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About this blog

They watch us, each move.

Hidden, they see us.

Quietly, they take us.

 

We are but ants to Them,

Living in a glass world,

On display,

Our daily lives,

Unbeknownst and unparseable to us.

Entries in this blog

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2026/02/09

Easy;Waste IT’S EASY BUT IT’S NOT or maybe i just don’t want to do it IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE; I DO IT ALL THE TIME yet i waste hours—delay hours—on what inevitably takes ten minutes. WHY!! WHY MUST I DO THIS!! i just do. i do. i...do. whether i like to or not. I LIKE TO THOUGH!! AT LEAST…it depends. and yet i write this. and yet i write this instead. Just. Do. It. Please.   Pressure…Surface “I work best under pressure,” she says.
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2026/04/17 - Blizzard

Unmemoried, Unmemories Not knowing what is, what isn't, or what was; Questioning everything, life, my mind. What do I know, how much is real, what have I... forgotten? What do I do, why don't I want to, how can I find out?   - Lily
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2026/04/07 - Chaos

Hmm.. not as many "happy" poems as I thought..   Layered Thoughts I will never be ready. Will I? I don’t understand my thoughts, Don’t know what to think. Her thoughts are confusing, Tangles and jumbles. It’s… so, so many layers. Never-ending cyclic layers. “Help me…” Who? Who will help you, confused one? No one, not even your mind. No one can… make this any easier. I must persevere and… wait. Just… wait and… let the
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2026/04/13 - "Happy"

Authentic Self Who am... I? What is "me," "myself"? This entity? What do "I" want? What... "makes me happy"? When I can't define... Anything, anymore. How can I know when I'm happy, When I'm living true?   - Lilith (Lily)
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2026/03/02 - Discomfort and Longing

Unpleasant Environment I hate this place. This place where I struggle; To find comfort, To find motivation, To find productivity, To find joy.   I shift and stir, Awaiting my next break, From this place. Awaiting tomorrow, Awaiting comfort, Awaiting the ever-closer…salvation.   It may take weeks, I might be here months more, But at least I have, A hope. A hope of escape.   A Step Away A
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2026/05/04 - Tears of Love

Self-compassion You matter, you are loved. You have others, Who care. I care.   You are loved, You deserve joy. You deserve this compassion, You can allow yourself it, you deserve to feel loved, to feel… good.   - Lily
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2026/04/29 - Short Poems in Pencil

I write poems in a notebook or sketchbook, sometimes.   Two Tools The pen and the pencil— Two different tools. Permanence and impermanence— Certainty and tolerance. Neither optimal, Mistakes both ways, Give and take.   Confusion at the Unthinkable Unable to ponder— I try to, my mind refuses to think. Unable to breathe— Too much, feeling sick. So sick— From eating, from thinking. But I must— Must know,
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2026/03/09 - Un-Necessary Sustenance

Necessary Sustenance Sometimes I don’t want, This necessary sustenance. Sometimes I don’t get, Enough necessary sustenance. Sometimes it’s too much work, Too few appetizing options, Not worth it.   - Lily
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2026/05/30 - No One Knows

(This was scheduled, yesterday, to automatically post today. So it doesn't mean I'm active, necessarily.)   Framework of Perception How should we think about—and see—things? People, the world—our thoughts. What is the right way—and what is seen as right? How will that change?   If views change—modify, improve?— Then how are we to know if What society believes, Is not wrong—waiting for change? If what everyone believes—even me— Is i
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2026/05/09 - Slow Unburdening

Chest Cavity My chest feels as though it’s collapsing, I feel the weight crushing my ribs, Making it hard to breathe, Yet painful to not.   Breathe set to manual, A conscious, painful effort. I feel as though I cannot breathe deeply, They are all too shallow.   I feel as though my chest is crushed, My ribs puncturing the organs, Exposed, heart and lungs on display, I bring my hands and arms up.   I hug myself, the on
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2026/05/26 - Stupid stupid stupid...

