FeatherWriter fanfic fan club :)

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Yeeeep, the Jaiseti are sun-based. It's not just metaphor! They actually do grow stronger in the sun. Like I said, I like race building and I've put a lot of time and effort into the Jaiseti and even though the competition for which I came up with them fell through, I wasn't ready to let go of them. They actually end up showing up in Called Forth (about 400 years after this story from their perspective) and one of Len's familiars, Corin, is Jaiseti.

[Quiver he/him]

In that case, I hope you won't find my joke about them being solar-powered offensive. When I get comfortable talking to people, I tend to get a bit chatty and jokey, so I'll reel that in a bit. I'm gonna start by reading the race info you posted, and I'll try and get some chapters done as well.

Finished it. I found the stuff you came up with for the Jaiseti original and well-thought out. I'm usually a bit dubious about new peoples, since I always expect "Their like X but...." But that isn't he case here. I liked how you worked the implications of sunlight into all levels of their culture, with the freckling and the sunburn. Reading this has given me a bit more of an appreciation for the first chapter, since I understand why what Kalir is doing is viewed as so wrong, beyond the typical fantasy explanation of it just being taboo. I was also impressed with the amount of detail you put into how the biology of these people work. I'm poor at understanding chemistry and biology so most of it went over my head, but I enjoyed that you put that thought into it to begin with. I also really appreciated that you came up with (or considered real life) effects of having too much sunlight.

Back to.the story, and after the guarded optimism of chapter one, this really does start rather doom-ridden. I'm actually very much an indoors type person, not that the weather is particularly strong anyway, so despite having seen it, I've never been sunburnt. So, I don't know how that passage would read to someone who has experienced it first hand, but seeing it through the prism of Jaiseti beliefs makes it quite scary. I love Varines description of the skin dying; it seems very appropriate for the culture. I also liked Kalirs reflections on Elumis. Religion is hard to balance in fiction, and I think it worked well here. I liked how, as he became cursed, he started remembering the story, not in the vague way, but word for word. Being the victim of a Gods curse seems like the sort of thing that would make you try to remember scripture accurately. After so much doom and gloom, the ending is again optimistic, but the tone of this story, so far, is fairly upbeat, so I was expecting a happy ending. Then again, since they successfully found the feversbane so quickly, I'm expecting a nasty plot twist next chapter.

Finally, as a general note, I notice you wanted spelling and grammar pointed out to you, but I think it's clear by now that I'm fairly illiterate in those areas. The only part that seemed odd to me was when you broke up a sentance using two semi-colons. It just seemed like it gave an odd pause to me, but as I said, I could just have misunderstood it.

Edited January 1, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I had issues with semicolons a few years ago. I used waaaay to many of them. 

 

I'm glad the biology and chemistry stuff sounds like it would work. The competition was a very "no magic, hard science" one, so if I wanted to have sun-enhanced Jaiseti, then I had to come up with a specifically science-y explanation for their attributes. (Most of that biology is probably BS but hey, I tried. I'm glad it sounded legit.)

 

It's worth noting that this is a very bad sunburn that Kalir and Varine are going through. Limited sunlight all their lives and then suddenly they're out in the desert for days on end without protection? They're kinda burnt to a crisp. It makes them stronger, but the sunburn is killer at first.

 

Aaaaaand as a present for New Years (and because I'm still procrastnating my Secret Santa fic), Sydney Scroungers Session #13 is now live!  For anyone who is following that.  Which is probably just Quiver. 

 

(Psst. Read Sydney Scroungers, everyone.)

[Quiver he/him]

Well, after debating which to go for, I'll start by giving my thoughts on Scroungers. I actually read the whole thing through rather than live blog for once. If you prefer it one way or the other, then let me know for the future. I'll edit this post in with my thoughts on each scene, but since I already know how the piece ends, I might jump around a bit.

Section one does a great job of building up how bizarre the situation is, with Leah's escalating money offers. Maybe I'm just a terrible person, but I think I'd be more prepared to give away someone's name than I would be to offer a fifteen thousand dollar raise. I also liked how thorough the characters were in vetting the situation. The money and the ad seem so suspicious, but the paper trail is so clean, and the mother is so genuine. Then you see the girl hooked onto life support. I may not like Seiko, but these latest sessions have seemed to be working on humanising him. He protected Miranda, gave her pain relief medication, and now he's already decided he's going to help Leah, regardless of everyone else. Whereas Sylvie has spent the last couple sessions becoming frustrated with them, detached, and is the dissenting voice in the group here. It's a parallel that I find kinda interesting.

The last line of Miranda's really made it feel like a tv or movie scene, too.

