Robinski

Hey, Silk. Thank you for reading. Really appreciate your comments. Okay, I think most people got it. I tried to keep it simple.If you replace the Fs with Ss, I think it becomes clearer. On balance of comments, I'll keep as is for this round. A fair question. I like this point and have tweaked it. I've edited the earlier conversation with MC, to uptake stakes, and also extending somewhat to allow that relationship to bed in a little more, tenuous as it is. I've also tweaked up Q's reaction to the call here, and inserted something to justify MC's reaction, although that is bedded more int he first call now too. This is a remnant from a previous version, now gone. Check, thanks. Thank you for this, and yes, this is how I would hope real police behaved! (Sidebar: UK police to have firearms officers, but those are deployed in specific situations. They do not 'pack' as a matter of course, no. So, it's on the page as dramatic licence, I suppose. I guess if I'm going to leave it in--and because of this world being fairly close in a lot of ways to our present world--I need to call this aspect out in some way as either new protocol, or aberrant behaviour, or something. In fact, I've just had an idea!!! Thank you Good comment. I accept that. Check. Check Now then. Q rolls under a stationary truck in the lot, but M rolls under a moving semi to get across the road (and to foil the pursuit, a bit). I realise there's a lot of blocking that needs work in this scene, and I will get onto that in the next edit. Ah, because neither K nor the local sheriff arranged the helicopter. Was meant to be 'flee', but is now 'scatter'. True. A editor might limit me to one, but I'll cross the bridge when (if) I ever have an editor Lol, yes, I'm sure it does!! Okay. I was wondering if you'd clocked the intention to send help, and you did. I've punched that up a bit, and there is a general edit to introduce more stakes in the two exchanges that they do have before this point. I also have hung a lantern on the offer of help from Q's POV. Excellent. I'm so pleased you're spinning theories I'm retconning this. Now, the local cops in Canm-re start shooting and Kr is calling out against it. The implication is that they are crooked, or at least influenced by someone. That's what I'm thinking. I'll work through the logic of that. What I don't want is another side POV! I had to read this a couple of times before realizing it was a memory. Right, I've reworded the start slightly. I think it's clearer. I assumed so, and didn't have a problem with it not being made explicit. Cool. WRS, I think. Worked for me, anyway - I assume we mean J and Q's son. Yes. This will be retconned back through previous chapters. Mor always had a role in J's going back to her father. I've never thought it through fully; just winging it, but it's taking shape now. Yeah, this struck me as a bit odd to think of, it's not a reference from this book I don't think - maybe book 1? - and this is the first time we've heard of her. It was one of the alternative cases and is mentioned once or twice this book. Touch or WRS, maybe, are I need to be more specific here. I stumbled on this too. I mean, I know the expression, but I had no idea why Ei was saying it until I read @industrialistDragon's comment about the catchphrase, about which I had forgotten. Okay. We'll see. And I really appreciate it. Great comments, thanks so much

Project 75192: Update 21 - Bags No.16, Part 1 - "Curve-wall" (ugh, these subtitles get lamer and lamer) Ooh, this kind of slipped off my radar and I haven't posted for a while. We're almost there, but there are some iconic features still to go, specifically the truncated cone of the cockpit assembly. I always seeing how the produce these strangely shaped elements and get them to fit into the whole in a way that is satisfying and feels suitably solid. Bags (1), some of the last. Trusty wooden tray to guard against armageddon scenario (wife standing on a piece of lego whole opening the curtains in the spare room). (3) Small starting point of a big old assembly. (4) Pilot's and nav consoles. And then, the first part of the signature curved out skin section (5,6). It's so neat how with a simple peg it sits between what I think of as 'keel' and, I guess, rib beams. Very satisfying! We then turn through 90 degrees by way of this floor assembly (7,8), but this interestingly hinged 'arm' comes in (9,10) the purpose of which will become clear. Plus, angry/determined Han (he's too old for this sh1t!!), and fiesty/determined Rey!!

