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Unum est duo


I say I’m one thing

Im really two

I call myself one thing

I realize I’m two

 

It would be so much easier to be insane

I look at those with voices

And yearn for that security

I have problems, we all do

But it would be so much easier

To call me crazy

To say I’m insane

There’s a reason I’m like this

2 voices, that’s the reason

I wish I could be insane

I pretend to be

I want to have voices

But I don’t

Maybe that’s really why I’m insane

 

I see 2 paths,

One well kept and logical

Full of happiness and reason

One faded and worn

Full of soul and pain

 

I want to be a poet

A writer

A wordsmith

But I love spreadsheets

And math

And coding

 

I feel two things

Battling and fighting

I want to be both

But they feel so different

 

I wish I was crazy

I wish I could be insane

Then I could find reason,

Pin the blame.

I’m like this because of the voices

I wish I could say

None of us are okay

But I wish I could say

 

The 2 are voices

Different from me

Neither are me

But both of them are

I wish I had did

Maybe schitzo

I know this is offensive

But I wish I could say

 

This is the reason

This why I am

I am crazy,

Here’s the name

My insanity has label

I’m not normal,

That’s why I am this was

But deep down I know I’m not

I know it’s all a facade

But I wish I could say

 

Look at this

I can hear the voices

Look at me

I can hear the voices

The 2 aren’t me

Their my insanity

But I can’t

 

Cause they’re both me

And maybe that’s worse

Cause I feel them both

And definitely can’t choose

 

print(“Error: purpose not found”)

for i in purpose:

  print(i)

- - -

Error: purpose not found

Spreadsheets and coding and data science

Poetry, writing, and stories

 

I feel a rush of joy as I’m typing my code

I feel accomplishment when I see the spreadsheet

 

But at night when I go swinging

I imagine a world

A world of my creation

A world of my own

Storyweavers and dreams

Poetry and confusion

I write my story

And feel the divide

 

I wish I was crazy

I wish I was insane

It would be so easy

If I could pin the blame

There’s a reason I’m like this

A reason for all this

It’s because of the voices

Because my mind is amiss

I can point at a diagnosis

And tell myself why

 

There’s a reason I’m like this

But is there really?

I want there to be a reason

But maybe I’m just human

We’re all fed up,

Maybe I’m not special

Maybe I’m like everyone else

Maybe I don’t have a problem

But then why?

 

I feel these 2 things

Both living inside my soul

I feel both these things

Fairly equally

They are both me

Feelings not voices

I’m not insane

Just kinda crazy

There is something wrong with me

It doesn’t have a name

I want to write my feelings

And escape in code

 

console.log(poetry(“Unum est duo”));

“One is two”

“Is there a reason I’m like this?”

“But does it really matter?”

“I wish there was a reason”

“But maybe I don’t need one”

“Maybe I’m just me”

“And that’s crazy enough”

“Maybe both of me”

“Maybe all of me”

“Maybe I can work together”

“Maybe I can walk down both roads”

“Maybe I don’t have to be crazy”

“For me to decide what to do”

“I can write and I can code”

“Maybe I can do both…”

“And that’s beautiful.”

 

I’ve talked about this before

And I’m glad I went down this path

The path in the middle

With the joy of both

Maybe I, the one

Can be both 2

Maybe I can be both

More than one thing

Edited by Through The Living Coder

110 Comments


Recommended Comments



6 7

Posted

Just now, Through The Living Coder said:

Im pretty sure I quoted exactly what that one guy said about the dot.

Chidi?

Lol

 

I feel like Chidi sometimes....

It's easier if someone else makes the choices for you.

I have no opinion, no useful one

Verdance

Posted

Immortality truly is a curse

perfect peace, perfect joy, eternally? That’s hard to comprehend as a mortal, and sometimes it even scares me in a cosmic horror sort of way, but that is a blessing to hope for.

yeah i don’t remember much of my childhood before Covid. Like, at some point during elementary school i gained sentience, and then right before covid like a year or so i would say i became me.

6 7

Posted

I hate my child self. The few memories I have are... not good, and I wish I could just erase everything from existence

Verdance

Posted

Also while literally almost all of the divine comedy is like, made up, being catholic doctrine which has some core ideals right but has a heck of a lot of completely unbiblical ideas tacked on top, it’s both an entertaining and fairly good representation of the core values of Christianity, or at least watching the wendigoon videos on the subject left me with a good impression.

Hmmm. Yeah idk i was an absolute rustng jerkwad as a kid

Still kind of am sometimes

also did you see the new SoW side story i wrote yet?

6 7

Posted (edited)

In fact, even in, like, my early teens I was a piece of crem. In fact, even last year and now.

I wish I could fix/erase Everything Everything

3 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

also did you see the new SoW side story i wrote yet?

no... srorry..

Edited by Through The Living Girl
Aeoryi

Posted

37 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Yeah, I suppose.

But, like, school is much easier to remember for me, even if I don't remember a lot. Maybe because of the structure and I really only have to remember which courses I took to trigger memories of some things that happened in those courses. But for general life? I mean it's not like I've done much anyway..