The second half continues with making the scene suspicious. As I've said before, I think Eleanor works best in the talking scenes, so this session played to her strengths. I also feel vindicated in thinking that there's something up with her, if someone who has only known her a few minutes is wary enough to say she's worse than a man with a gun. I admit I found this scene slightly disorientating, and there were some pieces I just can't make my brain fit together. I'm a little unclear why Miranda was backing to the door. Rereading it, it seems like intimidation tactics, but the insistent repeated thought that she had to do it makes me slightly confused. Same a little later on when one of the team says " Ma- Leah,". I can't think of why they would say 'ma' unless it was Madame. I may be overlooking something, but like the first half, it contributes to making the situation seem... dodgy.

I'm curious about the ending. Given Miranda's concerns about them leaving something behind, I'm guessing she has picked up something instead. The whole thing gets more and more suspicious by the second...

And on a minor grammar note; when Seiko is discussing Drifting with Leah, is his sentance supposed to say she might not be the best choice? At the moment the 'not' is missing.

And back to Cursed Sun, I'm really surprised at how happy this story feels. It's maybe unfair, since the only thing I'm comparing it too is VanaLen, but this chapter wasn't the depressing turn I had expected. For a piece with such a gloomy title, it's surprisingly optimistic so far. They've endured the curse and found a way to overcome it. They convinced the Daiem to take the leaves and, presumably, save Renee. They might have been exiled, but they already have two travelling companions.

Speaking of whom, I really like Aycee. I like how contradictory he is, wanting to go and being afraid to. I was thinking that it seems like a very short time passes between Kalir and Varine leaving and the others following, but then I realised talking since they left might have been referring to the end of chapter one instead.

I also liked getting some more information on Jayset. As I said, I liked your world building, but before reading this, it sounded small. I was going to ask how large it was, or if the entire nation was riddled with canyons. Given those questions, I liked Kalir pointing out how small their world was and what it could be.

Edited January 1, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Note: The part about Miranda's hand motion was written by Gavin, the GM, not Emma, Miranda's player. AKA, she wasn't in control and didn't do it consciously. Which is why all of us players freaked out and shouted "GAAAAAAVIIIIN". And ze just cackled madly at us as we hoped that we hadn't just broken Miranda.

 

Not sure about the Seiko or Miranda parts. I wasn't certain whether or not it was a typo, so I left Seiko's part as is. I believe Miranda starts to say "Ma'am" (because that's how she's been addressing Leah thus far) and then decides to use her first name instead.

 

Yeah, Cursed Sun is actually a pretty happy story overall. The competition that it was written for was supposed to be a thing where you create a civilization and follow them through their history. At this point in time, they're at their very earliest, and they're little more than a tribe. So yes, they're a very small group!

[Quiver he/him]

I'm looking forward to whatever trap you've landed poor Mira in lol.

I've finished chapter four. When you describe this competition, I understand the time jump. It takes time to build up a new civilisation. I have to admit though that, if you were jumping forward in time, I might have liked something more Mistborn-like, with each chapter jumping forward x number of years. Part of that is because I've been curious for a long time about how a solar-cult would react to space travel. But, I can see why you didn't go with that. Even though the story involves the development of these people, it's about Kalir. I can't fault you for that, it just a personal tic; I liked the signs we got of how the Shari differed from the Jeseti; the children not understanding the curse in contrast to the elders memories, the new titles, etc. I feel bad criticising it, since it sounds like 'This would be better if you did it my way', but it is something I feel about it.

That said, what's written is well-done. I like Sara's attitude, and Kalir's hesitance to lead makes sense. I want to save commenting on Varine until I finish chapter five and give a general overview.

And finishing chapter five... Hmm. First of all, short stories aren't really my thing. I like getting more detail, more character interactions, etcetera. So, I want to say that I wish Varine had had a larger role in this chapter, and that we had seen Reene interact with Kalir before she fell sick. I liked the idea of the cultural warfare, and I would have liked to see more of it, personally, first hand. But while that's stuff I like, it's mostly extraneous to the actual story, which is Kalir saving and reuniting with his sister. That part was well handled, though it is why I might have liked a scene with Reene earlier. Her arguments on the coronation for and against the Shari made sense, but I was a little lost relating to her character, since all her moments before this were her lying in a bed sick.

All in all, I liked this story, but I have to admit, I think it may be the weakest one of yours I've read. I get that it's about a cultural movement, but Kalir's actions try to make the story more personal. I loved the idea of the Jaset/Shari, and I would enjoy future fiction based around them. I'm just not sure if a short story is the right format for this. But, as said, I'm kind of biased against short stories anyway, despite knowing that length is no indication of worth. I'm sorry if I should overwhelmingly negative, since I don't mean offence. It's all personal reaction, and for some reason, this story didn't quite click for me in it's current form.

Edited January 2, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Like I said, it's old and it was already much longer than most of the other audition entries. Most people did like... a few paragraphs for their opening. I was the only person who wrote a five chapter introduction thing because I am a crazy person. I still like it, but it's quite a bit rougher around the edges than my more current stuff. It was a good exercise though.

