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Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

I never did call the helpline yesterday 

  Hide contents

I was too worried about them calling EMS on me 

 

Well, if they do it's probably for a reason, and will hopefully help you.

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

Well, if they do it's probably for a reason, and will hopefully help you.

It would cause a lot of complications with life in general and be very very awful in the long run 

it's a very risky risk

Posted
Just now, Aeoryi said:

It would cause a lot of complications with life in general and be very very awful in the long run 

it's a very risky risk

also...why would they call ems?

...do you think they'd have a genuine reason to? like that they should?

also im not quite following but i might be?

like i might be reading between the lines correctly, so to speak. If there's anything there, that is.

Posted
26 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

also...why would they call ems?

...do you think they'd have a genuine reason to? like that they should?

also im not quite following but i might be?

like i might be reading between the lines correctly, so to speak. If there's anything there, that is.

they might. Probably not, but I don't really know what the threshold is, if I cross the threshold, of if I'm nowhere near it and I'm just being stupid again

 

Posted
1 hour ago, Usseewa said:

guys how did u know u wanted hrt. like how do u know u actually want it? how u know u won't/arent fine w/out it? 

EDIT: like, is my life really that miserable? I think it was pretty bland before, but in the past few weeks it's gotten better... so what if i don't need HRT? I guess sometimes it feels bad that I feel good. Maybe it feels bad once I'm feeling bad like rn. Basically what I mean is sometimes it feels bad that I feel euphoria, or that I don't feel dysphoria (any more?). Ugh and also sometimes my brain doesn't work and it's hard to deeply think about this.

@Hmmm lies

 

u guys know that good fluttery feeling u get in ur belly or heart of smth smtimes?

@Hmmm lies UwU

Posted
3 hours ago, Usseewa said:

guys how did u know u wanted hrt. like how do u know u actually want it? how u know u won't/arent fine w/out it? 

EDIT: like, is my life really that miserable? I think it was pretty bland before, but in the past few weeks it's gotten better... so what if i don't need HRT? I guess sometimes it feels bad that I feel good. Maybe it feels bad once I'm feeling bad like rn. Basically what I mean is sometimes it feels bad that I feel euphoria, or that I don't feel dysphoria (any more?). Ugh and also sometimes my brain doesn't work and it's hard to deeply think about this.

@Hmmm lies

 

u guys know that good fluttery feeling u get in ur belly or heart of smth smtimes?

Even if you can't live without HRT, or won't be struck with crippling dysphoria without it, I think it's still the right choice if you want it. I get not 'needing' it but so long as you want it I think you deserve to have it.

Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Hmmm lies said:

Even if you can't live without HRT, or won't be struck with crippling dysphoria without it, I think it's still the right choice if you want it. I get not 'needing' it but so long as you want it I think you deserve to have it.

well then i want it

that is very true 

omg tysm idk why but that helped so much i think

i want it

maybe i shouldn't worry about why? or if it's valid to want it? yk?

just the feeling

 

idk maybe that's dumb đŸ€Ș

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
4 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

well then i want it

that is very true 

omg tysm idk why but that helped so much i think

i want it

maybe i shouldn't worry about why? or if it's valid to want it? yk?

just the feeling

 

idk maybe that's dumb đŸ€Ș

It's not dumb, but of course there's nothing wrong about thinking about why you want it. Although if I had to guess, it's because you looked at the list of effects and though "yup those are things I want."

Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

It's not dumb, but of course there's nothing wrong about thinking about why you want it. Although if I had to guess, it's because you looked at the list of effects and though "yup those are things I want."

yes defo

i literally want everything

 

but... I'm right for wanting it? Am i? pls say yes pls say yes. if true.

 

Spoiler

but...will it give me cancer or smth? i dont wanna die before my life has even begun 😭

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but... I'm right for wanting it? Am i? pls say yes pls say yes. if true.

 

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Only you can say for sure, but I'd say yes, considering how much you clearly want me to say yes.

And while there are some health risks, there's nothing major. Breast cancer is a possibility but cis girls are about as likely to have it as people on estrogen, so it's not a significant risk. It's just a side effect of having breasts. And typically you'll have checkups every so often to make sure there aren't any issues.

Posted (edited)
Just now, Hmmm lies said:

Only you can say for sure, but I'd say yes, considering how much you clearly want me to say yes.

