Mental health club!

[Born of Mist He/Him]

I uhh don't really know how to go about "joining" this thread, but I have really, really been struggling lately and need some help

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

2 hours ago, Denissimo said:

Firstly, thanks for sharing. 
Second, I guess I can relate. Similar issues have appeared from, shall we say, a friend. An overly-harsh tutor was a major contributor. He never told anyone. Well, he tried a couple times, but he was a sort of guy who found it difficult to ask for help. So he ended up stammering in front of his parents a couple times, before running back into his room. He eventually went into a full panic attack. Broke down twitching and crying in a classroom in front of a bunch of failed papers. He behaved similar to your self-description before the breaking point. In fact, "I'm tired" was a common quote.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is...
um.
Perhaps going to other people is difficult. I would still advise you to do so. But nonetheless, anxiety and problems unaddressed simply coagulate. Doesn't have to be reaching out, though preferably it would be so. Simple introspection can do some true wonders. It seems you have been doing some searching already, but actively look for a solution as well.

Yeah, I have been trying to reach out to or at least tell people somethings wrong. It's just one of the many things I struggle with when it comes to my mental health. 

I've started therapy recently, which I think will help. My schedules been hectic though, so I haven't been able to see my therapist beyond our first session. I started therapy because my mental state was basically the lowest it has ever been, and now I haven't been able to go back when I'm still in that pit and it feels like I'm just falling deeper and deeper.

Idk, I can kinda feel a breakdown coming. I just don't know what to do about it. Last night I laid on my floor for like a half hour just dissociating cause I'm exhausted and I don't want to be in my brain anymore

[Denissimo He/him]

49 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Yeah, I have been trying to reach out to or at least tell people somethings wrong. It's just one of the many things I struggle with when it comes to my mental health. 

I've started therapy recently, which I think will help. My schedules been hectic though, so I haven't been able to see my therapist beyond our first session. I started therapy because my mental state was basically the lowest it has ever been, and now I haven't been able to go back when I'm still in that pit and it feels like I'm just falling deeper and deeper.

Idk, I can kinda feel a breakdown coming. I just don't know what to do about it. Last night I laid on my floor for like a half hour just dissociating cause I'm exhausted and I don't want to be in my brain anymore

Perhaps identify where your anxiety is coming from. You mentioned a hectic schedule. Is it overwork?
For my friend, that's what it was. 
 

 

2 hours ago, Born of Mist said:

I uhh don't really know how to go about "joining" this thread, but I have really, really been struggling lately and need some help

Well, you've just done it.
Good job.

In what manner?

[Born of Mist He/Him]

4 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

Perhaps identify where your anxiety is coming from. You mentioned a hectic schedule. Is it overwork?
For my friend, that's what it was. 
 

 

Well, you've just done it.
Good job.

In what manner?

Depression, feeling inadequate in all things, umm idk that's all I can think is if rn

[Denissimo He/him]

1 minute ago, Born of Mist said:

Depression, feeling inadequate in all things, umm idk that's all I can think is if rn

Welcome to the club. We have T-shirts.


I jest. Mostly.

Why are such feelings arising? Of course, humanity rarely is adequate in anything, but the same is true for every member of the species. You aren't below anybody.
That was another jest. Mostly.

In all seriousness, why are you feeling this way? Can you identify somewhat? If not, thats alright.
 

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

18 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

Perhaps identify where your anxiety is coming from. You mentioned a hectic schedule. Is it overwork?
For my friend, that's what it was. 

Maybe. I haven't really had any breathing room recently.

My anxiety is like borderline chronic, though. Literally every commitment or task I have causes worry. Even things I have no control over, like needing other people to email me back or something puts me in fight-or-flight.

Depressions also popped up recently, and I think that's causing it somewhat 'cause, however stupid this sounds, I've been under the impression that I'm not supposed to have depression. My life is fine, not overly exciting, but fine

13 minutes ago, Born of Mist said:

Depression, feeling inadequate in all things, umm idk that's all I can think is if rn

I get that. That's kinda where my recent depressions was caused from

Edited April 23 by Rynturning_Light

[Denissimo He/him]

6 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Maybe. I haven't really had any breathing room recently.

My anxiety is like borderline chronic, though. Literally every commitment or task I have causes worry. Even things I have no control over, like needing other people to email me back or something puts me in fight-or-flight.

Depressions also popped up recently, and I think that's causing it somewhat 'cause, however stupid this sounds, I've been under the impression that I'm not supposed to have depression. My lives fine, not overly exciting, but fine

I get that. That's kinda where my recent depressions was caused from

Well, genetic factors also come into play. I can't help with that, but I'd advise you get a doctors diagnosis to check if it is something physical that contributes. If it is that severe.