Fair enough. I think that needs to be clarified when it's first mentioned. Also, adventuring is not a real job I think having that as the guild's raison d'être would make the story feel quite light-hearted in tone. But maybe that's what you're going for (looking at your response to Mandamon). I am 53, so I get to roll my eyes at late forties I was okay with those references, although I must admit that I think the story could work harder at selling me on how that affects people in this world. I don't feel immersed in the nocturnal world, since there wasn't much reference to what time or day it was, natural lighting levels, state of the moon, etc. I think that could be enmeshed better in the narrative to make it totally convincing. Agree. As well as being probably your best writing I've seen, I think it is your best characterisation, but can still be improved. I agree with Kais. Me too. Me too.

Hey, Aero, glad to see you back! Page 1 I need to comment on the title, which is almost exactly the same as Robert Heinlein’s ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’. Maybe it’s only old gits like me who would moan about it, but it’s impossible for me not to think of that old (classic) novel. I'm not sure if it's deliberate, but I'm not sure that you would want the comparison. The opening is not clear to me. I did not get that E was a moon, largely because of the phrasing ‘make it through’ which sounds like someone moving through trees. I thought E was the wolf which is also moving through the forest. Show up is also kind of vague phrasing when used for a moon, which would be rising usually. I’m not going to all out all the little things, but there are quiet a few first draft issues where the phrasing is distracting me, although I still get the sense of it. For example, every kill is freshly caught, it’s only after it’s caught and killed that it has the opportunity to become less fresh. Page 2 I think there is maybe a timing issue here. Z turns his attention to the deer and notices the wolf immediately, but the wolf smells the meat from a distance (I thought), implying a gap in time between Z starting to cook and the wolf appearing. I had contributing to this, I think, is my assumption that T ate the meat raw? It does not take long to cook a steak, even well done, and my impression was that the wolf smelled the meat from a long way away. Page 3 The phrase ‘nocturnal eyes’ kind of bothers me. Creatures are nocturnal, but eyes are light sensitive. I mean, S’s eyes don’t only come out at night. Page 4 Why would the wolf be surprised? I didn’t get any sense that it was trying to sneak up on Z. It sounded to me like it was moving in the open at the point Z spotted it. ‘Nice spotting me’ is awkward phrasing. Nice what/how? Nice work, nice luck? Page 5 ‘dive-bombed’ threw me out, because it implied to me technology that I imagine does not exist in the world. I got a strong image of a Stuka, basically. ACH is a great name. Hollow always makes me think of Sleepy H, but I think it works here because it implies something quite different of that place, although not sure what (yet). Also, it seems to vary between 'Hollow' and 'Hollows' in this draft. Page 6 There are quite a few terms and names thrown around that I do not know anything about, but I can pretty much roll with them and take them as colour, as they don’t seem to be pivotal to the plot or even the conversation. It’s pretty much smalltalk at this point. I did trip over everyone making stuff at half moons, because it wasn’t really explained why. I guess the light? But it’s not yet explicit what the light’s power is, I feel. Also, I’d have thought a seeker would find it easier to seek with increased moonlight. Page 7 So, you asked about characters. Neither Z or S are all that engaging, if I’m honest. Pretty standard and not standing out as characters from a line up of NPCs until they get onto why seekers don’t use the light. That’s when my interest perks up a bit and it feels like we’re talking about something that might be a source of conflict. I think this issue is that I don't know what their motivations are, I don't really know what the stakes of the story are, or their personal stakes. So, while I think this is some of the best writing I have read from you in terms of delivery, I want more to buy into from the start. Page 8 When Z asks about ACH I feared a big info dump, but it was nicely dodged by S confounding my expectation by saying it was rubbish and he was leaving. Page 9 I was trying to decide if I’d have liked to have known about T’s feeding on emotions before T started calling out S. I liked it well enough this way, but it did occur to me that because T had been eating venison, the feeding on emotions seemed slightly contradictory. “You must have been