Asasasyn in White

Stormlight Archive Jokes

60 posts in this topic

Hello!

I got inspired by Mistborn jokes. I believe that half of this jokes will be very very very bad puns. But anyway, post them here, please.

 

How do you call a razor that you share with your friend?

Shareblade

 

Well that was bad enough.

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Deleted scene from 'Words of Radiance':

Blade: Lucky you! You don't get soaked everytime your bond puts you on.
Plate: At least that keeps you clean. Ever got shat in?
Blade: You have no idea. Anyone can borrow me, and some of those idiots drag me behind them all the time, tip in the ground, never caring whether I cut through stone, crem or chull leavings.
Plate: Be glad that none of that can hurt you. Ever had to entirely regrow from a small splinter? Storms, what a bother.
Blade: And how exactly is that worse than having to rise from the dead several times a day?
Plate: Careful, there comes a Knight Radiant in spe.
Blade: You don't think he can hear our shard talk, do you?
Plate: No, just get ready to be humiliated! Maybe I'll escape being shat in today after all...
--- many blows later ---
Blade: Talking about humiliation: how does it feel, lying on your back, helpless, locked?
Plate: Better then being held by someone lying on his back, helpless, clutched in the grip of a locked plate!  See you next duel...

[If you think this is poor as a joke (you're probably right), consider it a riddle: what color is the plate?]

Edited by Erklitt
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What did Fleet say to the Highstorm? 

Want to Rayse? 

 

How ow do you cook chouta? 

Braize it. 

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Nale: Son-Naruto Szeth——

Szeth: It's Neturo, Nin. Neturo.

=======

Nale: Son-Nutella Sze——

Szeth: Stone you I thought you were the only normal one._.

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Why are infused gemstones less heavy?

-Because they're filled with Stormlight.

 

What did the dead Shardblade say to the Knight Radiant?

-AAAAAAAAAAAAH... (or AAIEEEEEEEEEEE...)

 

What did the Skybreaker say to a person resisting citizen's Radiant's arrest?

It's my way or the high-up way.

 

Quantity over quality.

Edited by Walin
Forgot to add the crossout of "citizen's"
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Uh-oh - Kaladin's aid of Adolin in the dueling arena is still under review and the victory might be overturned. It seems that because of his known history of bitterness and defiance toward the Vorin caste system, technically he was a self-declared nahn-combatant at the time.

 

 

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Q- What do you call shardplate after it's gotten pooed in?

A- Shartplate

Q- Why did the Assasain in White fall down?

A- He got kicked in the Shin

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On 1/14/2017 at 0:23 PM, Rawrbert said:

Why do the vain Highprinces like it in the Shattered Plains?

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

I'll see myself out~

That's genuinely making me laugh out loud.  Congratulations.

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What was Jezrien's favorite book? 

Gone with the wind.

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What do you need after the Dustbringers arrive?

Maid service.

 

What do you call a Horneater who jumps off a mountain?

A Flatlander.

 

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I used to be a bridgeman like you, then I took a shardblade to the knee.

Why does a shardblade need to be so long?
Well he has to compensate for something.

Like when you find out that you pronounce jasnah's name yasnah and not jassnah and you realise your life is over. (This actually happened to me)

 

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What does Zahel say to an amazing revelation?

You just blue my mind!

 

What did Hoid say to the depressed Aiman?

Pull yourself together!

 

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What was Shallan in when she couldn't make fire? 

Spoiler

A Stick-y situation

 

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*Shallan eats chouta honour rock while Kaladin stares in disgust*
Kaladin: Is that really what you kaladinner?
Shallan: It is and it was and it shallan there's nothing you can do about it. Why gancho let me do what I want? It’s not going to harmony body. Don’t go to baddalinar false premise.
Kaladin: When did you join the cult of chouta people anyway?
Shallan: When I tasted it! It’s delicious. I’m proud to be a member of a cult of chouta, if it exists. How about you just try some of this chouta, you’ll probably like it.
Kaladin: No! It’s filled with preservatives, sodium, and other terrible things that will ruin your health! I will navanibble any chouta. I prefer the cultirational people.
*Dalinar walks up, eating chouta. He sits down to watch. *
*Shallan waits until Kaladin’s not looking, then throws some chouta at his face, and some gets in his mouth. He immediately spits it out, then glares at Shallan*
Kaladin: This means war.
Dalinar: You want to start another war? You’re meant to be an honourable windrenarin yet you don’t have the maturity to accept other people’s diet choices.
*Kaladin glares at Dalinar*
Shallan: Kaladin, wait, don’t get angry. I actually hate chouta. I only eat chouta to get your attention.
*Dalinar chokes on his chouta*
*Kaladin goes pale and falls upwards, then sideways. Within seconds he becomes a speck above the horizon*
Dalinar: …are you serious?
*Shallan snorts*
Shallan: No. That was a custormlighto make him go away.
*Dalinar’s eyes narrow*
Dalinar: I hope you’re happy. You’re gonna make thiskybreaker leg flying too fast over a cliff or something.
*Shallan shrugs*
Shallan: I think I deserve a pattern the back.
*Shallan resumes eating her chouta. Dalinar sighs, then eats some more of his chouta. *
Dalinar: I gotta say though, this chouta is deliceshonai can’t stop eating it.

