Robinski

Caution it is then!

Hi Silk, A question on submission guidelines. I have story which I thought I'd submit the first quarter of the following week (subject to permission of course!). There is an instance of someone being drugged, but it's not knowing substance abuse by that person, would you still label that 'D'?

Nice pic of CA, Jaaaade. I would not have bought Matt Smith for TLR at all until I saw this pic. I reckon he can bring the intensity, but I would want him to change his voice in some way too.

Just got around to reading SoSS, thank you for sending it. I enjoyed the story overall, although probably not as much as ‘Beta Three Leader’ to be honest. I thought the Scots accent worked pretty well, although I've suggested a couple of substitutions in the comments that I emailed. I don't think 'fellers' works with Scots, I would go with 'guys'. 'Hen' is a term for a woman, so I assumed that Kennedy was baiting Flynn when she used it. I too liked the fact that, for most of the story, Flynn was unarmed, and that you played that up in places. I liked his hard-bitten attitude, and his swearing, although I thought he lacked control in some instances, which I surprised me a bit for a hard bitten cop, and that he could have been sharper at one of two points. I suppose he was under a lot of stress, but I felt as if this was his normal state, since we had not really seen him in his past. There were one or two aspects that I found puzzling. I didn't see how Flynn could make the assumption about the absence of a physical relationship between McCray and Annie based on the unused condoms that he found in the flat, they might simply not have been using protection. Also, I'm not sure a firearm would have a light on it that would give away to most opponents that it was empty of charge (if the light was not illuminated). The story has a good arc, and a satisfying ending, but perhaps not particularly surprising (not that it has to be, I suppose). I think it can be a problem for 'murder mystery' type plots, you pretty much have to have the villain come from the characters that the reader has met in the course of the story, and there probably isn't much opportunity for misdirection in such a short piece. I think my biggest issue was the narrative style, and the fact that it was not anonymous or 'invisible', but had the same slang / colloquial style as Flynn. I think a plainer and more grammatically correct narrative style would emphasise the energy of the dialogue more, but that's just my opinion. Looking forward to you submission on Monday!

First things first, I enjoyed your story. It really cracks on at a good pace. I whomped through the 4,000 words, and could quite happily have read more about the fall out of McKee's double cross, and Cooper's actions. There's some snappy dialogue between Cooper and McKee, some really nice lines, and I found their relationship and their conversation convincing, well handled, especially that parting shot where we see a vulnerable side to Cooper. There were some actions and reactions that I was not entirely convinced by, I though Cooper could have been a bit more perceptive at certain points. Like Mandamon, I had some issued with the voices, the words 'pet' and 'lass' had me thinking Yorkshire and Lancashire, they seemed a bit 'unamerican', which was the overall tone I was getting. I didn't mind the swears, but wonder (like M) if the accent was a bit too broad in places. The other characters didn't get a lot of development, but I appreciate you don't have much space for that in 4,000 words, and the most important thing is to build the central pair. I didn't have a problem with not being able to see the enemy (I bet in Vietnam a lot of G.I.s never saw the enemy before being cut down), and, for me, there was enough going on to maintain the momentum.

I like the Brandon cameo idea - although it's become overused these days. Harry Potter to play Elend - madness!!! sorry, but I've finished watching HP through again - it's brilliant, but he's HP for life now. No Robert Downey Jr. anywhere please, he's too manic, I can't see him fitting anywhere, superb as Tony Stark, acceptable as Sherlock Homes, but not here please. Now, here's a funny thing. I was just thinking how to express my complete disagreement with the suggestion of Chris Addison, when I actually started to think about it - you know I do believe you've cracked it Jaaaade, that's the sort of left field choice that might be sheer genius, he has an eccentric and slightly unpredictable manner, and a physicality in his delivery that might be spot on for TLR. I think K-stew and R-patz were hogtied by dubious scipts, they are clearly both good actors as you say, but if you look deeper than the script I think the material is just rather shallow. Someone get True Blood up on the big screen and we'll see some fireworks. Sorry for digression!! Like the Hugh Laurie suggestion.

Really like your thinking Shardlet, excellent reasoning, I would make some subs though; Kelsier: David Tennant Nathan Fillion - I think he can play the combo of light-hearted / ruthless / tragic intensity perfectly, but straying from your excellent rationale, so maybe Jude Law, good actor, not entirely likeable, full of bravado and swagger, Vin: ???? Isabelle Fuhrman - Dimkaluv's made a great shout there - I haven't even seen H/G but I think going for relative unknowns for Vin and Elend is the right move, so there's no baggage coming with the actors, Sazed: Anthony Head not enough gravitas, I would have Benedict Cumberbatch here, although he'd need a haircut, Dockson: David Wenham not old enough, I always thought of Docks as more senior, I'm thinking Gary Oldman Breeze: Rupert Everett not portly enoughm how is Paul Giamatti's English accent Ham: Clive Owen not muscly enough, how about Tom Hardy? Clubs: Brendan Gleeson - too chunky, I think of Clubs as lean and haggard, old soldier, wonder if John Hurt is too old? Spook: Thomas Brodie-Sangster (for lack of a better yet choice) - Yes! Yeden: Paul Bettany - I agree Marsh: Benedict Cumberbatch - I think Jason Isaacs for me Renoux: Terence Stamp (Bill Nighy as an alternative) - Yes! - although I think he'd be a good Straff Venture too TLR: Henry Cavill (Richard Armitage as an alternative) - don't think these guys have authority, Christian Bale has the intensity, Elend: ???? Nicholas Hoult - I think he can do bookish and ineffectual, but still bring the 'heroic' when required Kar: Hugo Weaving - ?????

Hey, I'm only on the submission list for the first time this Monday, but if you want an opinion on the Scottish accent from a genuine 100% Scottish person who has lived in Glasgow all his life (and has been known to use sweary words on occasion), then I'd be happy to comment, if you want to send me a draft.

There's only one answer to this question, what on Earth is 'Elephantine vs. The Stoat' about?? I have to know... having said that, I'm an engineer, so I'm kind of curious about 'Birth of the Engineer' too! P.S. - Is NaNoWriMo not difficult enough for you??!!