People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

14 minutes ago, Zennix said:

I'm selling are One Spikes. Why would I want ordinary steel spikes? 

Well, you'd be giving me an empty atium spike in exchange for some 50 charged iron spikes. I'd have already done most of the bloody and grimy part of the work.

[Zennix he/him]

The thing is, I ended all my Koloss research 3 years ago. I have moved on to more ambitious projects that require the highest quality tools to give good results. 

[Farnsworth]

I am attempting to conduct some new research, but have far to few test subjects. Does anybody know somebody who might volunteer?

[MacThorstenson he/him]

I have in recent times, found it extremely difficult to get new test subjects from the introductions thread. Occasionally I bring in one new person, but the enemies of the alleys are very strong and are turning the new members against us. Either we need to change our recruitment methods or find a new market.

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

16 minutes ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

I have in recent times, found it extremely difficult to get new test subjects from the introductions thread. Occasionally I bring in one new person, but the enemies of the alleys are very strong and are turning the new members against us. Either we need to change our recruitment methods or find a new market.

Any chance we can hire some Rathbore Monks and arm them with needle-thin spikes to use on newcomers? 

[Quickbronze he/him]

That's not good.

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

*Once again, his prey appears, and he leaps, spike in hand!*

[Quickbronze he/him]

*DESPERATE AND DRAMATIC LUNGE OUT OF THE WAY*

[MacThorstenson he/him]

"We were deep in the recruitment wing of the alleys when that guy showed up. Who was supposed to be on security tonight?" Ookla the Capricious asks.

*and is this a big enough screw up that I can get them demoted to test subject?* He then wonders quietly.

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

5 hours ago, Zennix said:

Please, no backspiking of fellow Dark Alley agents. We aren't done with experimenting on, sorry, delivering baked goods to the rest of the Shard.

By the way, I have some Atium spikes for sale to DA agents who need tools for precision spiking. The were even forged in the fires of Mount Doom. I call them the One Spikes. Hurry up and bid on them. I have only a few left. 

I'll bid seven of my friends' souls. After I have ascertained that these spikes are of the quality you say they are, of coarse.

3 hours ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

I have in recent times, found it extremely difficult to get new test subjects from the introductions thread. Occasionally I bring in one new person, but the enemies of the alleys are very strong and are turning the new members against us. Either we need to change our recruitment methods or find a new market.

Well, we can try to improve the quality of our baked goods.

I recently discovered a rather excellent recipe for brown butter chocolate chip cookies with sea salt.

Alternately, a spiked croissant d'amande is absolutely sublime.

[Farnsworth]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

*and is this a big enough screw up that I can get them demoted to test subject?* He then wonders quietly.

No need to worry! We are 97% certain that these spikes are safe 95% of the time!

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

2 hours ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

"We were deep in the recruitment wing of the alleys when that guy showed up. Who was supposed to be on security tonight?" Ookla the Capricious asks.

*and is this a big enough screw up that I can get them demoted to test subject?* He then wonders quietly.

"I have no idea who is on Security. To be honest, I wasn't aware we had a security position," explained Ookla the Altruist. "As such, I've tried sir. He is, I believe, one of the more prominent anti-Hemalurgic Spokesmen, as well as the head of a Hemalurgy-free Bakery that is in direct competition with our establishment. Realizing how valuable he would be to our cause, I've prepared a hemalurgic spike especially for him primed with the attribute of a Loyal Denizen of the Dark Alley. These last two times he has come, I've attempted to spike him, but he has managed to evade me.
"As such, I have decided to try a new ploy. I am not a trained assassin, and as such, I have hired a Rathbore Monk and charged him to insert the prepared spike into 'Ookla the Noble''s back the next time he makes an appearance here. Once this succeeds we should be able to covertly smuggle some spikes into the 'Hemalurgy Free Bakery,' thus greatly increasing our conversion rate."

