Robinski

Hey @Mandamon, thank you for reading, and for your continued patience, strained as it must be!! I recognise your concerns from previous chapters, of course, and yes I can see how the same concerns apply to these chapters. One of the major issues is clarity, particular Mor's parts, I think. Yes. And while that it good, because it is the intention, as it was the intention in Book 1 for GC's presence in the story to be a major thread running counter to QM, here our duo are not engaging with the plot directly enough, which at least they did in Book 1, I think it's fair to say. I've got some good suggestions about doing that. Some of these are already in, but can be highlighted, multiplied. I'm going to put the book aside a do something else once through it. Something completely new and short to work on the issues that recur in my writing. I'm positive this draft is improving, but it will take more fixing. I accept that. There is a short (2 page) Kr POV in Chapter 10. Just a bottle or some such. Thought I could get away without explaining that. Shopping centres / malls have them now. Funny the things that pop out of nowhere. I think this could catch on. I may be losing a feeling for what needs to be recapped and what doesn't, when motivations need to be highlighted and when it's sufficient from before. Complete alpha read will help to address this, I think. No. I didn't want to deluge the reader with 10 types of t/f in one chapter, and thought to feed them in through the story. Why do (some) scientists do anything? I thought it was clear that Mor had pulled some sort of special protocol that E wasn't aware of but they clearly were, a bit like sleepers. Mor's task is just to cause massive chaos. What I need to do is add a thread with a ticking clock for finding TT. That is something that is missing although it's set up at the beginning in Creston, when it's clear that is what Mor will do, but then it drops out of sight. Okay, I've added to this, because it's not clear. This is now flagged in the text as a reference to the entity in Hab 10, back when E and T are inspecting the habitats (Chapter 3). (See above) This goes back to the first call with Tom, as you say. There is a line there "The voice was brisk, cold and somehow younger, smoother than he remembered." I've hung a slightly bigger lantern on this, in terms of Q's reaction. I have mentioned it before but maybe it's too nebulous as an objective, but he is purely about causing and adding to the chaos. It's certainly a bit heavier in Book 1, I think, but there references earlier in this book to how Q abandoned J because of the child. Mor was going to kill her? That was his intention. Thanks for these excellent comments. I really appreciate you continuing to hold me to account

Weird. Done!

No, no, it's good. Bracing like a good, clean Arctic breeze!! Ah, right. Well, if you've ever seen a field, you've got the middle bit covered...

It's so cool just tracking along it in Street View. Well done. Go for it. Sorry I can't advise on the Con thing, but if you've got someone to cover your table while you panel, participating seems like a clear win, even before you consider the benefits to general profile.

Aw, kittens!

Not at all, I'm still working through revision, so it's all good Excellent. It's interesting that the reactions are quite mixed. I'm hoping that means that the nipping and tucking I've done will smooth things out and get a better general reaction without wholesale changes. I look forward to the notes. Awesome. That's cool. I think/hope I've done that in the revisions. Done. ROFL. I'm open to it. To some extent, it was intended as a mirror of Mor's own nasty thoughts about E in the cafeteria all those chapters ago, but I'm not wedded to it, and happy to take your advice on this topic. Queer intuition is fine. Thanks. Check. Queer it is. Well, I was going for the fact that she was fighting for her life and not to be shot by Mor. Also, the fact that he had made it clear (I thought) that he was going to release all the t/f anyway. Great comments. Thanks so much, Kais. Really appreciated

Hey, thanks for reading. I'm delighted that you've got the time to get caught up. Please don't worry about the brevity of the comments. Focus is good! Fair comments, for sure. There have been some revisions to this already, which I hope have improved it. Once I get through a complete edit, I'll let it sit, go do something else then come back and seek and alpha read or two

And that was the intent. I guess it doesn't come across by osmosis. Never mind, the trucker offered them a ride to Revelstoke, which I suppose is in the wrong direction... Crud. I managed to miss that it when I flicked back over it As you say, not going their way. I'm not advocating this scene for this story, necessarily, but I would 100% read this. Well, I am 110% writing the story when he goes to Europe to do the library thing, and that will have trains out the wazoo, I think. I'm in touch with my inner Sheldon. Yeah

