Usseewa

uhh cool interesting hey guys i might be or have been feeling dysphoria? More physical dysphoria ig? I just hope it's not cuz I'm transitioning to girl and im actually a cisman.. but anyway doubts aside, i just feel generally uncomfortable. maybe not always, but sometimes. like i can't find a comfy position, and my whole body just doesn't feel comfy. similar ig to when ur restless/can't fall asleep and tossing and turning and nothing feels right and u don't get tired and just wanna cry from frustration that u can't just fall asleep and get this hell-of-a-night over with. so like yeah. also i think some of it is "down there" (the dysphoria). It might also have to do with clothes. cuz, like rn I'm wearing a nice crop top ish thing, but it's also kinda tight so it feels slightly suffocating (tho not in actuality. i think). but also it just hugs my body and feels a little wrong. probably cuz, you know, my body isn't feminine. another hopefully good analogy or whatever it's called is, you know when you get out of the shower and maybe ur not fully dry, or ur hair's still wet, etc? And then u go to ur bed to watch tv, read, go on the shard, or whatever but ur hair's wet. or same thing but u showered and now are going to bed. but ur wet hair doesn't feel comfy against the pillow. *totally-not-me-rn.* so like it just doesn't feel comfy. but also for my maybe-dysphoria, u just feel uneasy? maybe heart is a drop faster than normal and you feel slightly anxious. then occasionally u cross ur arms over ur chest and squeeze. u hug urself sometimes. u curl up in ur bed. but anyway when i feel this maybe-dysphoria, the clothing doesn't help and i feel agitated or not comfy or restless or something. like u put on a cute outfit and hope it'll feel nice but it doesn't feel quite right. u love how it looks, you even maybe look kinda girly in the mirror, but ... it fits wrong ig. and when u could normally get comfy, u can't. so, what do u think? relate to any of this? don't? does it sound like dysphoria? doesn't? the thing is, i like my new clothes, even the ones that aren't baggy. i mean, they look cute and are nice. idk.. maybe i just won't wear this one shirt.. sigh.. edit: my body feels weird especially in the chest area when i wear tight stuff like this shirt. I'm know that sounds like a blatant dysphoric sign, and i acknowledge that. but i literally feel it. edit2: like ig maybe i feel no matter what clothes i wear i won't feel comfy. but not always. I'm not always feeling bad. but i have noticed I've done the arms crossed hugging self a lot. ig sometimes it's cuz i get feeling anxious or stressed and need comfort. edit3: i guess kinda another example is, like, u know when ur legs just hurt? like the bones, kinda? maybe you've been on a car ride for literal hours and you and your stupid tall legs are cramped as heck and then ur legs just ache and hurt afterward no matter if u stretch them out lying in bed and it just sucks but u can't do anything to change it? yep. kinda like that ig.

oh oh ppp always talk abt where the voice is coming from, like head or chest or idk but what the heck does that mean and which one should i do

i want to practice but i dont talk that much idk edit: ong that's the perfect catch-22. i wanna practice my girl voice so i can be more comfortable talking, but im not comfortable talking so i don't practice?

that's a good tip lol but also kinda prank calling omg wait how do u do girl voice pls tell

i don't do it often, but sometimes i just gotta. I'm sure they're used to it.

oh, how so? just courage it

do it girlll!!!

YAY!!! u should do it i might soon too :3

yep, pretty much me :3

i rlly wanna watch 𝐃Ǝᗉ⊢𝐇𝑵𝐎⊢𝐄 but it's depressing i think. i hear L's a genius tho, so makes sense why you'd say I'm similar to him. how do i remind you of him otherwise? but.. daily life is liveable and rlly isn't that bad. anyway, here's my daily life (spoilered for length) thx, that's what i needed

...and did you call? yes I'm usually aware when i may hypocritical statements. but.. do u have examples of impediments on my daily life that is caused by anxiety? what, my therapist? and what am i to say anyway. like it's not even a specific issue. I'm basically self-diagnosing rn which isn't rlly encouraged. edit: except for stuff like trans lol

oh, well, i dont rlly remember what life was like before diagnosis/meds, so idk. also, i guess it's hard to see the big deal abt anxiety..except when i look socially. because like I'm fine as in I'm alive and living and doing well (academically). so like wtvr. I don't wanna self-diagnose, tho. idk girl what the crem am i supposed to do anywho

sure i guess I'll maybe bring up anxiety next time.

ya okay wtvr pls kindly try to refrain from word normal and stuff i have family who knows i get anxiety, I guess. i probably have a general diagnosis or smth for anxiety/depression. also... i dont see it as interfering with my life if it's omnipresent and has been forever, or years. like, it's like adhd, u know? remember our convo? what specific ways is interfering, do u think? Friendship/social skills? Yes. For as long as I can remember. But i never thought of it related to anxiety. maybe it is shrug like I've always been "ok, I'm an inteovert, so what." and also ive wanted friends but wtvr.