Mental health club!

Mags · June 30, 2025

idk what to do

Spoiler

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

Edited June 30, 2025 by Mag

Kansas Stormcursed · June 30, 2025

15 minutes ago, Mag said:

idk what to do

Hide contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some serious doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. I think it'd kill me. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

First: *HUGS*

Damn that sucks

Ok beflre I get into this I want to add a disclaimer: I am an atheist. I don't have anything against religion or the church, and I would appreciate if other religious people would provide any counters to what I say.

With that said, I'm gonna lead with this: I personally think that if you're having problems or doubts about religion, you should consider those. I know (or at least I think?) there's something in the Bible about going to church every Sunday and all that, but I know a fair few religious people who worship without going to church. Also, idk what denomination you are but there are a lot.

Now, obviously, from what you've said about your parents that may not really be an option, and in that case...I don't really have much to offer, I'm sorry. I at least hope the doctor can prove to your mom that your issues are actual issues.

Blaming things on the Devil is something I hear quite a lot, and to me it just seems like making excuses and sweeping things under the rug rather than dealing with them the right way.

Also: parents are just hard. Especially if they've made you not feel like you can talk to them. *more hugs for that*

Also also: if you're thinking you're queer...we have a thread for that.....or not.

To finish this all off,

*MORE HUGS*

___ · June 30, 2025

1 hour ago, Mag said:

idk what to do

Reveal hidden contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some serious doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. I think it'd kill me. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

I understand.

Parents can be hard, and life can be hard.

We're all here for you.

*ginormous hugs*

Honors Spectral Image · June 30, 2025

2 hours ago, Mag said:

idk what to do

Hide contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some serious doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. I think it'd kill me. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

I’m so sorry dude *huggggggssss*

Through The Living Glass · June 30, 2025

5 hours ago, Mag said:

idk what to do

Reveal hidden contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

*hugs*

I will say

I'm bi

And that's something the church definitely isn't supportive of

However

Imo, I can still be proud of who I am, even if I'm bi. I just don't practice it because that's what I believe in.

Of course it's probably different for you- so I hope you find whatever support/advice you need.

*hugs tightly*

Mags · June 30, 2025

4 hours ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

First: *HUGS*

Damn that sucks

Ok beflre I get into this I want to add a disclaimer: I am an atheist. I don't have anything against religion or the church, and I would appreciate if other religious people would provide any counters to what I say.

With that said, I'm gonna lead with this: I personally think that if you're having problems or doubts about religion, you should consider those. I know (or at least I think?) there's something in the Bible about going to church every Sunday and all that, but I know a fair few religious people who worship without going to church. Also, idk what denomination you are but there are a lot.

Now, obviously, from what you've said about your parents that may not really be an option, and in that case...I don't really have much to offer, I'm sorry. I at least hope the doctor can prove to your mom that your issues are actual issues.

Blaming things on the Devil is something I hear quite a lot, and to me it just seems like making excuses and sweeping things under the rug rather than dealing with them the right way.

Also: parents are just hard. Especially if they've made you not feel like you can talk to them. *more hugs for that*

Also also: if you're thinking you're queer...we have a thread for that.....or not.

To finish this all off,

*MORE HUGS*

3 hours ago, mippo said:

I understand.

Parents can be hard, and life can be hard.

We're all here for you.

*ginormous hugs*

2 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

I’m so sorry dude *huggggggssss*

1 minute ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs*

I will say

I'm bi

And that's something the church definitely isn't supportive of

However

Imo, I can still be proud of who I am, even if I'm bi. I just don't practice it because that's what I believe in.

Of course it's probably different for you- so I hope you find whatever support/advice you need.

*hugs tightly*

Thanks for the hugs and the advice guys. I'm feeling a little less hopeless, and I've trying to do calming things today. I'm hoping that I'll have a clearer head tomorrow, and some sleep will help too.

Through The Living Glass · June 30, 2025

Just now, Mag said:

Thanks for the hugs and the advice guys. I'm feeling a little less hopeless, and I've trying to do calming things today. I'm hoping that I'll have a clearer head tomorrow, and some sleep will help too.

Good!

*squiz*

YES

SLEEP

SLEEP GOOD

SLEEP NEED

*puts to bed*

SLEEP

Spoiler

I think I need sleep.

Mags · June 30, 2025

9 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Good!

*squiz*

YES

SLEEP

SLEEP GOOD

SLEEP NEED

*puts to bed*

SLEEP

Hide contents

I think I need sleep.