Hey Silk, thanks so much for all these comments. Really focusing my attention on various things, having been through them recently. Yeah. Futuristic rebranding of the familiar name. I thought most North American readers would get it, and it wouldn't matter if other readers didn't. We have! It's in the chapter when Q lands the plan on the road (Chp.6, I think, without looking it up). He uses TH's roof as the marker for braking distance. (Also, we now have Tim's in Glasgow!!! ) So, WorldCon 2024 (fingers crossed), we've got Canucks covered. Good point. Edited. Yeah. I hear you. If it was a more outlandish future, it provably would not be an issue, but because it's near-future, I can see how it would jar. I think in the next edit I'm going to have to either hand and lantern on it, which will tend to add words and not necessarily make it any less jarring for 'local' readers who I'd really like to 'make contact' with the story (I know a lot of people in Creston), or bring it into line with current policing and call all the sheriffs captains (of the RCMP) or whatever they would be in charge of a town. I've noted this. Yes, and he does say 'dammit' on several occasions. Edited. Well, she always worked for Gen, so anyone not knowing what had happened is likely to expect her to be at work. Those knowing what has happened would know she's not at work, but I don't think it reveals anything that Q doesn't know that the other side knows already, you know? Right. Err, I'll stick with it for this edit. I appreciate that it's maybe not a common image, which is why I like it, of course. Uh-huh. I'm had my own doubts about it tonally, so I've changed it 'dropping in' (+sarcasm). It's another one of those disorienting near futurisms. I haven't gone into the whole geopolitical set up in great detail, which I guess I should. I think I will only do that once I've finished the three books, then tackle an edit across all three, because there are things that will need to be tightened up (a fair bit) in terms of linkages between them. I'll take a note to do it then, but I think the same things goes as I noted before, it's close enough to a kind of reality that it being 'not quite right' makes it look like a mistake. Agree. More fixes and cuts to come. I think I can make it work without completely abandoning the structure. Interesting point, and I'm open to including a little more here and there. I will think on this. I think this is more a problem of accretion than anything. The last few chapters have been introspection-heavy all around. Right. Okay, I'll leave this for a complete read through then, and see how it flies in that context, especially given the fair degree of re-writing. Great comments, as always. Thanks Silk

Hey, thanks for sticking with it. I know there are some hard yards in these chapters, but all the comments are really helpful. I've edited this conversation some, I could probably go further though. But, if E is behaving professionally, and bearing in mind she can be expected to be defensive, I don't know how many sparks can be expected. I'll think on it. It is. It's used in the first book, but it's the first time here. Yeah, it's a thing that creeps it, and I have to eradicate afterwards. I'm working on it. It's mostly gone, certainly way, way cut down to next to nothing now. Cool Many thanks for the comments. It's definitely getting better, but there's a ways to go yet

Hey Silk, great to have your comments, I'm bracing myself! (This one, yeah. I'll tweak it slight to reduce the distance between 'luck' and 'lady'. Heh, it's in the next chapter, as you may have discovered by now. I guess not. Maybe that's weird. It's true to say that this could be odd here, and I can reword into something else. I left it as a reference to the calls from O/Man and M/Caller, and maybe even the (failed) call to E/M. I'm not wedded to it if it's not clear. Hmm. Interesting. I'll look at that. Note taken. Well noted!! Yes. There was N whose plane they borrowed, the trucker gave M a sandwich, Mom, there's a waitress, and an 'old' lady. Also, they are not the only POV chrs to experience this phenomenon (in coming chapters). I would not say it's a theme in the story, as such, but it's a thing in life that I notice increasingly as I get older. I always remember the line from the Rush (Robinski's favourite band) song Second Nature, 'Folks are basically decent, conventional wisdom would say. Well, we read about the exceptions, in the papers everyday.' This story is not at all inspired by the time my two girls and I spent a holiday driving across (most of) Canada from Toronto to Vancouver: 3 weeks, 3500 miles, some great stories. Also, have driven the route followed by QME numerous times, which doesn't help with the level of investment I give it in the story (at the cost of pacing), but I get more and more on top of that with each edit, I think. Have seen bears, but never got out the car Not at all. It's Weekly Reader Syndrome, in other words the disorientation and/or forgetfulness of detail that creeps in after six days off the project before getting the next instalment. In other other words, basically exactly what you said It's reworded by now, as is much of what you are now reading at this point! If I'd been on the case I would have emailed you the latest version of these chapters, but I think you are through them by now. Yeah, that stuff was not good. It's all gone/changed, I think. It was not supposed to be a white mother and brown children, so that was just careless writing on my part. Ugh. Great comments again, Thank you, Silk

