The Knights Awkward

[Gancho Libre he/him]

George was excited. George liked fire!

Well, not when it burned stick. But when it burned stick abombinations, George liked it!

George ran out the front door.

[+Ed Venture]

“Hello..

anyone there?”

 

You see a little man holding a copy of his homemade Way of Kings book from the Way of Kings climbing in through a open window in the great hall.

 

“Hi everyone, I’m Forelurrk and I’ve been here for a while just watching through this window when I heard a explosion!”

 

He climbed down from the window and looked around.

 

“Oops, did I interrupt something important? ‘Cause I kinda want to be a forumlurker. Is that O.K. with whoever is in charge here?”

 

(btw if anyone has a better name I could use the help with recommendations)

Edited October 24, 2018 by The Forumlurker
Just making it sound better

[Seon Are he/him]

Is it possible for a Seon to join the Knights Awkward? 

[Le Sigh]

On 11/13/2018 at 9:00 PM, Seon Are said:

Is it possible for a Seon to join the Knights Awkward? 

OOC: Perhaps? I'm not really sure that this is still a thing tho. The main antagonist (me) was just defeated, but pretty much the entire place got torched by some random Librarian dudes.

I don't even know why or how the Librarians even exist in this. It was pretty random.

[Snipexe he/him]

Sorry about that, you can uncanonize that

[Silva]

Silva had left. 

But now she'd returned. 

In disguise that is. It wouldn't do to be recognized easily - better to make people's lives complicated.

Nah. she thought. I'm feeling nice today.

So she summoned @Ookla the spearman to see who she really was. No better place or time since these were the headquarters of the Knights Awkward and he was in for an awkward realization.

Because really, wasn't it obvious? she thought, trying futilely to direct that towards him.

[Vargo Seldon he/him]

Quote

I have absolutely no idea what's going on here.  I do finally know who you are though.  Now that I think about it, it should have been obvious.  

 

[Le Sigh]

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OOC: Okay I honestly don't know what's going on now. Wtf is with all these Ookla blokes? Also, thank you Skeptical Ookla, but it's a bit hard to uncanon it. First off, we can't just say it didn't happen - there is clear evidence to the contrary. We would either need to mark these posts as uncanonical or delete them, but it would probably be hard to get everyone to do that. Emphasis on EVERYONE.

 

[Silva]

21 minutes ago, Le Sigh said:

Wtf is with all these Ookla blokes?

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Ookla Season is what's with "all these Ookla blokes" as you so nicely put it. It's a forum holiday and/or tradition. Explanation has been linked. Feel free to join in - it only happens once a year. 

 

[Le Sigh]

5 hours ago, Ookla the [your choice] said:

Ookla Season is what's with "all these Ookla blokes" as you so nicely put it. It's a forum holiday and/or tradition. Explanation has been linked. Feel free to join in - it only happens once a year. 

Oops sorry. I guess i didn't say that very nicely u-u'

sure i guess i'll join in

[+Ed Venture]

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Does anyone know where Mistrunner is??

We kinda need her to verify the new oaths...

 

[Silva]

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Don't know how to say this, but the Knights Awkward were pretty dead till Le Sigh resurrected the thread. I wouldn't depend on Mistrunner being active any time soon.

 

[Mistrunner]

Hey, I'm still here!

...I say after being inactive for several months

Alright, so it's been a while, but I'm back now. What's going on?

[Silva]

No clue since I've long given up on trying to keep track of what's happening.

@The Forumlurker, your wish has been granted. 

[Le Sigh]

On 12/3/2018 at 3:36 PM, Mistrunner said:

Alright, so it's been a while, but I'm back now. What's going on?

