el_warko

Loved it. Really enjoyed it truley. I'd buy it. The cremling references kinda pulled me out of the story for a bit and the brotherly interaction felt a little forced (but that could be becasue I don;t have that sort of relationship with my brother). My two cents regarding saids is it is needed in three or way way conversation. Alternatively, you could try adding a movement by teh character - stretching yawning etc. as too many saids can get clunky. Also, I imagine there will be more on Salines power set in later installments? What's the plan going forward, novella or full blown novel, if you don't mind the asking. Oh, and if you find yourself in need of readers please keep me in mind.

Elo was covered in sweat and small clothes men's and women's as he crooned: "Baby baby baby yeah yeah yeah ooh ooh ooh honey honey honey lover lover lover sweet sweet sweet action action action . . . . . . ." ​Slight (terrible) musical in joke there from a first year class He didn't mind the mix; who could blame anyone for wanting him. They all wanted him, they wanted to be him, what was the difference. Sure the philosophers and his stalkers could argue the point until dawn. They probably, he had that effect on people. He had found his lute earlier, a young thief who thought he was someone special had tried to sell it to him. Elo gave him points for gumption, and a black eye for his trouble. Reunited with his axe, he'd sought out his muse. He realised he (Grim) was dead - it was a love hate thing. So he'd sought out his erstwhile collaborator Swimim. He was dead too. He briefly thought about seeking Aili but had thought better of it. He'd sat down with Baldrick when inspiration had hit him, like an apple falling from a tree. The chant of "We want more! we want more! we want more!" snapped Elo out of his reverie. This next song, is dedicated to the two most influential men in my life, Susebron, the God-King of Hallandren and Aodan, the God-King of D'Relin. When both men open their mouths, the multitude jump too. It's called "The man behind the man". A hush descended over the crowd. Some torches were ripped from sconces and raised, swaying in time to the rhythm. Well I walked into the Salmon, There sat a suspicious man Sitting in the corner Newspaper in hand Holes cut out for his eyelids Sporting a fake moustache I asked him what his name was He just got up and laughed He said: “Son I ain’t even telling, But you’ll soon find out Not everyone is as they seem There are agents about Some are Idrian, some are lifeless Some are Hallandren and Drab But I know all and see all I’m the best they’ll ever have. Some can tell you aura by looking But I’m better than that I know all and I see all” He smiled and tipped his hat. Well, I didn’t see him leaving He moved as if he were a ghost I sat down and thought quietly And chewed on a piece of toast. The roar of appreciation was deafening. "THANK YOU D'RELIN GOODNIGHT" Elo saluted the crowd.

Elo was furious. Those orphans had gotten away. The last he'd heard of them was "Elo's short, Elo's short Our legs are longer, we'll never be caught"! He'd never caught them true. He had caught some bunnies. The bunnies were unhurt, just . . . . . . . . trimmed. He used the fur to make a fake beard and slip in the brewery. He left with several recipes. He left the rabbit fur in an open vat. Sifa almost caught him. Almost. He hadn't heard a peep form those besmirching his honour. He was a man of honour, he was a man of action, he was a man of passion. Thousands, Hundreds, Dozens (maybe two (okay one)) of women could attest to that. He swung past the library deliberately dog-eared some books (this is my pet hate, it hurts to even type it, even in character and will take you off my book lend list if you're ever on it and do it to me IRL) then made some noise and dropped breadcrumbs on the floor. Laughing he left and sauntered in the the town square. "Aodan! Elo's voice boomed out. You act like the village saviour and have hoards of people worshipping your very word, your every command. Yes I am jealous. You should all listen to me! Hallandren of D'Relin, open your eyes. You've sold your souls and your breath to an Idrian. Really? Assuming he can rid the land of the Pahn Kahl, you have handed all the power in the negotiations to an Idrian. You wanted an unnecessary bridge in your village? (you will be roped) You wanted tax break on your fabrics? (you will be roped). You were caught in a compromising position (strawmanned). None of your votes will count (one way or another). I am temped to vote for you though that would be misinterpreted as Pahn Kahl, so I shall refrain. I will instead cast my vote onto Chide, in the spirit of consistency." I will miss you Grim. Seriously, Elo will need a new archnemisis.

universities. Pizza froze

Falling, blue sky above, death below.

