I bring greetings from the future!

[Lightflame he/him]

I just couldn't stand waiting any longer, so I traveled to the future and bought all the Stormlight Archive books. I read them all in 2 minutes. Stupid time powers.

Anyway, spoilers!

- "The most important words a man can say" does not refer to an actual saying. It is the title of Gavilar's sequel to The Way of Kings. Said sequel was terribly written, and the proofreader (Gaz) gouged one of his eyes out because it was so bad.

- The Shin are actually evil, and they make their people into Truthless based on arbitrary things. Szeth is Truthless because he wrote bad poetry.

- The flute that Hoid gave to Kaladin has a priceless painting inside it. When the flute inevitably breaks, Kaladin will immediately be implicated as the thief of the painting.

- The Harolds (evil versions of the Heralds) become major villains in book six and beyond.

- Shallan killed her father to win a bet.

- When Gavilar said that his brother had to find the words, he meant a brother nobody knows about, not Dalinar.

- Baxis' mistress is that girl Kaladin liked when he was younger. She wants to destroy art because she learned that there was a famous art-maker called, "Kaladun".

- Shallan's family gets rich by finding a way for people to survive highstorms: they invent umbrellas.

- The Truthspren are following Elkohar so that they can steal his wallet.

- Shallan's shardblade comes from her step-mother. The reason said step-mother was famous enough to be known by Jasnah is that the step-mother controls the Truthspren.

- Gaz disappeared because he was taking a really long bathroom break.

- Voidbringers are humans.

- Amaran isn't a Lighteyes. He just has contact lenses.

- Jasnah was Dalinar's wife.

- Shallan learns of Hoidbringers, which are stronger than Voidbringers.

- Cenn will be the Big Bad of the series.

- Kaladin will have to face Kaladdin, Kjasmine, Kjafar, Ksultan, Kabu, Kiago, and many more when he goes to recover Dalinar's stolen fedora from Kagrabah.

- Shallan will get married to Elkohar.

- Renarin is not Dalinar's son or a boy. Renarin is actually Renarina, the crossdressing daughter of Sylphrena and Odium.

- Navani is evil. She was just good at hiding it in her POV segment.

- The bookseller guy that Shallan met is a spy for Tarvarrigan.

- The Nightwatcher is a spren.

- The rock Gavilar gave to to Szeth is a Dawnblade.

- Gemhearts are prototype Shardplates.

- Parshendi don't like when you move their dead because they get a dollar for every dead Parshendi who isn't touched.

- Axies is the most powerful person in the Cosmere.

- Plottwistspren exist, and they will help Dalinar figure out who is secretly evil.

- Hoid is Odium.

- Sadeas wrote the letter. The recipient was Adolin.

- Danlan is a Herald.

- The reason one of Gavilar's Herald statues was gone was because Cultivation stole it to cultivate drugs.

Ask me anything that you want to know about the books that I haven't posted already.

[happyman he/him]

- Parshendi don't like when you move their dead because they get a dollar for every dead Parshendi who isn't touched.

-This turns out part of a Cosmere-wide rivalry between the Shards Hilarity and Glumness to see who will dominate warfare in the Cosmere. Currently Hilarity is worried that the Alethi aren't getting the joke.

[Lightflame he/him]

-This turns out part of a Cosmere-wide rivalry between the Shards Hilarity and Glumness to see who will dominate warfare in the Cosmere. Currently Hilarity is worried that the Alethi aren't getting the joke.

Curses. You traveled farther into the future and bought all the Cosmere books.

Is the rumour that Adonalsium is Ronald McDonald true?

[Observer]

Actually yes.

Bavadin's shard is called Lawyerism, which is why Hoid hates him.

After the painting is taken from Kaladin, Jasnah will turn out to be Baxil's mistress, leading to a two chapter long catfight between her and Shallan, who is secretly Cultivation.

Edited September 11, 2012 by Observer

[Zenith]

This aforementioned catfight also ends by Dalinar stepping between the two in an attempt to get them to stop fighting, but they both soulcast him into oblivion, after which Szeth comes with his dawnblade-rock and bludgeons them both to death, in the hopes that someone can kill him. Kaladin does so, and is blamed for all the deaths.

...Then the series ends.

But, seriously, that was awesome. My favorite part was when Kaladin had to get Dalinar's Fedora back.

[Straff Venture he/him]

Wow, just finished. Can't believe Yalb was Odium.

[PeterAhlstrom he/him]

I know much of the plot of book 2 now, and there's something that's crazier than some of these.

[Observer]

I know much of the plot of book 2 now, and there's something that's crazier than some of these.

Should I be worried about this?

[Straff Venture he/him]

I know much of the plot of book 2 now, and there's something that's crazier than some of these.

This is unsettling

[PeterAhlstrom he/him]

Hahahahahaha.

[Kurkistan he/him]

Hahahahahaha.

Quite unsettling.

Edited September 17, 2012 by Kurkistan

[Observer]

Hahahahahaha.

Who else imagined a deep, hollow laugh echoing through a long hallways when they read that? Brandon and Peter have me officially freaked out now.

[Zenith]

Who else imagined a deep, hollow laugh echoing through a long hallways when they read that? Brandon and Peter have me officially freaked out now.

I'm going to go hide in my closet now, thank you very much.

[Voidus]

Inquisitor spikes can see through your measly closet!

[happyman he/him]

OK, Peter, you've had your fun. And completely ended this thread as well, I might add.

Well, done, sir, well done!

[Observer]

"Axies is the most powerful person in the Cosmere."

A certain confused bathing attendant can attest to this.

[Captain.Kaulu]

Sorry, I don't buy it. Everything else is pretty plausible, but Dalinar having a fedora? No way. He's much more of a fez type.

[Observer]

Sorry, I don't buy it. Everything else is pretty plausible, but Dalinar having a fedora? No way. He's much more of a fez type.

Can you imagine fighting in a fez though? From my brief glimpse into the future, Fedoras are shardblade-repelling.

Edited September 27, 2012 by Observer

[Zenith]

If he has a fez, then by the laws of every universe ever created, he has to have a pet monkey. has to.

[Observer]

Specifically, the Drunk Monkey. Lightsong was right!

[Zenith]

It's immutable. There is no way around owning a monkey (drunk or otherwise) if you have a fez. If you decide to get a fez and are allergic to monkeys/don't want to get one, you blow up.

[Lightflame he/him]

There is now (more) proof that this is right.

Because the priceless painting in the flute is the one from The Emperor's Soul.

[Turos]

1. Gaz disappeared because he was taking a really long bathroom break.

2. Jasnah was Dalinar's wife.

3. Shallan learns of Hoidbringers, which are stronger than Voidbringers.

4. Cenn will be the Big Bad of the series.

1. I was[/i] wondering what happened to him. <---FAIL TROLOLOL

2. 0.0

3. What do they look like?

4. Oh Kaladin, always failing us. Your punishment shall be infinite!

Cenn stopped wheezing. He convulsed once, eyes still open. “He watches!” the boy hissed. “The black piper in the night. He holds us in his palm… playing a tune that no man can hear!”

Sanderson, Brandon (2010-08-31). The Way of Kings (p. 671). Macmillan. Kindle Edition.

So does this mean Hoid is his master?

Edited January 25, 2013 by Turos Stoneward

[PeterAhlstrom he/him]

I know much of the plot of book 2 now, and there's something that's crazier than some of these.

By the way, the thing I was referring to is still in the book.

 

(I was reminded of this due to Tumblr.)

[Cromptj he/him]

Please tell me that this has to do with some kind of financial reward for disturbing or not disturbing Parshendi corpses.