Stardust

*lurks*

Leaving now! @GG0z and @Stardust to my spren

Alright guys, I changed my name! Thanks to @CoderDrag0n8@Usseewa@Conure1243@Keteᛕ@Aeoryiand @GG0z (sorry if I forgot anyone) for helping me find a new name! 

Alright guys, I changed my name! Thanks to @CoderDrag0n8@Usseewa@Conure1243@Keteᛕ@Aeoryiand @GG0z (sorry if I forgot anyone) for helping me find a new name! 

Okay guys, now that I guess Verdance's contest is over, I guess I need a new username. 
What do you guys think it should be? 

Okay guys, now that I guess Verdance's contest is over, I guess I need a new username. 
What do you guys think it should be? 

Okay guys, now that I guess Verdance's contest is over, I guess I need a new username. 
What do you guys think it should be? 

These days, I look in the mirror and find myself a man of lies.

I must apologize in advance, I am feeling seriously depressed right now and that is making me dramatic and eloquent; I feel like taking this seriously. At some point I was always going to have to make this decision, and it's not one that I am enjoying making, but I don't really have a choice.

This was going to happen eventually. I am terrible at keeping secrets. Some of you may be aware I have some very loving, very conservative, very controlling parents. I have simultaneously defended and complained about them many, many times, but in the end, they love me very much and want what's best for me. Well, they have discovered this 17thShard account that I have, and they do not like it.  I cannot say that everything I have said on here is true. I have time and time again expressed opinions on religion, gender and sexuality, mental health, and other topics, and I can't really say that all of it is true. At my core, I lie through my teeth, supporting things I do not truly support, condemning things that I do not condemn, because if I don't, I won't have any friends. You all would dismiss me as hateful and ignorant and never speak to me again, because in some ways I am. I certainly don't hate any of you. I really can't believe that all of this is just some mental illness or something like that. Regardless, I can't keep pretending to support it in any capacity.

2 Peter 2:4-10 mentions a person from Genesis, Lot, who lived in the city of Sodom, an ancient city legendary for its degeneracy and violence. Lot was a follower of God who lived among these people, even becoming an arbiter or judge among them. In Genesis 18, Abraham barters with God, who is planning to destroy the city for its sin. After some time, God agrees that if ten righteous men can be found in Sodom, the city would be spared. Immediately after, the account cuts to Lot. Two male angels have been sent to his house to warn him about the coming destruction. Lot asks them to stay the night in his house for safety, but they refuse, accepting his food and sleeping in the courtyard. Later that night, a mob arrives at Lot's house. Their intentions towards the angels, or strangers, are not pure. Lot literally is in the process of bargaining away his daughters to the mob, but the angels blind the mob, and everyone escapes. 2nd Peter mentions what Lot was feeling: he was greatly distressed, because he loved all the people around him and yet wanted nothing to do with them. You all are not Sodom. But I certainly feel like Lot.

I cannot continue existing here on the Shard. Feel free to ban me or wipe my account, I can't say I won't care, it will hurt a lot. But I have already made this decision. 

After my father specifically violated my privacy, going through my posts, he was immediately shocked at what he saw. Lies. Beautiful lies, from a lonely little boy clinging desperately to some sort of friendship. Very, very convincingly. I cannot justify his anger. I am only glad he held his temper back physically, which he has not done in the past. He is watching, reading through everything I have said, joking or serious, lies or truth, and I'm about essentially stand trial for it. I would like to reiterate that I am 18 years old and would like to be allowed to make my own decisions, but I also would like to have a house and a bed and food and water, and it has been made very clear that enjoying those privileges is not compatible with any form of disobedience. 

Maybe I really am a hateful monster. I lie to everyone around me, just to cling to them and get something from them. Even when I try to show love, it's almost another form of manipulation. Are we all manipulating each other? On my way to the library where I am typing this, I passed a mother bird protecting her eggs, sitting a short ways away from the railroad track I was using to travel. I stopped, and watched as any time I drew nearby, she would puff herself up and screech at me. It took me a minute to register that I was the threat. I was the looming, dangerous monster who had not thirty seconds ago been screeching harsh lyrics in the woods at the top of my lungs. Why wouldn't she be wary around me? Everything I touch turns water into blood, I don't look away when the bough breaks, I don't really love, I just hate being alone. I am so very happy my parents have taken away my autonomy, my agency, my knives, so I can't hurt myself. And I hate it all the same. 

And when I return to some form of logical sanity, I just remember how self centered I am. It's not about me. I'm in this love hate relationship with absolutely everything in my life. And when it comes time to decide between the two, I will become the villain to you all. My parents will still see me as deceptive, hateful, cowardly, rebellious, and godless. You all will see me as nothing more than a hateful bigot.