Also, low self-esteem and feeling of inadequate-ness (not a word, but I'll write it) are massive contributors to anxiety.

It doesn't really matter the background. Depression isn't picky. Don't feel that, just because you live comfortably, you shouldn't have depression. Best address and be rid of that illusion now. It can hinder any further introspection if your mind is in a "Well, this shouldn't be happening" state.}

The best thing I can give you right now, in regards to feelings of inadequat-ness and low self esteem, is to first direct you to a section of one of my previous posts:

"I direct you to a quote by Richard Feynman. 
"What do YOU care what other people think?" 
For those too preoccupied with the opinions of others. Now, I must be clear: I am not saying "Do not care about what other people think." The quote was very intentionally framed as a question.
Consider, for a moment. Perhaps some (albiet if there are any, they would be few) will be annoyed. Some will think you attention-seeking, or paranoid. Well, firstly those are inevtiably human qualities we all possess somewhat. Second, so what? You weren't rude or anything. You aren't in the wrong. As such, their opinions are their problems. Not yours.

This is known as seperation of tasks in adlerian psychology, and is aptly summarised in this heuristic by some guy named Ian Goldberg:
"Not my fault?
Not my responsibility?
Not my problem."

Separation of tasks is about recognizing that each person is responsible for their own life outcomes. Your task is how you act and what you choose, while others’ reactions, feelings, or judgments are their tasks. Building on Alfred Adler’s ideas, it’s often misunderstood as emotional distance or indifference, but it actually allows for genuine care without control. For example, you can support someone, but you don’t take ownership of whether they accept your help or change. The key point is not withdrawal, but clear boundaries that reduce unnecessary stress and resentment.

Or, as also summarised in a heuristic by popular animator and youtuber Jaiden Animations (Jaiden Ditfach),
"You are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness!""
And furthermore. Feeling you are inadequate, or not good enough is a very human feeling. It can lead to chronic self criticsm, which might be a root or your anxiety. Who knows.

I will try not to repeat stuff you probably already know ("No one is good enough", "You shouldn't compare yourself to others", yadayadayada) and get to a point I find helps me.

It doesn't matter if you are good enough or not. Being "good enough" is a very social construct. The universe doesn't care if you can do mutliplication faster or slower than x amount of people.

Catering to being "good enough" is the act of attempting to better yourself because of an illusion. The illusion of heirarchy, the illusion of society.

For me, a free-er living comes from accepting that nothing matters, hell, even reveling in that knowledge, that nothing matters: remembering it daily, basking in your insiginfigance and laughing at the insurmountable cosmos.
And after that, still striving to improve yourself in spite of it. Not doing so because of others. Not doing so for competition. Not doing so because its the "right" thing to do (Morality and Ethics are shaky, ephemeral, and as illusory as society). Doing so simply to fill the time.
You are human. It will make you feel good to better yourself. Thats the only reason you should really have. 
 
Anxiety is a consistent cognitive worry. But it also manifest as, not just a nagging feeling in your head, but a feeling (in my experience) in your gut. I doubt you'll be able to get rid of this entirely. But, maybe understanding that there legitimately is very little to be worried about (by briefly becoming a nihilistic existentialist before switching to absurdism) might help a tad bit.

I honestly lost my train of thought here, multiple times. Sorry if I rambled.

I love existentialism. Yet I hate it ttoo.
Jux ta pooosition
 

[Keke They/he]

On 4/21/2026 at 9:16 PM, CoderDrag0n8 said:

I have long been intimidated by this thread, as I am pretty sure many of the people here hate me, and felt out of place within all of the chaos going on here

But I really, truly, am not okay.

*hugs*

i can assure you we dont hate you. At least not most of us! 

16 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Thanks!

uhhhh

kinda the people

who i kinda thought hated me from other places

but now i realize don't really?

also i am very socially nervous so that too

Thanks

That makes a lot of sense, thanks

Well I guess sometimes I'll interact with people and think they might hate me but i guess I was reading a bit too much into that.

Thanks guys *hugs*

Well basically I haven't been doing so good

I have a phone addiction and I think its been getting a lot worse

Im pretty sure I was depressed and almost certain i hate/hated myself

because I wasn't doing my schoolwork sometimes

And it doesn't help that I am taking 2 AP classes with AP Test season coming up soon

And so I would get overwhelmed with how much stuff I had to do

And I would end up reading webtoons on my phone from getting home from school to dinner

And whenever I spent time on my phone instead of doing schoolwork, i would beat myself up about it, but that still wouldn't be enough to get me to do my schoolwork.

