I say I’m one thing

Im really two

I call myself one thing

I realize I’m two

 

It would be so much easier to be insane

I look at those with voices

And yearn for that security

I have problems, we all do

But it would be so much easier

To call me crazy

To say I’m insane

There’s a reason I’m like this

2 voices, that’s the reason

I wish I could be insane

I pretend to be

I want to have voices

But I don’t

Maybe that’s really why I’m insane

 

I see 2 paths,

One well kept and logical

Full of happiness and reason

One faded and worn

Full of soul and pain

 

I want to be a poet

A writer

A wordsmith

But I love spreadsheets

And math

And coding

 

I feel two things

Battling and fighting

I want to be both

But they feel so different

 

I wish I was crazy

I wish I could be insane

Then I could find reason,

Pin the blame.

I’m like this because of the voices

I wish I could say

None of us are okay

But I wish I could say

 

The 2 are voices

Different from me

Neither are me

But both of them are

I wish I had did

Maybe schitzo

I know this is offensive

But I wish I could say

 

This is the reason

This why I am

I am crazy,

Here’s the name

My insanity has label

I’m not normal,

That’s why I am this was

But deep down I know I’m not

I know it’s all a facade

But I wish I could say

 

Look at this

I can hear the voices

Look at me

I can hear the voices

The 2 aren’t me

Their my insanity

But I can’t

 

Cause they’re both me

And maybe that’s worse

Cause I feel them both

And definitely can’t choose

 

print(“Error: purpose not found”)

for i in purpose:

  print(i)

- - -

Error: purpose not found

Spreadsheets and coding and data science

Poetry, writing, and stories

 

I feel a rush of joy as I’m typing my code

I feel accomplishment when I see the spreadsheet

 

But at night when I go swinging

I imagine a world

A world of my creation

A world of my own

Storyweavers and dreams

Poetry and confusion

I write my story

And feel the divide

 

I wish I was crazy

I wish I was insane

It would be so easy

If I could pin the blame

There’s a reason I’m like this

A reason for all this

It’s because of the voices

Because my mind is amiss

I can point at a diagnosis

And tell myself why

 

There’s a reason I’m like this

But is there really?

I want there to be a reason

But maybe I’m just human

We’re all fed up,

Maybe I’m not special

Maybe I’m like everyone else

Maybe I don’t have a problem

But then why?

 

I feel these 2 things

Both living inside my soul

I feel both these things

Fairly equally

They are both me

Feelings not voices

I’m not insane

Just kinda crazy

There is something wrong with me

It doesn’t have a name

I want to write my feelings

And escape in code

 

console.log(poetry(“Unum est duo”));

“One is two”

“Is there a reason I’m like this?”

“But does it really matter?”

“I wish there was a reason”

“But maybe I don’t need one”

“Maybe I’m just me”

“And that’s crazy enough”

“Maybe both of me”

“Maybe all of me”

“Maybe I can work together”

“Maybe I can walk down both roads”

“Maybe I don’t have to be crazy”

“For me to decide what to do”

“I can write and I can code”

“Maybe I can do both…”

“And that’s beautiful.”

 

I’ve talked about this before

And I’m glad I went down this path

The path in the middle

With the joy of both

Maybe I, the one

Can be both 2

Maybe I can be both

More than one thing