Edited by Flynn
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Why did Syl leave Kaladin so much?

her name stands for See you later

i think I posted this somewhere else or maybe someone else posted it here but I didn't see

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33 minutes ago, Flynn said:

*Shallan eats chouta honour rock while Kaladin stares in disgust*
Kaladin: Is that really what you kaladinner?
Shallan: It is and it was and it shallan there's nothing you can do about it. Why gancho let me do what I want? It’s not going to harmony body. Don’t go to baddalinar false premise.
Kaladin: When did you join the cult of chouta people anyway?
Shallan: When I tasted it! It’s delicious. I’m proud to be a member of a cult of chouta, if it exists. How about you just try some of this chouta, you’ll probably like it.
Kaladin: No! It’s filled with preservatives, sodium, and other terrible things that will ruin your health! I will Navanibble any chouta. I prefer the cultirational people.
*Dalinar walks up, eating chouta. He sits down to watch. *
*Shallan waits until Kaladin’s not looking, then throws some chouta at his face, and some gets in his mouth. He immediately spits it out, then glares at Shallan*
Kaladin: This means war.
Dalinar: You want to start another war? You’re meant to be an honourable windrenarin yet you don’t have the maturity to accept other people’s diet choices.
*Kaladin glares at Dalinar*
Shallan: Kaladin, wait, don’t get angry. I actually hate chouta. I only eat chouta to get your attention.
*Dalinar chokes on his chouta*
*Kaladin goes pale and falls upwards, then sideways. Within seconds he becomes a speck above the horizon*
Dalinar: …are you serious?
*Shallan snorts*
Shallan: No. That was a custormlighto make him go away.
*Dalinar’s eyes narrow*
Dalinar: I hope you’re happy. You’re gonna make thiskybreaker leg flying too fast over a cliff or something.
*Shallan shrugs*
Shallan: I think I deserve a pattern the back.
*Shallan resumes eating her chouta. Dalinar sighs, then eats some more of his chouta. *
Dalinar: I gotta say though, this chouta is deliceshonai can’t stop eating it.

So if shallan through her Chouta at Kaladin, did she go pick it up off the floor to continue eating it? At the very least it should be dusty.

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Just now, Gizmosowner said:

So if shallan through her Chouta at Kaladin, did she go pick it up off the floor to continue eating it? At the very least it should be dusty.

she didn't throw it all, just some. She may try to rescue the thrown chouta later though. Maybe she'll chase Kaladin to get some chouta that got on his uniform. 

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3 minutes ago, Flynn said:

she didn't throw it all, just some. She may try to rescue the thrown chouta later though. Maybe she'll chase Kaladin to get some chouta that got on his uniform. 

I feel like that Chouta would be sweaty from captain Kaladin standing around in the sun all day because I feel like they would still be in the shattered plains. Plus I don't think he washes his uniform everyday sooooooo uh nasty Horneaters are nasty

edit: I know she's only partly horn eater but I think that her blood should atleast allow her to drink her kinds special lager

Edited by Gizmosowner
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9 minutes ago, Gizmosowner said:

I feel like that Chouta would be sweaty from captain Kaladin standing around in the sun all day because I feel like they would still be in the shattered plains. Plus I don't think he washes his uniform everyday sooooooo uh nasty Horneaters are nasty

edit: I know she's only partly horn eater but I think that her blood should atleast allow her to drink her kinds special lager

 

Shallan loves the chouta too much.
She will eat it all. 

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1 minute ago, Flynn said:

Shallan loves the chouta too much.
She will eat it all. 

Even if some got of captain kaladins.... Pants... Or mouth...... Dirty dirty light eye shallan...... Sebarial corrupted her...

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Maybe good enough for shallan to eat my Chouta now instead of Adolins.

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