@Mistrunner

Basically, the gist is:

After the forum had died, a guy named Le Sigh (me) had appeared. He was a member of the Fanshendi race, a species of beings kept under slavery by the humans. The Fanshendi god, Forium, had sent Le Sigh, champion of the Fanshendi, on a quest to defeat and destroy the Knights Awkward. He had Bonded with a Voidspren, which gave him Surgebinding (Bookbinding?) abilities as well as the usage of an Awkwardblade (so his powers were profane, @Ookla the [your choice], not holy). He walked in and made a huge dramatic speech, which was greeted with a bunch of silence broken by a guy talking about slavery and waffles. This surprised Le Sigh, as he had expected more people. He attempted to interrogate Jeirid. Chaos ensued, including ignorance of being on fire, non-violence god-modding, the tactical usage of sodium bookies and a whole bunch of people not even related to the topic of the Knights Awkward (I think they were Librarians - they called themselves the "Stickquisitors"). In any case, Silva / Ookla the [your choice] turned Le Sigh's Awkwardblade into a stick, which annulled his (Surge/Book)binding abilities. He then weeped as the Stickquisition disappeared into thin air.

Afterwards, we spoke with the "Stickquisition" members and they said it was alright if we just uncanonized all of that stuff. However, getting everyone - emphasis on "everyone" - to edit all their stuff and delete it or mark it as "non-canon" would be pretty difficult.

In other words; the forum went to the pisser.

[Snipexe he/him]

@Ookla

@Ookla the [REDACTED]

@Ookla the Fluffy Boi

@Ookla the [your choice]

@Ookla the Libre

Would you guys be willing to edit your posts on the previous page?

 

[Mistrunner]

I don't think we need to mark anything as anything, really. It's a forum thread, not a Sanderson book, and we don't exactly have much in the way of established canon to begin with. We can just handwave something about alternate universes splitting off and move on.

[Daydam he/him]

(Can't believe this exists... I freaking love this)

Daydam entered the room, reading a book with a young girl in black in the cover. He seemed to barely notice the people in the place until he lowered the book to speak, his voice coming out firm, its low tone giving him an air of self-confidence he certainly didn't feel.

"All the way from the forgotten kingdom of Argentina, I, Daydam, maker of mate and tereré, would be glad to join the Knights Awkward. Wether I'm accepted or not, I swear to live by the ideals of the Rolesmiths.

Books before friends. 17th Shard before the real world. Release dates before birthdays.

I will bind others with fictional narratives."

Edited December 7, 2018 by Daydam

[old man moomba he/him]

Dapper, (Or the being soon known as Dapper) entered the room, with a stack of large tomes in his hands. 

"I come from the arcane farland by those who live there as the westernfront. I am here to swear the oaths. 

Books before friends 

Release dates before birthdays

17th Shard before real life.

I will bind others together with fictional narratives"

[Le Sigh]

Quote

Actually, looking at it now I think I like @Mistrunner's idea better. Splitting the universe in two could offer all sorts of interesting ideas for stuff, especially if we cross streams. We'd probably have to make a separate forum for that, though, otherwise it would get confusing. Maybe "KA: Alpha Universe" and "KA: Beta Universe". I'll try to explain it more in my following post.

Guest Star: Anna, my Alleyverse OC! (She's only staying temporarily, however.)

@Ookla the Benefactor @Daydam @Ookla the Skeptical @Ookla the [REDACTED] @Ookla the [your choice] @The Forumlurker @Ookla @Ookla the Lord of Light @Callsign: Jato @Ookla the Seon Are

Amid all the fire, explosions and other turmoil, a young woman in her early twenties appears with a pop, a whoosh and a thoom. She has long strawberry blonde hair, emerald green eyes and a haunted look to her. She looks around at all the madness that is unfolding before her.

Beside her, a small semi-flat sphere of shifting white and black energies floats up. "Well, this universe has gone to sod, hasn't it?"

The young woman nods slowly. "Indeed it has. I can see the very threads of reality unwinding and loosening."