To Learn I must learn, through life. "If it's easy am I doing it right?" Does it matter?   Nature We were mot meant for classification—nothing was. It doesn't just fit into neat little boxes or boxes within boxes, some walled off and others connected with tunnels and red yarn.   Confidence I now see— what they say. I can believe— in myself—my voice, my body, my mind. I can appreciate— and, finally, lov
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2026/05/17 - Mirage and Hell

I apologize if these are repetitive or stupid 😊  Whoa, italic emoji? Weeeeiiiirdd edit: nvm it went away lol   Impossible I can't think—can’t speak, For if I do I will die. Though I'm already dying, My brain is frying, I'm on the brink, Yet I can't let myself think.   I need to get better, I can't remember, Because memories are thoughts, And I must not return.   Hovering I can't stand them Standing, ha
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2026/05/19 - Reminders

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh   Walls of Memories Markings on the wall— Symbols and icons that reference the life of a person you will never meet. It's art— The soul of a community— Spanning the ages—the lives. Shared ideas, thoughts, emotion, meaning.   Erased—for order or cleanliness. Years and lives, gone, before I can add mine.   Lines Lines—painful reminders triggering thoughts and images unwanted. Lines, murdering me from within
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2026/05/23 - Heartombed

Love? I wish I could spend every day with her. If only I had not returned. If only I had not left. Each day of those few were the best of my life— and the start of a new one.   Each day I sought her, Sat sown, talked. Just sitting by her, Was more than I could ask for. Doing anything, with her, no matter how boring, was what made the days, something I wanted. Each second I smiled. Did I love
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2026/05/20 - First in the Book

Never Neat Always "not quite"—never explainable. I can never explain, never tell them what I am. Undecided, confused—no label letting me claim it. Why can't I ever be?   Guess i only wrote on ethat day, hmmm .. - Lily  
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2026/05/14 - True Life Hidden

Sorry for not posting in a bit, I've been goin' through some stuff and idk.   Jen, or Night Life Finally, it was night again. Jen sighed in relief as she pulled the pink hoodie on. She was a different person at home—herself. She sat on her bed and opened her laptop—she could be herself, just… not like this. Jen put on her headphones and entered the world of her dreams—a place she could be around others and be herself. She could be Jen.   - Lily
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2026/05/29 - An Idiot's Thoughts

Uhh... stuff about gender. If you don't agree with me then... idk. Yeah.   False Dichotomy We have taught ourselves that To be human is to fit into the binary— Moreso to be constrained within that box. But this is a false dichotomy— An unnecessary binary—who gives a storm if You want to wear suits or skirts—or both, or neither? Ehy do they assign is to one— Something we have no choice in—[illegible word] And reluctantly follow along with all
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2026/05/21 - Day 2

From the Insanity Book / Deathnote   Hangin' wit' da Girls Finally, I feel more alive than I ever have. More connected to reality, to these other living being. I feel like one of them, though my body still needs fixin'.   Social Stuntin' I do it so they laugh—always have. I feel like I gotta vomit—but it's aight. I meed to fit in, stand out, be one, a human, just a girl.   i wrote so much and so little.. - Lily
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2026/05/31 - No Memory About This

(Scheduled)   Purpose of Hiding I see clearer when— I take this veil from my eyes. So then ehy do I hide? For style or from fear?   Music Why do I deny myself the ever-soothing pleasure I was without for so long?   When will I allow my life to return to normal?   Will it—or I—ever?   Buzz The world has been so quiet, In these past weeks. No buzzing, no phone—[illegible word], Time for pe
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2026/06/01 - Slow Descent HAHA NOTTTTEEJJDJ

Scheduled   Paralysis I am not me— I cannot breathe, Nor can I think, For every thought thought Is two more worries wrought.   Faded Bliss I can't remember her, Not how I'd like. Our brief friendship, The possibility for more.   I try to remember, I don't want to forget— Despite the pain of regret.   See Her I wish I could see her, gain. I wish I could be with her, once more.
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2026/06/02 - Randomosity

Scheduled   The  I now listen, to the song not heard— not played. The song from Her.   Reading this next one ("Like Atlas") again, it kinda sucks. I definitely coulda done better... Like Atlas I feel sometimes an Immense burden— That of humanity. It weighs on me, And I feel guilty, And helpless.   Doomsday "If the world ended tomorrow, and it could." "If I died, I'd be fine." But what did She
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