The Relationship Advice Thread, by Dr. Calano

[Weaver of Shadows he/him]

3 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

*eats chips*

Tasty.

Am I here for advice?

How do you suffer heartbreak from listening to Arcade and then imagining scenarios?

Because I think I accidentally gave myself heartbreak.

Get real heartbreak so the pain seems insignificant 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

4 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

*eats chips*

Tasty.

Am I here for advice?

How do you suffer heartbreak from listening to Arcade and then imagining scenarios?

Because I think I accidentally gave myself heartbreak.

Ohhh that's such a good song though...

How do you do that?

That's kind of amazing, actually. Are you suffering from irl heartbreak? I'm not sure how that happens like that... 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Just now, Weaver of Lights said:

Get real heartbreak so the pain seems insignificant 

Sounds like a plan- *chugs love potion and stares at my stuffed duck*

*crying*

But ducky! I LoOoOoOveeE YoUUuUuuU!

[Weaver of Shadows he/him]

Just now, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Sounds like a plan- *chugs love potion and stares at my stuffed duck*

*crying*

But ducky! I LoOoOoOveeE YoUUuUuuU!

That’a right!

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

Ohhh that's such a good song though...

How do you do that?

That's kind of amazing, actually. Are you suffering from irl heartbreak? I'm not sure how that happens like that... 

SOrta, not really what it prob actually is, but like- for a second there...

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

46 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

SOrta, not really what it prob actually is, but like- for a second there...

Fair enough 

[Immortal Platypus]

18 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

*eats chips*

Tasty.

Am I here for advice?

How do you suffer heartbreak from listening to Arcade and then imagining scenarios?

Because I think I accidentally gave myself heartbreak.

relatable. 

[Cash67]

18 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Sounds like a plan- *chugs love potion and stares at my stuffed duck*

*crying*

But ducky! I LoOoOoOveeE YoUUuUuuU!

*pulls a Descendants*

if you know, you know

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

On 3/3/2024 at 6:56 AM, Through The Living Glass said:

Relationship advice thread? Nice!

...

Any advice for helping your best friend to know how much she's loved and valued after she's broken up with a toxic guy? A couple of other friends and I have been trying to help, but her sense of self-worth seems... not so great right now.

As the one who's been on the receiving end of advice, I would kind of nod and smile at people giving me the usual 'you'll find someone else, plenty of fish in the sea yada yada yada' stuff. If you're feeling low enough you can slide into the 'they don't really mean it' trap. Just try to make it not sound like the kind of thing you googled and spouted word for word. 

I personally avoid the 'plenty of fish' thing, and if I have to give advice (sometimes to myself) I phrase it as 'did you ever think you'd feel this way when you met them? Then what's to stop you from feeling this way about someone else if you let them go?'. 

Is she willing to hear about how toxic this guy was? As the old Bojack Horseman quote goes, when you look at the world through rose tinted glasses all the red flags just look like flags. 

Edited May 20, 2024 by jamesbondsmith

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

I need advice on a close platonic relationship between one of my gal friends and me.

She is one of my favorite people in the world, and we get along really well, but last night...

I know it's my fault, and i know I shouldn't do that to her, but...

alkjksahkjangkdjafg-

Lemme start over.

When I call her, and I'm not exactly... okay mentally, I often won't point the phone camera at my face, and I won't often answer her questions directly. I know that she hates it when I do that, but, when I'm not okay, my insecurities make it so that I never want to be un-fine or un-okay in front of anyone. Even the people I'm very close with. So I hide and don't let her see me, that way I can feel safe. She has told me how much she hates it, and how much it pisses her off. I know this.

So, we were talking last night, and it was fine, and normal and whatever, then she said something like "Imagine when you're trying to help a friend and she just won't even look at you?"  very directed at me. Then, she turned her camera to the wall and sat there. I said something like "Can you please turn your camera back?" and she said, mocking my voice when I'm upset and can't answer her questions, "I don't know." And didn't move it. I asked her again, nicely, and all she said was "Imagine having to stare at the wall, or how about the ceiling? Is that more interesting?" She then turned the screen directly up, so that the only thing I could see was her ceiling. I was really trying hard not to cry at this point, and I felt stupid/still do feel stupid for feeling like that, cause it's my fault anyway, but we were both just silent for a long, long time, then I just randomly hung up, trying to get myself under control. I waited for about a minute, then called her back, and when she picked up, I was staring at the wall again. She eventually turned the camera back on her face but things were quiet and strained between us until I had to go to bed.

I talked to her today too, and things still feel weird between us, and it/s extremely concerning, cause I'm having a hard time right now with everything, and I really love her, and want to stay close with her, but I'm not sure how to apologize or if I even should or what...

Please help me...

I need to get her back, and I'm really scared that she'd mad at me, and won't want me to be her friend anymore...

uhmmm....

yeah, there you go...

 

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

1 hour ago, Just-A-Stick said:

I need advice on a close platonic relationship between one of my gal friends and me.

She is one of my favorite people in the world, and we get along really well, but last night...

I know it's my fault, and i know I shouldn't do that to her, but...

alkjksahkjangkdjafg-

Lemme start over.

When I call her, and I'm not exactly... okay mentally, I often won't point the phone camera at my face, and I won't often answer her questions directly. I know that she hates it when I do that, but, when I'm not okay, my insecurities make it so that I never want to be un-fine or un-okay in front of anyone. Even the people I'm very close with. So I hide and don't let her see me, that way I can feel safe. She has told me how much she hates it, and how much it pisses her off. I know this.