There's nothing I really can do to change all this; again, I need a place to live. And in truth, I don't support anything LGBTQ. I really can't say that I believe everything the Bible teaches and say "happy pride month" in the same sentence. A fountain cannot spout both fresh and salt water. That doesn't mean I see any of you any less, if anything, right now I am the worst person on the planet in my own eyes. None of my scant morality, precious philosophy, or arrogant theology means anything without my faith. I cannot continue straddling a line, I have to choose between one or the other- and when my life is completely meaningless without Christ, I will choose Christ. 

No matter what any of you think of me, I still love you all, I still respect you all, I still appreciate you all. This is goodbye. Whether something I have said here violates Shard rules or not, I will not be returning. Thank you all so much for these few months. I sincerely wish you all the best.

- Noah.

Guys

I plan to leave the Shard on maybe Wednesday (no I'm not telling you when school ended/ends).

My Shardiversary is encompassed by the summer.

So ig I have to say something.
If I forget you, it's because I'm not following you (I think).

@___/Mippo, I've enjoyed getting to know you. Although you don't say enough insane things to make the one liners, you still say lots of funny things that make my day. You are a great sausage.

@Through the Living Hopper, you helped me figure out this strange site, and for that, I am in your debt. I also appreciate your pfp. I laugh sometimes when I see it. It strangely reminds me of my little sibling, who looks like a Cryptic running in her nightgown sometimes.

@AltonicKeys, you created the Battle for the Sandwich and the Shard wouldn't be the same place without it. Thanks for almost a year of crazy Sandwich-stealing.

@Bird Furious, I didn't know you that long, but the time that I did know you was awesome. We all miss you Haly! I don't think that you'll see this, but thanks for your time on the Shard.

@ChipsAHoid/[redacted], I'll try not to make this too long. Wow! You've almost lasted a year as both a Shard/irl friend. It's been amazing to have a friend (still sounds strange to say). Storms you're insane. Thanks for introducing me to the Shard/Stormlight, and being the only person in years I feel comfortable talking to. It's been surreal, truly. Thanks for being an awesome Sandernerd/ marimba player/absurdly kind and witty person. Thanks for making me laugh so hard my face hurts. Thanks for a year I'll never forget. Thanks for giving me hope.

@CoderDrag0n8, the official ORV Bondsmith! I'm reading it, seriously (not sarcastic). And it's awesome. You're a pretty cool flavored concrete-snorting, fae king, book wyrm, etc. I know there's stuff I'm forgetting please don't kill me no no no. Anyway, the Shard is not the Shard without you and therefore you are the Shard and the Shard is you (don't question my logic it makes sense trust).

@Conure1243, you're the most unhinged guy I know (and that is truly one of the best compliments I could ever give). Or maybe the entire world is insane, and you're the only sane one. You never know. Anyway, I love you're amazing quotes and your art that makes my art feel pathetic (which, it is), but that's beside the point. Conure's art is awesome. If you haven't seen it, go look at it because it's insane (and much better than my passable stick figures). I am honored to be the sandwich on the floor.

@First of the Tide, the Shardblade you made for me is awesome! I know you're not active on most threads, but that doesn't change how much I've enjoyed talking with you.

@GG0z, I still think of you as a 'New Sharder', but you've proven your activity by now. It's very fun fraternizing and being insane together on TLPL. I look forward to hopefully seeing you after summer. Congratulations on me remembering you! *spawns celebratory thunderclasts*

@Honors Spectral Image, I believe you were my first Shardbuddy! Thanks for tolerating a year of insanity and confuddling comments! You're super awesome!

@Ink and Embers, you're the first Brit I've ever known, and now my opinion of Britain is high. You're so funny and kind and just all around awesome! Thanks for being so nice! I love it when we're both on the Shard at the same time.

@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren, I enjoyed meeting you this year, particularly on the Let's Be Radiant thread. Somehow, I've seriously multiplied my sanity by negative two this year (yes because my sanity was in the negatives before; also, no I'm not terribly sane now but it's an improvement), and I think my oaths had a lot to do with that. Understanding myself and all that nonsense. So, thanks especially for refounding the Knights Radiant. And just being yourself in general. You have more humor than Kaladin, trust me. *sends snow*

@Kansas Stormcursed, I wish you were on here more often, but I hope you're having fun!  You (like pretty much everyone on the Shard) are super awesome. When I first joined on July 5, my parents kicked me off shortly, and the only Shard username (besides Chips and his sister) by the time school startedwas you. Needless to say, I was momentarily very confused because I thought it was a reference I didn't get, but here we are! Thank you for contributing to this awesome year!

@PianoSavant/[redacted], I know you don't post on here much, but that doesn't mean that you aren't an amazing Sanderfan! I love your banner---particularly the taynix art! It's beautiful, seriously. Wish I could see you more often.

@The Great Wyver, I miss you and all of your absolutely big windy delectable platter of meaty liquids! Super sad that the Shard is blocked  (surprised it hasn't on mine yet but am very happy). Hope you're doing okay!