And my friends aren't that great with emotions or communication, but I would have fun playing minecraft with them

But I couldn't even do that because I was feeling to guilty about my school work

And I only really recently recognized this

And I didn't really have anyone to turn to

And I don't know how to study

And I also can't delete webtoon because there are a bunch of webtoons I am genuinely dedicated to seeing how they end and I wouldn't want to permanently cut myself off from the books

But how do I know if that's just the addiction speaking and it also seems super logical and I don't really know anymore

*hugs again* i see, social anxiety is a slontze so dw. 

as for the addiction i get that. *hugs* i dont have much to say but please just know you can talk to me whenever!

13 hours ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Something that's been on my mind recently

Spoiler for length (kinda)

  Reveal hidden contents

I find it concerning how easily I lie about my wellbeing. I say I’m okay and people believe it when I know that I’m as far from okay as I could be. I guess that’s what comes from masking anxiety for years and, more recently, depression. But I’m really good at those lies. For basically my entire conscious life I’ve been masking my anxiety. It was only until recently when the mental dam broke and things started slipping that my parents told me “we think your anxiety is a lot worse than we previously thought.” Anxiety runs in my family. It’s run from my mother to my brother and now I’m the next unstable rung on the ladder.

Ironically, it's hit me the hardest when it was previously assumed I was one of the "put together" members of the family

Anyway, it’s not like I try to lie. It’s just natural. I handle things on my own, it’s how I’ve always done things. So, people ask and immediately it’s “I’m okay,” followed by a string of relevant excuses to explain away my depressed state or self-sabotaging behaviors.

One of my more common excuses was simply “I’m tired.” My parents have realized that most of the time that’s not true, and when they challenged me on it I found new excuses for it. Excuses that sound like they could be the core issue, or could be what’s really bothering me. Most of the time they’re things with easy fixes. I think I do that to give all of us hope that I’m actually okay.

Sometimes I don’t even realize I did it. I think I’m being honest and then a little later I realize what I had told people was a complete and utter lie. I’ve done this more times than I’d like to admit. Most of the people close to me think I’m okay. The ones who are clued in somewhat think it’s only my anxiety and general worry.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m gonna stop. At least, not soon. It would take too much effort, and my mental health and healing is already shaky at best. I just, I don’t know, want people to know? I’m not okay, I haven’t been for a while. All the explanations I come up with don’t fix that, nor do the promises that I’m trying, ‘cause a lot of the time, I’m not.

 

*hugs* 

i feel like im fine or im just tired are the base human response for most people. its kinda fascinating why and how but thats a bunch of psychology and theories so i will spare you the explanation. but *hugs* i think its good to have people who know to ask a bit farther then that. i used to say that all the time and my friends learned that if they know know something’s wrong the more they ask the more likely i am to open up. so i think its good people can see past that, it’ll take a bit of time to actually get used to it biut *hugs*

3 hours ago, Born of Mist said:

I uhh don't really know how to go about "joining" this thread, but I have really, really been struggling lately and need some help

*hugs* whats up? 

[Denissimo He/him]

4 minutes ago, Keke said:

*hugs*

i can assure you we dont hate you. At least not most of us! 

*hugs again* i see, social anxiety is a slontze so dw. 

as for the addiction i get that. *hugs* i dont have much to say but please just know you can talk to me whenever!

*hugs* 

i feel like im fine or im just tired are the base human response for most people. its kinda fascinating why and how but thats a bunch of psychology and theories so i will spare you the explanation. but *hugs* i think its good to have people who know to ask a bit farther then that. i used to say that all the time and my friends learned that if they know know something’s wrong the more they ask the more likely i am to open up. so i think its good people can see past that, it’ll take a bit of time to actually get used to it biut *hugs*

*hugs* whats up? 

Ah. Hail to the almighty creator.

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

19 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

Well, genetic factors also come into play. I can't help with that, but I'd advise you get a doctors diagnosis to check if it is something physical that contributes. If it is that severe.

Also, low self-esteem and feeling of inadequate-ness (not a word, but I'll write it) are massive contributors to anxiety.

It doesn't really matter the background. Depression isn't picky. Don't feel that, just because you live comfortably, you shouldn't have depression. Best address and be rid of that illusion now. It can hinder any further introspection if your mind is in a "Well, this shouldn't be happening" state.}

The best thing I can give you right now, in regards to feelings of inadequat-ness and low self esteem, is to first direct you to a section of one of my previous posts:

"I direct you to a quote by Richard Feynman. 
"What do YOU care what other people think?" 
For those too preoccupied with the opinions of others. Now, I must be clear: I am not saying "Do not care about what other people think." The quote was very intentionally framed as a question.
Consider, for a moment. Perhaps some (albiet if there are any, they would be few) will be annoyed. Some will think you attention-seeking, or paranoid. Well, firstly those are inevtiably human qualities we all possess somewhat. Second, so what? You weren't rude or anything. You aren't in the wrong. As such, their opinions are their problems. Not yours.