a...” - passive phrasing ‘You must be...’ is way more active and therefore engaging. Status report: I’m more engaged now than I was at first. When I read ‘werewolf’ and ‘wizard-with-familiar’ (as it came over to me), I was kind of meh, not exactly groundbreaking. The moon(s) as source of power, yeah, seen it before. Things are picking up now because the location of ACH is presented as somewhere ‘we’ shouldn’t go; a source of mystery and danger. It took a little while to get to that engagement point, for me. Also, you say it’s a short, but it’s 10/11k words? That’s firmly in the middle of typical novelette range by most definitions (7500 to 17000 words). It reads more like novel pace to me. Z’s spiel revealing to S how he spotted what kind of wolf he was, if I’m honest, it kindle of washed over me. I was not really fixing on the rules of the world. When it comes to Sandersonian magic systems, to some extent they leave me a bit cold. I believe in Sanderson’s laws, but I don’t think that means I need to learn all the rules. So, I believe Z’s explanation, but I don’t really follow it. Page 10 Who says the line "Hhh, true"? It seems like S, but this line breaks the pattern of one line of dialogue, turn about, and the tags are quite thin. I don't think "Hhh, true." adds anything and could easily be cut and go straight to S's next line "Idiot..." - Oh, wait, it's T isn't it? It really breaks the flow of that exchange, I think, and causes confusion. Why can't S believe he's thanking Z for the hospitality? Didn't make sense to me. "turned back into a wolf" - There's no wonder in this, but I feel there should be. It's just offhand. But readers read for wonder (among other things), I think, and this was an opportunity missed. Page 11 I'm itching to do line edits, but I won't. I'll call this out with a couple of example though: word/phrase choice. I know it can be a matter of style and the choice of the author to express ideas in a more simple way, but it does affect my engagement with the story. (1) "S snorted once" - cut once, and you've got the same thing 'S snorted' singular. So, 'once' is unnecessary and over-explains something that is completely clear without it. (2) "mentally translating" - same thing, I would say all translation takes place in the head, so 'mentally' is unnecessary. "do I have you to thank for flaring that hunger of his?" - Huh? So, this is another ability of T's? I throws me for a loop the way this is revealed, because I just trust that everything that went before was natural. I didn't see any signs to the contrary. When I read that the wolf wasn't hungry, which I can look back and say 'Huh, right, that's what that was' but at the time it just seemed contradictory and a bit untidy. It doesn't seems necessary and just leaves me kind of confused. Why would T engineer the meeting with the wolf? What are T's motivations? It all comes back to that, I think. I feel I don't know what anyone is trying to do and why. "will seek this problem" - What problem? Confused. It would help if I understood what a seeker's job was, their role in society. Page 12 "We’ll get the next part of the mystery there" - I still don't feel I've got a clear idea of what the mystery is, and why Z is interested in it, when he doesn't seem to have any specific motivation to solve it (a client, a personal stake, etc.). I get confused here about the meal. It's served in the market, but before it's open? Served to whom? The stallholders? Some grammar issues there too. Also, I did not clear pick up that they'd arrived in the town. What is it a guild of? This doesn't seem to have been explained. I feel like there are an increasing number of typos as we go on. All good editing fodder, of course. Page 14 Ach, another mystery. They tag very clearly that it's very strange for a seek to be in the guild, but then don't explain why, just not at each other and say, that is strange. I find that frustrating. Not everything needs to be a mystery. The reader wants to feel progression and that they are accumulating knowledge, learning about the world, IMO. Page 15 Contract for what? Don't follow. I like the idea of the ranks and the number of segments completed. I still don't know what the Guild does though. Also, the biggest ever guild building and a really senior ranking guilder seems pretty heavy-handed (of the guild). There's no way the guild are trying to conceal whatever it is they are doing here. Not sure I agree with Z's analysis. Why is it not possible that S just left town and R didn't know anything about it? Maybe it's unlikely that R couldn't guess at what the factors might be, but he might not know the specific reason, and he very well might not know that S had left, IMO. Page 16 Again, I'm being taunted with this knowledge about the problem with