@Through The Living Ash, you're another one I miss. I really appreciated your Ashkalodaness (although I suppose I never learned what Ashkaloda even means). I hope you have an awesome life after high school!!!!!!!!

@Through The Living Ketek, Master of Keteks, thank you for letting us be insane nerds together. No, I never joined your cult, but that was because it was too late by the time I noticed what was going on. Don't kill me...please. Fellow engineering nerd, fun acquaintance, and good friend overall.

@Through the Living Shadow, yippee for like 70,000 name confusions! I survived! Thanks for your kindness, wit, and wrath. Well, it depends on how you define wrath. I wouldn't describe you as a 'wrathful spirit'. I read your writing, it's good too.

@Through The Living Star, we're so similar we're practically clones! Except you're nicer, saner (yes you are don't argue), and better at writing! Also you speak Chinese and play ultimate frisbee and do all sorts of cool stuff. Anyways, stay super cool and awesome and don't leave over the summer bc I'll be sadddd. And try not to die. Too much. I'll miss youuuu.

@Verdance, congrats on graduating high school!!!! And you're still on the Shard, so I continue to benefit from your presence. And I actually kinda thought about your username a little, and decided to go on a walk (with a Sanderson book). And now instead of sulking, reading, and being depressed, I stare out at nature, sulk, read, and am depressed! (It's better actually so thanks).

@Vielence, I miss seeing you more often and hope you're doing great (and getting your much needed warrior cake)! *sends some as a 1 1/2 month late birthday present*. I have definitely enjoyed your often amusing comments!

And update: I found Spartan, he wasn't following me (what a sane guy), which is why this part is a little later. If there's someone else I'm forgetting lemme know so I can clear up that terrible mistake

@SpartanBrigade, you're the most awesome 148-year old guy I know! (well, so says your birth date). I've enjoyed the magic

and the too juicy steak and the too buttery lobster. All in all, Spartan, you are a really nice guy and thanks for existing!

Update 2:

I also forgot
@Usseewa, thank you for letting @----- (no I want my head attached, like Vie said at some point I think) change your username back. It's been simply awesome. Thank you for your persistent kindness and insanity.

Storms that took a while.

I'll miss you all.

And no I'm not dying.

See you August or smth (I might be able to sneak on and marvel at the amount of notifs at some point in the summer, but I won't be active until then).

New pfp

oh damn since like 2 weeks ago

New pfp

oh damn since like 2 weeks ago

BYE FOR NOW!

BYE FOR NOW!

Alright everyone!

I will slowly become less and less active this summer starting in 3 hours

Here's the status of all my characters:

Aesthetic (Cryptic): being watched by @GG0z

West (Progressionspren): still needs to be watched, and while I would prefer @Through The Living Star, I think that some others could be a good choice.

Texture (Inkspren): coming with me

HwM (Mistspren): visiting home

any of my BftS characters: on hold for the moment

Alright everyone!

I will slowly become less and less active this summer starting in 3 hours

Here's the status of all my characters:

Aesthetic (Cryptic): being watched by @GG0z

West (Progressionspren): still needs to be watched, and while I would prefer @Through The Living Star, I think that some others could be a good choice.

Texture (Inkspren): coming with me

HwM (Mistspren): visiting home

any of my BftS characters: on hold for the moment

State’s tomorrow.

I gotta get through Prelims to qualify for Finals.

I got this

*has idea*

give me a sentence and I shall make it a ketek.

*has idea*

give me a sentence and I shall make it a ketek.

star look I took a picture and it ended up being a great PFP alternative for you:

We’re going to try and record this on acoustic guitar 

wish me luck 

lol 

Ive got track regions in 2 hours.

Where I need to drop 2-3 seconds on my 300h.

And I’m currently eating lucky charms 

: ) 

lol 

Hey y'all.

Not been feeling so happy lately.

I feel like every time someone says "You got this!" or "I wouldn't expect any less from you.", what they really mean is that they don't want to be a part of what will happen. And I feel that no one really understands what I feel like or what I say.

I just- I just wish anyone understood me.

Does anyone else ever feel like that?

Sure doesn't seem like it.

Guys I hit 30 followers!

Y'all are insane

YESSSS 
I HAVE TEN SHARDBUDDIES NOW!!!!

 @Fizz9@CoderDrag0n8 @NerdSandwich@Conure1243@Through The Living Grub@Verdance@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren@Ink and Embers @IAmThatOneGuy @GG0z

Thank you guys for being awesome!!!!

YESSSS 
I HAVE TEN SHARDBUDDIES NOW!!!!

 @Fizz9@CoderDrag0n8 @NerdSandwich@Conure1243@Through The Living Grub@Verdance@KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren@Ink and Embers @IAmThatOneGuy @GG0z

Thank you guys for being awesome!!!!