And while there are some health risks, there's nothing major. Breast cancer is a possibility but cis girls are about as likely to have it as people on estrogen, so it's not a significant risk. It's just a side effect of having breasts. And typically you'll have checkups every so often to make sure there aren't any issues.

i wanna live...

life can be so wonderful and i want it too

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
Just now, Usseewa said:

i wanna live...

life can be so wonderful and i want it too

Of course. You don't need to worry. There are more significant health risks for getting gender affirming surgery but for hormone therapy it's completely negligible.

Also, if you were to talk to a doctor about HRT, I'm sure they would be able to explain the risks and side effects far better than I'm doing.

Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

Of course. You don't need to worry. There are more significant health risks for getting gender affirming surgery but for hormone therapy it's completely negligible.

Also, if you were to talk to a doctor about HRT, I'm sure they would be able to explain the risks and side effects far better than I'm doing.

ok..

i should do that

talk to a dr

..

me sleepy and sad

 

edit: less sad now phew 

that was just one of those anxiety attack thingies i think

edit 2: or panic attack? idk. it didn't seem quite that severe.. but i never know if it's one or not

Edited by Usseewa
Posted

I haven't done it in a while. After three days it feels very prickly for some reason, and then sometimes it pinches

Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

SO! Life update! I have officially shaving my legs and I love it!

Yay! It's great, isn't it? i'll prob do it again tmrw or smth.

 

 

So guys I had a pretty great day,

Spoiler

And used the women's bathroom

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And talked to some queer people...but they kinda misgendered me probably cuz of my dumb masculine voice, but they corrected themselves and apologized and it was only like twice.

Spoiler

And we hung out and had fun and it was great and wonderful

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and i got so many compliments on clothes and jewelry and nails and stuff omg it was great

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but im afraid of speaking to people i dont know - especially if there's someone in the restroom with me - cuz then i just imagine them cringing and being like 'oMg Ur A dUdE!!' or, like, in general if i pass and then my voice betrays/outs me. idek if i pass lol.

Spoiler

also, do any of y'all accidently misgender urself sometimes? Like sometimes I think of myself he and im like no brain im not a guy

like sometimes i almost type hehimguymanwhatever by accident

 

also is it weird that pronouns feel weird - at least she/her - but i still hope everyone sees me as a woman?

idk

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in other news i might be makin' an appt. for you-know-what soon. idk tho.

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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

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RRRRRRRRRRRR

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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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GGGGGGGGGGGG

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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

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NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

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tehe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

uhyah so that's that

 

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why must there be so many cute girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Aeoryi said:

I haven't done it in a while. After three days it feels very prickly for some reason, and then sometimes it pinches

wdym?

also what direction do u shave? (upward motions or down?)

and do u moisturize/lotion after

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

And used the women's bathroom

wow you're brave 

3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

and i got so many compliments on clothes and jewelry and nails and stuff omg it was great

Nice

4 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

also, do any of y'all accidently misgender urself sometimes? Like sometimes I think of myself he and im like no brain im not a guy

I don't mentally think in third person but being honest I reflexively use they/them for me because I'm a loser who has always done that

4 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

also is it weird that pronouns feel weird - at least she/her - but i still hope everyone sees me as a woman?

idk

I thought it was weird but I've been actively using them online again and I've kinda realized they feel comfortable again (especially given these people think I'm female)

 

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

other news i might be makin' an appt. for you-know-what soon. idk tho.

congratulations 

6 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

wdym?

also what direction do u shave? (upward motions or down?)

and do u moisturize/lotion after

it's like, almost like having a splinter. I shave downwards typically but don't put anything on after, it takes long enough by itself.

Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

wow you're brave

i mean... every time i did it there was no one else and only one or two people saw me lol and they didn't seem to notice

i was also wearing a cute girly outfit ( i hope it was at least)

11 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I don't mentally think in third person but being honest I reflexively use they/them for me because I'm a loser who has always done that

i dont think ur a loser for that

tbh i feel like, irl, the binary pronouns he/him or she/her dont really sound all that well, maybe just cuz i dont feel like i pass. I mean, i use she/they to the ppl i came out to

11 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I thought it was weird but I've been actively using them online again and I've kinda realized they feel comfortable again (especially given these people think I'm female)

ye, it's much easier online. sometimes i wish i had just listened to my desire and used she/her in the past few years when i really wanted to. i always ended up using no pronouns/ they/them. tho ppl ofc used he/him sigh...

11 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

congratulations 

why did i read that in monotone

 

sorry if im ... idk bragging? showing off? wtvr

 

u could make one too, maybe

 

hey, didn't u say u were making progress on that a while back?

11 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

it's like, almost like having a splinter. I shave downwards typically but don't put anything on after, it takes long enough by itself.

oh

i shave upwards but only cuz i read to lol

but apparently downwards is better?

