HELP! Creative souls needed!!!!!!!

[Kajsa]

Hey, Kajsa (KAY-sa) here.

I need help.

I'm writing a book and I am SO STUCK on the plot. I also feel like I have a bunch of holes in my worldbuilding--to be completely honest, I kinda just did the bare minimum. *_* I'll post the worldbuilding documents and plot documents down below--I might even include a few scenes I've written!

Anyway. 

I need your guys' critique. Before I move on, let me explain what I mean by this. If you see anything I could change, literally anything, just tell me! But make sure that it is constructive--this goes for anybody that you are critiquing. And make sure you have their permission, of course. No unsolicited critiques!

Alright. Sorry 'bout that--I tend to ramble a bit.

Anyway, back to the book! I have this whole idea in my head of this amazing series, but I'm just not entirely sure how to execute it right. I'm a bit of a perfectionist (that's putting it lightly), and I keep contradicting myself and changing things; it's like trying to stand on one of those springy horses at playgrounds without falling off. I've changed the plot about fourteen different times, and as you can imagine, it's become so muddy--kinda like if I took a bunch of different paints and just smeared them together in a desperate attempt to create something beautiful. I don't know if I need to cut characters or change personalities or things like that, and I'd love some extra brain cells contributing to the world!!! (If it ever gets published, I'll be sure to mention you in the acknowledgements in the back of the book.) I've been working on this for about a year, but I don't have much to show, so I've become pretty discouraged.

If you're up for helping me out, email me at [email protected] and I'll get you all the resources you need!

 

Thank you so much!

 

-Kajsa Asulf

[Channelknight Fadran]

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED

[Kajsa]

 

In case you're interested but want a little less involvement, here are a few scenes from the book. Any and all feedback is appreciated and encouraged! Thank you!

 

Note: I will not be marking chapters in the book, rather I’ll be marking things by scenes so I can stay more organized; I will put things in their respective chapters later. 

Also, here is a map of my world:

On to the story!

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Scene 1 

Scene 2 

Pronunciation Guide

 

 

 

Scene 1

 

I slammed his hand down on the table. 

The room, silence shattered, erupted with cheers.

Mead sloshed in the air and chairs skidded across the floor from under their occupants as whoops and laughs became the only sound I could hear. 

I threw my hands in the air and laughed, relishing my victory. I had beaten every willing man in the tavern at arm wrestling–and I’d earned a small compensation for it, too. I beamed.

The man at the table–the one I just beat–opened his mouth to speak. His voice was rough and husky, but his eyes had a kind aura as he talked. “Where do you come from anyway, Helena?”

I cocked an eyebrow, ever so slightly. “Where do you come from, Arne?”

He ignored my question and folded his hands on the table. “Ya must be ‘Lysian er somethin’.”

I took a final swig of hot cider and grabbed my cloak in reply. “Something like that.”

As I moved away from the table, people clapped me on the back and congratulated me for my victory that, the next day, would be forgotten like the autumn leaves in the wind. But that was alright. This was enough, at least for now.

As I stepped out into the frigid night air, dawning my cloak and drawing the hood down, I saw a face in the woods beyond. Just on time.

I shot a last wary glance at the warm light streaming through the tavern windows and the faint shouts and music still emanating from the place, hoping nobody was watching me.

Hurriedly, I stepped into the woods. 

A grizzled voice reached out to scrape the air and asked, “Harlow?”

I said nothing.

“You’re late,” the voice barked. A short, squatty man stumbled through the brush. He was not so much as half my height, and he shrank back a little when he remembered who he was speaking to–a looming, cloaked figure twice his stature, who was just here for her pay and nothing else; someone who would not bother with small-talk. 

“Nice weather, eh?” He squeaked.

“I’m here for my pay, Ludwig,” I said with immense patience that I certainly did not feel. I wanted out of here. It was too dark, too crowded, too similar to the place I escaped years ago.

“O-Of course. You served me well, Harlow,” he reached into his bag. “He’d been causing too much trouble around these parts. I just don’t see why I had to hire someone like you to get rid of him. We’re all Vikings, anyway, aren’t we?” He dropped a sack of coins into my outstretched hand.

“Less than you’d think, Lud. Less than there used to be, anyway. Most have abandoned their heritage and tried for something new, like Tilane.”

He nodded and said nothing further on the subject, instead telling me that I’d “best be off and that my comrades would be waiting on me.”

I left without further invitation. I didn’t need it.

 

Scene 2

 

I tossed the sack of coins on the table, along with my cloak and bag, absently twisting my rusty red hair in a knot before letting it fall to my waist again.

The handsome teenage boy who was seated there looked up. “Oh, hey, Hadley.”

“Hey, Blade.” I sat across from him and stole a peek at the map he was studying. 

“You got your pay, then? How was it with Ludwig?” He made a pencil mark near Kildea and blew a strand of his dark hair out of his eyes.

I blew out a breath. “A lot better than it usually is. I mean, he’s getting used to what Harlow’s really like–all business, doesn’t take crap, won’t wait all day for what she’s there for.” I fingered the hem of my red tunic–the one that had the trumpet sleeves and paired well with furs. 

Blade nodded and looked up from the map for a moment. “Impatient, desperate, and needy? Of course.” He grinned.

“Hey!” I smacked his arm, fighting a smile. “Anyway… We’ve got enough for the supply run, I think, plus enough for a few extra days, but I’ll have to find another hunt–fast.”

