Explain Cosmere things badly

[HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES he/him]

The title says it all 

 

Allomancy = eat some nails and jump out a window, it'll be fine

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES
to restrictive title

[Chaos he/him]

I'm moving this to the Cosmere Discussion board because I expect spoilers to be very plausible.

[Quantus he/him]

Feruchemy = "Have you considered a Layaway plan?"

The Court of the Gods = "Look!  Tall, Pretty Vampires!  If we feed them the Souls of enough Children, one of them might grant us a wish someday!"

 

[Duxredux he/him]

Here's a few bad descriptions:

Elantris - there's this guy. He dies, his death sucks, and then he dies.

Mistborn - Wealthy politician fails to adjust for discontent among lower class populace.

Way of Kings - Guy gets thrown into a team of misfits, classic underdog sports style. The team is too good at catching the "ball" so with the new leader guy's help, they get better at not catching the "ball". Also, a girl tries to steal another girl's bracelet. Older man deals with family issues and has some beef with an old drinking buddy. And in a dramatic reveal, we find out that an elderly man has a cool rock.

 

Stormlight - You have to breath just right and the color of your power can change what you can do sometimes.

BioChromatic Breaths - Lets you infuse objects and people with power. To get more powerful you have to find the right words to say. Get really good and you can get a powerful talking sword buddy.

[Rg2045]

Stormlight: mist electricity, that you can breath 

Hemilergy: deadly acupuncture

old magic: you get what you get. 

[Frustration]

Feruchemy: Have you tried turning the magic off and on again?

Allomancy: Iron supplimets

[HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES he/him]

Threnody magic. Grandma will be with you, always

Special magic fruit makes chicken magic

Mistborn Yin and Yang are not zen

 

 

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

Stormlight- vaping, but it's good for you(although in some places still illegal)

Hemalurgey- stabby stabby equals magic magic

Sand Mastery- sand castles

Elantris- math equals magic

Awakening - CPR

First of the Sun- good parasites

Allomancy- drink metal whisky, become god

Feruchemy- battery bracelets 

Threnody- scary ghosts hate silver

Returned- I died, now I'm back, let's be wasteful.

Fused- I die, then steal another's body 

Did I miss any?

[HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES he/him]

TWoK

Grizzeled man has unconventional relationship with young girl while old man complains about how slow genocide is, while poisoned baking rages

[SymphonianBookworm she/her]

Stormlight Archive:
A bunch of mentally unstable people of varying ages come together to fight evil forces with magic mist as they all talk to people no one can see..........

Mistborn Era 2:
Hats, bad romance that actually wasn't romance, arranged marriages, and magic gloves (bands).

The Reckoners:
Steel, hearts, and magic evil but not actually evil fighting prof-essers.

Warbreaker:
Magic hair. Witty weird wisdom. Jumping on the bed. Smokey swords.

Elantris: 
A guy dies but isn't actually dead but then he dies but isn't actually dead.

[Trusk'our he/him]

Hemalurgy: "So, you're saying all I need to do to use telekinesis is to take one of my grandma's knitting needles over there, impale that guy over there with it, then stab myself through the eye, and it'll somehow work?! And you think I'm crazy?!"   

         -a sane human being selected from the streets of Elendel

Edited June 20, 2022 by Trusk'our

[Some Random Spren he/him]

sand mastery - you can make sand a different colour if you don't mind being dehydrated

forgery - what if this thing wasn't this thing

dahkor - i deformed myself to make myself magic

hemalurgy - i stabbed myself to make myself magic

returned - i died and now i'm magic

heralds - oh no, not again

shardblades - stabby without the stabby

[+Child of Hodor]

Radiant Spren = Elf on a Shelf. They are always keeping track of you and they can show up all over the place. Also they might give you magic. 

Roshar = What if like underwater was on the surface, maaan?

Taln = Jesus with a gym membership and PTSD. 

Ghostbloods = East India Company meets Undercover Boss and Survivor.

Dawnshards = Like the titular Mangler in Stephen King's The Mangler where an industrial laundry machine kills people who previously used it. 

Spiritual Realm = 

 

[Nathrangking he/him]

Vasher- Disgruntled serial killing god sometimes takes in wandering princesses.

Mistborn-Metal magic, metal jewelry magic, metal piercing magic.

Dalinar- Mass murderer gets amnesia, does penance, remembers that he used to kill, and says no to drugs.

Edited June 21, 2022 by Nathrangking

[Morningtide she/her]

Hoid: that one guy who shows up wherever you are, makes cryptic comments, and then vanishes into thin air

[Rune he/him]

Shattering: a bunch of people kill God, eat him, become Gods, kill each other and spread their bodies all over planets