This is known as seperation of tasks in adlerian psychology, and is aptly summarised in this heuristic by some guy named Ian Goldberg:
"Not my fault?
Not my responsibility?
Not my problem."

Separation of tasks is about recognizing that each person is responsible for their own life outcomes. Your task is how you act and what you choose, while others’ reactions, feelings, or judgments are their tasks. Building on Alfred Adler’s ideas, it’s often misunderstood as emotional distance or indifference, but it actually allows for genuine care without control. For example, you can support someone, but you don’t take ownership of whether they accept your help or change. The key point is not withdrawal, but clear boundaries that reduce unnecessary stress and resentment.

Or, as also summarised in a heuristic by popular animator and youtuber Jaiden Animations (Jaiden Ditfach),
"You are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness!""
And furthermore. Feeling you are inadequate, or not good enough is a very human feeling. It can lead to chronic self criticsm, which might be a root or your anxiety. Who knows.

I will try not to repeat stuff you probably already know ("No one is good enough", "You shouldn't compare yourself to others", yadayadayada) and get to a point I find helps me.

It doesn't matter if you are good enough or not. Being "good enough" is a very social construct. The universe doesn't care if you can do mutliplication faster or slower than x amount of people.

Catering to being "good enough" is the act of attempting to better yourself because of an illusion. The illusion of heirarchy, the illusion of society.

For me, a free-er living comes from accepting that nothing matters, hell, even reveling in that knowledge, that nothing matters: remembering it daily, basking in your insiginfigance and laughing at the insurmountable cosmos.
And after that, still striving to improve yourself in spite of it. Not doing so because of others. Not doing so for competition. Not doing so because its the "right" thing to do (Morality and Ethics are shaky, ephemeral, and as illusory as society). Doing so simply to fill the time.
You are human. It will make you feel good to better yourself. Thats the only reason you should really have. 
 
Anxiety is a consistent cognitive worry. But it also manifest as, not just a nagging feeling in your head, but a feeling (in my experience) in your gut. I doubt you'll be able to get rid of this entirely. But, maybe understanding that there legitimately is very little to be worried about (by briefly becoming a nihilistic existentialist before switching to absurdism) might help a tad bit.

I honestly lost my train of thought here, multiple times. Sorry if I rambled.

I love existentialism. Yet I hate it ttoo.
Jux ta pooosition
 

All good with the rambling.

I know logically that I should be doing those things, but every time I try to brush things off or not compare myself I fail spectacularly and send myself spiraling. There are a lot of reasons for why that happens, and I even know where those stem from (various moments from my childhood, shocking, I know)

But like, I'm the one everyone comes to for their problems. I'm the mature one who knows how to help or deal with their issues. I should be able to deal with my own stuff. I just can't, not anymore at least. The bottles I kept everything is are breaking, and now my mind is just a cocktail of anxiety and anger and sadness, which all cancel each other out into depression

But yeah, I do have a medical inclination to this. Like I mentioned, my mother has some form of an anxiety disorder. My brother has anxiety too, I just don't know if it's a disorder. It's passed to me now and I'm scared to find out how deep is goes. 

9 minutes ago, Keke said:

*hugs* 

i feel like im fine or im just tired are the base human response for most people. its kinda fascinating why and how but thats a bunch of psychology and theories so i will spare you the explanation. but *hugs* i think its good to have people who know to ask a bit farther then that. i used to say that all the time and my friends learned that if they know know something’s wrong the more they ask the more likely i am to open up. so i think its good people can see past that, it’ll take a bit of time to actually get used to it biut *hugs*

Thanks

I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people.

Though, that can usually be avoided if I'm really close to the person. I think I've just convinced those closest to me not to pry, when that's really the one thing that I kinda need

I just, I don't want to reach out first. That's my first obstacle, and it's one that I really struggle to bypass. 

[Akimikoisthecutest]

11 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Thanks

I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people.

Though, that can usually be avoided if I'm really close to the person. I think I've just convinced those closest to me not to pry, when that's really the one thing that I kinda need

I just, I don't want to reach out first. That's my first obstacle, and it's one that I really struggle to bypass. 