seek ers that everyone in the story knows about, but I don't. I really begin to wonder if I've forgotten about something from an early page. Is it only because seeks have no power? Why would that make everyone hate them? if that is the reason they are reviled, I don't get it. I did enjoy the reveal however, it's a good reveal. I think style-wise, it could be played up for greater dramatic effect. I think--because we're in a 'saloon'--I was picturing an old Clint Eastwood spaghetti western where everyone looks at one another through narrowed eyes as the guitar music plays. Not sure you can give someone a mantra. I think that's something you have to choose for yourself and Z specifically said this was not his. "a burning desire for curiosity" - This phrase does not mean they have the curiosity itself but that they have a burning desire to have curiosity. I don't think that makes since in this context. Also, curiosity itself is an enormous tapestry. They could be curious about anything within a huge range of possibilities. One could have a burning curiosity about clouds, another about growing vegetables, another about foreign geography and politics. It doesn't sound something that would be a collective thing in the way it's set out. It's very vague. Page 17 "It wasn’t as if he had a plan continuing forward, but he didn’t see the Guild as part of it" - How can he not see the guild as part of 'it' if he doesn't have a plan? Contradictory, IMO. I don't buy this quest. So no one else in this massive guild house is capable of taking this on? R has suspected there was a problem for how long? But he hasn't done anything about it until some guy appears at random. What if Z had not come into town? The implication seems to be that R would just have let things fester away. I find this hard to believe. Why would P be envious of someone not having powers? Page 18 "looked the man over" - Which man? Not really clear. "he’d be from somewhere nearby" - That kind of sounds like the definition of local to me. "At least pretend you can" - Can what? Unclear. "agreeing to fight with T is the surest way to lose" - It's the only way to lose. Can't lose if you don't fight. "you rile people’s emotions" - I would say 'rile' specifically means to anger someone, but emotions are much wider. You wouldn't rile someone's envy, or rile their love, IMO. What is 'hhh'? It's used a lot, and I don't quite get it. It's not 'huh', and it's not 'Heh, heh, heh.' Page 19 I like the set up of pairing the two misfits together, it's a classic template. Summary I like a lot of what I've read. I'll say again I think it's some of your best stuff that I've read on here. Certainly, the subject and style of the story are much more like what I enjoy to some past stories. I think it can be cut down quite a bit. There is a fair bit of meandering, I think, in this first section, and some bits that feel a bit repetitive or unclear that are not necessary, it seems to me. I would suggest that 'clarity' would be the watchword for the next edit. There are some good opportunities to just come out a say things once clearly and there would not be any need to revisit them. I like the idea of the society and the way the ranks are set up, nice idea, but I want a very clear set-up for seeks and the guild in the first two or three pages. Not everything needs to be kept back for some kind of dramatic reveal. I've been learning this myself over the last year or so. I think I'm getting there. You asked specifically about characters. I think Z is a bit bland. If you asked me to describe him now (and I don't mean physically, although I don't think I could do that either), I just can't think of anything that is especially notable about him. He's a decent, serviceable POV character, but I think he needs a unique point or two to mark him out, both physically (and I don't mean some mean-dramatic thing like a peg-leg, of course!!), and also in character terms. He can't fight, that's a decent start, but I just think he can do more to be a standout character. There is some nice byplay with T, but at other times I did not get that it was the creature that was talking.. Another point. lack of female or other gender representation. There is one apparently token female character mentioned in the guild bar and then ignored for the rest of the scene. I presume she is going to play some part, and I suppose the antagonist (apparent) is female, but still. I get that there is a potential scenario in some alternative earth or secondary world in which all the characters with dialogue are male, but you get to make this what you want, and the fact that there are no female dialogue characters so far lessens the story, IMO. I think this has good potential and I am keen to read the next bit. Thanks for submitting

