aeromancer

Thoughts: I like Quirk’s personality more and more at this point. Of course, I’m always a fan of those who can drop one-liners to any given situation, and to those who feel comfortable in any situation. He curses slightly more than I would expect from a man of his caliber, but nobody’s perfect. The end is an interesting bit, I assume it’s from a human mind in stasis. I would, of course, like to know a lot more than is presented (and this grates some of my hard sci-fi sensibilities), but it’s a decent set-up to what I hope is a good finish. Chapter six: di F’s organization is called the Brotherhood, something I must take a moment to appreciate. He feels a bit flat, too be blunt. That’s probably only coming across from the deep character richness of Quirk, but the conversation between him and G just don’t seem as animated as Quirk’s dialogue. Also, I’m going to make this point. There are a lot of poisons that are quicker acting than the one G uses, especially considering he says ‘dead by Friday’, and 11-Aug-99 is a Tuesday.

TAIG: Hmm Weak chapter start. Severed hand = good. Boat taking on water = bad. Her title is ‘woodcutter’s daughter’? That’s a bit weird for an alchemist, unless the mother isn’t an alchemist (so then, what is she?) You have lake vs river inconsistencies, and, um, what’s in the lake/river? I mean, sharks? Gators? Neither of which are particularly dangerous, so I’m not sure what the threat is. I’m not getting anything from the drowning sequence. Also piranhas can strip the flesh from a human’s bones in under thirty seconds. Nasty buggers. Also, ‘stab’ is a right word for sword. As is ‘slash’ ‘impale’ ‘jab’, etc. I don’t think S would be assigned a sword, though. Thoughts: I’m not sure I saw any character progression on S, though I wasn’t really looking for it because I kept getting distracted by the lake. What’s the threat? The part that interested me was the politics that are hinted to come into play when the woodcutter’s guild goes down. I dabble in game theory, so I’d be very interested to see the resulting power struggle, or at least the moves of a power struggle as a result. Also, I’m going to complain about the name woodcutter. True, most of their abilities are plant-derived, but there’s nothing wrong with the name alchemist, especially if they’re all going to be called witches anyways.

RAFO! EDIT: Couldn't resist. It's not worse than anything else I've submitted, so if you were fine with that, you should be fine with this

This is a one-shot I wrote based off a story line I wanted to incorporate into my unpublished novel Scissors & Bows. It's kind of rough, but I'm scared of running another edit over it because that might throw it over the 5k count. And, as promised, there are wolves in it. Cuddly wolves, because wolves are by definition cuddly. But, for all my talk of wolves, this isn't really a story about wolves. North Legend is the tale of a North Legend, about someone searching for a lost friend. I'd like comments on everything you can throw at me, but especially impressions. Gore is someone having half a dozen bones broken, I'm not sure how to handle that tag, so better safe than sorry.

Requesting to submit for the 20th. I've got a one-shot I've been working on. Ice mountain setting with cuddly wolves, assuming you find wolves to be cuddly.

Meant to comment on this early, but I didn't. The diction you use is seems slightly anachronistic to me. I didn't do any research. You seem to be going for a rustic setting, late Dark Ages to Middle Ages (a pretty standard time period for an alchemist), but you're using a lot of modern jargon, like pyridine, sterilize, angiosperm. I' not sure if S should beusing those words, and even if they were historically accurate for the time, I'd rather an old-school alchemist use case-created alchemist jargon in place of modern words, to give it more of a 'fantasy' feel. That's just my opinion, though.

I haven't posted in a while, so I am going to repeat the nine most terrifying words in the English language, as told to us by one of America's greatest presidents. "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Thoughts As I Go: A severed hand. Excellent start … So, the unnamed protagonist is an alchemist. That explains the high level of technical knowledge, when contrasted to the rustic equipment setting. Hmm. Oh, pyridine. That stuff … So, what does alchemy entail? If not the usual lead-to-gold, hopefully not just advanced chemistry … Um, pyridine isn’t alchemy. It’s just chemistry, unless it’s magically being made … Half a skull? Now, I’m just getting a weird picture in my mind because skulls are traditionally fused together, and I don’t know any normal techniques to separate them. Is this just the top half then? … Okay, and we now have our typical palace guard, heavy on brawn and stupidity, specifically bred to do stupid things to drive the plot … More comments about the alchemist – did this individual undergo some kind of transformation? … Oh. They’re a bunch of rogues. Stupid rogues, too, but they come from the same breeding grounds as the aforementioned plot-device guards, so that's fine. (What kind of idiot lights fire to an alchemist's laboratory?) Thoughts overall: This is going to be blunt. Protagonist isn’t an alchemist. Or at least, not as of the first chapter. Might be, if I see more evidence, but right now, no. When I think alchemist, the classic tropes jump to mind, from Nicholas Flamel to fountain of youth and even Fullmetal Alchemist (I’ve read the manga only). One of the trade tricks of an alchemist is the ability to defy normal chemists by doing things they cannot do, such as grossly accelerating life or transmutation. The extracts used by S do not indicate such to me. I’m familiar with enough science to know agents which might do similar jobs, so I’m just seeing an exceptionally skilled chemist at work. Magic is implied, (calling people witch, and all) but I haven’t seen any evidence, which makes me kind of think that there isn’t going to be real magic, just advance and misunderstood knowledge. Kind of hoping this isn't the case. EDIT: OK, this is off track, but Ernei - you read Witcher? That's great, I didn't think I'd meet another person who knew that it was a book series.