NO >:|

I WILL SLEEP WHEN I WANT TO

Through The Living Glass · June 30, 2025

19 minutes ago, Mag said:

NO >:|

I WILL SLEEP WHEN I WANT TO

SLEEP NOW, YOUNG LADY

HMPH

*squiz*

Mags · June 30, 2025

10 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

SLEEP NOW, YOUNG LADY

HMPH

*squiz*

NOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Throw TheLiving Silverware · June 30, 2025

8 hours ago, Mag said:

idk what to do

Hide contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

*all the hugs*

I don't have much to add to what was already said. I hope too that the doctor will be able to sway your parents

btw if you're still awake as I send this

sleep *tucks in bed*

echo74 · June 30, 2025

12 hours ago, Mag said:

idk what to do

Reveal hidden contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

*hughughughughug*

mental illness isn’t from the devil in the same way physical illness isn’t from the devil

like i doubt your parents would look at a cancer ward and be like “oh it’s cuz they’re not praying hard enough”

like that’s just ridiculous

and mental health is just as real and important as physical health

tbh i do also have some doubts about the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints

i love the church, i love going to church, i love being there

but i feel like a lot of people think people in the church are better than other people which isn’t true at all

we’re all sinners lol and i believe that it’s through Jesus Christ that we are made whole

thats what i believe

however its not up to me to decide what you believe

and its certainly not up to your parents

it’s up to you

if any of you guys are familiar with the ruby franke story, her kids were abused and the excuse she used in her journaling is that she “needed to get the devil out of them”

anyways idk if any of this is even remotely helpful im just saying what im thinking

but just know that you are not alone, that people care about you and want you to feel peace, and that you’re not a bad person for saying no

you got this, i believe in you!

can i also pray for you tho?

Hoid Slayer · July 1, 2025

On 6/29/2025 at 8:04 PM, Mag said:

idk what to do

Hide contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

*squeeze*

So

I personally am an atheist

But I still want to give my advice

First: I’m sorry you had to bottle that up for so long. I’m sorry your parents won’t treat your problems seriously, and I’m sorry you’re feeling so much stress about it.

Some of your problems are related to religion, but they are not justified by it. No one’s parents should dismiss their problems like that, and regardless of what you believe, claiming mental health is a choice is simply wrong.

Life is exhausting, and it’s normal for it to seem like you’re slowing down, becoming less efficient. I feel it too. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

The world isn’t ending. Sure, terrible stuff may be happening, but life will go on. Always remember that. Life goes on.

And finally, it’s okay to doubt your faith. It is not a bad thing by any means. And I know this seems counterintuitive to what I said earlier, but I’m sure a lot will change if you stop seeing it as a problem to overcome. Not every question demands an immediate answer.

It’s okay to doubt, and feel tired, and see impending doom around every corner.

It’s NOT okay to dismiss problems with religion, or to have to feel unsafe with your parents.

Honestly, I struggle with advice sometimes. It feels wrong to tell someone they need to be doing something to get out of their situation. But if also feels wrong to just tell a person what their situation is. Yet it seems sometimes just understanding is the best you can do.

Keke · July 1, 2025

On 6/29/2025 at 6:04 PM, Mag said:

idk what to do

Hide contents

recently my parents have been really pushing for me to get my patriarchal blessing, because they think I need it, and I've agreed because I can't say no to them. But that specific thing has been a source of really strong anxiety for me, I worry about what will be in it, how I'll react to it, etc. I know it's meant to be a good thing but it terrifies me irrationally. I haven't really told my parents this because I know how they'll react--My mom will just say that it's the devil making me feel that way and I need to ignore it.

This is really scary to admit but I have been having some doubts about my church lately. I'm trying so, so hard to stick with it and to see the good in it, to do the things you're supposed to do when you feel yourself slipping. I started reading my scriptures again and I pray all the time. I'm trying really hard to accept the church's explanation for the things that bother me and see it in a good light. But it's so, so hard, and some things just seem off to me and I don't know what to do about that. It doesn't help that my parents are a little odd, or maybe more traditional. I love them more then anything, which makes it all the more painful when they are generally the main source of how intensely unwell I feel.

Yesterday I tried to tell my mom about my anxiety because it had been really bad the night before (and I know that if I don't ever tell them, I won't ever get help). She did her usual speech about how it's just the devil, and I need to ignore it. That hurt so bad. It's not like she doesn't care, she genuinely things that this will help me. But every time I tell her about my symptoms of mental illness, she finds some other thing to blame it on. It's my period. It's the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. I need to take more vitamins. This has been going on for years! I know the only way for things to ever change is for me to communicate with them but it feels impossible, and I almost always come away feeling worse and more stuck.

