Carcinios

I read fast. I got through the last book in the series in just under 24 hours and the others in a similar length of time. As a result I never experienced the dragging the others have mentioned. so yes I would give the series a huge endorsement but be prepared for many 'high cantled saddles', dress with 'slashes of colour' and women 'folding their arms underneath their breasts' Jordan does like his stock descriptions

Just had a thought. Maybe we are looking at the Spren the wrong way. Rather than cause or attract could it not be attract and cause. Now this is similar to what other people have said before but with a slight difference. We see flamespren are attracted to flames, fearspren to fear etc. and we see to some degree Syl changin Kaladin by her nature. However Syl is initially attracted to kaladin's sense of honour. So initially it seems clear that spren don't cause something but are attracted to it. But if that was a universal rule then it stands to reason that Syl shouldn't have caused the changes in Kaladin or become changed herself. So I see two possible explanations for why these changes took place. 1. honorspren are unique. This seems to be the favoured explanation at the moment but it doesn't quite fit for me. I think that spren largely will follow the same rules in their own way. 2. This is my thought. Spren grow stronger the more persistant the attribute they are attracted to is. Syl changes Kaladin because he is consistently honourable. It is a fundemental part of who he is and that means Syl doesn't leave him. They essentially get to the point where they are in a feedback loop of Syl being so strongly attracted to Kaladin's honour that she binds to it instead giving Kaladin Radiant abilities. The reason that flamespren or windspren never show these traits is that fire is temporary and they are never strongly enough attracted to it to enter the binding phase of the relationship. My hypothesis is that the may be some kind of infernospren which are strongly enough bound to massive fires that they activily sustain them. The question immediately arises as to why Dalinar (perhaps the most consistently honorable person in the series) has not attracted his own honorspren but given Syl's aversion to his shardblade it doesn't really destabalise the theory.

Not sure if this is in anyway accurate but I mentally pictured prof as Stan Lee.

Welcome to the 17th Shard. If you haven't seen this already you might want to check out the Reading Excuses forum where anyone who is a keen writer can share their work and get feedback on it.

Mine is procrastination. I put everything off till tomorrow. Including things like serious wounds

Just to clarify. I am not against soft magic systems at all. But given Brandon Sanderson's observed preference for hard magic I would be massively surprised if there is anything magical in his books which is a big plot point and vague in its function or explanation. So as far as what OP seems to be saying (I think...) Cosmere uses hard magic Alternative Earth uses Soft (or softer) magic Therefore we get a multiple universe theory where Cosmere and Alternate Earth are conntected but not in the same universe. I don't agree with this theory but that was what I understood the OP to be suggesting

I think you may have forgotten the attachment.

Maybe its just because this is the second RE submission involving POV death in a short story I have read today but I found myself dissatisfied with the way this ended. The story didn't really go anywhere: We knew the mutiny was coming and it came, and then went. Jared's betrayal was obvious from the moment he walked into the cabin with the other mutineeers. Surprise is hard to get right especially with genre savy readers still it would be improved by there being a little more build up and depth to the mutiny rather than having the big plot drop right at the start. The Captain suspecting there is an imminent mutiny is a lot more interesting than him waiting for one to happen. The main reason this didn't work for me was that I don't think this kind of plot works well in short fiction. Mutiny like events and especially betrayals need emotional investment to pack a punch and I had none for any of the characters involved. Not surprising, I had only met them a few pages before. In fiction this short a strong story seed is more important than extremely well developed characters. Your last submission did this really well: taking an unusual setting (which was cool) and not trying to squeeze too much character development into it. This time your seed (Mutiny) needed well developed characters and you just didn't have the space to pull it off. Hope that is helpful

I think might have something to do with the fact that David's dad firmly believed that epics and in particular Steelheart were a force for good. This is similar to the intent theory but it is more to do with his general outlook than his specific intent. David's dad could hurt Steelheart because he was not afraid of him and nor did he hate him but rather trusted him. The reason I find this the most interesting theory is because it gives David and the other Reckoners a very hard task. Even if (and I expect when) they learn Steelheart's weakness they still have to find someone who genuinely believes Steelheart is good or one of them has to come to believe in his goodness for themselves. I think that sets up a much more original story that it just being some item in the vault or whatever that made Steelheart vulnerable. Not that David won't havew to eliminate all the other theories first. I can totally see a failed assassination attempt using gold.

I think I get where you're coming from but I highly doubt that Brandon would mix hard and soft magic systems (although I agree that the Rithmatist is not a soft system at all). The whole point of having the distinction between the two is so that you don't get a situation where something ill defined trumps a system that has been highly developed making the reader wonder 'why did I read all that exposition of magic systems if it wasn't going to do any good' and in the reverse where hard trumps soft you have the most lame villianous power imaginable. 'oh he has some kind of power but we are not going to develop it very well... oh look we beat him. hooray!' Soft magic systems tend to take a back seat in the stories they are in whilst hard systems are integral to the resolution of the plot. I can't see a system where these would gel well together.

I actually found the Ant King an interesting concept although I think it would only work in the context of a longer story. As it is I think it would have been stronger if it had been another younger queen taking control; something familiar to the POV character so there isn't a sense of mystery about it and then there would be some kind of closure at the end. In a longer novel you would have the space to explain the Ant King more fully. The assassination scene didn't work for me. The Queen is isolated and Corkle can fly. If he knows that killing the Queen will destroy the hive mind and immobilize the ants he could have killed the Queen himself. I think that would have given him a more significant role in the story and made it stronger over all. The hive mind part actually worked really well for me. It has been done a lot oftewn without much justification but the insect theme is one of the few places where it can be legitimately deployed and I think you do it well here. Finally the death scene at the end. I don't really have a problem with Corkle dying at the end although I think the line 'and then he died' was superfluous. His death is obvious after he is wounded and the downer ending of the death is offset by the fact that his fight appears to have worked. Ending on 'I've given us a chance' makes the ending much more definitive (maybe with a bit of tweaking to give that line more emphasis) But good effort and I liked the setting.