Knee-jerk response: Horror. (Well, actually that's part of my rant about how fairy tales were never meant for small children) Early fairy tales (a la Brother Grimm) were adult horror stories that withstood the test of time. Actual response: When you say 'fairies', that's kind of a loaded term. I usually make a distinction between the Fey, which are essentially part of mythology (and thus usual mythology reasons apply), and cute little fairies, which are used by Disney to market toys to small children. The former takes it's rightful place in the dark part of the human psyche, and the latter is ... Disney. The Fey are part of the same culture that is the Cthullu mythos, that unknowable part of the universe that you can catch a mythical glimpse of. Make no mistake, it's very different, but it's a similar result. Fey are always bound by rules in our world, but that's because they aren't bound by rules we are (like entropy, for example), and people like the idea of something we can interact with, but are fundamentally different from us. Some people like it. In addition, like anything with hundreds (if not thousands) of years of lore, it is very easy for authors and creators to draw upon them to add an inherit richness to their story, or fable. To someone familiar with the concepts, in can save time. Like elves, for examples. When someone says 'elves', the first thing to jump to find is the stereotype codified by J.R.R. Tolkien.

My feelings for this is to use a mix. I like using non-neutral tags as much as possible, as it I feel every bit of emotion and tension helps (especially in purely dialogue scenes), but then I run into the 'show, don't tell' rule, and, aside from that, overuse makes it fall flat. If you have one exciting dialogue tag for every, say, ten neutral ones, that gives the reader something to pick up on. So, my general rule is status quo neutral, if I can justify it, non-neutral. Of course, whether or not can be justified is where the problems start. (I will make a plea, as long as we're discussing grammar minutia. I once picked a promising looking steampunk of the shelf. The author had chosen to replace every single 'and' with '&'. It drove me nuts, and I wasn't able to read it. Please never, never use ampersands in writing. That, more than anything else I've ever encountered, just threw off my reading rhythm.)

For Reading Excuses: Useful Information Here Unless you want tips on how to write novels: Useful Information Here Or, look at the Lounge for useful discussions, and the beginning of Reading Like Writers

I have to answer, I don't have a clue. I don't read based on the author, I read based on the content. That's the sole criteria I judge my books by. Tell me if I did something wrong. Extended response: Yes, dark elves are evil. Within roleplaying circles, they aren't considered evil, by the way, the joke's that their entire race is Chaotic Good because everyone plays Chaotic Good dark elves because of how popular Drizzt is as a character. And I will stick by what I say. Drizzt is absolutely hit by prejudice. In Sojourn, one of the books I recommend, it talks about his encounter with a human village, where is is attacked simply for being a dark elf. His response is to disarm his attackers and hand them their weapons back, smiling at them. In ends with the entire village attacking him, and Drizzt running for his life because he doesn't want to kill in self-defense. The problem you have with me, @neongrey, is that you assume I'm talking about current race issues, which I am not. I am talking about the way an author dynamically handled a character fighting against prejudice. I will also submit that Drizzt is indeed a great role model on how to write a character that deals with prejudice. What you're talking about is the backdrop. Yes, Wulfgar's people are atrocious. Yes, Jarlaxle is horrible, and he's presented as the model dark elf, but that's because dark elves are evil. I choose to look at the story about how Drizzt responds to the prejudice directed at him, and he turns it into his strength. The story is full of characters who care nothing for what race Drizzt is - Bruenor Battlehammer, Cattie-brie. Also, why do you bring in racism? We're discussing dark elves, a sub-species of elves who have ebony-colored skin because they retreated to the Underdark to worship the demon Lolth. Finally: To place a measure of a living being's worth above that of another simply because that being doesn't wear the same color skin belittles my principles. To disqualify someone from writing about something without any reason other than skin composition is not a good reason. If you wish to say that he cannot write because R.A. Salvatore has not experienced any kind of prejudice, that is one thing. But, that is not what you said. I expect more if you wish to delegitimize a character who's based on judging people by their souls, not their skins.