And I really appreciate it! If only it was for someone who was good at responding in a timely fashion I'm off out now to my son-in-law's first gig since he came to live in Scotland. He's play in the first band, and the headliners! Not one to do things by half. But I will get right onto your crib tomorrow morning. Thank you! https://www.facebook.com/events/422228725151888

Hey ID, many thanks for reading. Guilty as charged. I'm not quite sure what to do about it at this point, from a holistic story viewpoint. At this point, the changes to the previous chapters, and the changes to come in terms of the ideals I've had in response to comments, are such that tracking agency through the story is becoming pretty difficult. I'll need to rely on an alpha read after the next edit. There wasn't supposed to be anything in the way of an ethnic dig, so that was clumsy on my part if it came across that way. If it was a dig at anything (and if it was, only the gentlest of digs, I hope) it's at the appropriation of what might be considered ethnic symbolism by youngsters who do it for reasons of exploration and rebellion. I think it's on point for Q's character to be in this headspace, and not doubt on collision course with M as she progresses through her teens. I appreciate that one doesn't know where some ears have been, or what they've been listening to! Sorry to traumatise you I am saying nothing... at this point. I enjoyed this threaorising very much It does. In Books 1 and 2 (this one), I have aimed to put in a non-binary character here and there, to represent them in the world. I thought if I called them out by having a non-binary character, it would look more like tokenism than if I acknowledged and represented non-binary characters as a proportion of the population. This approach complements my level of confidence in being able to write a non-binary character, as male person. HOWEVER, I have a place in the outline of Book 3 for a prominent non-binary character, if I have the stones / sheer effrontery to attempt to write an NB character when it comes to the bit. Basically, yes, but also M having some fun. Fun is often a non-sequitur where Q is concerned. Gotcha. I have done that (I think). Right. As noted above, I'll need another pass or three at that to clarify the moving parts, since I moved Tham around a bit in this edit. Oh, good, I'm glad. It made me smile too. I imagine K shaking his fist at the departing 'copter shouting, "Darn you, Q. Darn you to heck!!" I promise there will be a train in the short/novelette that will be Book 2.5. Great comments. Really appreciate you reading, ID. Thank you!

Hi Mandamon, many thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. Well, they are wanted for the big long list of charges that Q runs through in his head back when they steal the plane. I will take a note to reconsider the stakes of their flight from Crest. It may be that I've retconned this a bit. I think it's in the edit. When they first (second) speak to mystery caller (MC) he now explains what is going on. The idea being upping the stakes at an earlier stage than was in the version you read. No. Not sure why I expressed it this way. I'll cut the 'ten'. Heh, well, hmm. Maybe I'll park this for the fanfic section... Good spot, thanks. Check. This will be retconned in Edit #4. There is mention of her being taken by M, but I'm going to recast those events through the trilogy because of the outline for Book 3. Edited since this submission. Yes, there was a text from E, but that is now gone in favour of a conversation. Not at all. It is a mystery, of course, and I was not sure how well it was tuned not to be too obvious. I think I'll only really know with a complete alpha read, but there is more in the next chapter on this matter. Oh, I'd thought this was an allusion to the reader being able to have a stab at it. If it's subtly done, I'm thinking it would not show up because of WRS. That said, I suspect it's not subtle done (yet) I think this might be a remnant of the revisions since made to Chapter 13 and 14, but with some reference back to Chp 12. I'll tidy this up in the next pass. In the UK, we might say that something was 'b*llocks' (i.e. nonsense, rubbish, etc.), and I was trying to play off that. Taking it a step away from the source which may itself be obscure to a US audience is probably not It is, it's the Berlin library job. I think this will be better without the WRS. Are you familiar with the expression? It's a delayed reaction of 80 to M's pronouncement that the android need a catchphrase. M makes the comment page 226 and 80 comes up with the reply on page 231. MC does say on page 228 that he's sending them help. I guess Q put that comment together with the 3 harnesses. Yes, I thought this would be an issues. This is my second pass at it, and I made some alterations for dramatic effect. It'll take several more passes, I suspect. Great comments as ever. Thank you so much, and I'm sorry I'm slow in responding to them. Cheers, Robinski

Yes, it's still a good comment, and my lame attempt to distract you with a cute, fluffy velociraptor image has not worked (curses!!). I've hung a lantern on it turning away to go after the others.