 

The idea of the competition would be that you'd face off against other civilizations in later rounds throughout different time periods. Kinda like the Mistborn trilogies actually. So the audition phase was just supposed to be a prologue and then the first round would show the my civ defeating whoever I was paired up against in the next latest era. So, if you stayed in the competition you'd move through eras from the bronze age to medieval times to modern day to space age. Unfortunately, it never became a thing because not enough people auditioned, but hey I had fun thinking things up and I've still got quite a few ideas about how their development would have gone.

 

It should be noted that the Jaiseti at the time of Called Forth are about 400 years later than this, and the civilization has become much more of a world power. They've got large sprawling cities and a broad empire by that time and a pretty dominating expansionist mindset, which is fun since they're harrassing all of their neighbors for more power. I will definitely be having Len's Jaiseti familiar, Corin, spend some time back on his homeworld to show of his contemporary Jaiset at this point. (And I love Jaiseti titles. Those totally become a thing later. Everybody uses titles with everyone else, and to do otherwise would be extremely rude.)

[Natans he/him]

Lady Feather what we do about this ?

 

 

 

"Sating the Ghostbloods alone will not save your house,” Jasnah said. “Your debts are too great, particularly considering your father’s actions in alienating so many. I have therefore arranged a powerful alliance for your house.”

“Alliance? How?”

Jasnah took a deep breath. She seemed reluctant to explain. “I have taken the initial steps in arranging for you to be betrothed to one of my cousins, son of my uncle Dalinar Kholin. The boy’s name is Adolin. He is handsome and well-acquainted with amiable discourse.”

 Love triangle ?

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Idk... "Married to one brother and in love with the other" worked for Navani, didn't it? (Kidding, mostly.) I'm more worried at how my fic has taken a turn for the WHOA NOT CANON AT ALL very quickly. Welp. It was bound to happen. I just didn't think that this was gonna be how it got set up. Honestly, I'm excited to see where this little arranged marriage goes. I'm smelling... drama and interesting twists. What would poor Shallan do if she finds herself falling for her betrothed's younger brother instead? We'll just have to see...

 

On the fanfic front: My secret santa fic is finished, and has been submitted to the shardling-secret-santa blog, however, as of me posting this, it hasn't gone through the queue yet, and until it gets put up, I can't share. I'll link to it as soon as that goes live!

 

For those following Scroungers, (Quiver) I'm working Session 14, and I want to get it done before I head back to school next week so, hopefully that goes live soon too.

 

Aaaaannnd.... I've been writing keteks. Lots of keteks. Stupidly long keteks because apparently I enjoy causing myself pain. I wrote one for today based on Jasnah's newly released prologue today, and while this one isn't my favorite of the ones I've done, it's okay, so I'll go ahead and share it:

 

Unseen nights of strangeness to worry and late returned demands

Her form’s darkness cast to light, storms spent surge anew,

Discovering glass among falling worlds, falling among glass, discovering new surges, 

Spending storm’s light to cast darkness, forming her demands

Returning late and worried to strangeness of nights unseen

 

I've also done a bunch for the Scroungers because reasons.... Eh, I wasn't going to but... yeah I'll go ahead and share them here. WHY NOT.

 

One for Katie Horner, our stalwart captain keeping us together:

Fights without unity, of dreams she speaks not,

Commands and orders has she all given,

Captain gives all she has,

Orders and commands not spoken,

She dreams of unity without fights.

 

One for Seiko Watanabe, who has become a criminal to support his little sisters, with a hint of romantic relationship with Miranda, because I ship Advanced Hydrophobia like crazy:

Family abandoned by protector who takes life without passion.

Red blood on hands to turn him away.

Risks all, dissolving rules that touch Miranda, for Miranda's touch that rules dissolves all risks away.

He turns to hands-on blood-red passion without lives taken.

Who protects by abandoning family?

 

One for fiVe, my AI who thought she had been abandoned by her creator until she found a new home with Seiko and Miranda and has now decided she never wants to go back.

Loneliness without final goodbyes,

Before family called so fondly once to me,

Leaving you as alone as you left me

To once fond so-called family before, Goodbye

Finally without loneliness

 

And finally, my favorite, one written for the two Prophets of The Assembly of True Judgement, the sinister Kaiju cult that we've been squaring off against. This one probably doesn't make sense with what's been posted thus far, so I can explain in spoiler tags.

Today, dying Prophets falsely judge the coming hallowed end

Shared blood’s all-seeing eyes brightened by flash,

By brightened eyes see all blood’s shared end,

Hallowed come the Judges,

False Prophet dies today

 

The two prophets are a brother and sister who apparently received a miraculous vision after seeing a nuclear bomb flash that took out a Kaiju in Sydney. As a result of this miracle, their eyes turned bright blue as they saw the prophecied end of humanity. "Hallowed come the Judges" is the cult's chanted mantra, and the "False Prophet" would be Miranda, who also witnessed that flash but has sworn to destroy the Kaiju at all costs.