"Then now is your time to strike," a small voice whispers. Another thing floats up next to her. It appears as a cross between a lint ball and a cotton tuft. "With reality loose, you can use your abilities to recreate it to your own ima-"

"No," the woman says. "My surges are of Transportation but more importantly Progression. I do not create, only restore. And that is what I am going to do."

"But wouldn't changing these events contradict that?" the tuft retorted.

The woman gave the tuft a small smile. "Under usual circumstances, yes. However, I have found a loophole; I can create not one but two universes. One will follow the events as they have been for up to the Stickquisition. But the second universe, that will be restored to correctness. Both ones will be stable, because they will be intertwined, able to shift between one or another. Both are restored, though in different ways."

The ball of white-and-black - a type of spren known as, though not by anyone except for the woman and lint ball, a Timespren - seemed to make a clapping sound, despite its lack of hands. It pulsed in intensity as it spoke. "A wonderful plan, Anna! I will aid you as much as I can - even with the universe unraveling, all three realms of this universe reject our presence, so doing this will be a bit of a struggle."

The red-haired woman, Anna, nodded her head thoughtfully. "That is a good point, Turner. It will be a risk, albeit a risk we must take. Prepare yourself."

"You as well, Anna."

The lint ball said nothing. Rather, it floated back into Anna's pocket, seeming discontent.

Anna spread her arms and inhaled sharply - she didn't require Stormlight anymore, though the breath had just become a bit of an impulse.

There was a terrible roaring and tearing sound, as if the sky was being rent in two, with all the air flowing outward. It lasted for but a second, but blasted everyone's ears and shocked them.

And then it was gone. None of the denizens of the Knights Awkward universes knew it, but there were now two different worlds of the Knights Awkward.

Meanwhile, Anna and her allies had disappeared without a trace. None of them had been noticed by the dwellers of the universes, and would go that way forever.

Alpha Universe (Un-retconned)

The great boom reverberated around the antechamber of the Knights Awkward. With the room already having suffered several attacks, this noise was enough to tumble most of the formerly-decadent structure in one large crash. The door, walls, ceiling, bookshelves, chandeliers - all began to cave in, starting with the fireplace. As the room came crashing down upon the pit in which Le Sigh knelt, mourning the loss of his Voidspren. He looked up to the heavens as they came barreling down towards him.

"How could we have lost?" the Fanshendi warrior asked in a hoarse whisper, choked with tears. "I was the champion of the people... I was important... how could I have lost?

"How?"

However, the warrior would never get the answer to his question, as he would be crushed and buried under so much broken masonry and cobblestone.

The collapse of the room was beginning to reach the other dwellers of the room - Silva, Inklingspren, Furamirionind, Forumlurker, Daydam and Dapper. If they did not move soon, they would soon share the fate of Le Sigh.

Beta Universe (Retconned - possibly some slight railroading involved - if you have a problem with it please contact me)

Just as Silva was about to cast her spell that would turn Le Sigh's Awkwardblade into a stick, there was a great large boom that shook the room, rattled the chandeliers, flickered the flames (and the flamespren playing in the fireplace) and knocked more than a few books off the shelves. This would also cause Silva to stumble, fizzling her spell. Thus, Le Sigh was able to cut right through the book shield of Furamirionind, exposing the Knight Awkward. "I HAVE YOU NOW, HUMAN SCUM!!!" The Fanshendi champion shouted as he began to strike Furamirionind.

However, he was interrupted as two new people entered the room and sweared to their Oaths. They immediately were swathed in Booklight.

Le Sigh screamed. "DAMMIT!!! WHY DOES IT KEEP HAPPENING?! STOP SWEARING OATHS WHEN I AM ABOUT TO KILL PEOPLE!!!!!!"

[Silva]

Alpha Universe (Un-retconned)

Silva teleported away. She was sure the others could also find their own ways out.

Beta Universe (Retconned)

Her spell having failed, Silva decided to try a different method and smiled sweetly at Le Sigh. "Maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't kill people. Ever think of that?"