I have an equally hard time talking to my dad, despite how much I love him. I can't really put why into words as well though. I hate to say this so much, and I hope he never knows, but some tiny part of me deep deep is really afraid of him. He has certain extreme opinions that scare me, and the way he argues has solidified the fact that I will never tell him my opinion differs. Last night due to an unrelated event my mom ended up telling me that she has always wondered if he has borderline symptoms of Bipolar which . . . yeah that would explain a good deal.

I was able to convince my mom to set up a doctor's appointment this week, which is good. I'm hoping that maybe the doctor can help show her that I can't just will it away, or that it's not just a lifestyle thing.I don't know what I expect the doctor to do, I just need progress in something . I just need a label for why I'm going crazy so maybe my mom will treat it like an actual problem and not just my 'tender-hearted nature.'

Anyway, today I was super tired at church from not sleeping at night, and at the start of the second hour my mom told me that she was hoping I could ask the bishop about starting the process for my patriarchal blessing. It caught me super off guard, and I was already not feeling well so I had an anxiety attack. Luckily my mom understood I couldn't talk to him today, and she was super sympathetic. But now that means she's going to ask me to talk to him next week and it's scaring me so bad.

I've been anxious about this for well over a year, and I've mean telling my parents that I just didn't feel ready for it, which is why I was delaying. This is of course true. I don't feel ready, if I'm going to get it then I should be ready to hear what the Lord has to say, and ready to accept his plan for me. I shouldn't be feeling more then anything like I just want it over with. And yet, that's all I can think right now. That is to say--It's really hard for me to tell my parents that I can't do my patriarchal blessing right now because I'm too anxious because I've already been putting it off, and I know my mom at least will just chalk it up to the devil trying to stop me.

I wouldn't actually mind the concept of the devil being behind bad things like this, as he is kind of abstract in the way we interpret his influence. But it feels very unfair that my mental illness symptoms ('from the devil) just need to be willed past and ignored, but whenever a family member of mine has a major health issue ('from the devil') they should seek medical help like normal.

Anyway, I just feel super overwhelmed. All of the different conflicts in my heart are sort of coming to a head with this, and I don't know what to do. I've felt like I'm being torn apart when it comes to how I see the world and how I feel about certain things, but now I'm having to genuinely face that and it's so painful. I love my parents and I know half the battle is getting the courage to tell them about what's happening but that's so hard. It feels like all the small things they've said and forgotten about over the years that were more or less traumatic for me come to tell my way it's not 'safe' for me to tell about how I feel.

This is just scratching the surface. I haven't confronted the suspected autism in awhile, nor have I told my parents about it. It hasn't been the worst issue going on so it's been shoved to the back burner, but I still feel the effects and symptoms every day. I'm also desperately trying not to think about the fact that the past few months I've started to realize I might be queer. That's something I could never talk to my parents about, and I might be content to ignore it if it didn't directly effect how I see my religion. I have been having minor suicidal thoughts over all of this (non-genuine ones, certainly) and I know that's an issue too. Life is so exhausting, the world is ending, and apparently it only gets worse. I just desperately wish I could get a hug from someone without worrying about how they'd negatively react to my deep held fears and secrets. Why does everything have to be so unclear and scary? It amazes me how easy things used to be--I'd take the anxiety I had freshmen year over anything I'm going through right now.

Anyway that's my confession. I've been bottling this up for months because I have no one to talk to about it, and I apologize for dumping it all on you, especially after disappearing. I just have nowhere else to talk where I've felt safe to be candid about this stuff. I did text one of my friends about it earlier today, though I only had the courage for a much simpler version. She said she was happy to talk about anything and that I could come over if I needed, which is so kind, and I'm going to try and take her up on it if I need it.

Sorry I haven't been around here much, it's been hard to feel like typing when it seems like doom is impending. Most of my time has been spent doing things to cope with how awful I feel, and it's grown less effective over time which is frustrating.

I really love you guys and I appreciate your support. Just knowing there's a community here where I can be open and honest about what I'm going through has meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have anywhere to talk about this. Probably something unwise.

Thanks for reading, typing it all out has made me feel a bit better. I'm going to try and stop crying now because my head really hurts lol

Omhh!!!

*hugs galore*

Ok so they should not be forcing you to ger your patriarchal blessing. That is literally againsr the rules. You are supposed to get it when you feel ready. Tell that to your bishop when you talk to him. It might also be worth brining up thr mental health issues to.

Mag plssss message me if you need anything. Preferably through discord since my wifi is gonna be crappy. Please dont feel alone. Your awesome and we will listen to anything you say.

On 6/29/2025 at 6:29 PM, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

First: *HUGS*

Damn that sucks

Ok beflre I get into this I want to add a disclaimer: I am an atheist. I don't have anything against religion or the church, and I would appreciate if other religious people would provide any counters to what I say.