Yeah, I get that. I consistently say that I'm fine, or I'm ok, even when I'm literally falling apart, or having a panic attack. Some of my closest friends are really the only ones who can really tell. 

I understand how hard it is. But you need them to keep prying. It really helps when they finally get in. (There was a lot of sobbing involved for me...)

[Denissimo He/him]

19 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

All good with the rambling.

I know logically that I should be doing those things, but every time I try to brush things off or not compare myself I fail spectacularly and send myself spiraling. There are a lot of reasons for why that happens, and I even know where those stem from (various moments from my childhood, shocking, I know)

But like, I'm the one everyone comes to for their problems. I'm the mature one who knows how to help or deal with their issues. I should be able to deal with my own stuff. I just can't, not anymore at least. The bottles I kept everything is are breaking, and now my mind is just a cocktail of anxiety and anger and sadness, which all cancel each other out into depression

But yeah, I do have a medical inclination to this. Like I mentioned, my mother has some form of an anxiety disorder. My brother has anxiety too, I just don't know if it's a disorder. It's passed to me now and I'm scared to find out how deep is goes. 

Thanks

I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people.

Though, that can usually be avoided if I'm really close to the person. I think I've just convinced those closest to me not to pry, when that's really the one thing that I kinda need

I just, I don't want to reach out first. That's my first obstacle, and it's one that I really struggle to bypass. 

Well. Let me address this first: "I'm the mature one who knows how to help or deal with their issues. I should be able to deal with my own stuff. I just can't, not anymore at least."
And also, "I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people."
What this indicates to me: The pressure and anxiety you feel is partially due to the imposed expectations on yourself. To be the "mature one". To be the one "who knows how to help or deal with their issues".
To be the stoic and strong one, never faltering, ever present. 
It feels great to be the "rock" (no, not Dwayne Johnson.). A center of stability for others.

But it seems you are letting that expectation, that responsibility you feel for the happiness and stability of others, damage your own ability to reach out and ask for help.
"You are NOT responsible for anyone elses happiness!"
Well and truly, you are only responsible for your own.
Now, you are able to realise that something is wrong. That you should reach out, but whether it be pride or whatever feeling arises, you are unable to do so because of that expectation.

You are imposing unnecessary responsibilties and expectations onto yourself, I think.
For once, try your best (and the initial push is hard) to reach out. Or accept their reaching out. Once you start talking, you might find its easier to let things out.

To be vulnerable, is humanity in it's finest. An ability to accept what you cannot handle.
You see, you are doing so now. Granted, it is easier when you are faceless and essentially anonymous. I do not know you. You do not know me.

I think that you realise this somewhat already. 

"Anxiety always stems from conflict between what is and what we think should be"
- Albert Camus.

I''ll be honest: THe quote the slightly paraphrased, but the meaning is maintained.
Understand you cannot impose impossible constrainst upon yourself, and possibly maintain them.
And to be constant and stable is impossible for humanity. our constant fluctuation, the rise and fall of our mood and mind is such an integral part of us.
Accept you cannot be eternally there for other people. Accept that sometimes, you need help. Accept that, sometimes maybe you should let them be there for you instead.

Once again, I apoloigise for rambling.

Also, you stated "I want the people close to me to call out on it"
Nice introspection
It takes a lot to say that out loud.

Edited April 23 by Denissimo

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

5 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

Yeah, I get that. I consistently say that I'm fine, or I'm ok, even when I'm literally falling apart, or having a panic attack. Some of my closest friends are really the only ones who can really tell. 

I understand how hard it is. But you need them to keep prying. It really helps when they finally get in. (There was a lot of sobbing involved for me...)

I know. I just think all my arguing, deflection, and self-isolation has kinda put up a wall that they don't think they can push again. Which, I guess mission accomplished for my coping mechanisms. 

'Cause like, none of them pry. Which was previously preferred but is now an issue

7 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

Well. Let me address this first: "I'm the mature one who knows how to help or deal with their issues. I should be able to deal with my own stuff. I just can't, not anymore at least."
And also, "I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people."
What this indicates to me: The pressure and anxiety you feel is partially due to the imposed expectations on yourself. To be the "mature one". To be the one "who knows how to help or deal with their issues".
To be the stoic and strong one, never faltering, ever present. 
It feels great to be the "rock" (no, not Dwayne Johnson.). A center of stability for others.

But it seems you are letting that expectation, that responsibility you feel for the happiness and stability of others, damage your own ability to reach out and ask for help.
"You are NOT responsible for anyone elses happiness!"
Well and truly, you are only responsible for your own.
Now, you are able to realise that something is wrong. That you should reach out, but whether it be pride or whatever feeling arises, you are unable to do so because of that expectation.