My life, once flowing, now ebbs.

Taking breaths from orphans (the only other "confirmed" source of breath in the village)? For shame Claincy for shame. And before you accuse me of being a hypocrite, I was only going to beat them to teach them a lesson; you are condemning them to years of drabosity.

Elo sauntered into the square, Baldrick at his side. At his shoulder eyebrows was closer to the truth. He overheard Sifa was calling him out to explain his actions. Calling HIM out? The greatest Bard had ever been, that ever was, that Nalthis would ever see? And the librarian? "You're just bitter that I'm setting up a microbrewery. Speaking of, my bitter will be better, my pale ale will be better. Colours, my stout will make that weak dishwater you brew taste like month old dishwater. The creamy velvet with chocolate and rum undertones will be fit for the gods." "You want an in character explaination from Elo, what the colours does that even mean? I'm not a character, I'm the Charater, the Bard, the lothario, the pinicle of Hallandren civilisation. Future generation will whisper my name in awe that I existed, and dispair that they will never achieve the same heights. I am a GOD among men and not one of those namby pamby returned "Ooooh, look at me I can't even remember my own name, I'll sit and suffer through countless petitions and substandard art exhibitions until I cannot take any more and kill myself" Baldrick slunk off, (he'd thought Aili last night was bad) "But this once I will indulge you brewery assistant and librarian". “I voted Thomas day one to vote for someone. I believe that voting should be done by everyone every day. I voted Chide day two due to inactivity and because Thomas was not on the block, I had no compelling argument for him on day one and one vote will not make a difference to the outcome if it is the only vote. I voted Chide day three because I believe in consistency and Chide was up again. I am like a Jack Russel terrier. . "STOP THAT SNICKERING! or I'll these hands of fury will beat you senseless. Just because you're orphans doesn't mean . . . ." The orphans ran off, Elo took off in pursuit. Elo's rant had silenced the crowd. On the winds you could almost hear "What a conceited self-absorbed pillock. I need a drink, it time to move on" If any heads turned, they would have noticed that Baldrick was the only one upwind at the time. Edit: added an e to on (last sentence)

was flame resistant

brought fire. Huzzah!

Elo was passing through the square when he noticed HER. "Colours!" He swore under his breath. She looked kinda like Aili, but only if Aili had somehow got really really ridiculously good looking. "Hey gorgeous, haven't seen you before, would you like to see my instru.." The crowd rounded on him and glared. Baldrick looked embarased. Elo glared back. He was still in pain from the beating a couple of nights ago. He wasn't fit for another round . . . . . . . . . Yet. "....ctions for building my new house? I'm thinking of setting a microbrewry in the basement" he finished.

Seems a shame to remove corpses from the pool. Zombie Vard would NOT approve. Seriously though, if they are not going to be used after three days, they are not going to be used.

and thirteen micron.

Full points for commitment to your cause, but I feel I should point out that you're on the wrong side of the border to be claiming Pagan gods.

Hoid: "Watcha doin' Buuuuuudy."

Elo's hand hurt. His brain hurt. Accusation were coming thick and fast, Jeo and Chide were coping the brunt of the hate (OK maybe hate is a touch melodramtic, I but I am an Artiste, and a slave to my muse ) Neither canidate seemed particularly lynchable in Elo's eyes. Jeo still hadn't got a decent supply of booze in though Sifa had sworn she would sort it out. Chide was MIA. Sure Rowan had "claimed" to have seen Chide curled up in a ball after he had been to the hostpital and saved all the orphans from hunger and boredom with kittens and rabbits (or was that Cog?)). Didn't matter to Elo, both of them were goody too shoes hippys more concerned saving orphans and begger children than soting out the problems the village had. Which were in order of importance to Elo were: good music, decent microbrewery competition, Crime (sorting out the appaling murder rate). Music he had sorted, he could outplay the Idrian god Austere, or any of the Halladren Partheon on any instument, day or night, whether in Georgia or D'Relin. Decent microbrewery, he would turn his hand too, once he rebuilt his house. Maybe he shoudl remodel his basement while he was at it? Crime, well, dress it up as you want to, but alongside the nightly deaths, the villagers seemed intent on commiting a murder a day. Elo was as bloodthirsty as the next (wo)man in the village, proabably more so, but recent events involving near death experiences had mellowed Elo slightly. Elo couldn't lie to himself. "Chide I will call for your head and continue to call for it until you speak up, to someone other than Rowan about something other than a snake".

