Verdance
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You stumble out of the school in a daze. The world around you is almost worse than the graveyard of the hallways, lonely and broken. You cross the quad, the parking lot, the sports field, and by the time you reach the forest you have accelerated to a full sprint. You don’t notice until your vision is suddenly distorted by an inconvenient drop of water that the rain has finally broken open, and you suddenly cannot tell the raindrops on your cheeks from the tears. No, you can’t cry. What’s the point in crying, you tell yourself. You vault over a fallen log and duck under a few branches, but something is wrong. How do you get home? Where is home? Have you been leaving school each night just to sleep in the woods? You push the thought away and keep running, leaping into a large ditch- The ice, covered in fallen leaves and other debris, beaks under the weight of your fall, and you are plunged into freezing water, a small river moving quickly, dragging you away from the opening. You immediately go into shock, blind, scrabbling at mud and pebbles and twigs and soggy leaves and ice on the riverbed. Voices cloud your thoughts, speaking singing screaming MAKE THEM STOP! Bubbles tickle your nose gently as the heavy freezing water digs into your lungs. Call me when they bury- you try and drag yourself to the edge of the river, out of the current, but the frigid, water has sucked all the heat from your body and is feeding on your energy now. Your joints are all stiffened by the cold, all your body completely and utterly shutting down due to the all encompassing cold. -bodies underwater- you can’t see anything in the filthy water, so you shut your eyes, and all you see is the dark red of the faint light fultering through your eyelids, coupled with electric yellow lines twisting and contorting madly like a box of snakes and black spots dancing, dancing, dancing forever, tainting and taunting you. -its blue light over- you’re losing oxygen, your chest burns and freezes with the water in your lungs, it hurts so bad but you are so tired, you just want to go to sleep, and suddenly you are in bed, folds of warm cloth wrapping around your body even as you are dragged further by the current. -murder for me. Your eyes shut, though they are already closed, and you are about to fall asleep, no you are already asleep and dreaming, this is just a bad dream, a story even, words on a page- Something yanks you from the water. You didn’t notice but the ice locking you beneath the surface of the river had been gone long ago, but you didn’t have the motor functions to pull yourself out anyway. A hand, feeling what seems like as hot at the sun, painted red- no, it’s covered in blood, bleeding, grabs you around the wrist, and pulls you from the water. You emerge, spluttering, choking, spitting up water. Something dark within you is reluctant. It was almost all over. The cold is back, unimaginably frigid, biting grasping clawing, and you don’t think you can handle the pain but you have no choice but to deal with it, as your lungs are too weak to scream. So you whimper and curl up into a ball, while a million little birds made of ice hop around in circles and eat your flesh. ”hey, hey. Survivor. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you, we’re going to make it out of this.” The voice is gentle and soothing, and it drives the madness away. You look up, your neck is so stiff that the motion aches like a bad bruise, but you look up. Her face is kind, understanding, and you break down and cry again, and you don’t know if your chest hurts from the sobbing or choking or coughing, they are all one and the same, and somewhere you can hear a damn cicada screeching. “Come on, survivor. We need to get to the safe house before the storm tonight. Then you can cry as much as you want and we’ll talk it out and see where to go from there. Plus, there’s fire and food and warm clothing.” She pulls the backpack from your back, slinging it across a shoulder, and you reluctantly get to your feet, even though you’re still freezing and hurting. It’s time to go.
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oui okay sorry Idk my friend you started the conversation im trying to write about drowning :3
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I use a nullite spike to suppress KSOHS authorship just to prove him wrong
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Why are you talking about yourself in the third person. is this some transgender thing i dont understand please forgive me Um like, again idk of this is me being masculine and hiding my emotions but usually when i have doubts similar to what you’re describing i just talk them out with myself logically to try and deal with them. Maybe because im more of a logos than pathos kinda guy idk, need to be more ethos anyhow
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Im not really going to ask you to explain every single detail of your psychology. I do think you should be able to try and have some of these conversations with yourself on a way, But uh which part do you not understand?
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Shouldn’t you be relieved your problems are nothing unique or new or unusual? part of this is choosing to not overthink things and to just be yourself. Cause you know, thats okay. It makes sense, probably
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Like, less that i want to accept that my brain is wired differently and more that i want to overcome those differences by assimilating them into my personality and then changing that personality. Like, i was born with autism, which means I’m socially uncomfortable and would be mostly okay living alone, but I don’t do that cause that’s kind of letting it win, right? I dont know nothing about OCD, that is not a question i can answer. Ask the god of knowledge, Youtube
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Okay what’s really funny is I don’t see myself quite as much as “oh I have autism and ADHD and therefore I have to suppress those traits” but more of “the way my personality and behaviors manifest could be interpreted using the logic of autism and ADHD”, since both of them appear quite subtly, around a 2/10 for both being the diagnosis.
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The solution is fourteen words in ESV
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Catharsis if i worship an idol it is catharsis you channeled the right things at the right time
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Okay this gon make me cry a little so imma do that and use that to go to sleep an try to recover tomorrow Well written btw, nothing makes me cry literally at all
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Hm yes i know sort of, not really. Thanks though, i appreciate it. at some point soon
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I just got an add for the Tor Publishing group on my FNaF theory I am being hunted :3 but they dont know that IM BROKE HA
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You are curing my stalker anxiety
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Hmmm Nikaro because i actually snuck into the honorable sandobrando’s house and whispered my life’s story to him and he unconsciously adapted it into Nikaro’s
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Okay but im a bit like shallan in that i am quite definitely a very bad person when i am alone I have chosen to give into my sin ofc ill try and be happy and uplifting for my friends and family but take the consequences away and… i dont want to think about who i would be
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Yup this is exactly how i feel about my dad theres an admission of fault i keep making that doesn’t change me, but if i pretend im perfect and not responsible for my choices, i lose the ability to change and find a way past this cycle i would be just like my dad
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Shalingus, yes this is life, shalingus its the magic word for summoning depression, shalingus
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Oh Qustodio. Yeah storm Qustodio, its there for a reason but its the worst *sleep token therapy intensifies* *beneath the stormy seas, above the mountain peaks, its all the same to me, it makes no difference* what do you mean you saw me
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Bruh covid changed my life never met an LGBTQ kid until after, completely screwed me over socially until i learned, never really was online until covid, completely ruined my academics since, i had irl friends in my neighborhood up until covid, idk. what is ustudio lol im an idiot Idk, video games screw me over the most cause im a moron. The Shard, maybe a little, not really. I have gotten really goodat wasting time
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Q? yes ongoing, it started in covid when i started using computers daily for the first time
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Procrastination and screen adiction to… an extreme, seroously harming my academics
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This was a month ago and it’s resolved. im not in danger the laziness leading to all the other things ive mentioned (minus the cursing or domestic violence) have been happening for years and years- i might be a good person for you all, but im so broken at home
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Undertale :3 – i cussed out my rusting mom, the only person who loves me more than my mom is rusting jesus and he died for me my mom would too if she had the chance
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aaaaa rust it why did i SAY that q-p its complicated its always complicated yt tou know what else isnt okay stealing your phone from your parents lying about it and cussing out your mom so i deserved it