Okay, good, I think? I can see how this reaction fits with a lot of the others, about connection or lack, things happening or lack. But, what's happening now--I think--is that I'm getting a bit confused because I'm making chance to chapters after early comments, so some of the issues are already addressed in the versions of chapters I'm looking at reviewing the latest comments. In summary, I'm noting good stuff down to consider in the next draft, but also thinking that some of it is already folded into the latest revisions. Cool beans! Much appreciated

Hey Silk, really glad to have your comments. I think yours may be the longest post on this thread, which did surprise me a little when you said you didn't have much to say Seriously though, thank you. Yeah, eh, ah, um. I'm keeping it in the draft for now, but I hear you on these things. It might go, but later. And they are townies, but then 80 should have said something, before they got out, I guess. Noted. I undertand. Will review. Eh? No ride was offered. Just the sandwich. Awesome! It's always interesting what resonates with different readers. I'm very pleased. It'll work really well on-screen when N-tfl-x pick it up I was also fully expecting them to be MTs. I have less of a problem with the bear attacking, though; they're notoriously protective of their cubs, grizzlies (I assume from the size and location that this is a grizzly and not a brown or black bear) perhaps especially so. Getting attacked by MTs, though, could be a fun wrinkle. I don't remember if Q and M are actually aware of the release of the MTs yet? (If so, they sure don't seem to pick up on the trucker's comment about something worse in the woods.) The snag is the that the MTs are 2000km away. I agree it would be a good scene, but they just aren't going to travel that distance (in that direction). Having said this, I could fake the reader out, but maybe they'd just get p/o'd with me in a different way. Glad the attack itself was sort of convincing (notwithstanding the, getting out the car), I did some research! He doesn't know and the reference to R's wife there is a total error. Well spotted. Fixed! I figured this was local colour, and didn't have a problem with it. That's good. You nice folks have made me cut and cut that scene, and it's properly tight now, to the point I feel I can defend it, in this edit it least. Agree. Tend to agree. Trains are fast in these days, so it would not be sustained for many chapters, as you say. Unless a bear attacked the train, of course Okay, I'm with you so far... Ah-ha. Firstly, thank you for considering this in such depth, I really appreciate it Secondly, I think maybe you've now read the next a bit further, you will know that some of your suggestions do start to happen, to some extent. I won't give too much away, because we're not quite there yet, but 4 out of 7 points do happen . So, to some extent perhaps it's fair to say it comes back to the slog through the landscape, which is a fair point. I do like the idea of M/C revealing more. Q calling someone to protect TT and MR may be an option, the problem is that no one knows where they are, BUT that is something that I should insert, I think. Having them more actively looking for them while travelling north, which would be better then at present. There are good points and have certainly generated some changes that I will make in the next draft. Thanks! You're right. What is missing is M actively searching for MR. It might mean inserting more M scene, snippets, but to have him closing on MR and TT would be possible, and therefore to put time pressure on QME. This is a good point. I'll almost certainly do this, though it will be next draft, I think. Aw, cool. Above and beyond! Thank you so much. Great comments here, Silk, many thanks

Hey ho, I hope that the extra week will not give rise to all that much addition WRS Also, I'm hoping you will not mind (or notice) the extra 200(ish) words here. I've been consistently under 5K, so I'd like to cash in a little of my credit There are three chapters here. Two short, and one more typical (but still short). I hope they are not unduly tortuous, and would very much welcome any and all comments that come to mind when reading, if you have the time. Much appreciated, Robinski 01 - In small town in British Columbia, Q and M close out the Not-All-That-Curious Case of the Stolen Art; 02 - Q and M decide on what to do next, all the options seem to have some issue or other. Q's ex-father calls; 03 - After some political machinations, we meet EM (the administrator) and TT (the scientist) who at Gen Ex Trick in Yellowknife, NWT; 04 - T is coerced by M into releasing the MTs. They are meant to kill her, but it does not go to plan for M. Now he has a problem 05 - Back with Q and M, they speak to R before going to meet him at the airport, but the plane crashes in 'unexpected' circumstances; 06 - Q and M are questioned at the sheriff's office then taken to the hospital to see R who they manage to speak to briefly before M appears and kills R; 07 - Q and M are in the frame for R's murder. M decides they should run. Car chase thru small town. They collect 80, 'borrow' N's plane and run; 08 - E discovers T's disappearance, is suspended by DM then goes to see the YK sheriff. He takes her to a kill site, but it's only animals, not T; 09 - After some chat about the past and Mor, Q dumps N's plane on the tarmac, QME are recovered by EMS and taken to hospital, where they escape; 10 - E runs the gauntlet of the press then releases the Vuls. Q and M progress to YK. Q gets a mystery call. K is on Q's trail and intends to make him pay; 11 - Q calls E and leaves her a message, the Five-Star gets wrecked by a bear, DM is travelling back to YK and speaks with TOM; 12 - Q learns M about a local church, Q and M encounter a bear, Mor talks to TOM; 13 - Q and M reach Golden, learn of the election's status, call EM and then learn that people are dead in YK. Their plan will get them to YK this evening. 14 - EM is interviewed by the FBI and given an ultimatum. DM seems to be working with her, but springs an ambush, tries to kill her, but she escapes.

