Robinski

Right. I didn't really get that. Naming would instantly solve some of the issues I've had with orientation. I see no problem using a real and a manufactured town, although I guess you would want to change the team of the real town?

No, that's fine, magic explains everything.

Notwithstanding there might have been an anterior motive behind her apparent kindness, it's a good approach to villainy to show a chink of feeling somewhere there, as if there might be/have been hope for them, in some twisted, highly unlikely way. Agree. Whipped through the sub, although I gather it's not the whole chapter. Sometimes maybe, yeah. Like when E held up the dog to D, I thought that was good in that it was as if E wanted to hug D, but was too nervous and dog became her surrogate (or as a non-doggo-ist, am I just reading way too much into that?). Agree.

You'd better!!! I need to know how this plays out!

Comments! (page 1) - "had left her mannequin behind and gone elsewhere" - for some reason, I think I thought that M was fixed to the mannequin. - "She’d be more prepared" - although M was prepared the first time, because she had set a trap, I still think it's more compelling to be direct here. - "are all missing persons" - how is D a missing person? It does not seem like that long that they've been running around, is it more than 24 or 36 hours? Who reported D missing anyway? (page 2) - "My legs were jelly" - good detail, so easy to relate to. I was at the gym last week and think I rowed from here to Spain and back, felt like it anyway. - "a few miles" - is there really nowhere to hide closer than this? Seems odd that they would not look to hide ASAP after getting a short distance away (half a mile), out of the immediate vicinity. - "a few streets away in the downtown" - Huh? Ooh, hard stop. They cycled for miles to get to the mill. I thought the mill was out of town in the boonies, but suddenly they are in a residential suburb just around the corner? I don't think this is how the mill was located, was it? - "She had to be was just as tired as me" - I think because you've flagged that E has seen the sign, you can phrase this more directly, with more certainty, which is more compelling. - "The barn" - so they've come all; the way back to town? I just don't see why. That's where people have been looking for them longest, isn't it, or it's where they would have been reported missing from. Also, they have camping gear, and they want to go back to the mill again, but they've still put all the distance between them and it, back where they started. Don't get me wrong, I don't object to the cycling itself, you are pretty light with the description of it, and describe it in an interesting way, with energy, so it's not boring, and always is interspersed with thoughts about other things. It's just the logic of where they choose to locate themselves. (page 5) - "conservationist who was murdered by a property developer" - This is a bit 'on the nose' for me, it's a bit too much like the author saying 'development bad', and hitting the reader over the head with it. - "only the tiniest weeds" - really? Weeds are pretty darn effective at colonising waste ground. I would think if they can opt their heads out, they would be all over this place in a fairly short time. - I like the bit about E feeling the inadequacy of the 'adult' condolence phrases. That's very much in voice for the age of the character, I think. I feel that I can remember not being able to say stuff like that at some point in my life. (page 6) - "The day someone outed me" - would he know this modern phrase? As a child of a certain era, would he not say a phrase that would suit that era? I dunno, like something about not being a boy, or some other clumsy, inappropriate revelation? - Wait, confused. I didn't think A was gay, I thought he was trans? I'm not going back to look, but that's the way I remember it. Maybe my WRS? - "They accepted me as a boy even though I was born with a female body" - But, what about the 'gay' thing? I'm confused. (page 7) - "I found arsenic in the cupboard" - Gaaaah! That's ghastly, and gruesome. Bleeeagh. - "What if it were for people like my supervisor?" - Confused, I don't know what this means. - "I learned the truth" - About the arsenic? By A learned the truth before, just didn't have it confirmed, but the first death basically confirms it? I don't think this quite hangs together, logically, it still isn't really proof. (page 8) - "killed them" - only one person had died at this point, according to the recollection anyway. (page 9) - "left Mom’s car somewhere and the mannequins?" - and the mannequins... what? This seems to be an incomplete sentence. Overall Good chapter, forward motion to some extent (by stating intent anyway, rather than actually doing very much), but also a sequel to the attack where they take stock, learn some news stuff. I like how you emphasise people are looking for them through the messages from Dad at the end. That's important, to show that the outside world is not just sitting around waiting for the story to play out, which it never would, of course. There was some good emotion here, both from E to D, but also in A's reveal, although I thought that could have been tighter. I don't think it was as clear as out needs to be. Good job though. Looking forward to the next instalment

Well, that would ensure I didn't have to do any actual work, so yes, that would be good

Gaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!! Scary dolls!!!!!!!!