You are imposing unnecessary responsibilties and expectations onto yourself, I think.
For once, try your best (and the initial push is hard) to reach out. Or accept their reaching out. Once you start talking, you might find its easier to let things out.

To be vulnerable, is humanity in it's finest. An ability to accept what you cannot handle.
You see, you are doing so now. Granted, it is easier when you are faceless and essentially anonymous. I do not know you. You do not know me.

I think that you realise this somewhat already. 

"Anxiety always stems from conflict between what is and what we think should be"
- Albert Camus.

I''ll be honest: THe quote the slightly paraphrased, but the meaning is maintained.
Understand you cannot impose impossible constrainst upon yourself, and possibly maintain them.
And to be constant and stable is impossible for humanity. our constant fluctuation, the rise and fall of our mood and mind is such an integral part of us.
Accept you cannot be eternally there for other people. Accept that sometimes, you need help. Accept that, sometimes maybe you should let them be there for you instead.

Once again, I apoloigise for rambling.

Yeah, kinda why I started talking in here is like, no one on here knows me truly. Yes, I have many friends on here, but there is a clear and obvious divide between us and that's why I've started trauma dumping on here. I don't have to see them in person and deal with the worried looks or anything.

And yeah, I know. But, I've been masking my issues so deeply that I didn't even realize I had them, so it kinda makes sense that I help everyone with their issues. To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly. Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens.

Another issue is I know I need help, obviously. I just, don't want to ask for it.

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I know. I just think all my arguing, deflection, and self-isolation has kinda put up a wall that they don't think they can push again. Which, I guess mission accomplished for my coping mechanisms. 

'Cause like, none of them pry. Which was previously preferred but is now an issue

Yeah, kinda why I started talking in here is like, no one on here knows me truly. Yes, I have many friends on here, but there is a clear and obvious divide between us and that's why I've started trauma dumping on here. I don't have to see them in person and deal with the worried looks or anything.

And yeah, I know. But, I've been masking my issues so deeply that I didn't even realize I had them, so it kinda makes sense that I help everyone with their issues. To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly. Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens.

Another issue is I know I need help, obviously. I just, don't want to ask for it.

*hugs*

It’s definitely hard, I can empathize with internalizing mental health issues, and also knowing you have a problem but not fixing it. Except for me I have sought out help and kind of ignored it.

[Denissimo He/him]

14 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I know. I just think all my arguing, deflection, and self-isolation has kinda put up a wall that they don't think they can push again. Which, I guess mission accomplished for my coping mechanisms. 

'Cause like, none of them pry. Which was previously preferred but is now an issue

Yeah, kinda why I started talking in here is like, no one on here knows me truly. Yes, I have many friends on here, but there is a clear and obvious divide between us and that's why I've started trauma dumping on here. I don't have to see them in person and deal with the worried looks or anything.

And yeah, I know. But, I've been masking my issues so deeply that I didn't even realize I had them, so it kinda makes sense that I help everyone with their issues. To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly. Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens.

Another issue is I know I need help, obviously. I just, don't want to ask for it.

*Inhales once more*
"You are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness!"
"To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly". Never let anyone else slap a value on your problems. You decide the gorydamn heirarchy. You mentioned you feel close to a breakdown. You mentioned you are dissociating. THese are not "short term" problems. They change people. My friend was beyond an A student. Now he has issues integrating back into academia because of the anxiety he now associates with it. And other factors.

Explaination is the best solution. Find the person you trust the most. Explain to them why you've been acting the way you have. Say that you would appreciate help, or advice. I think you'll find that none of them resent you for pushing away (Unless they are very immature. In which case, storm them.). It only serves to amplify worry. Relief will follow if you reach out again.

"Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens".
I think you know what I'm about to say.

"I just, don't want to ask for it." 

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” - Albert Camus.
Meaning: Perhaps you don't need to. Camus emphasizes that relationships aren't about dependency: But mutual support. Right now, your relationships consist of dependency. On you. No one is "superior" or "inferior", "master" or "disciple" in a relationship. Given that you stated some of your family and friends try to reach out, I doubt they are intentionally forcing dependecy on you. It is a pressure you took on yourself due to your self-imposed expectations. Thus, they ought to be more than willing. By recieving help, you are not becoming less in any way.

"We are all special cases"
- Also Camus
Everyone is struggling in their own way. No ones problems are an objective lesser.