With that said, I'm gonna lead with this: I personally think that if you're having problems or doubts about religion, you should consider those. I know (or at least I think?) there's something in the Bible about going to church every Sunday and all that, but I know a fair few religious people who worship without going to church. Also, idk what denomination you are but there are a lot.

Now, obviously, from what you've said about your parents that may not really be an option, and in that case...I don't really have much to offer, I'm sorry. I at least hope the doctor can prove to your mom that your issues are actual issues.

Blaming things on the Devil is something I hear quite a lot, and to me it just seems like making excuses and sweeping things under the rug rather than dealing with them the right way.

Also: parents are just hard. Especially if they've made you not feel like you can talk to them. *more hugs for that*

Also also: if you're thinking you're queer...we have a thread for that.....or not.

To finish this all off,

*MORE HUGS*

Where did she say that? Well if you are queer mag then WELCOME and yes I mostly agree with what you said so

On 6/29/2025 at 11:20 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs*

I will say

I'm bi

And that's something the church definitely isn't supportive of

However

Imo, I can still be proud of who I am, even if I'm bi. I just don't practice it because that's what I believe in.

Of course it's probably different for you- so I hope you find whatever support/advice you need.

*hugs tightly*

Though you can find people occasionally who are queer to and then you have to be friends. Its the law.

Through the Living Questio · July 1, 2025

,_,

Summer sucks so much

Spoiler

my relationship is on the verge of ending because I’m an idiot and can’t figure out how to fix my problems (of which there are a multitude.)

I make empty apologies and can’t keep promises. I try to fix that and I try to keep my promises but it’s just… not working. I’m so forgetful that I don’t even remember the promises I’ve made to myself. Summer is supposed to be fun but in recent years it’s just started to suck.

On a more happy note, I discovered a new music group (The Vanished People!) and their songs actually really help. I’ve never really experienced this before, but one of their songs kinda matches what I’m going through right now and it’s… relieving?? (It’s called Castaway, it’s their No. 1 on Spotify and in their School Trip album. It has the f-word twice but nothing else)

I haven’t seriously considered doing anything irreparable, don’t worry. But for some reason my mind has been jumping to scenarios where I’m… y’know.

(TW: Death) v

Spoiler

I’ll be walking down the stairs and my brain airdrops me an image of me on the floor, skull cracked. I’ll be walking down the sidewalk and it goes: “CAR! SQUISH!!” and i see my corpse and it just sucks.

TW OVER

Another thing is that I always apologize for venting because I always feel that my mental problems are less than others. And I know that this is specifically for that, and that y’all always say that it’s alright and that i’m important too, but that’s not going to change anytime soon, so…

I’m sorry for venting.

Spoiler

I don’t think it’s from any kind of trauma, so y’all don’t have to worry about that.

And Mag, I hope everything gets better. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hope your parents can eventually accept that mental health doesn’t ‘come from the devil’.

Edited July 1, 2025 by WhyEverNot_8

Kansas Stormcursed · July 1, 2025

28 minutes ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

,_,

Summer sucks so much

Hide contents

my relationship is on the verge of ending because I’m an idiot and can’t figure out how to fix my problems (of which there are a multitude.)

I make empty apologies and can’t keep promises. I try to fix that and I try to keep my promises but it’s just… not working. I’m so forgetful that I don’t even remember the promises I’ve made to myself. Summer is supposed to be fun but in recent years it’s just started to suck.

On a more happy note, I discovered a new music group (The Vanished People!) and their songs actually really help. I’ve never really experienced this before, but one of their songs kinda matches what I’m going through right now and it’s… relieving?? (It’s called Castaway, it’s their No. 1 on Spotify and in their School Trip album. It has the f-word twice but nothing else)

I haven’t seriously considered doing anything irreparable, don’t worry. But for some reason my mind has been jumping to scenarios where I’m… y’know.

(TW: Death) v

Reveal hidden contents

I’ll be walking down the stairs and my brain airdrops me an image of me on the floor, skull cracked. I’ll be walking down the sidewalk and it goes: “CAR! SQUISH!!” and i see my corpse and it just sucks.

TW OVER

Another thing is that I always apologize for venting because I always feel that my mental problems are less than others. And I know that this is specifically for that, and that y’all always say that it’s alright and that i’m important too, but that’s not going to change anytime soon, so…

I’m sorry for venting.

Reveal hidden contents

I don’t think it’s from any kind of trauma, so y’all don’t have to worry about that.

And Mag, I hope everything gets better. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hope your parents can eventually accept that mental health doesn’t ‘come from the devil’.