Totally depends on how much one puts into critiquing, I suppose. I would tend to suggest two purely from the POV that I will probably pick up my guitar and learn/play along in addition to reviewing the lyrics. Also from the POV that I would prefer to be more focused on one of two different things, if you see what I mean? Ultimately, if the lyrics come in under 5,000 words ( ) then go with it!!

Ahem, that doesn't sound like any engineer I know... I've found an online tool for train braking calculation, just trying to figure out how it works! I will get back to you on this

Hiya, hiya, hiya, Well, you don't see that too often. Here is Chapter 09, submitted on the 9th day of the 9th month, 2019!! You'll be glad to hear it is not 9,000 words long however, only a measly 3.5K. As usual, any and all comments will be grateful appreciate and dissected in reasonable detail in due course. I'm working on the Chapter 07 comments, but hope to be through the novel I'm critiquing on the side by Tues/Wed and therefore back in full swing in responding to all the great comments from past submissions. Chapter recap: 01 - In small town in British Columbia, Q and M close out the Not-All-That-Curious Case of the Stolen Art; 02 - Q and M decide on what to do next, all the options seem to have some issue or other. Q's ex-father calls; 03 - After some political machinations, we meet EM (the administrator) and TT (the scientist) who at Gen Ex Trick in Yellowknife, NWT; 04 - T is coerced by M into releasing the MTs. They are meant to kill her, but it does not go to plan for M. Now he has a problem 05 - Back with Q and M, they speak to R before going to meet him at the airport, but the plane crashes in 'unexpected' circumstances; 06 - Q and M are questioned at the sheriff's office then taken to the hospital to see R who they manage to speak to briefly before M appears and kills R; 07 - Q and M are in the frame for R's murder. M decides they should run. Car chase thru small town. They collect 80, 'borrow' N's plane and run; 08 - E discovers T's disappearance, is suspended by DM then goes to see the YK sheriff. He takes her to a kill site, but it's only animals, not T Cheers, Robinski

Thanks for reading, ID, much appreciated. I shall pay close attention to @Asmodemon's comments, but I'm glad things feel clearer now

Hey SSMooth, many thanks for reading. That's good! I'm hoping I can take 100-200 words out of through tidier writing, but I'm glad it zipped by for you I'll clarify that because, while I've ever so slightly conned the reader by saying she was shot (I remember being caught like this as a kid when Starsky got shot, and I thought it meant he was dead, but then I realise you could get shot without dying, phew! I think I was about 12... ), I want it to be clear at the start of this chapter, so she can jump out the window without the reader having your reaction, of course! Yay! Stitched up essentially just means conned / framed. Search engine says: stitch up. 1. phrasal verb. To stitch someone up means to trick them so that they are put in a difficult or unpleasant situation, especially one where they are blamed for something they have not done. Is this just a UK phrase? I'll see if anyone else reacts to it, I guess. Ah, this is N referring to Sheriff K as 'Shrek', a nickname, because it has 4 of the same letters as K-r-e-s-k-i. Again, I'll need to see if other readers get that. Really appreciate your comments. Thank you!

I think it pretty clearly does, but go ahead and ask a question if you want to, I prefer answering!!

Heya, so... I'm not a LotR scholar, but: - I think the Balrog is debatable as a character, rather than a beast, but I'll go with it. - Isildur does appear on the page in LotR, so I'd better give you that one although he doesn't really participate in the story - Is Thorin Oakenshield mentioned in LotR? I'm confident the Master of Laketown and Bard or only in the Hobbit. Is Smaug mentioned in LotR? I'm not convinced, but I can't disprove it, so I'll let you have it. So I reckon that's 18. Care to go for another 2? You're missing some fellowship members apart from anything else.

Okay, well it is a non-D&D question, but that probably just makes it harder, I guess. These are the systems I've played, but there are literally many dozens of RPG systems out there (+100 and more). 1. Runequest 2. Warhammer 3. Powers & Perils 4. Judge Dredd 5. Harnmaster 6. Bushido 7. Aftermath 8. Ringworld 9. Pendragon 10. Rolemaster 11. Call of C’thulu 12. Superworld 13. Champions 14. Elfquest 15. Thieves’ World Another question: WLIU, can you name 20 character from Lord of the Rings (books not movie)? (Can you tell I'm just trying to pass the turn now? )

I did! Weren't they awesome? I saw some incredible stuff when Brick Live came to Glasgow couple of years back, and the Dublin displays were right up there. Some favourites:

Half right, I'll take that Okay, without looking it up, how many non-D&D (and AD&D) RPG systems can you name? Get to 12 to ask a question.