Edited November 30, 2017 by Ookla the Altruist

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Altruist said:

"I have no idea who is on Security. To be honest, I wasn't aware we had a security position," explained Ookla the Altruist. "As such, I've tried sir. He is, I believe, one of the more prominent anti-Hemalurgic Spokesmen, as well as the head of a Hemalurgy-free Bakery that is in direct competition with our establishment. Realizing how valuable he would be to our cause, I've prepared a hemalurgic spike especially for him primed with the attribute of a Loyal Denizen of the Dark Alley. These last two times he has come, I've attempted to spike him, but he has managed to evade me.
"As such, I have decided to try a new ploy. I am not a trained assassin, and as such, I have hired a Rathbore Monk and charged him to insert the prepared spike into 'Ookla the Noble''s back the next time he makes an appearance here. Once this succeeds we should be able to covertly smuggle some spikes into the 'Hemalurgy Free Bakery,' thus greatly increasing our conversion rate."

If you are set upon infiltrating the hemalurgy free bakery, I might offer one of my lifeless...

They are exquisitely well controlled, being subject both to a sophisticated set of commands and the dictates of rioting/soothing their spikings.

And the majority of my lifeless wouldn't be recognized as dark alley denizens.

You'd just need to figure out a way to color their skin in a way that looks convincing.

 

Alternately, I could probably point you towards some of the eldritch abominations that are known to adopt human form occasionally. That could work too, but it might take more paperwork to arrange, since humanoid abominations have more rights than the non-humanoid types.

[kenod]

Does anybody know a good place to get a lot of Mistwraiths? I need them for tests with creating spikes that transfer physical appearance. A couple hundred live octopi would be nice too.

[MacThorstenson he/him]

3 hours ago, Drake Marshall said:

If you are set upon infiltrating the hemalurgy free bakery, I might offer one of my lifeless...

They are exquisitely well controlled, being subject both to a sophisticated set of commands and the dictates of rioting/soothing their spikings.

And the majority of my lifeless wouldn't be recognized as dark alley denizens.

You'd just need to figure out a way to color their skin in a way that looks convincing.

 

Alternately, I could probably point you towards some of the eldritch abominations that are known to adopt human form occasionally. That could work too, but it might take more paperwork to arrange, since humanoid abominations have more rights than the non-humanoid types.

Here's an idea, we sell ookla the noble some lifeless employees to work in his bakery. Then we have them covertly spike some customers.

[Zennix he/him]

Or. We can arm combatants in the Shipping wars with uncharged spikes.  This way we are assured to get a constant daily supply of fully charged from the bodies of shippers that float ashore from capsized Ships.

Though, since Shippers are novices to the Hemalurgic Arts, we would most likely get randomly spiked attributes. But we would still have many spikes to choose from. 

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

6 hours ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

Here's an idea, we sell ookla the noble some lifeless employees to work in his bakery. Then we have them covertly spike some customers.

Hmmm maybe. Depends on if the bakery imposes significant regulations against using undead labor or not.

[Farnsworth]

Regulations? In the DA? 

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

32 minutes ago, Ookla the maladroit said:

Regulations? In the DA? 

Nah in the hemalurgy-free bakery.

If they have a thing against hiring undead, then we can hardly send lifeless to infiltrate them, see.

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

1 minute ago, Drake Marshall said:

Nah in the hemalurgy-free bakery.

If they have a thing against hiring undead, then we can hardly send lifeless to infiltrate them, see.

Unless the Undead are disguised as normal people.

[MacThorstenson he/him]

But how could we do that? Physically disguising them would work, but what if they are able to peer into the spiritual realm? For those of you who remember the essence spike, could we craft something similar, but instead of spiking a soul, just the image of a soul? Below is the Recording of the official discovering of the Essence Spike by a member of the Dark alley.

"You see, Test Subject 52, or was it 79? Anyway, Winter as you know her underwent a, unique procedure. I was testing a breakthrough, and she seemed like a wonderfully helpful person. And so Winter became one of the first ever receivers of an Essence Spike, something I'd whipped up in Alley 9. Though it was simply meant to be a stepping stone in the path to my goal, it turned out to be a fantastic discovery in it's own right. 