Hey everybody, Here is another instalment of the story. I'm sorry it's a couple of days late because of... stuff. Any and all comments would be greatly appreciated. Anything and everything is fair game. Best, Robinski Chapter Summary: 01 - In small town in British Columbia, Q and M close out the Not-All-That-Curious Case of the Stolen Art; 02 - Q and M decide on what to do next, all the options seem to have some issue or other. Q's ex-father calls; 03 - After some political machinations, we meet EM (the administrator) and TT (the scientist) who at GX in Yellowknife, NWT; 04 - T is coerced by M into releasing the MTs. They are meant to kill her, but it does not go to plan for M. Now he has a problem 05 - Back with Q and M, they speak to R before going to meet him at the airport, but the plane crashes in 'unexpected' circumstances; 06 - Q and M are questioned at the sheriff's office then taken to the hospital to see R who they manage to speak to briefly before M appears and kills R; 07 - Q and M are in the frame for R's murder. M decides they should run. Car chase thru small town. They collect 80, 'borrow' N's plane and run; 08 - E discovers T's disappearance, is suspended by DM then goes to see the YK sheriff. He takes her to a kill site, but it's only animals, not T; 09 - After some chat about the past and Mor, Q dumps N's plane on the tarmac, QME are recovered by EMS and taken to hospital, where they escape; 10 - E runs the gauntlet of the press then releases the Vuls. Q and M progress to YK. Q gets a mystery call. K is on Q's trail and intends to make him pay; 11 - Q calls E and leaves her a message, the Five-Star gets wrecked by a bear, DM is travelling back to YK and speaks with TOM; 12 - Q learns M about a local church, Q and M encounter a bear, Mor talks to TOM; 13 - Q and M reach Golden, learn of the election's status, call EM and then learn that people are dead in YK. Their plan will get them to YK this evening. 14 - EM is interviewed by the FBI and given an ultimatum. DM seems to be working with her, but springs an ambush, tries to kill her, but she escapes. 15 - WK continues north, speaks to his office, speaks to the RCMP, considers his moves. 16 - DM takes full control of things at GX, speaks to TOM, issues orders to increase the chaos. 17 - EM escapes YK, goes to a village to abandon her tech, then makes a choice about her future. 18 - In Canmore, the press of time is getting to Q. WK spies waiting for a train north, a chase on foot ends in a one-sided shoot out. QME escape by drone 'copter.

I mean, if this is existing protocol and nobody's done it at this point, maybe E should start to wonder why not. Might help to lay the groundwork for the later scene too. Yeah. There's a bit where E recalls that she thought about it, but discounted it because she thought she could retrieve the situation with out out. I'll tag this for the Alpha read. Thanks for the discourse!

I'm sorry my sub is so late. I ended up having to edit two chapters instead of one, and cutting them together in a different way. I'll still put it up, if that's okay, but please don't feel any pressure to read it any time soon, if at all.

I'd like to submit again on Monday, please. And by Monday I mean, probably Monday.

Hey, SSmooth, thanks very much for reading. Ah, the old Nano trap. Good luck! Fixed, I think. It's supposed to show people at the other end of a call, but has got mixed up. Cool. I'm going to be strengthening rationales in the next draft, so that hopefully will make the whole structure stronger. I've got some notes on this. There's a good fix for it that ties in to other comments. Ooh, good. Maybe they're not Okay, I can clarify this. Heh. It's an eye thing, apparently. I was not fully away of what I was doing there. I think this is as much a fault of the storytelling as anything else. I've got various good fixes that I hope will strengthen a lot of these issues. Thanks for the comments. Much appreciated

Hey Silk, thank you so much for reading an commenting. I just lost half a 'page' of response replying to you because of stupid / too convenient MacBook swipe back and forward. I hate recreating stuff, so very quick rehash... So, where was I... Mm-hmm. Mm-HMM. Fair point. I'll consider what new this scene might bring to the table. Okay. I'd been playing on the fact that maybe it took some time to get the information, but I take your point. 100% agree. Only very obliquely. I'll need to go back and foreshadow this in Mor's POV in relation to his thoughts about Q. I think this is 100% what needs to happen. Yeah, there is a fairly easy win on this point, that I have in mind. I will introduce the connections in the next edit. Great comments. Thanks so much, Silk