Hey HawkedUp, thanks so much for reading and commenting. I got here in the end! Yes, I accept this, and have punched up both interviews, especially M's. Thank you. I take your point on this. I think it's a tricky one. I easily could have called this 2049 (oops, that's taken), and--probably apart from the settlement of other planets--I don't think the change with respect to the level of tech would raise any eyebrows. Likely, it would make some of the reference and languages sit better. I'm going to take a note on this, because it's an over-arching question of style and approach to the trilogy as a whole. It's a good point, but not an easy one. This is awesome. Very pleased I accept this point, and have tried to address some of these issues. I think the edited version is better, without being transformed into a driving narrative. People do respond differently to it. This is NOT a criticism, but it seems some people are more patient with the plot. This said, the story has come on a lot (it used to be much slower, believe it or not), and I'm indebted to RE for keeping pushing me to up the stakes. I will keep going. Thanks for raising this. Fair point. I think I've fixed this, in that I've made Q and M more active in places. And while they still are being detained, are trying more actively to benefit from the situation and pursue their investigation, I hope. The sheriff is always going to have most control, but I think it reads better now. Thank you! Ooft! Well... I can't say too much about that other than mission accomplished, I guess... Don't even think about it. Here's me replying 12 days later!! I really appreciate the comments and have a long way to go in submitting, so timescale is by no means critical. Great comments once again. Thanks so much.

Awesome! I just listened to a really interesting podcast interview with Farah Mendlesohn about her biography of Heinlein, speaking to my GSFWC chum Beth Faulds at EasterCon last year. Really interesting stuff. http://www.speculativespaces.com/episode-13-eastercon-2019-pt-3/

Aw, man. I love this thread (see what I did there?). It's ages since I posted in it. So... Erm, I'm guessing there are variations in embroidery thread types, maybe like light and heavy, and such? But anyway, I'll say... three.

Hey Kais, thank you so much for reading. Greatly appreciated. Excellent. Now, I don't think you did. I mean there are clues there, but as @Silk has commented, it doesn't necessarily mean it's easy for the reader to link them together without the author being less coy with the information and the connections. What I will say is that the overarching plot is laid out in Mrt's POV in Chapter 4. I think it might be a bit clearer now than it was, thanks to the excellent comments in this new round of me submitting. I'm going to hope that's the case, and I'm going to tell some stuff right here. I think perhaps there is a touch of WRS in there too. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: In Chapter 3, we see the trail discussions in the one-off POVs about some election skullduggery, a trail that ends with DM being instructed to enact 'the plan'. DM then manoeuvres TT into releasing 'the hounds', she's meant to be killed, she isn't, DM pursues and finally sees BR stooped over TT (still alive) by the river. DM withdraws because of the cops. Now, BR has rescued TT (and clearly takes her... somewhere). What I need to do now in this chapter is explain what DM is doing in Crest on, since I really haven't accomplished that as a result of being too coy. I think much of the early part of that stuff would be clearer on a straight read through, but I still have work to do, obvs. <3 I wanted to show Q trying to dabble in the local patois, but kind of ironically. I think maybe that's what you're detecting? I've thrown in a couple of italics, maybe that will help. Cool. @Mandamon thinks it's missing something, and I do see his point, while there are some good theatrics, I think I am going to try and tweak it very slightly so Mth gets some more concrete and useful information from DB. (Have now done this. She gets something from Beck that she needs to tell Q covertly in the squad car.) See public service announcement above, but Q just doesn't know enough at this point to be expounding on the subject. I have just had a good idea that really will up the stakes for that plot arc fairly soon. I've provided the reader with a bit more information now during Q's contemplation while he questions R in the hospital. I've added some clarification, I think! Thanks so much for reading, and for keeping me honest on this stuff. Got some really good fixes and tweaks here.

Project 75192: Update 16 - Bags No.11 - "Back End Cover-up" This time around, the top sections of the side 'pods' with suitable surface detail (2,3,4). Then, Fin and BB-8 in action!!! (5) Moving on to one of the Falcon's signature details, the big round vent-y things on the top / back, constructed of grey quadrants (6,7), curve sections and many, many, many black 2x1 grille pieces (8). First a central section at the back (9), then two side 'arc' sections at the back one vent each (10,11,12).

Yes, well... I think it's possible that someone will embellish when describing someone to someone else when the first someone elicits a strong emotional reaction. This said, I don't want to say that, in this case, TOM is not 'one heck of a villain'. (There's me being coy again.) This is one of my real problems, and leads to a high proportion of the comments about the structure of my writing, I think. I've taken a note to try and tackle it during the next whole edit. Thanks for flagging.

Excellent! I think I will take these nice comments and run