that goes on behind the scenes at their apartment), but he's not ready to commit to a relationship yet. That's why he left her and fiVe originally. He was getting too close to her and was worried that a relationship with her would distract him from protecting his sisters and would only cause trouble.

 

I don't know if you remember this, but Seiko and Miranda were roommates before the campaign started. (Remember her finding him bleeding on her couch for their first meeting?) If I've got my timeline right, he showed up around Dec. 2019, but he ended up leaving Miranda and fiVe and disappearing almost exactly a year after, Dec. 2020. She doesn't hear from him or find out anything about him until Katie happens to hire them both for the same job in Session 1 a few months later, which takes place circa Feb. 2021. (I'd guess that the current session is taking place in early March 2021.)

EDIT:

Okay responding to those last few paragraphs. I'm not going to comment on Katie other than to say that you're going to like the next session. Yep.

 

I have a feeling that Avery will be back. Seeing as Emmalyn and Gavin are actually a couple, I think they'll be doing some Avery/Eleanor stuff together.

[Mailliw73]

So, I've gotten to Session 8, and I'm loving it! Sorry I don't have any useful critiques, I'm just devouring this stuff. Thanks Feather.

[FeatherWriter]

Ah! I'm glad you're liking it! Getting easier to read then? What are you liking right now?

[Mailliw73]

Yes it is,I can see what you mean about the writing meshing better. I'm really liking Eleanor's skills like Quiver mentioned in his reviews of these sessions and I like Miranda and Seiko's relationship. Sylvie's drifting and combat is fun too. And with Miranda's brief mention of FiVe has me intrigued with what happened there.