Edited January 9, 2014 by FeatherWriter

[Mailliw73 he/him]

So about Scroungers. Do you need to see the movie for it to make sense or not?

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Quiver has not watched Pacific Rim, if I remember correctly, so he's probably a better person to ask. However, I tend to say no, you don't need to have seen the movie to enjoy it. I'll quote what I said to him earlier about this:

 

It's extended universe, so we're totally separate from the actual canon characters and events. In fact, Sydney Scroungers takes place about four years before the events of the movie, so there aren't even spoilers. Also, it's down in Sydney, Australia, while most of the movie takes place in Hong Kong, China.

 

Really the only thing you need to know about Pacific Rim is the worldbuilding basics, most of which you could get from watching a trailer (like this one). There's giant alien monsters coming from a portal in the Pacific Ocean called Kaiju. Humanity has created an organization called the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps (PPDC) who have built giant robots called Jaegers to fight the Kaiju. And piloting a Jaeger requires two pilots working together with a mind-meld set-up called "the drift."

 

And really, the story doesn't feel like Pacific Rim actually. We're a bunch of criminals and smugglers in the underground, so the story ends up quite a bit like a mix between Firefly and Leverage in the PR universe (with a few touches of Dollhouse as well later on.) We actually haven't seen any Kaiju so far, and we've only run into one Jaeger, so for the most part, this campaign almost feels like it could be set in it's own universe. It's certainly not something like Mistborn, where you'd have to be totally familiar with the source material in order to figure it out.

 

I tend to say that people should start with the introduction here, then probably read the backstory prologue from Sylvie's point of view. Sylvie is my character, by the way. I play her and her AI copy, Syl-V. That snippet of Sylvie's backstory (which takes place about a year and a half before the campaign starts) is probably the most worldbuilding-intensive part of the campaign. It's kind of a crash course in Jaegers and the drift for those who aren't familiar with them, and if you can get through that without getting lost, the actual campaign will be a breeze.

 

Edited January 9, 2014 by FeatherWriter

[Quiver he/him]

So about Scroungers. Do you need to see the movie for it to make sense or not?

  

Quiver has not watched Pacific Rim, if I remember correctly, so he's probably a better person to ask. However, I tend to say no, you don't need to have seen the movie to enjoy it. I'll quote what I said to him earlier about this:

I am so excited about the chance to finally be relevant in conversation!

Anyway, no. I still haven't seen the film, and I can follow the game just fine. At first, I did find it a bit difficult to follow, just because of the present tense style, but I've gotten used to it. The first couple of sessions don't really dwell on the "Transformers suplex Godzilla" part of the Pacific Rim pitch, instead building up the world and characters. Whenever the more alien stuff starts to appear, it's in a pretty gradual and easy-to-follow manner.

So, yeah, you don't need to watch anything, just follow the links.

[Mailliw73 he/him]

Ok, I will read those sometime. Thanks, Feather and Quiver.

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Woooooot! PEOPLE READING SYDNEY SCROUNGERS YEEEESSSSSSSS. My favorite thing ever.

[Joe ST he/him]

if you play it, and transcribe it, people will read, it's fantastic

[FeatherWriter she/her]

And here I am, back with two new fics for you all!

 

First up is an actual cosmere fic, my present written for the Shardling Secret Santa! Now that it's been published, I can talk about it and give you guys the link! The prompt I got called for a crossover: Loki and Thor from the Marvel Cinematic Universe in Final Empire Scadrial. It turned out okay, but I was a bit rushed for the deadline. I hope you guys enjoy it! That can be found here.

 

Also, Session 14 of The Sydney Scroungers has just gone live! That can be found over here for those of you who are caught up! (And if you're not caught up, you should get caught up because I will love you forever.)

[Quiver he/him]

Wow both those stories are long. I'll start live bloging Sydney Scroungers.

Or it may not be as long as I thought, since scene 1 took up a lot of it. An interesting piece (with the way Leah zoned out, I'm guessing hypnosis or some sort if mind control). I like seeing the team be more fractured; you've disagreed before, but it's usually been Silvie vs Seiko. This time, it feels like a bad situation is getting worse, and everyone is starting to come apart. As I've said before, I love how you present drifting, so Miranda's chaotic, nearly gibberish type sheet is my favourite part of this. I'm also curious to see how this Kaiju blood thing works out. Given we know there's a cult dedicated to the Most Holy Reptilords, that phrase sounds a bit... Creepy.