Okay. Time for some heavy stuff. I've been thinking about diversity within books, and that got me thinking about what books I read that I felt did a good job about that. The first thing that leap to mind was a certain scimitar-wielding dark elf. So, if the spirit of reading like writers, I would recommend The Legend of Drizzt series, featuring the iconic protagonist Drizzt Do'Urdon. Drizzt is a dark elf (drow), which, as a species, tends to be on the more Evil / Chaotic sides of the spectrum. (This is not an invitation to bash D&D, light elves aren't that much better, they're just Lawful stuck-ups.) The Legend of Drizzt series, or the early part of it, is Drizzt's quest to disover what is right and wrong, and his struggle to overcome the built in prejudice against dark elves. To be fair, as this is set within the Forgotten Realms of D&D, the plot can get violent and gritty at times, but in between those is Drizzt's philosophical musings on life and worth. To give an idea, this quote is from when Drizzt revokes his vow against killing other members of his race. - "To place the measure of a living being's worth above that of another simply because that being wears the same color skin as I belittles my principles. The false values embodied in that long-ago vow have no place in my world, in the wide world of countless physical and cultural differences. It is these very differences that make my journeys exciting, these very differences that put new colors and shape in the universal concept of beauty. I now make a new vow, one weighed in experience and proclaimed with my eyes open: I will not raise my scimitars except in defense: in defense of my principles, of my life, or of others who cannot defend themselves. I will not do battle to further the causes of false prophets, to further the treasures of kings, or to avenge my own injured pride. And to the many gold-wealthy mercenaries, religious and secular, who would look upon such a vow as unrealistic, impractical, even ridiculous, I cross my arms over my chest and declare with conviction: I am the richer by far!" I would definitely recommend the first three books in the series (Homeland, Exile, Sojourn)

@Robinski So, it's a dragonling. The one shows up is not magical at all, it's just a mount. I guess the problem is that fantasy readers see the word 'dragon' and they immediately think 'High Fantasy'. So, to avoid your Balrog/TIE fighter response (and don't forget that no one expects the Spanish Inquisition) should I just call it something else, or shift it entirely? Also, yes, I meant to write 'dastard'. The word similar to that is not really much of an insult, it merely reflects someone's birth origin and you don't really have control over that. 'Dastard' is a character attack, meaning the target chose to be a despicable person. I select my insults with care. Wouldn't want to offend someone the wrong way, you understand.

I personally would drop the 'e' and just have the word 'olyv', but that's a personal thing because I hate English phonics. Like Robinski and Ernei said, it makes sense to use similar words, also I think neongrey called me out once for a nasty case of 'Fantasy Name Syndrome', so I shouldn't be trusted with these kinds of things.

Well, this story is slightly depressing. Analysis: C, the protagonist, is a typical unhappy protagonist – dead-end job, no marriage plans and only one outlet to express her frustration, that being yoga, but thinks that she’s stuck. C then has an encounter which opens her eyes to her position, and she resolves to better herself. The twist of the story being that she meets an actual dragon. The counter twist is that said dragon is a super cynic and a complete killjoy of life, the universe, and everything. The pacing is alright, though I think the twist could be a bit earlier – the twist is what got me interested in finishing the short story, and up until then it was just depressing. The tone – well, I’m not a really a happy person by nature, but this was a bit depressing for me. One of the main characters spends the entire conversation talking about the futility of interacting with other people and how loneliness will be the status quo. The ending reinforces that to a degree, it’s a bit weird. C decides to be alone, and she discovers jasmine tea inside her water bottle, which to me symbolized the extraordinary event that happened to her over the course of the story – which is she realizes that she doesn’t have to compromise with a mediocre life, just because it’s tolerable. Fine, but (NERD RANT ALERT) as a biology teacher, she should know that humans are pack animals by definition. Even introverts need to have close friends that they can relate to. While dragons may be loners (usually are), humans are social animals, and that means that although Dragon makes a good point about her ‘cage of joy’, his facts about humans are wrong. Editing tips: Aside from the one I most frequently get told (leave it alone for six months, and come back with a fresh pair of eyes), the best I can offer when it comes to fiction writing is to run through all the scenes focusing solely of the viewpoint of a single character, and do that for all characters within the scenes