Lol. I've been writing this present novel long enough now that they have been out and updated the Street View of the area. This is awesome, because there is now much more coverage of the remote and peripheral areas (although 'they' have not aligned it properly with the aerial mapping, which is a tad confusing). Anyway, now I can see places in the frozen north that I was unable to see in Draft #1! Woop, woop!! Including, the Ice Road...

Bah, it's never stopped me before (Although maybe it should have, once or twice ) You should go for it. It would be an excuse bot to write the album. Not that I'm suggesting you need or want an excuse

Soooooooooo, I'd like to submit on Monday, please. I do believe I will have not one, not two, but three whole chapters of TCC ready to submit after a new edit, all within the 5K limit, of course!!

That's cool. Another step or two closer to being a famous writer! You know it. Have we yet found anything that I'm not willing to spout off about after consuming it? (Correct answer is 'No.')

That's cool. You're rattling into it, by the sounds of things. I'm definitely not doing Nano this year. I've done my stint and I'm just too busy editing all the stuff I've written, so that's got to be the preferred outcome, I feel I'm just about finished The House of Shattered Wings on audiobook, then Seeds is up next.

Project 75192: Update 20 - Bags No.15, Part 2 - "Winging It" More wing coverage as there are still gaps to be covered. This one comes in two sections (4,5,6) that handily slide together (7) to form the whole (8). With a sticker for added battle damage (Oooo). This then just lies in the relevant slot (with no positive connection (9). the cut-out goes around the black circular base (9,12) which I think is the mount for the dish (I'm not looking ahead). Then a small panel is constructed (10) and placed in the remaining gap (11), and you can hardly see the join (12)! Two more stages to go. I've completed Stage 16 (3 bags), so only the last four bags to actually build. Then what am I going to do? Writing, you say? Yeah, suppose so.

Yes. I think it's there in the one or two, but not coming through them all. I will do that. It's classic me, assuming the reader is taking more from the half-buried hints that I'm leaving than it is reasonable to do. Thanks, this helps

No, no, this is all good stuff. You're right. This is very helpful

I really do appreciate you reading, ID. Thank you. Oh, dear. I've tidied a bit (see responses to Mandamon), but have more to do. It sounds like there are common issue here, which is good, I guess? Clarified. Ah. I did open the chapter with "Two FBI agents..." I thought that would be enough. It comes out in the chapter that she's SAIC. Hey, not your fault!! E calls him. He's the corporate lawyer. I changed him from E-C and Gen X, which I hope is clearer. Oops, yes, thanks Maybe it is! Maybe it's us Brits who are more touchy about these things, and maybe I need to tune E's response, but I thought it was fair to have her upset about people dying on her watch. Sorry, that's not supposed to be a flippant comeback to the comment. Maybe I need to rebalance some of this stuff. I'll see how this plays out if I get enough voices to run some percentages. I need to tidy this up, I think. The VLs are hunter-killers, yes, and there are some inconsistencies around that, as per Mandamon's comments, which I will fix. The CGs are DM messing things up more, and there is another strand about clarifying his motivation/job, to create chaos [Done]. I think it's better now at least at her point of realisation. I hope that is smoother now, and more natural / believable. It's the same space that TT was in, the garage / service bay. I will add a little description [Done]. I think it's clear in earlier chapters where he has discussions with TOM, and that WRS (plus the story structure) and causing problems now. His task is to create chaos, but I've taken an action to clarify that, simply. Really appreciate the comments. Thanks ID.