*hugs*

That's rough, I'm sorry

Through the Living Questio · July 1, 2025

1 hour ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

That's rough, I'm sorry

*hug*

thanks

and honestly I’m starting to get used to it, so…

*shrug*

Honors Spectral Image · July 1, 2025

2 hours ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

,_,

Summer sucks so much

Hide contents

my relationship is on the verge of ending because I’m an idiot and can’t figure out how to fix my problems (of which there are a multitude.)

I make empty apologies and can’t keep promises. I try to fix that and I try to keep my promises but it’s just… not working. I’m so forgetful that I don’t even remember the promises I’ve made to myself. Summer is supposed to be fun but in recent years it’s just started to suck.

On a more happy note, I discovered a new music group (The Vanished People!) and their songs actually really help. I’ve never really experienced this before, but one of their songs kinda matches what I’m going through right now and it’s… relieving?? (It’s called Castaway, it’s their No. 1 on Spotify and in their School Trip album. It has the f-word twice but nothing else)

I haven’t seriously considered doing anything irreparable, don’t worry. But for some reason my mind has been jumping to scenarios where I’m… y’know.

(TW: Death) v

Hide contents

I’ll be walking down the stairs and my brain airdrops me an image of me on the floor, skull cracked. I’ll be walking down the sidewalk and it goes: “CAR! SQUISH!!” and i see my corpse and it just sucks.

TW OVER

Another thing is that I always apologize for venting because I always feel that my mental problems are less than others. And I know that this is specifically for that, and that y’all always say that it’s alright and that i’m important too, but that’s not going to change anytime soon, so…

I’m sorry for venting.

Hide contents

I don’t think it’s from any kind of trauma, so y’all don’t have to worry about that.

And Mag, I hope everything gets better. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hope your parents can eventually accept that mental health doesn’t ‘come from the devil’.

Don’t be sorry for venting all mental health issues are important no matter what and we are all always here for you

Through the Living Questio · July 1, 2025

1 hour ago, Honors ghost said:

Don’t be sorry for venting all mental health issues are important no matter what and we are all always here for you

Thank you

you guys are awesome

CoderDrag0n8 · July 1, 2025

20 minutes ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

Thank you

you guys are awesome

Thats a cool PFP

whats it from?

Keke · July 1, 2025

4 hours ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

,_,

Summer sucks so much

Hide contents

my relationship is on the verge of ending because I’m an idiot and can’t figure out how to fix my problems (of which there are a multitude.)

I make empty apologies and can’t keep promises. I try to fix that and I try to keep my promises but it’s just… not working. I’m so forgetful that I don’t even remember the promises I’ve made to myself. Summer is supposed to be fun but in recent years it’s just started to suck.

On a more happy note, I discovered a new music group (The Vanished People!) and their songs actually really help. I’ve never really experienced this before, but one of their songs kinda matches what I’m going through right now and it’s… relieving?? (It’s called Castaway, it’s their No. 1 on Spotify and in their School Trip album. It has the f-word twice but nothing else)

I haven’t seriously considered doing anything irreparable, don’t worry. But for some reason my mind has been jumping to scenarios where I’m… y’know.

(TW: Death) v

Reveal hidden contents

I’ll be walking down the stairs and my brain airdrops me an image of me on the floor, skull cracked. I’ll be walking down the sidewalk and it goes: “CAR! SQUISH!!” and i see my corpse and it just sucks.

TW OVER

Another thing is that I always apologize for venting because I always feel that my mental problems are less than others. And I know that this is specifically for that, and that y’all always say that it’s alright and that i’m important too, but that’s not going to change anytime soon, so…

I’m sorry for venting.

Reveal hidden contents

I don’t think it’s from any kind of trauma, so y’all don’t have to worry about that.

And Mag, I hope everything gets better. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hope your parents can eventually accept that mental health doesn’t ‘come from the devil’.

*hugssss*

Huhhuy *hugsss*

Through the Living Questio · July 2, 2025

5 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Thats a cool PFP

whats it from?

Destiny 2

idk if it’s a fan-made one or an official one tho

CoderDrag0n8 · July 2, 2025

1 hour ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

Destiny 2

idk if it’s a fan-made one or an official one tho

That's cool

Through the Living Questio · July 2, 2025

1 hour ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

That's cool

mhm!

I find it nice to look at

Edited July 2, 2025 by WhyEverNot_8

CoderDrag0n8 · July 2, 2025

1 hour ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

mhm!

I find it nice to look at

it so pretty

it has such a good combo of colors

my fav color is purple, so that enhances it for me even more.

Mental health club!

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