Chapter numbers in Binary. Hah, that’s brilliant. I’m used to ASCII with eight numbers, though. I don’t know what form of binary this is. I don’t think I read this submission the first time around, Q is a new character to me. Notes: So, in chapter 00000001, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on starting the chapter. Par for course of a sci-fi like this. After finishing the chapter, is seems that a psychologist (of sorts) is testing an ‘android’ for how well it can receive a human conscious. I did not that kind of a sense from any dialogue the android spoke, though. Also, a lot of unexplained things (like how FTL works, as the patient mentions 11.624 lightyears), but I’m patient for that. Chapter 00000010: Q lives up to his name (or, at least, the abbreviation I’ve given him). He seems a bit weird, and a bit Bond-ish. I can only assume he’s involved in the mafioso, what with all the context clues. I’m getting a weird vibe, but nothing has really happened yet, and I would like something to happen soon. Also, (what with my experience as a hardened cynic) cynics stay cynics (though this may be cynical of me to say that).

I can't talk about Star Wars writing because my favorite Star Wars plot is from a video game and my second favorite. But, if you're looking for good Star Wars writing, read anything with 'Thrawn' in the title.

I re-listened to the podcast, and I see your point. I can only assume you're referencing (1.22). I do see your original point - seeing as how they were discussing 'Unpopular things', discussing if and how to kill minorities should have been mentioned. Now, for a mini-rant on my part. The reason they gave for why killing Lando was a tragedy was not because of his minority (and they didn't even can-of-worms it) but because the viewer likes him because of the redemption arc. I shall can-of-worms that because I don't think Lando has a redemption arc, Lando switches sides only because he gets guilt-tripped and realizes that making deals with Dark Lords is never a good idea. To quote: "I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it any further." To call Lando but an opportunist isn't really fair to his character - but it's a lot close than most people think. Remember, while Stars Wars is essentially good vs evil, George Lucas like using the side character (Han shot first!) to throw a little gray into the mix.

Mace Windu, of course, doesn't count because he's not precisely human, he's part of a subspecies which differ from the main streams of humans because every single one can use the Force, kind of like Mirakula, minus the blind part. Therefore, no problem with Palpatine killing him in Episode III, along with the series' only Iktochi, and Nautolan. I don't mean to mock this subject, because this is a serious issue. It is racist and problematic to kill off minorities first, and doubly so if you bring them in only to kill them off first. I will say that Star Wars has a marvelous track record in regards to these situations, the only time Star Wars really plays the race card is the Empire's human elitism. It's to the point that Darth Vader, were he not a Sith Lord, would be discriminated against for being a cyborg. I, however, cannot recall a time in Legends that the Empire cares about human skin color. Also, I disagree with your premise to some degree. If blowing up the Millennium Falcon made sense plot-wise within Return of the Jedi, the pilot's skin color shouldn't have any say within the decision, unless skin color was a major theme, which it is not in Star Wars.

Nice trick. Vin does a similar thing to Straff the first time they meet in WoA. So, here's the thing with Bilg. How did Kelsier handle Bilg? He had the man humiliated and beaten while re-affirming his mythical status and virtually guaranteeing no more dissidents. Excellent move, Kelsier. Way to, as he puts it, 'lie to your own people'. That's manipulation, and great manipulation off a potential threat. How would Breeze handle that situation? Do you think he could achieve the same results? I don't. Like I've said, Breeze is good - but not great.

Alright. Random steampunk question time. I am a hardcore hard SF fan, which is unfortunate for me when I right steampunk, because that gives me a nasty tendency to over-analyze everything and see if I can construct a design that would work in real life. I am designing a set of full-body armor that augments the wearer using a combination of steam/clockwork. Question: How much attention do I pay towards whether or not the armor could actually work, and how much do I just ignore that in favor of the cool steampunk design?

Yeah. That's the point. Soothing isn't everything when it comes to manipulation. The question is: If Bilg was going to be belligerent against the rebellion, why would we sign up to something he didn't know anything about? Answer: Short-term manipulation. Never said he wasn't. I have stated, oh probably five or six times, that Breeze is a good manipulator. The question is: Is Breeze a great one, as his reputation suggests, and my answer is 'No.' Forgot about Cett, that's a point to your favor. Mind you, one point, it could be the exception to the general rule. Breeze interacted with the Citizen? I do not recall that. I'll have to look that up and get back you.