Second scene, and I'm a little surprised that SYLVIE was the first one to go backing Seiko up. Miranda struggling from the after effects was neat, but most of my attention here is drawn by what an unbelievably bad idea mrs Mortez had. Good thing El got back there. The ending of the scene makes me wonder if you guys are overreacting (understandably given the circumstances); I find the idea of you going commando on the neighbourhood bird watcher incredibly funny.

And yet, what Mortex did is pretty understandable. She's desperate. I like the line/thought about bad things happening to Sylvies tech when she's away; it's a nice, subtle reminder about fiVe.

Scene Four: I take it this is another example of you guys wanting to have non-straight characters? Again, I'm not sure what to say. I guess I was kind of right about the overreaction (which got a laugh out of me) but it seems to be build up for whoever/whatever is on the rough.

Scene Five took me a minute to remember Miranda's suit. Between her paralysis and Eleanor's physical diagnostic, I was thinking it was more of her disorientation from the Drift. Again, nice to see a bit of the medical side.

Disorientation like 'waited for things to be real again'. I love that line. Scene six is nice pay off to the preceding action scenes, and since I think it's the payoff, I'll add, again, that these pieces have had the feeling of a movie. Quick shots jumping from character to character are hard to critique, but they come together well for a great effect.

Scene seven looks like we're moving back into character driven stuff, so I'll start by saying I like how Sylvie is so bad at dealing with people. if that was Eleanor, she probably would have talked Leah down sooner; I like how even her advice is being filtered through a lens with lines like "So shut up" attached to them. More pronoun loveliness with Miranda and... That ending. With Eleanor, and not being able to change the past? If I wasn't suspicious of El before now, I certainly am now!

... I'm calling Eleanor as a former cultist. At least a former cultist. Given everything I've commented on throughout my reading, I almost expect her to turn out to be the evil mastermind behind it. I'm not complaining about that though; I feel vindicated in my suspicion of her. And I love the end of the scene with Sylvie;I wonder if anyone has ever put that as a status update on twitter?

Hm. Well, okay, this scene is ambitious enough that it could be a relative instead... for some reason, I thought we had a mention of Eleanor having a daughter at some point? I may be getting that confused with someone else, but if El isn't a former cultist, then I guess it's fair to say she knew someone who was. Which makes sense and fits with a lot of what I've said about her so far. If she Was a cultist, it makes sense that she'd be so guarded; same for if her family member was one. I've thought that Eleanor was maybe the least developed character, since, while we have a lot of thoughts and shark like grin, I never figured out why she was the way she was. This revelation makes those details make a lot more sense, and I like that it came with a bit of connection between her and Seiko. This whole second Act seems to involve getting the team to be much closer together. The first Act was a casual job, but now, their really starting to bond.

And nice bad chull action hero speech from Katie; I'm guessing what she refers to are the names of Kaiju in the series? I have to say I was surprised. I didn't expect her to starting praising the holy Reptilords, but what she said was pretty venomous for someone who has such an interest in them. Of course, at the moment, they've gone from being a curiosity to actively tampering with her friends brain, so I suppose that's a good motivator for righteous fury.

Funny scene here. I'm kinda disappointed it was Eleanor though, since it ruins my running gag about. Kate always arriving at the worst timing! but interruption is better than nothing. Also, if you guys don't have an in-session strip poker game some point before this series is over, I will be Not Amused. The tonal shift was a little weird, given it followed the heels of a bad chull action hero speech, a tacit allowance of suicide and a warning of a trap, but I suppose that's how life is sometimes. Serious things happen at the same time as jokey things, and unfortunately, sometimes the two cross.

Well, unfortunately for those of us who wanted to see the strip poker game at any rate. Which, I'm sure, is everyone.

And again, another slight tone shift, but... Not one I disapprove of. I don't expect Sylvie to betray the team or anything, especially given the awesomeness of Marshall Zhu, but I'm all for getting more insight into the cult, and if that means joining or pretending to join, then sure. Also, that last religious refrain is haunting, and I love that the section ends on it.

And... That's an interesting end. I hope you intend on getting part 15 up soon, since I'm really curious to see how Seiko reacts to Miranda, and how Sylvie intends to get herself out of(or further into) the trouble heading her way.

Overall... Well, again, it's good. I like this sort of character driven intrigue more than I do action scenes, so I enjoyed it.

Edited January 11, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

First off, since there's some peeps thinking about starting SS, I'll post a helpful link. Just because I've been looking for ways to explain things and I ran across this: There's a really cool featurette about "The Drift" and how drifting works here. It's a good way of showing how that whole system works and you can see how its shown in the movie! It should be noted that Sylvie only uses the full Jaeger drift tech once (thus far) in the prologue. All other drifts she's using a Pons, a three forked helmet-ish thing (here's a picture of Newt and Hermann looking like dorks in a pair) that can be used to initiate drifts outside of a Jaeger.

 

And now on to responding! 