Just a few events here and there..

That's probably just an average life for ya, except I'm arguably at a loss with very very little social interaction

Yeah I forgot what the dot was anyway, but I think it made no sense lol

I mean idk lol

Verdance

Posted

The past is in the past, you can’t change it now. Resolve to make your present and future better.
dont apologize it’s literally not important 

6 7

Posted

i just ... not the mood

idk

 

yeah... it can still haunt u tho.

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

I mean idk lol

Yeah.. kinda like.. if you have ADHD and ask another person with ADHD "oh, is it normal to fidget/procrastinate/etc.?" you'll most likely get "yeah, I do it lol so it's normal haha"

or... domething

Aeoryi

Posted

make every moment count in the moment, because it won't count every moment in the past

6 7

Posted

Just now, Aeoryi said:

make every moment count in the moment, because it won't count every moment in the past

good advice but sometimes it's hard

Verdance

Posted

Again. I don’t really care. You’re fine. 

*shivers in freshman memory shame* yeah i guess. I try to use my failures as learning points, because i have a habit of getting stuck in past failure and beating myself up over it. 

Aeoryi

Posted

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

.. kinda like.. if you have ADHD and ask another person with ADHD "oh, is it normal to fidget/procrastinate/etc.?" you'll most likely get "yeah, I do it lol so it's normal haha"

or... domething

I have pretty good memory when it comes to remembering important information... I'd think

6 7

Posted

yeah i hate myself sometimes but im getting used to it and kinda just like idk yeah not hating as much myself but before I'd absolutely never want to think of my past and every time I did I hated it

Just now, Aeoryi said:

I have pretty good memory when it comes to remembering important information... I'd think

yeah same, I think

 

but not experiences

Verdance

Posted (edited)

I had this crazy theory a while ago that my life was shortened and mirrored the stages of life and i was in the dementia stage already

clearly i was not of sound mind

sometimes its okay to get caught up in the present

Edited by Through The Living Grass
6 7

Posted (edited)

hehe....

 

wdym?

Edited by Through The Living Girl
Aeoryi

Posted

1 minute ago, Through The Living Girl said:

yeah i hate myself sometimes but im getting used to it and kinda just like idk yeah not hating as much myself but before I'd absolutely never want to think of my past and every time I did I hated it

yeah same, I think

 

but not experiences

Sometimes it's better to not remember I have learned

Just now, Through The Living Grass said:

I had this crazy theory a while ago that my life was shortened and mirrored the stages of life and i was in the dementia stage already

clearly i was not of sound mind

I mean yes, but you do experience the passage of time linearly 

Verdance

Posted

Like to just hyper focus on the task in front of you, ignoring past and future and not letting them distract you. Glance forward to the future you want, glance backwards to the mistakes you learn from, then stay focused on the road you currently travel on. 

6 7

Posted (edited)

3 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Sometimes it's better to not remember I have learned

If only we didn't, tho...

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Like to just hyper focus on the task in front of you, ignoring past and future and not letting them distract you. Glance forward to the future you want, glance backwards to the mistakes you learn from, then stay focused on the road you currently travel on. 

yeah i guess...

Edited by Through The Living Girl
Verdance

Posted

1 minute ago, Through The Living Girl said:

If only we didn't, tho...

“For the time being, I will avoid my own questions, and we both bury that history deep.”

- Vessel

idk lol proverbs of sleep token

Why are you using the Oswald font

that is oswald right

Stop casting forum black magic :3

Aeoryi

Posted

1 minute ago, Through The Living Girl said:

If only we didn't, tho...

yeah i guess...

I can also type in a narrower font

The truth sometimes is not worth knowing, for some reason people make it out to be super ultra important- I guarantee you it is not

 

6 7

Posted

Just now, Through The Living Grass said:

“For the time being, I will avoid my own questions, and we both bury that history deep.”

- Vessel

idk lol proverbs of sleep token

Why are you using the Oswald font

that is oswald right

Impact

test

Verdance

Posted

Just now, Aeoryi said:

I can also type in a narrower font

The truth sometimes is not worth knowing, for some reason people make it out to be super ultra important- I guarantee you it is not

 

Explain. I am very well trained that truth is necessary for existence. “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”

In what situation does the truth not need to come out? 

Aww the new pfp is so cute i love it

6 7

Posted (edited)

4 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I can also type in a narrower font

The truth sometimes is not worth knowing, for some reason people make it out to be super ultra important- I guarantee you it is not

 

yo nice pfp

test

Edited by Through The Living Girl
Verdance

Posted

Am i like the only one who hasn’t changed their pfp in the last few weeks

Must resist urge to give in to peer pressure 

but i kinda want to draw like an anime style guy for my own pfp

i just still half suck

6 7

Posted (edited)

1 minute ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Am i like the only one who hasn’t changed their pfp in the last few weeks

Must resist urge to give in to peer pressure 

but i kinda want to draw like an anime style guy for my own pfp

i just still half suck

lol look one up then

or just do it anyway

Edited by Through The Living Girl

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