 

i think ur supposed to put stuff on after or it gets itchy or irritated or uncomfortable or something. it only takes a few min...tho legs are big lol

 

 

u know i used to take pride in being tall (or at least tall-ish) for some reason - maybe because i was taught it was cool - but now i hate it. like most women are shorter than me, and by quite  bit sometimes. and when i walk past them, i feel almost disgusting. maybenot that, but i wanna hunch down and, like, lose a foot (of height). Well, idk if that much but u get it. And hunching doesn't even help that much.well, actually it does. i naturally hunch and ive been told its bad for me but like everything else i still do it cuz, well, its not affecting me now! .....

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
3 hours ago, Usseewa said:

Yay! It's great, isn't it? i'll prob do it again tmrw or smth.

 

 

So guys I had a pretty great day,

  Hide contents

And used the women's bathroom

  Hide contents

And talked to some queer people...but they kinda misgendered me probably cuz of my dumb masculine voice, but they corrected themselves and apologized and it was only like twice.

  Hide contents

And we hung out and had fun and it was great and wonderful

  Hide contents

and i got so many compliments on clothes and jewelry and nails and stuff omg it was great

  Hide contents

but im afraid of speaking to people i dont know - especially if there's someone in the restroom with me - cuz then i just imagine them cringing and being like 'oMg Ur A dUdE!!' or, like, in general if i pass and then my voice betrays/outs me. idek if i pass lol.

  Hide contents

also, do any of y'all accidently misgender urself sometimes? Like sometimes I think of myself he and im like no brain im not a guy

like sometimes i almost type hehimguymanwhatever by accident

 

also is it weird that pronouns feel weird - at least she/her - but i still hope everyone sees me as a woman?

idk

  Hide contents

in other news i might be makin' an appt. for you-know-what soon. idk tho.

  Reveal hidden contents

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs

  Reveal hidden contents

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

  Reveal hidden contents

RRRRRRRRRRRR

  Reveal hidden contents

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  Reveal hidden contents

GGGGGGGGGGGG

  Reveal hidden contents

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

  Reveal hidden contents

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

  Reveal hidden contents

tehe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

uhyah so that's that

 

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why must there be so many cute girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wdym?

also what direction do u shave? (upward motions or down?)

and do u moisturize/lotion after

Genuinely so happy for you. It sounds like you're really making progress, and I love to hear it. Don't worry about "bragging" I genuinely love to hear when queer people are doing good.

Bit tired for specific responses, lemme know if you want something later

Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, Hmmm lies said:

Genuinely so happy for you. It sounds like you're really making progress, and I love to hear it. Don't worry about "bragging" I genuinely love to hear when queer people are doing good.

ty, appreciate it

10 hours ago, Hmmm lies said:

Bit tired for specific responses, lemme know if you want something later

Uhh sure i'd like smth, yeah. do i needa give specific stuff?

 

EDIT: oh, how/where did u get ur HRT? (Pls don't tell me if it is something local, I don't wanna know where u live.) Did u, like, go to a planned parenthood?

Edited by Usseewa
Posted
1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

Uhh sure i'd like smth, yeah. do i needa give specific stuff?

It'd help, there's been a lot of discussion and idk what specifically you'd like. Here I'll respond to this tho...

13 hours ago, Usseewa said:

u know i used to take pride in being tall (or at least tall-ish) for some reason - maybe because i was taught it was cool - but now i hate it. like most women are shorter than me, and by quite  bit sometimes. and when i walk past them, i feel almost disgusting. maybenot that, but i wanna hunch down and, like, lose a foot (of height). Well, idk if that much but u get it. And hunching doesn't even help that much.well, actually it does. i naturally hunch and ive been told its bad for me but like everything else i still do it cuz, well, its not affecting me now! .....

Yeah I feel that. I'm pretty short, and still wish I was shorter.

Although I will note, a lot of lesbians really like tall girls. (idk if you were thinking about that but I saw the cute girls comment under all those nested spoiler boxes)

Posted
14 hours ago, Usseewa said:

but im afraid of speaking to people i dont know - especially if there's someone in the restroom with me - cuz then i just imagine them cringing and being like 'oMg Ur A dUdE!!' or, like, in general if i pass and then my voice betrays/outs me. idek if i pass lol.

Like maybe this respond to? basically im worried abt passing, especially since i started using the women's restroom.

like, should i try voice training? i probably should.