 

Sylvie and Seiko are the combat leaders of the team, so if he's rushing off, she's gonna follow. I'm glad you liked the quip about leaving tech! That was in fact a hint back at fiVe!

 

I'm glad the jumping scenes work well, they're the ones I'm most nervous about! Most of the time, all of that stuff is just all happening simultaneously in the same chat, so we'll have all fiive characters and NPCs doing their own thing in each location all together. It can be a bit difficult to sort through and decide what scene goes where. Especially because they often reference what's going on in the others. I can't cut to the Sylvie/Miranda/Leah/Eleanor confrontation for very long, because they're going to overhear Katie's prisoner yell about the Assembly. And then Leah reacts with "Hallowed come the Judges" which sends Katie into deep interrogation mode.

 

Also, something like Katie shouting the warning is always difficult because I have to decide which scene to show first. If I go through Katie's line, we see the warning, but then we jump back in time a bit as we catch up to where Seiko, Miranda, and Eleanor are before they hear her come through. It's a bit disorienting but I try my best to keep things linear. It's better than it all jumbled together, I'm sure!

 

I maintain that Sylvie is rather TERRIBLE with people. Her screaming at the person she's pinning that she's not threatening them is EXACTLY something she would do. Her empathy is still very low and she just really doesn't understand how to communicate effectively. Silly girl.

 

Who hooo, gotta admit I laughed a bit at your thinking that Eleanor might be a cultist. As you quickly figured out, it is her family that got taken in. More specifically, one family member, who then caused problems with the other family members. She'll talk more about that a little bit later. 

 

You guessed correctly, those are Kaiju names that Katie lists. (Note: Jaeger names always have two names like "Vulcan Specter" or "Echo Saber" or "Striker Eureka". Kaiju names are always one word, usually English or Japanese, like "Leatherback" or "Otachi" or "Scissure". It should be noted that Scissure was the Kaiju that attacked Sydney in 2014 before the PPDC was established. Miranda's brother Jason was killed in the nuclear blast that took Scissure down. The cult has connections to Scissure as well.)

 

And Katie has nothing but loathing for the cult, especially when they're threatening her crew. She's interested in the Kaiju scientifically only, she has no love for a bunch of terrorist tentacultists who are worshipping these creatures and trying to bring about the end.

 

Sylvie considering going into the cult was not something that I had expected to do, but once it came up, it made a lot of sense. One of her main aspects (her "Trouble" aspect, actually) is "Tempted By Tech." She knows this cult has experimental brainwash tech and she wants to take a peek under the hood. She also thinks its their best shot to get more info. We'll see how well it turns out for her.  (And yeah, Gavin knocked it out of the water with the creepy pseudo-religious cult stuff. Just wait until you meet one of the Prophets. Hehehe.)

 

I'll warn you, the next two sessions are shorter, but they're both action sequence sessions. We're technically "in combat" so action is going to happen in turns. So, expect lots of quick scene changes and not quite as much character stuff unfortunately. There's still some, though, which is fun! I'll hopefully get those up soon!

[Quiver he/him]

Honestly, the Kaiju cult was the part I found most interesting in the short pitch you posted at the start of the adventure, so anymore scenes with them is great. The fact that, apparently, they get super creepy is just a tantalising bonus.

Anyway, onto the secret Santa piece. I actually read the whole thing, so I'm commenting in one go rather than chapter by chapter like I usually do.

Firstly, I think you deserve kudos for how you used the prompt. It's such an absurd idea, that I would have expected it to be played as a full out comedy ( Dark World, at times, was a pretty funny road trip movie). So, regardless of anything else, the fact that you played it straight is rather impressive; I imagine that it would have Ben really tempting to do some of those comedy scenes of Thor acclimating to his new world.

Secondly, I really liked how you framed everything from the Scadrians point of view. For some reason, having someone interpret Mjolnir as being Pushed and Pulled felt very right. Similarly, I like how you didn't try to explain the powers of the gods outside of the Cosmere. Loki being described as a Lightweaver was another moment which just felt very appropriate.

The Hoid cameo, I'll admit, I'm not as sold on. It fits with the circumstance, and if you're going to have cross-dimensional characters appear why wouldn't you use Hoid? But it felt a bit off to me, maybe just because of how open and how much information he was giving away. I get it was important to get over Vin's sceptism regarding the existence of other worlds and to get Thor into the gang, but it still felt a bit... inappropriate? Not the right word, but I'm not sure of what I'm trying to say anyway.

I really liked the opening scene, with Loki sneaking through the palace. Even though it was ostensibly from his view point, it felt more like the view of someone who was from the Cosmere. It made the references to his illusion abilities more interesting and,frankly, the whole scene was just great at building up suspense. I have to admit I giggled slightly when Loki interrupted The Lord Ruler reading a newspaper, but then, what does The Lord Ruler do with his free time?