Elo got up early to start fixing his house. He got out a hammer, some nails and placed two pieces of wood in a cross. As he swung down to hit the first nail in but hit his thumb instead. The scream reverberated around the village.

Dragons of Spring Dawning Spoiler: Though I feel that way about The Belgriad. Loved loved loved so much at High School. Tried to read it a couple of years back. I cried, it was like finding out there was no santa. On the subject of Dwarves, I picked up the Dwarves (against my better judgement). Wished I hadn't.

Good pick up.

Sorry got this stuck in my head given the current situation (abbreviated). I wonder where that fish has gone! And it went... where-ever I... did go! He's not by the way.

Elo sat up winced, clicked his jaw and check his ribs. Bruised not broken was his guess. Well that was something. I should really see a doctor he thought. He knew a man claiming to be a doctor once, but that was a long time ago or maybe a dream of another world. Regardless, he was alone. Except for the dog. Who was wagging his tail and nudging him expectantly. "I sp'ose yeh wan'ta beh fed" He said and started coughing. He collapsed from the pain. No definately broken. "I suppose you want to be fed" The dog licked his face and nudged him again. Elo managed to stand up. He was in an alleyway. A clean(ish) one. "Well that was something else". His lute was gone. "Filthy colouring thieves" he shouted and punched a wall. A normal man would have broken his hand, Elo was no normal man. He was a scrapper, a fighter and nine times out of ten a rather unpleaseant, no good Hallandren. He knew this well. Self realisation, and musicianship were two things he was good for. He left the alley and saw the remains of his house, Baldrick trotted along side him. His anger smouldered like the ruins he faced. People WOULD pay for this. He made his way to the Green Potato. Grim smiled, actually smiled when he saw him. "Someone finally got to you eh Elo" Grim asked deadpan. "Shut up" Elo relied and walked towards the door. "No dogs" Elo glared at him, but was in no state ot press the point. "Wait dog" Elo went inside and ordered breakfast. Well, breakfast for him, it was mid afternoon by the position of the sun in the sky. He found he had no appatite and bagged the rest for the dog. The town square was packed. Accusations were flying. He had wanted action. He was getting it. It seemed that Chid and Swimim were being hounded by all and sundry. Elo wanted blood for his loses. Preferably Idrian blood. He knew Swimim, that cat could lay down some serious pentameter. Chid, he didn't know and was Idrian. Given the state of his congnative function, that was enough. "Chide" Edit: Added an e to my vote.

Says the Idrian. Vard was dead he did good work, who would Elo go to for capo's and tuning forks now? Darv, he supposed, he also did good work. Mr. SirVarrock of the Zombies, couldn't think of a name for another smith, so I inverted yours. Hope that's OK.

"Stupid life tree! Edit: this is my favourite passage thus far: "Shards families are complicated. Very complicated. Imagine a door painted rainbow, barely Covered in smaller doors, which are Coated with atium and pink tinfoil. That's Shardic family. It's very confusing."

Elo stirred from his slumber, coughed, gasped and cried out in pain and anguish. Nothing felt right, his lungs were on fire, his head bleeding, his ribs broken. He let out one last quiet sob and let the darkness take him back. Baldrick stood guard, the night was not over yet. Yay! Camp has WiFi. Happiness. Stupid 12 hour days. As an aside, I would appreciate it if I am murdered in my sleep that Baldrick lives. Just feed him a lamb shank, scratch him behind his ears and tell him to keep looking.

Baldrick growled standing protectively over his master. A hand reached out of the darkness. Baldrick sniffed it, dropped to his haunches, licked the outstretched hand and went quiet. "Say the words Elo" "My breath to yours, my life to yours" His life collapsed in on himself. He was drab.