Edited April 23 by Denissimo

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

10 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

*Inhales once more*
"You are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness!"
"To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly". Never let anyone else slap a value on your problems. You decide the gorydamn heirarchy. You mentioned you feel close to a breakdown. You mentioned you are dissociating. THese are not "short term" problems. They change people. My friend was beyond an A student. Now he has issues integrating back into academia because of the anxiety he now associates with it. And other factors.

Explaination is the best solution. Find the person you trust the most. Explain to them why you've been acting the way you have. Say that you would appreciate help, or advice. I think you'll find that none of them resent you for pushing away (Unless they are very immature. In which case, storm them.). It only serves to amplify worry. Relief will follow if you reach out again.

"Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens".
I think you know what I'm about to say.

"I just, don't want to ask for it." 

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” - Albert Camus.
Meaning: Perhaps you don't need to. Camus emphasizes that relationships aren't about dependency: But mutual support. Right now, your relationships consist of dependency. On you. No one is "superior" or "inferior", "master" or "disciple" in a relationship. Given that you stated some of your family and friends try to reach out, I doubt they are intentionally forcing dependecy on you. It is a pressure you took on yourself due to your self-imposed expectations. Thus, they ought to be more than willing. By recieving help, you are not becoming less in any way.

"We are all special cases"
- Also Camus
Everyone is struggling in their own way. No ones problems are an objective lesser.

Thank you. 

I'll be done ranting now. I just needed to get that out of my system.

I'll try and tell someone that my anxiety and depression symptoms are getting worse. I'll also consider telling my parents. 

[Verdance he/him]

15 minutes ago, Denissimo said:

*Inhales once more*
"You are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness!"
"To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly". Never let anyone else slap a value on your problems. You decide the gorydamn heirarchy. You mentioned you feel close to a breakdown. You mentioned you are dissociating. THese are not "short term" problems. They change people. My friend was beyond an A student. Now he has issues integrating back into academia because of the anxiety he now associates with it. And other factors.

Explaination is the best solution. Find the person you trust the most. Explain to them why you've been acting the way you have. Say that you would appreciate help, or advice. I think you'll find that none of them resent you for pushing away (Unless they are very immature. In which case, storm them.). It only serves to amplify worry. Relief will follow if you reach out again.

"Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens".
I think you know what I'm about to say.

"I just, don't want to ask for it." 

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” - Albert Camus.
Meaning: Perhaps you don't need to. Camus emphasizes that relationships aren't about dependency: But mutual support. Right now, your relationships consist of dependency. On you. No one is "superior" or "inferior", "master" or "disciple" in a relationship. Given that you stated some of your family and friends try to reach out, I doubt they are intentionally forcing dependecy on you. It is a pressure you took on yourself due to your self-imposed expectations. Thus, they ought to be more than willing. By recieving help, you are not becoming less in any way.

"We are all special cases"
- Also Camus
Everyone is struggling in their own way. No ones problems are an objective lesser.

Is Camus your favorite philosopher?

all i know him by is Shusterman’s Unwind series. (Ca-moo, right?)

[Denissimo He/him]

5 minutes ago, Rynturning_Light said:

Thank you. 

I'll be done ranting now. I just needed to get that out of my system.

I'll try and tell someone that my anxiety and depression symptoms are getting worse. I'll also consider telling my parents. 

If one is to be honest, you did more for me than I probably you. 

So thank you, oh thou who hast patience tenfold.

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”
Oh listen, listen, remember the wane...

4 minutes ago, Verdance said:

Is Camus your favorite philosopher?

all i know him by is Shusterman’s Unwind series. (Ca-moo, right?)

I certainly agree with many of his points. He marked a turning point in my life.
Favorite, I'm not sure. There are many. I simply find his quotes more easily applicable to this particular forum, as I feel his views are the most practically surreal.

[Keke They/he]

3 hours ago, Denissimo said:

Ah. Hail to the almighty creator.

Ik ik it’s rare for me to grace you with my presence, it’s been ages since i was chronically online.

3 hours ago, Rynturning_Light said:

All good with the rambling.

I know logically that I should be doing those things, but every time I try to brush things off or not compare myself I fail spectacularly and send myself spiraling. There are a lot of reasons for why that happens, and I even know where those stem from (various moments from my childhood, shocking, I know)

But like, I'm the one everyone comes to for their problems. I'm the mature one who knows how to help or deal with their issues. I should be able to deal with my own stuff. I just can't, not anymore at least. The bottles I kept everything is are breaking, and now my mind is just a cocktail of anxiety and anger and sadness, which all cancel each other out into depression

But yeah, I do have a medical inclination to this. Like I mentioned, my mother has some form of an anxiety disorder. My brother has anxiety too, I just don't know if it's a disorder. It's passed to me now and I'm scared to find out how deep is goes. 