Hey, thanks for reading, Mandamon. Really appreciate you sticking with it. Exciting is good! I think it's lost in previous chapters, and I will need to overhaul DM's motivation [Done]. Basically he is creating a situation of chaos so the president can call in the soldiers and save the day. DM works for E-C, but the company running the operation in YK is Gen-X. E-C is the parent company of Gen-X. Again, I think this is lost in the 'small print' of previous chapters. I accept that the plot line is complicated, and I need to clarify the plot in places. I'm hoping that WRS is playing a part in these 'smaller' details, and that it's clearer in a total read through, but I will leave some clear and obvious breadcrumbs and key points [Done] I think, in Edit #3. More clarification required in the narrative then. What is was going for was that he intended to shoot her, and leave her body in the bay to be ravaged by the beasts. He was playing the same game as with TT, and I was hoping the reader would see that coming a mile off, although E did not. I'm going to change up the details [Done] so that she doesn't bring have the key, but knows a backdoor into the truck because she signed the order for the trucks. We're close to them getting there. They did discuss walking away earlier, you may, or may not recall. Anyway, take your point on that. There are two very short chapters next. One, I think I'll cut completely as it's not need, the second I think I'll cut heavily fold back into E's chapter. Then the three get to YK. You've read ~63,000 words, but it's now ~58,000. There is about 50% of the word count left to go ( ), but I suspect this will be more like 50,000 than 60,000 by the time you read it--if you read it!!! The cuts are getting bigger as we go. We are, there are a couple references to her call with Q to flag this. I've clarified this. Thanks. Added "the kind where you justify your existence." In this alternate future, Can has a pres, because of the alignment with the N-A-F. Good call. Reworded. Gen's security man. Edited. The remote termination on the MTs was turned off. There is a reference to that back at the time. Maybe I need a reminder here [Done]. They don't have approval to let V Ls run around in the city. I'm hoping concerned in a good way, in that I was aiming for this to be a hint to the reader that he was about to do something bad. Yes, okay, edited. I referred to the loading, but it was supposed to be her mentally checking off that they were loaded, presuming it because the plastic tunnel had been folded away. Will review. I was thinking more T Rex. I've changed this. I was aiming for chilling reveal. Hmm. DM works to TOM, correct. TOM owns E-C, and in turn Gen X. I think it's clearer in earlier chapters and the one with DM on the train. It's all about causing chaos so the president can send the guard in and save the day. I think this will be clearer in a full read through, but I've added a couple of call outs. I've tagged it better. There are four of all the TF. I think this was in my head as much as anything else. Although I aimed to show it Chapter 3 (some time ago!). I'll tweak this. I was trying to imply she still had some belief in the company (just not DM). I'll clarify, but yes, you're right. The search was starting to be successful, DM is trying to stir the pot, create more chaos, swamp the search squads. We didn't. This was another reveal, but I can insert them earlier, if necessary. There will be some kind of fight in this closed in space, as a cover for DM killing E, that's his intention. I'm trying to show her thinking her way out of this, but I need to work on that more, clearly. I'm going to give this line through the chapter an overhaul [Done]. That was the intention, but as a cover for him shooting her (the mistake he made with TT. I will be going through the chapter and tidying up (a) DM's plan; and (b) EM's actions. Thanks for the comments. Much appreciated. This is hard work (of my own making). I've got the Glasgow Circle tonight too for N E U Oblv. I've got to admit I'm suffering a bit from critical fatigue, I think. I dunno. I'm starting to think that maybe I need a break. Anyway, many thanks

Hey Kais, thanks for reading. Much appreciated. I'm glad the chapter found favour with you, but I do understand the overarching feeling. The chapter itself is much tighter now, I believe. But there are still issue with the whole, I realise. I'm going to reassess those, but I've got a good solid line up of bullets for the 3rd draft once I get through this second edit, and this one probably is at the top oft he list. Fair point. There are reasons why not at this point. The next chapter is E's and you'll see why there. Interested in the reaction to it. Also, I will have been (was) edited before submission, so I hope that will help generally in terms of tightness, readability and integration with what has gone before. Hurrah!! I'm glad to hear this reaction. Ha-ha. This is actually a Scottish thing. Scots have decided (quite rightly, of course) that this is one word and has a it's own subtle different meaning. I'll change it: the world's not ready to adopt Scots as the one true language. Hurrah! Ah, the variation in reader reactions never ceases to amaze and delight M calls him Quack sometimes when she's annoyed with him. Maybe she does not do it enough for it to be a recognisable thing. Thank you. Excellent pick, much obliged. I've Mth'd it. Tidied up, 'happy to drive u' basically. It didn't go down well, and I understand why. I've cut the reference. Cool It's pretty much intact. Great comments. Thanks so much. Really helpful.