Hey Kais, many thanks for reading. Much appreciated. Right. I'll speak to you about that in PM, I think rather than here. We know EM's position on there things, but I had no particular notion that the young women would be that way inclined. So what I'm thinking is attraction on EM's part, not returned by the young woman, but that evokes in EM her feelings towards TT, a potentially a fair degree of guilt. I'm inclined to agree with this. Thinking about this again, I realise that I kind of glossed over 'blip' in responding to @Mandamon. I think at the time I did not really follow what a 'blip' was, but I see the point now as I come across this again. I will look at the potential to cut K's scene in the car and add a 'blip' somewhere in Q and M's POV. Mor was going to kill her? That was his intention. OMG!! I must have been half asleep responding to @Mandamon, I misread his comment. You thought E was going to kill the young woman?!?! Ooh, I really wasn't going for that, but I like that you both thought she was that close to the edge that DM's taint might have rubbed off her ( ... no pun intended). Okay, dabbed or attend or something other than splashed. Cut 'of'. Funny the things you didn't notice the first nine times your wrote/read something. Eh, no? It's an Irish name. Cool. I think I've tidied that up. It's so much fun having the VRs in the story. I figure they're not copyrighted I think I've got these. I've being putting dialogue of people at the there end of calls in italics. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it might go. I really think it's WRS. Right... I wanted to show that E still doubts that T is bad, even though she sees this rationale for how T might have played her. Right, maybe some tuning needed here... I was trying to leave the reader on the edge, like E is, about what she was going to do. Then make it look like she was abandoning T by sailing away, then she only goes so far south before turning around towards YK. I think I need to tweak this. There was a reason she ditched her phone when she did, but actually it would be more dramatic if she did it right at the end, I think. Great comments as always. Thank you so much!

Hey Silk, Delighted to have your comments, as always Well spotted. Now reworded. Good point. I've rephrased slight so she questions straight away, but as you see, things play out a bit differently. I've reworded this line, including the part about resources. It's clearer now. Thanks! I guess they do! We still use it now, I guess about 200 years since many people were doing it, why not 280? Ooh, I feel some research coming on Huh. Will firstly, there is this one, which is just too good... OMG, a hat was damaged!! Then, curiously this one... Kind of a faux duel, but still. (These are the from UK list. Other countries are listed separately, including Canada.) So, discounting the second one, if duelling with swords was common around 1800, and we still use the phrase 219 years later, why not 299 years later? I will just assume P is a throwback, like me And the Wiki page on duels is excellent entertainment Yeah, thanks. This is one of my blindspot words. Someone else called it too. Hmm. Yes, okay. I have kind of bagged this all with the protocol and hoped that was hand-wavy enough to carry it. This is a good point. I've embellished the reference to include other facets, to make it sound like a more rounded strategy. Excellent catch. Thanks! I've dropped a couple of lines in which hopefully shine a light on E's suspicions better. Hmmm, nice idea. I will experiment with that... Okay, I've added a handful of lines and I think they will lead the reader into the correct conclusion for definitely than what was there before. Good suggestion I think I've got the typos now. Thanks for all the spots here. Cool. Hurray! Yeah. I guess that's inevitable, given what they are doing and experiencing. I'll park this for a complete read through. I was really going for him covering up loose ends, and people can testify to his direct involvement, in the case of TT. I'd say he thought that E would work it out, or hear it from Q. I guess I thought it was obvious, but... that's one of my bad habits, making assumptions that are just plain wrong! E would make the perfect stool pigeon as TT's accomplice, but again, I have not come out and stated that. That much I understood, and it was made clear early on, though a reminder couldn't hurt considering how much the political plotline is playing second fiddle. Cool, I think I have that now in response to Man/ID's calling this. I'm glad some of those other things worked for you. They are still there, but with some reinforcement, I hope, as appropriate. Some very helpful 'muddying' in here. Thank you again for the comments!

Undoubtedly

Yay!! I actually dropped in here (without refreshing the page) to leave you a note about..... I mean, it's remarkable how many tiny little details between are novels are common, but without any design, of course. E.g. I've just read the bit where Na and Pu are hiding under trucks and boots are going past. What happens in this chapter of TCC? Q is under a truck with boots going past. Oh, and mode of rescue. I mean for goodness sake, what are the actual odds?