Thanks

I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people.

Though, that can usually be avoided if I'm really close to the person. I think I've just convinced those closest to me not to pry, when that's really the one thing that I kinda need

I just, I don't want to reach out first. That's my first obstacle, and it's one that I really struggle to bypass. 

Yeah *hugs* it’ll take some time but I belief in you

[Rynturning_Light She/Her]

5 minutes ago, Keke said:

Yeah *hugs* it’ll take some time but I belief in you

You probably shouldn't

My mind feels like it's devolving, and I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be able to take it

Avoidance and isolation feels so tempting right now. I might disappear again, I don't know yet

[Born of Mist He/Him]

4 hours ago, Keke said:

*hugs* whats up? 

5 hours ago, Rynturning_Light said:

I get that. That's kinda where my recent depressions was caused from

I was struggling with school, but it's getting under control so that's nice ig. Mostly I feel like I'm failing as an oldest brother. I've been struggling with something that makes me feel so unworthy of anything good. I feel like a massive hypocrite for trying to tell my siblings what to do because of that. My mom actually was supposed to have a different son before me, and I can't help but feel like he would be doing an infinitely better job than me.

[Verdance he/him]

5 hours ago, Born of Mist said:

I was struggling with school, but it's getting under control so that's nice ig. Mostly I feel like I'm failing as an oldest brother. I've been struggling with something that makes me feel so unworthy of anything good. I feel like a massive hypocrite for trying to tell my siblings what to do because of that. My mom actually was supposed to have a different son before me, and I can't help but feel like he would be doing an infinitely better job than me.

Erm. Are you seriously comparing yourself to someone who was never born? I don’t mean to be a jerk, but you realize how crazy that sounds, right?

Literally everyone struggles, no one is a perfect person. I’m an oldest brother whose younger brothers don’t respect at all. But you have to realize, they don’t have to, and you don’t have to feel bad about that.

Edited April 24 by Verdance

[Denissimo He/him]

5 hours ago, Born of Mist said:

I was struggling with school, but it's getting under control so that's nice ig. Mostly I feel like I'm failing as an oldest brother. I've been struggling with something that makes me feel so unworthy of anything good. I feel like a massive hypocrite for trying to tell my siblings what to do because of that. My mom actually was supposed to have a different son before me, and I can't help but feel like he would be doing an infinitely better job than me.

As for your last sentence.
Same.

But I don't think he would be doing an infinitely better job than you.
I'll write a longer post on this. Maybe you can read some of my replies regrading Rynturning_light, as it ecnompasses feelings of expectation and comparison.

Never feel as if feelings of depression, or turmoil are wrong.
"You must have 
Chaos
in yourself
To give birth to a dancing star"
- Our depressed friend, Nietzsche.

[Born of Mist He/Him]

9 minutes ago, Verdance said:

Erm. Are you seriously comparing yourself to someone who was never born? I don’t mean to be a jerk, but you realize how crazy that sounds, right?

Literally everyone struggles, no one is a perfect person. I’m an oldest brother whose younger brothers don’t respect at all. But you have to realize, they don’t have to, and you don’t have to feel bad about that.

I don't know why I feel that way, I just do 

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

Okay umm

I want to say something

I’ve read a bit - not a whole load but a bit - and I just wanna say some things

A lot of you are not ok

That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person

It doesn’t mean there’s something broken in you

It means you need help

And for storm’s sake, get out and look for it

And I mean real help, not online forum help

This thread is incredible. Having a space to share struggles, to carry the weight as a group, is incredible. Hell, I wish I had the time to be here more often to carry the weight with y’all.

But there is also something dangerous about a space like this. In an environment where everyone is stuck in self-loathing - in pessimism - the sharing of burdens can become instead an echo chamber. And though it’s nice sometimes to talk with others who go through the same we do, it should never be normalized.

I don’t give a flying fudge if you’re performing. I don’t give a fudge if you’re not worth the effort. If you’re reading this, and I mean this in the best way, get help.

Talk to a psychologist. It helped me so, so much.

Talk to a friend who isn’t struggling as well, and won’t bounce it back at you.

PM me. I’m always here, regardless of who you are.

Please

@#1 Taln Fan I don’t know what’s up with you recently but I think if memory serves me you’ve got some experience with psychology and can maybe help out a little here

Depression sucks. Hating yourself sucks. But it only works if you accept that there’s no way out of it. And that isn’t true. And if you wanna get out of that hole you’re in, you’re going to need to do a good deal more than compare burdens with strangers on the internet

I’m sorry if this comes off as strong as aggressive

But I want the best for each and every one of you