I also liked the ending, which I'm not going to discuss because of spoilers. My only complaint about it is that, to me, it seemed a little jarring that we went from meting Thor to 'that' scene; I realise that seeing more of Thor would have meant rewriting huge swathes of Mistborn, but I would have liked to see him take a bit more of a role in the events. As it was, his brief fight scene and conversation were good, I just would have liked to have seen more of it.

Overall, I liked it, but it's not my favourite piece that you've ever done. Still, it was the season to be jolly, and it had enough elements that I did enjoy it and myself. It makes me a little curious to see how you'd handle a full blown Avengers fan fiction.

[FeatherWriter she/her]

What is this? A request for Avengers fanfic from me? Oh, you mean one of my favorite peices of my writing of all time and the longest fic I've written on my own of which I am still intolerably proud? Ask and ye shall receive. (Can also be found on Archive of Our Own, if that more suits your reading style.) The Fangirl: Weaponized is an Avengers fic that I wrote about a year ago, about novella length (30K words) and I still really love it. It's from a year ago, so it's just Post-Avengers, before the events of Iron Man 3 or Thor: The Dark World. It's Loki-centric (and I do a much better job with his character in this one, I think) but all of the Avengers show up eventualy.

 

I'll use that as a transition, because you commented on the fact that the prompt seemed like it could have been taken in a ridiculous way, but I chose to play it straight. The Fangirl: Weaponized is also a concept that could have easily been a "crackfic" but I chose to play seriously as well. Not that there isn't humor in it, but just that the writing and the situation themselves are not portrayed as the source of humor. I'm not good at writing an overtly humourous story like that. I've never tried actually and my instinct is always to play a concept straight and deal with it realistically. Especially when trying to write Loki, who is already such a persnickety character to write, even for someone like me (who has ample characterization research to draw upon) I tend to go for as serious as possible.

 

You mention that this isn't your favorite piece by me, and I concur, it's not my favorite piece that I've written. In a way, I think that's because I didn't come up with the concept, it was handed to me and I had to try to build ideas where I wouldn't have had them originally. In addition to that, this was a concept that I might have liked to play out in longer form, with fewer jump cuts and more development, but the time limit meant I had to make it shorter. I also think I had maybe unrealistically high expectations for this fic, seeing as it was two of my favorite things mixed together, both of which I had experience writing, I figured I should be able to absolutely blow it out of the water and make something fantastic, when in reality, it simply turned out as good.

 

Starting with Loki was not something I originally intended. When I started writing I opened with Vin and Elend with Jastes at the ball, then went back and added the Loki scene in later. For one, I wanted more of him. He's my favorite character and one of the few that I feel strongest writing, and he tends to steal scenes when he shows up if I let him. The fact that so much of what he does has to stay behind the scenes in order for the reveal to work (that he and Kel are working together the whole time as a trick) means that I had to stay away from him for most of the fic. That little intro scene let us see a good glimpse of him, and also felt like a better opener than just jumping right in.

 

Yeah, Hoid was a tough cookie to pull. I could make the argument that the reason he's being so candid here is because he was really not expecting travelers from another universe to show up and was more interested in getting to the bottom of it all than keeping his secrets. I imagine being caught off guard is not something that happens to him very often, and when it does, that kind of takes priority. I could have had just exposition between the groups, but I liked so many of the things that the Hoid scene could bring: an explanation of universe hopping, the Lightweaving comparison, that I decided to go for it.

 

I really considered writing a scene with Kelsier right after he finds Marsh "dead" (when really he's been Inquisitor-ified) and Thor to try to break up jumping straight to that scene, making similarities about losing a brother and such, coupled with parallels of neither of their brothers actually being dead, but time hit me again. I tried my best to make the jump work, but it is rather sudden. 

 

Anyway, I liked your feedback and you reiterated a lot of the same thoughts I myself was having. If you end up checking out The Fangirl: Weaponized I would love hearing responses on that if you were up to it, but it's rather long and I wouldn't want to trouble you. That's a much better representation of how I write Avengers fic though, and it was an absolute blast to work on.

[Quiver he/him]

I'm not surprised to hear Loki is one of your favourite characters to write. He's incredibly fun and charismatic, and honestly, when I first saw The original Thor, I wanted him to win. I noticed a few links to other stories from your tumblr, including fangirl but I didn't want to read them without your consent. Having said that and looking over it, WOW THAT'S A LONG BEAST. And there was me getting excited at maybe being able to write 10k words eventually.

Needless to say, since it's one of yours, I'll read it at some point during this coming week, but probably only in chapters. I also have to add that I might be a little bit slower than I otherwise would be since I want to try and get into a habit of writing more myself.

(Why yes, I did just hijack your topic to advertise my own. I need to add 'shameless is my middle name' to my signature.)