Edited December 10, 2018 by Silva

[+Ed Venture]

Alpha Universe (Un-retconned)

"Um.... So it does look like it is a bad time so...... I'm just gunna sneak back out this window and forget that you wackos ever existed" Then Forumlurker just creeped away.

Beta Universe (Retconned)

"Seeing as most people make their oaths in the face of certain death," Forumlurker mumbled, "It actually makes sense that there are lots of people...well...you know....foiling your plans for our certain death" Realizing that he had never actually spoken the oaths of the Forumlurkers he quickly shouted out, "Books before friends..  17th Shard before the real world..  Release dates before birthdays!" and, "I will read that which has not been read!"

[Le Sigh]

Alpha Universe (Un-retconned)

Quote

I just couldn't resist. I couldn't.

Beta Universe (Retconned)

Yet another person swore the holy oaths. "No!!! NO!!! I can't... I can't be defeated! Nothing can defeat me! I am the champion of the Fanshendi people! I must restore this world to what it was once more! I have to! I have to kill you all!!!"

However, he was not egotistical to stay here in the midst of his enemies. He quickly disengaged, drawing back to the fireplace. "Unfortunately for all of you," Le Sigh said calmly, "I have figured out a more tactical usage for my third surge."

Drawing in a breath of Booklight, some of the books crumbling to dust around him, he then breathed it back out again. The Booklight lingered and then swept to his side, forming into many different human shapes. Those mist forms quickly turned into people, and not just any people either; all of them were various characters from Brandon Sanderson's novels. The assembled Knights Awkward would see such folk as Vin and Elend, Wax and Wayne, Shallan and Adolin, Kaladin and Lopen... there were about a dozen in total, with a few repeats in the mix. All of them were slightly... off, however. Not exactly like the actual characters themselves. Perhaps it was their stony, indifferent faces as they became manifested; how their features were a teeny bit off, Wayne's nose crooked or Shallan's hair just a shade too dark or light; but mostly because of the strange, dark fire that the Knights could see burning behind their eyes.

The assembled Cosmere characters (for some odd reason there were no characters from Sanderson's books not in the Cosmere Collection) turned to the Fanshendi champion and saluted him. "Hail to Lord Forium!" They shouted at the same time, in the same deep voice.

"That's much better," Le Sigh said, grinning. "Now, go forth, my legion, and destroy the Knights Awkward ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!"

And thus, the strange not-characters began to charge at the assembled Knights with their cold, dispassionate faces.

[Silva]

Beta Universe (Retconned)

A smile crept onto Silva's lips. Le Sigh had forgotten yet again that she had never sworn the oaths. Silva, officially, couldn't be considered one of the Knights Awkward, and was safe from the attack.

[Daydam he/him]

Alpha Universe (Un-retconned)

Before he could finish saying the words, Daydam had to jump back as the room started collapsing around him. Guess this wasn't a good moment to arrive, he thought. He threw himself backwards once again in an exaggerated motion, barely dodging a piece of debris falling from above.

Well, at least we're gonna have fun.

Beta Universe (Retconned)

There was no time to enjoy the newfound power. As light Booklight started streaming from his body, Daydam saw various figures forming inside the room. Was that... Vin? And Kaladin, to her side? Wait. Was that...

Was that Lopen? The Lopen, Daydam's favorite king? But no. Something was wrong in that figure's eyes. Whatever that creature was, it wasn't friendly. A shout confirmed that not two seconds later.

"Now, go forth, my legion, and destroy the Knights Awkward ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

 Well, crazy Herdazian, Daydam thought, getting ready to fight, even though he hadn't been in a fight for years. Let's dance.

Of course, he couldn't dance either. Daydam's clumsiness was remarkable, and, even though he had a lot of practice with a sword, he wasn't good for bare-handed combat. This was surely going to be tough.

 

(Also, which kind of spren would a Rolesmith have?)

Edited December 11, 2018 by Daydam