Lightflame Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) I've been rereading Mistborn: The Final Empire, and I have decided that Survivorism (fine, Church of the Survivor) is essentially the best religion ever. To all those still on the metaphorical fence (or in the case of literal fences, don't get knocked off by those Coinshots!) about the great religion of Survivorism, allow me to give you some reasons why you should convert to this awesome religion. 10. If any noblemen start repeating themselves around you, you can go ahead and stab them in the gut. Killing noblemen is one of Survivorsim's sacred doctrines. 9. Survivorism was the thing that killed Lord Rulerism! Religious oppression, the tool of heroes! 8. Because of its small numbers, Survivorism is all the fun of a cult without the- Who are we kidding? Survivorism is a cult! Join kids, join for some candy! 7. The Survivor will magically appear out of nowhere and grant his true believers the powers of pewter, as well as the ability to be really evil! You just need to get a spiked drink. 6. Survivorism is personally espoused by The Last Emperor. He's a pretty affable guy, so he'll let it slide, but The Ascendant Warrior collects the heads of people who cross The Last Emperor. 5. Survivorism is Scadrial's fasted growing religion! (This is because the other religions have many more followers, so while 1 more follower isn't that much growth to them, 1 more follower is a lot to Survivorism.) Peer Pressure is good! 4. The Lord Mistborn supported Survivorism. Since he was a Mistborn, he could burn Duraluminum and Atium, allowing him to tell you what will happen next in Brandon's books. 3. The Plottwistspren support Survivorism. 2. Ironeyes, Survivorism's death god, is freaking Giga-Marsh. That's right, no pansy Scrofula to get you dead. The Villain of Ages himself will personally escort your soul to the fires of hell. 1. If any noblemen start repeating themselves around you, you can go ahead and stab them in the gut. Killing noblemen is one of Survivorsim's sacred doctrines. Join Survivorism Today! Call within 20 mistminutes, and we'll throw in the Epic God Metal, free of charge*! Offer void in Nebraska, Sel, and the Taimandred faction. Edited October 3, 2012 by Lightflame 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted October 3, 2012 Report Share Posted October 3, 2012 *Observer stabs Lightflame in the gut* 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyman Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 Offer void in Nebraska, Sel, and the Taimandred faction. It's void in Sel because the missionaries have a hard time navigating Shadesmar to get there. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenith Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 It's void in Sel because the missionaries have a hard time navigating Shadesmar to get there. And face it, Hoid owns Nebraska; why else would it have aska at the end, like Alaska? As steward of the Hoid-Cave, I bet that (if I were forced to say), it would be in Nebraska (not that I can *officially* disclose anything). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windrunner Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 As a former resident of Nebraska, I can neither confirm nor deny visiting the Hoidcave. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riddlesinthedark Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 Also, in point of favor for Nebraska, is that the state warps space and time. When driving across the country on I80, no matter how far Google says it is, at least half the trip is always spent in Nebraska. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 Nebraska is also the #1 manufacturer of Storme-Os. Just sayin... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenith Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 Nebraska is also the #1 manufacturer of Storme-Os. Just sayin... The Sttorme-o's factory is there, which I can indeed confirm. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 (edited) 8. Because of its small numbers, Survivorism is all the fun of a cult without the- Who are we kidding? Survivorism is a cult! Join kids, join for some candy! 8a. Our religion is Warning! Kelier is not held responsible for any sickness, human sacrifice, encyclopedia altars, deaths, injuries, property damage, lawsuits, spikes, or suspicious vanishings. Please walk down the long dark hallway labeled "Atar room" if you have any questions or complaints. Amazing! Replying to this comment will be taken as consent to agreeing to all above terms. Edited October 10, 2012 by Observer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenith Posted October 11, 2012 Report Share Posted October 11, 2012 8. Because of its small numbers, Survivorism is all the fun of a cult without the- Who are we kidding? Survivorism is a cult! Join kids, join for some candy! 8a. Our religion is Warning! Kelier is not held responsible for any sickness, human sacrifice, encyclopedia altars, deaths, injuries, property damage, lawsuits, spikes, or suspicious vanishings. Please walk down the long dark hallway labeled "Altar room" if you have any questions or complaints. Amazing! Replying to this comment will be taken as consent to letting Observer do slave work for Zenith. Fix'd. Anyway, encyclopedia altars are so Alcatraz. Want some real fun? Midwest prairie dogs in a beehive. Of glass. It's a doghive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zas678 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Also, in point of favor for Nebraska, is that the state warps space and time. When driving across the country on I80, no matter how far Google says it is, at least half the trip is always spent in Nebraska. What if your ENTIRE TRIP is in Nebraska? Where does the other half the trip go? Oh never mind. Silly me. "At Least". I'm going to bed now.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenith Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 What if your ENTIRE TRIP is in Nebraska? Where does the other half the trip go? Oh never mind. Silly me. "At Least". I'm going to bed now.... Good idea. If the whole trip is spent in Nebraska, half of it is spent going the same direction, on the same road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 Good idea. If the whole trip is spent in Nebraska, half of it is spent going the same direction, on the same road. It sounds like our little Smedry got lost... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenith Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 little Need we acquaint you with the list? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironeyes Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 2. Ironeyes, Survivorism's death god, is freaking Giga-Marsh. That's right, no pansy Scrofula to get you dead. The Villain of Ages himself will personally escort your soul to the fires of hell. Honored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inkthinker Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 I hear the kool-aid is amazing, try some! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Yasha Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 I'd rather be a Pathian... "Praying" just means thinking to yourself for 15 minutes every day. I do that anyway so this is the perfect religion for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windrunner Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 I think Pathian would probably be a good fit for me as well. I'm not big on converting others or parading my beliefs. I think doing good as worship is a wonderful concept, and I agreed with all the principles Wax mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 I'm be a Pathist through and through, but #2 is an amazing reason you must agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyman Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 The trouble with Pathism is, what if your god actually asks you to do something? Thinking to yourself sounds nice until you realize that somebody is really listening! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Yasha Posted October 24, 2012 Report Share Posted October 24, 2012 The trouble with Pathism is, what if your god actually asks you to do something? Thinking to yourself sounds nice until you realize that somebody is really listening! Hamony would never directly ask you to do something, that would break the balance. And that's the whole point of "praying" as a Pathian, for someone to listen and offer guidance. You would normally "pray" on an obstacle in your day, or actively seek guidance in your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted October 31, 2012 Report Share Posted October 31, 2012 Harmony can offer advice, but his old set of beliefs as well as his intent prevent him from taking an active role in things. Marsh is one of the few exceptions to this rule. I doubt a Pathian would ever actually be asked to do something for Harmony, though Kelsier himself is anothe rmatter entirely. We can't clainm to fully understand what's going on with him and what he can do. Harmony won't meddle, but Kelsier isn't above a little mischief. Especially....spike related...mischief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironeyes Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Being who I am, I highly advocate converting to Sliverism. Besides, who doesn't want to worship the most awesome god of death ever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyRioter Posted November 11, 2012 Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 I'd be a Pathian too, no boring laundry list of silly rituals or anything and no huge list of dogma. Plus everyone can do with 15 minutes of quiet time. It's healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Observer Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 mistminutes? Is that how fast Vin kills spies in the mist? In that event I think you need to extent the offer by a few thousand... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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