I was able to spike out a Soul."

The Stranger grinned with delight, reveling in this revelation and the awe of the other Denizens.

"Not just a piece of a Spirit-web, but an entire soul. There are two entities inhabiting her body as we speak: The Girl, and The Wolf.

It was one of our semi-sentient wolves Redbird had crafted here in the Alleys, fine craftsmanship all around. Interestingly, the transfer didn't quite go as planned. Instead of the wolf taking over and subduing the girl's consciousness, it chose to cohabitate with her, in a semi-mutualistic relationship. With her cognitive and spiritual Identities so radically changed, the test subject gained the ability to shapeshift.

Unfortunately, there were a few unforeseen side-effects. One is that occasionally the Wolf will fight the Girl for conscious-dominance, resulting in apparent madness. However, as an expert in the art of madness, I can assure you that the test subject is not mad, just a little mixed-up.

The other slight issue is that this merging of souls, combined with the extremely high hemalurgic energy I used, left her rather susceptible to Shardic Influence. As such, she may be having a few interesting conversations in her head that she'd rather not have.

Which brings us to the matter at hand: Do we simply contain this situation, or do I need to remove the Spike? We could keep her safe here, free from any shard's reach. But the choice will be up to her, unless you say otherwise, Elsa. Or the DA votes to do something. personally, I'd like to take this opportunity to conduct some more, research."

He turned to each person individually, his grin becoming Cheshire as Madness-spren swirled around him.

"But that can wait. Meanwhile, we should be able to deal with the Shards. I haven't made all these preparations for nothing. And Worst Comes to Worst, I can always access 

That Alley." 

Here is the link to the page where the post if found, if you want context.

http://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/14879-people-you-wouldnt-want-to-meet-in-a-dark-alley/?page=21

 

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

3 hours ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

But how could we do that? Physically disguising them would work, but what if they are able to peer into the spiritual realm? For those of you who remember the essence spike, could we craft something similar, but instead of spiking a soul, just the image of a soul? Below is the Recording of the official discovering of the Essence Spike by a member of the Dark alley.

Here is the link to the page where the post if found, if you want context.

http://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/14879-people-you-wouldnt-want-to-meet-in-a-dark-alley/?page=21

Hmmmm...

Hehehe I’ve always wanted to try this idea...

How about a straight forgery? Give the lifeless an essence mark to remake it as needed...

Yes, I think this might produce some valuable servants... I shall begin experimentation immediately.

You are, naturally, free to pursue the essence spike route. If you do, it could be a little race to see who infiltrates the hemalurgy-free bakery first.

Time to retrieve my malatium cache.

 

But first, we better incarcerate the fellow from the hemalurgy free bakery who may have been overhearing our plans. Can’t have a warning getting out now, can we?

Edited December 1, 2017 by Drake Marshall

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

1 hour ago, Drake Marshall said:

But first, we better incarcerate the fellow from the hemalurgy free bakery who may have been overhearing our plans. Can’t have a warning getting out now, can we?

Which Ookla are we talking of? The Noble, or the Maladroit? Because I'm currently working on neutralizing Ookla the Noble.

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

23 minutes ago, Ookla the Altruist said:

Which Ookla are we talking of? The Noble, or the Maladroit? Because I'm currently working on neutralizing Ookla the Noble.

I refer to the noble.

Might I recommend surgically removing their memories with a copper spike, then letting them go along their way?

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

3 minutes ago, Drake Marshall said:

I refer to the noble.

Might I recommend surgically removing their memories with a copper spike, then letting them go along their way?

Well, I already have both a Rathbore Monk (whom everyone is ignoring) in the Bakkery with me, and I've armed him with a particularly nasty spike which should be able to turn Ookla the Noble into a loyal Denizen of the Dark Alley. As for the bystanders, yes, copper is probably the best route? Want to watch the door to catch anyone who might try to escape?