Saying that, I am really curious how any fiction that promises Earths most dangerous and under-utilised resource being weaponised could be played straight.

Edited January 12, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Take your time! I'm glad you're interested though! I don't usually tend to promote that one around here because it's non-cosmere, but like I said, it's one of my faves. And you might be surprised how seriously I can play an army of fangirls. I will warn you, the fic is pretty self-indulgent, and Loki himself is probably a bit more sympathetic than he is in the movies (though you could argue that Anna is an unreliable narrator. She does that.)

 

I have been reading a bit of your story, but I haven't gotten very far! (Sorry! I'm a bad friend!) I'm going to try to read more soon!

[Quiver he/him]

how seriously I can play an army of fangirls

That sentance seems bizarre. Also, it's pretty much the reason I want to read that fiction now. I'll try and get the first chapter of it read soon, and either edit my thoughts in here or as a new post.

I have been reading a bit of your story, but I haven't gotten very far! (Sorry! I'm a bad friend!) I'm going to try to read more soon!

Yes, my plan to guilt you into doing things is working!

I'd say hijacking a thread for shameless promotion is worse. I'm doing terribly at it anyway; the 'chapters' are all very short, and, well, not very good. As much as I enjoy writing and want to be better at it, I think I might prefer reading a little bit more. At least that way I don't shoot myself in the foot when I pretend to know what I'm talking about.

EDIT: Okay, I'm three chapters into Fangirl. I think I'll read the whole thing before commenting (since it's a completed piece) but there's two things I wanted to ask about it. Firstly, what world is this set in? When I heard the pitch, I assumed it was in-MCU, and Anna mentioned Loki trying to take over her world, which seemed to back that up, except that she mentions Avengers as a movie. Is this a cross-universe fiction, or a case where following New York the Avengers got their own movie deal ('Starring David Hasselhoff as Director Fury!') or is it something else entirely? I have to admit that, right now, the changing between the two took me out of the story a little, so I wanted to hold off reading until I know what I'm getting into (unless that malleability is a plot point, in which case, don't answer the question and I'll figure it out on my own).

The second thing is, is this school she attends based on a real place? Because if so, after I die, I might have to make sure I respawn as a female character next time.

Edited January 13, 2014 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Re: what universe is TF:W in? I'm gonna say... plot point. It will be explained in more detail later. (However, I will mention that Anna thinking that he attacked her world may have been a mistake.) The girls saw our version of the movie, with actors and the whole thing being fictional.

 

The school she attends is not real. Totally fictional. The name, "Culbuter" is the French word for "to tumble" which is a slight nod to tumblr that probably exactly zero people would catch. They'll talk about a courtyard later on though, which I definitely lifted completely from my old high school. I'm trying to find good pictures of it, but I can't. Here's one of the stage at least, so you can picture that when it comes up:

 

 

[Quiver he/him]

The school she attends is not real. Totally fictional. The name, "Culbuter" is the French word for "to tumble" which is a slight nod to tumblr that probably exactly zero people would catch. They'll talk about a courtyard later on though, which I definitely lifted completely from my old high school. I'm trying to find good pictures of it, but I can't. Here's one of the stage at least, so you can picture that when it comes up:

I was afraid such a nerdy fandom school wasn't real. Oh well. There goes my excuse for a transgender afterlife. Great name for the school though.

Anyway, I've finished the first seven chapters; since that's about the halfway point and chapter 8 opens with Stark, I might as well take the opportunity to give my thoughts so far and increase my post count.

As I said, the malleable reality confused me a little. Yumi voices my attitude exactly; Loki is a great character, but he is kind of... evil. I'm not sure if I'd say your playing this concept completely straight, since Xandea and Lynn seem to be skating over the implications that him being real has; then again, Anna is more of a main character, and it's nice to see her rationalisation as to why helping Loki might be a good thing.

As nerd shout outs; Lynn'screading the French copy of TFE, isn't she? And once I accept Xandras perspective as part of the story, I find her funny. I'm surprised to see such (relatively) dirty comedy coming from her, in a good way. It kinda plays into the obsessive fangirl cliche (watch the latest season of Sherlock for what I mean), and it's always kind of fun you see that sort of character.

I also like how you've portrayed Loki so far. I don't know if you heard about the comic con thing with Hiddleston, or if that influenced you in any way, but I think This version of Loki is closer to the movie verse once than your secret Santa fiction was. In that story, Thor felt very Gemsworth, but I couldn't quite picture Hiddleston as Loki. I don't know if you read the comics (I haven't in years) but that elaborate game and the grandiose method of it's execution reminded me more of comic Loki. I find the movie incarnation much more sympathic, and I think that's the one that you've done really well here. Which is a good thing; if it was the more sinister interpretation, this fic could get very uncomfortable. Instead, so far, it's fun, and I'm enjoying it.

Edited January 14, 2014 by Quiver