Blade wet his lips and put down his pencil for the first time since I came in, hesitating a little before he spoke. “Hadley… this is dangerous. I don’t know how much longer we can keep doing things like this.” He glanced around the inn commonhouse and lowered his voice before continuing, “I mean, there’s only so much time before you get hurt or before there’s nobody left to pay you. Why don’t I get a more reliable job? We’ll get steadier income, it’ll be safer for both of us–”

I cut him off. “No. It’s not safe that way either, Blade. Remember what my mom said? That there is no safe? They’ll catch you, Blade, and then we’re done for. You might as well run right back to Elysia and shout ‘We’re here!’” I paused, my voice nearly a whisper, taking on that husky tone it does whenever I speak quietly. “You know they won’t let us go back. There’s no point.”

He sighed through his nose, and I could tell he wasn’t having it. “What does that have to do with me getting a job? Hadley, do you understand the risks of–”

“Yes, Blade, I do. I knew the risks when I became a bounty hunter. I’m constantly aware of them. I don’t need you to remind me.” I glowered, though he didn’t really deserve it, and maybe I was being a little salty.

He glanced around the commonhouse. There were a few pairs of eyes on us, but none held suspicion. “Alright, then. But I’m looking around town before we leave to see if I can’t earn us just a little more. End of discussion.”

I sighed. “Fine.” 

A silence settled between us–not quite awkward or uncomfortable, but close enough that I didn’t like it. We don’t have a lot of arguments, truthfully. 

He picked up his pencil and resumed marking the map with our travel routes–the ones that would lead us farther from what we used to call home.

 

Pronunciation Guide

 

Places:

Elysia (eh-LISS-ee-uh)

Kidea (kill-DAY-uh)

Vandland (VAHND-luhnd)

Rowanoak (ROW-an-oak)

Tilane (TIE-lane)

Sinne (SINE)

Riese (REES)

Mynda (MIN-duh)

Crotha (CROW-thuh)

Torenvarr (TORE-en-vaar)

Prismora (PRIS-more-uh)

Eldin (ELL-din)

 

People:

First names:

Hadley (HAD-lee)

Blade (BLADE)

Jaeger (JAY-gar)

Everett (EV-ritt)

Rissa (RISS-uh)

Olux (OH-lucks)

Quialla (KEY-all-uh)

Russell (RUSS-ull)

Taron (TAIR-inn)

Helena (HEL-en-uh)

Turner (TURN-er)

Orchid (OR-kid)

Hawthorne (HAW-thorn)

Last names:

Landvik (LAHND-vick)

Bjorn (BYORN)

[Lord Gregorio]

I have a bit of basic advice for you right now that I've learned from watching youtube vids and from my own experience.

The first draft of your book is likely to make you want to gouge your eyes out. That's a bit of how I feel right now. Keep pushing through it. With a basic idea of the plot.

I understand having a bit of trouble keeping the plot set. I also have the problem of having one idea then changing it. If you're a planner, I don't think I can help much. Try to plan out the major scenes you want to happen and add a bit in between. If you're a pantser, then I'd recommend what I kinda said earlier. Have a basic plot in mind, but then discover the story as you go along. If you have a basic ending in mind that's great, try to steer the story in that direction.

Also. More on the first draft thing. Just get your first draft over with. It'll be terrible no matter what. . Then go back after you've got the first draft down and edit scenes, dialogue, and other things. Decide on if a scene is actually needed or not. Watch some youtube videos from Brandon Sanderson, Jerry Jenkins, and Daniel Greene if you haven't already. 

If I have any more critiques for the world building or small scenes you've got here, I'll add to this post. Or maybe I'll email you. But for now. I like it so far. 

[Kajsa]

Thank you for the feedback! I think I've finally got something in mind! I'd love to continue to receive your guys' feedback, and if there's anything specific on the scenes I could change or that you really like, I'd love to hear about it!

Thanks again!

[Medium]

there's a lot of ways to write. What Gregorio said is very good, but here's what I've done:

im making a trilogy, high fantasy, interconnected universe and the like.

I have not bothered to start my first draft. And, if I were to write a first draft based on the original idea, the VERY FIRST idea for the series, it'd be AWFUL.

I believe I am either almost there or there already in terms of perfecting the plot, characters, and worldbuilding.

oh, and it's been 6 months.

so basically: do it your way, and take your time.

[Sherlock Holmes]

My method for writing is to make a rough outline-- dealing with the general events of every fifty pages or so-- then writing from that, coming up with stuff along the way. My first book, Bloodbound, was planned to be five hundred pages long and I had a general idea of what I wanted for each section of fifty pages, though it ended up being six hundred and fifty pages long and different than the plan. I came up with a lot of stuff in the process of writing. When I finished, I reread the book and noted everything I liked, wrote detailed character sheets, made a chapter-by-chapter plan, and did research for worldbuilding. From there, I began to write the second draft with more ideas of what I wanted. I'm currently on that draft.

[Medium]

yeah thats similar to the approach im about to begin

[Kajsa]

Thank you guys so much for the great advice! I will keep all of this in mind.

[The Wandering Wizard]

@Kajsa :), was it here?

[Kajsa]

@The Wandering Wizard Nope just checked here 

[Kendelian]

Keep in mind, the first draft never makes it to print. Also, with worldbuilding, focus your efforts on what is necessary for the plot and story. If your narrative is politically based, country borders and politics will be crucial for the story. If it’s adventure based, then politics will be irrelevant and you’ll need only a basic description. Develop the culture around what it would be involved in. Since it apparently is based on a bounty hunter, you might want to focus on the legal system, maybe indicate that the police force is inept or corrupt. If you’d, like, I could give more advice on worldbuilding.

Edited April 25, 2023 by Kendelian