Hi All, Sorry, I got my chapter number conversion from hexadecimal wrong last week, but here is the latest, on which I welcome all the usual slings and arrows. I hope there is some stuff in here you enjoy. People run about!!! Best, Robinski Chapter Summary: 01 - In small town in British Columbia, Q and M close out the Not-All-That-Curious Case of the Stolen Art; 02 - Q and M decide on what to do next, all the options seem to have some issue or other. Q's ex-father calls; 03 - After some political machinations, we meet EM (the administrator) and TT (the scientist) who at GX in Yellowknife, NWT; 04 - T is coerced by M into releasing the MTs. They are meant to kill her, but it does not go to plan for M. Now he has a problem 05 - Back with Q and M, they speak to R before going to meet him at the airport, but the plane crashes in 'unexpected' circumstances; 06 - Q and M are questioned at the sheriff's office then taken to the hospital to see R who they manage to speak to briefly before M appears and kills R; 07 - Q and M are in the frame for R's murder. M decides they should run. Car chase thru small town. They collect 80, 'borrow' N's plane and run; 08 - E discovers T's disappearance, is suspended by DM then goes to see the YK sheriff. He takes her to a kill site, but it's only animals, not T; 09 - After some chat about the past and Mor, Q dumps N's plane on the tarmac, QME are recovered by EMS and taken to hospital, where they escape; 10 - E runs the gauntlet of the press then releases the Vuls. Q and M progress to YK. Q gets a mystery call. K is on Q's trail and intends to make him pay; 11 - Q calls E and leaves her a message, the Five-Star gets wrecked by a bear, DM is travelling back to YK and speaks with TOM; 12 - Q learns M about a local church, Q and M encounter a bear, Mor talks to TOM; 13 - Q and M reach Golden, learn of the election's status, call EM and then learn that people are dead in YK. Their plan will get them to YK this evening. 14 - EM is interviewed by the FBI and given an ultimatum. DM seems to be working with her, but springs an ambush, tries to kill her, but she escapes. 15 - WK continues north, speaks to his office, speaks to the RCMP, considers his moves. 16 - DM takes full control of things at GX, speaks to TOM, issues orders to increase the chaos. 17 - EM escapes YK, goes to a village to abandon her tech, then makes a choice about her future.

Air pressure holes, cool!

It's November 1st and I'm not doing Nano for the first time in... 7 years(?), I feel so liberated I should add though that it's served me well having written W&S (Pts. 1 & 2), TMM, TCC, WH and TMB in that time (and re-written TMM). Good old Nano, but time for me to move on. Although, I just had an idea... (No, no. Not doing that ).

I'd like to submit on Monday, please.

Hey J, thank you so much for reading, that's great. That's kind of you to jump in the middle. It's pretty rare for new members to jump into this so far in, so I'm grateful for your perspective. By way of background, there are various GMO animal hybrids now running around, as you may gleaned. And you missed most of the travel, which think is probably a blessing One detail, can I ask you to edit your post and replace the creature name with an abbreviation. It's just that it's unique to my story and IF it was every submitted or agented or published, I wouldn't want readers to be able to trace any online comments. There is a bit about abbreviating names in the guidelines, and I think this would fall under that category. Please don't worry about it. I've done it myself. Cheers!

Right. I can enhance this point to ease its assimilation. Okay, I can deal with this all the way through his POV scenes, talks with Tom, etc. Thanks for clarifying

Hey, ID. Thank you Noted. There is an earlier (short) POV from him some way back. This was a mistake, well spotted, in E's internal monologue in relation to the 'other side'. Good fix! I've had a couple of ideas in reading this, which has focused stray thoughts rambling around in my noggin. This is good. I can go back and underling Mor's motivations, but I really think it's clear in those early chapters. It is to cause sufficient chaos that the Pres can send in the army. That's happening now. What is MISSING, and what should be driving Mor now is s burning need to find TT and now EM. I think that is what I need to retro fit, because that was the intention on Mor fleeing Crest, that he had to get back to YK to do away with TT. That bit has fallen out of those intervening chapters, and also was meant to be the burning brand driving QM forward to get there in time, i.e. a ticking clock. I can do this. I might help with the clarity, actually. Okay. I think this is more recent, and maybe just because these helpful encounters are falling together in a line, but I can insert a reference or two, as you suggest. There is a reference to people passing them when they're hitching into Golden; and they did steal a car, and a ambulance, but I can play up trying-and-failing more, but with short, short references. These are great comments. Many thanks, ID