 

also see my edit:

9 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

EDIT: oh, how/where did u get ur HRT? (Pls don't tell me if it is something local, I don't wanna know where u live.) Did u, like, go to a planned parenthood?

 

5 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

Although I will note, a lot of lesbians really like tall girls. (idk if you were thinking about that but I saw the cute girls comment under all those nested spoiler boxes)

That's good to know, I suppose. yes, i was thinking both abt passing and ig abt girls liking me.

Posted
8 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

Like maybe this respond to? basically im worried abt passing, especially since i started using the women's restroom.

like, should i try voice training? i probably should.

Voice training is a great idea, but a hard commitment. Despite having been out of the egg for a while, I've genuinely done like no voice training. And I know people who have been out for even longer, and also haven't. I genuinely think it may be one of the hardest parts of transition, because unlike everything else, it's not just one and done or low effort. You can just buy fem clothes, or take HRT, and coming out is hard, but you don't have to keep doing it. But voice training requires constant effort.

Still, I recommend that you don't be like me, and try it. There are plenty of YouTube videos that can help you out.

Anyway, idk about the support level of the environment, but if you look fem enough, you'll usually pass as a girl, no matter how you look.

Although, passing can me two things. Do you want people to realize you're a girl, or not realize you're a trans girl. Because for me, the former is enough, but idk for you.

Anyway, I honestly dealt with this by simply never using bathrooms at school. Even now, I don't really like to.

24 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

EDIT: oh, how/where did u get ur HRT? (Pls don't tell me if it is something local, I don't wanna know where u live.) Did u, like, go to a planned parenthood?

I honestly don't know all of the details, but you should be able to find an "informed consent" clinic, of which I think planned Parenthood is one (I'm not sure, make sure to fact check me). Those will let you get HRT so long as you and your parents sign a form acknowledging that you know all of the potential effects.

Ok I did a bit of looking, and found a map of every single informed consent clinic in the US. It might be a little out of date, but not by too much. You can look at the places near you to see if they still offer it. Also some of them only offer it for adults, so make sure to check that too. https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&ll=42.47025816653199%2C-97.03854516744877&z=4

Posted
2 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

Voice training is a great idea, but a hard commitment. Despite having been out of the egg for a while, I've genuinely done like no voice training. And I know people who have been out for even longer, and also haven't. I genuinely think it may be one of the hardest parts of transition, because unlike everything else, it's not just one and done or low effort. You can just buy fem clothes, or take HRT, and coming out is hard, but you don't have to keep doing it. But voice training requires constant effort.

Still, I recommend that you don't be like me, and try it. There are plenty of YouTube videos that can help you out.

Anyway, idk about the support level of the environment, but if you look fem enough, you'll usually pass as a girl, no matter how you look.

Although, passing can me two things. Do you want people to realize you're a girl, or not realize you're a trans girl. Because for me, the former is enough, but idk for you.

Anyway, I honestly dealt with this by simply never using bathrooms at school. Even now, I don't really like to.

I honestly don't know all of the details, but you should be able to find an "informed consent" clinic, of which I think planned Parenthood is one (I'm not sure, make sure to fact check me). Those will let you get HRT so long as you and your parents sign a form acknowledging that you know all of the potential effects.

Ok I did a bit of looking, and found a map of every single informed consent clinic in the US. It might be a little out of date, but not by too much. You can look at the places near you to see if they still offer it. Also some of them only offer it for adults, so make sure to check that too. https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&ll=42.47025816653199%2C-97.03854516744877&z=4

Ok, I might do voice training.

I think I want ppl to see me as a girl and not a guy, idk.

 

"Anyway, I honestly dealt with this by simply never using bathrooms at school. Even now, I don't really like to."

That's not good. Did they have gender-neutral ones?

4 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

I honestly don't know all of the details

...may I ask why you've said this a few times? Is it just one of those disclaimers that u like to put?

6 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

you should be able to find an "informed consent" clinic, of which I think planned Parenthood is one (I'm not sure, make sure to fact check me). Those will let you get HRT so long as you and your parents sign a form acknowledging that you know all of the potential effects.

Ok I did a bit of looking, and found a map of every single informed consent clinic in the US. It might be a little out of date, but not by too much. You can look at the places near you to see if they still offer it. Also some of them only offer it for adults, so make sure to check that too. https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&ll=42.47025816653199%2C-97.03854516744877&z=4

Ah, thx u

tbh i didnt even know informed consent was a thing until recently; i thought i had to, like, get diagnosed from the DSM-5 or WPATH or whatever and get a letter from a therapist person and stuff before getting hrt. informed consent is great.

 

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