So, we were talking last night, and it was fine, and normal and whatever, then she said something like "Imagine when you're trying to help a friend and she just won't even look at you?"  very directed at me. Then, she turned her camera to the wall and sat there. I said something like "Can you please turn your camera back?" and she said, mocking my voice when I'm upset and can't answer her questions, "I don't know." And didn't move it. I asked her again, nicely, and all she said was "Imagine having to stare at the wall, or how about the ceiling? Is that more interesting?" She then turned the screen directly up, so that the only thing I could see was her ceiling. I was really trying hard not to cry at this point, and I felt stupid/still do feel stupid for feeling like that, cause it's my fault anyway, but we were both just silent for a long, long time, then I just randomly hung up, trying to get myself under control. I waited for about a minute, then called her back, and when she picked up, I was staring at the wall again. She eventually turned the camera back on her face but things were quiet and strained between us until I had to go to bed.

I talked to her today too, and things still feel weird between us, and it/s extremely concerning, cause I'm having a hard time right now with everything, and I really love her, and want to stay close with her, but I'm not sure how to apologize or if I even should or what...

Please help me...

I need to get her back, and I'm really scared that she'd mad at me, and won't want me to be her friend anymore...

uhmmm....

yeah, there you go...

 

have the two of you spoken at all since this happened? and how long ago did this happen?

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

1 hour ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

have the two of you spoken at all since this happened? and how long ago did this happen?

It happened last night, and we've spoken, but it feels forced and/or strained to me.

Maybe I'm just imagining it...

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

3 hours ago, Just-A-Stick said:

I need advice on a close platonic relationship between one of my gal friends and me.

She is one of my favorite people in the world, and we get along really well, but last night...

I know it's my fault, and i know I shouldn't do that to her, but...

alkjksahkjangkdjafg-

Lemme start over.

When I call her, and I'm not exactly... okay mentally, I often won't point the phone camera at my face, and I won't often answer her questions directly. I know that she hates it when I do that, but, when I'm not okay, my insecurities make it so that I never want to be un-fine or un-okay in front of anyone. Even the people I'm very close with. So I hide and don't let her see me, that way I can feel safe. She has told me how much she hates it, and how much it pisses her off. I know this.

So, we were talking last night, and it was fine, and normal and whatever, then she said something like "Imagine when you're trying to help a friend and she just won't even look at you?"  very directed at me. Then, she turned her camera to the wall and sat there. I said something like "Can you please turn your camera back?" and she said, mocking my voice when I'm upset and can't answer her questions, "I don't know." And didn't move it. I asked her again, nicely, and all she said was "Imagine having to stare at the wall, or how about the ceiling? Is that more interesting?" She then turned the screen directly up, so that the only thing I could see was her ceiling. I was really trying hard not to cry at this point, and I felt stupid/still do feel stupid for feeling like that, cause it's my fault anyway, but we were both just silent for a long, long time, then I just randomly hung up, trying to get myself under control. I waited for about a minute, then called her back, and when she picked up, I was staring at the wall again. She eventually turned the camera back on her face but things were quiet and strained between us until I had to go to bed.

I talked to her today too, and things still feel weird between us, and it/s extremely concerning, cause I'm having a hard time right now with everything, and I really love her, and want to stay close with her, but I'm not sure how to apologize or if I even should or what...

Please help me...

I need to get her back, and I'm really scared that she'd mad at me, and won't want me to be her friend anymore...

uhmmm....

yeah, there you go...

Does she know why you don't like pointing the camera at yourself? Have you told her?

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

Does she know why you don't like pointing the camera at yourself? Have you told her?

Yeah... kinda?

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

Just now, Just-A-Stick said:

Yeah... kinda?

what was she trying to help you with?

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

1 minute ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

what was she trying to help you with?

Sorry, what?

I just got confused... T-T

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

3 hours ago, Just-A-Stick said:

...

So, we were talking last night, and it was fine, and normal and whatever, then she said something like "Imagine when you're trying to help a friend and she just won't even look at you?"  very directed at me. Then, she turned her camera to the wall and sat there. I said something like "Can you please turn your camera back?" and she said, mocking my voice when I'm upset and can't answer her questions, "I don't know." And didn't move it.

...

 

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

2 minutes ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

 

Ohhh

Okay,

she likes to help/talk to me when i'm not okay mentally...

she's one of my main support people...

does that make more sense?

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

Just now, Just-A-Stick said:

Ohhh

Okay,

she likes to help/talk to me when i'm not okay mentally...

she's one of my main support people...

does that make more sense?

it does yes. what part of you not holding your camera to your face annoys her the most?

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

2 minutes ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

it does yes. what part of you not holding your camera to your face annoys her the most?

The fact that she can't see me to know how to talk to me is what she says. 

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

2 minutes ago, Just-A-Stick said:

The fact that she can't see me to know how to talk to me is what she says. 

have you tried possibly explaining to your friend why you don't want to show your face?

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

15 minutes ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

have you tried possibly explaining to your friend why you don't want to show your face?

Yes, kind of...

She didn't really understand...

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

How do you feel when the camera faces you? Does it make you anxious, stressed, uncomfortable, anything like that?

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

Random question, but is anyone else kind of turned on when someone is better than you at something? It's not something that will make feelings miraculously appear, but if I'm already attracted to someone then finding out a talent seems to make it stronger. I could have proposed right then when someone played this in front of me years ago: Andy McKee - Drifting (youtube.com). It could be insane maths skill, being physically tough at martial arts or just having the guts to kick out dirtbags at a customer service job.

Edited March 31, 2024 by jamesbondsmith

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

*sighs*

back here again...

i have a friend from church who is clingy and they know they're clingy... they always apologize for it and are pretty insecure about it. they have some other stuff going on too, and I almost feel stuck in a caretaker position, and I don't wanna hurt them by letting them go...

help

Edited May 25, 2024 by Anguished_One