I didn't get it either. I don't know about anyone else.

If you drew a horizontal line of forbidding on a wall would you be able to stand on the repulsing wall generated by it?

Really enjoyed reading this. The pacing was excellent, dialogue easy on the ears which can be a serious problem in some texts. The Action was well set up and fairly gripping. Two things frustrated me. 1. I got mixed up during the action of who was doing what. Initially each character had a well defined role in the heist but it seemed to quickly descend into a firefight where those roles got lost. This was particularly the case with Duchess who I had assumed would be in charge of essentially deploying programmes to defend the group. However she was then shown blasting away with a shotgun which felt a little jarring. (maybe I was not reading carefully enough) 2. The other more significant issue was with VR translating into real life. This is kind of related to the other point as I felt you missed an opprtunity with the combat scenes. Predominantly the fighting was with firearms leaving me wondering what the point of having it be in a virtual environment was. Also the 'if you die in the computer you die for real' idea has been done to death and I feel that with the skill you showed in writing that passage you could aim for something more ambitious. With the kind of body upgrades you display you could do worse things to people than kill them. The recent news story about the master key to all Android devices got me thinking about this. (sorry for being vague: there are so many possibilities with technology even at todays level) Hope that is helpful

When I saw the name of this topic my brain went Adonalsium is Humpty-Dumpty. It explains so much!

That guy from the Arelish underworld... I think his name was 'Hoid'

Ah my bad I thought there were three chapters. Anyway Chapter 2 is so much better than Chapter 1. I really liked the way you characterised the three robots in this chapter. The instantly appeared with different characters and really clear images. Also good was the way you depicted the mania surrounding the choosing in Loris. The change of scene really built on what happened last chapter. I am curious to see whether the unconventional choosing is as a result of the carnage in the factory from chapter 1. Also something seriously creepy is going on with children being apprenticed to robots (that is a very interesting plot scenario) Things to work on If Chapter 1 was vague in its descriptions Chapter 2 was a bit to specific. Unlike the machines from chapter 1 that could look like pretty much anything,a human is pretty easy to picture even with just a name. That can make it quite frustrating to be given very precise details of every characters appearance at the expense of them actually doing things and being developed as a character. Height and Length are particular parts of the description to get rid of. When I look at someone I can never estimate the length of their hair or how tall they are so knowing that information doesn't help me picture the character. You don't have to describe a character as soon as they make an appearance either. It can break up the action and feel jarring. This is more a stylistic thing but I found the name Tim a bit jarring amongst all the other exotic names such as Rain, Adria and Landis. Names work best when the feel consistant. Looking forward to chapter 3

Firstly, well done for submitting your first piece. I hope to read more from you in the future. I am going to give you feedback per chapter so I have time to read and respond to them individually. So anyway let's start with Chapter 1. This was definitely a chapter that was stronger in the middle than it was at either end. The sequence with the repair/salvage drones was easy to visualise and I really liked the way you showed the automated decsion-making process in the factory. The Beginning was too vague; In the first paragraph you have words like 'strange, unknown, unique' used to describe the visual appearance of the factory. The problem with these words is that they don't actually shape the readers view of the scene at all.You are trying to set up the scene for the action that is about to follow so you want to give the reader something to work with. I want to know more about these three robots than that they are aged and unique. Are they part of a construction line or are they more human (I got the impression that both these things were true at different points in the chapter.) Another easy way to get some more detail into the scene would be to give a specific building that the crates are being shipped to.Being sent to the 'ministry of finance' building for example gives everything a very different feel to the 'central armoury' and you could actually show what kind of world you have set the story in. Finally for this chapter. I felt the end kind of lost pace. You had all the explosive drone action and then Mac-3 just drifted away. It just felt a bit anti-climatic. I was a bit suprised that he could talk and more so that he was self aware (and had a gender for that matter). I would have liked the tension of the scene to be raised more. Maybe having something trying to stop the robot leaving or have an even greater level of destruction wrought on the facility. I did like the mysterious commands that he kept recieving. It sets up some good questions that I want answers to. Hope that is helpful. I'll read Chapter 2 later

Carcinios is one of the earliest characters I ever wrote for a story by the name of 'Viel of Stars' The story has long since been shelved as an embarrassing early attempt that hopefully will never see the light of day but the character has persisted and has cropped up here and there in more recent pieces. He may well making an appearance in some Reading Exuses submissions I am working on at the moment. Has a huge range of different incarnations the early ones seriously tending towards being a Wizard of Explanation

Accents are certainly tricky because the are so much about the tone of voice and that is hard to show in written speech. If the intent is purely on getting regional dialects then it is reasonably effective to describe the accent as the narrator. The lazy slow drawl of the Seanchan in WOT is a good example of this. It doesn't change the way the reader hears the characters voice but it does change their impression of what the character is like.

Cheers Skaa and Morsk that was the source I was thinking of. I agree on the opposite opposed front but it seems to me that the Fain Life is still a pre shattering force and to my mind the primary candidate for the force 'opposed to Adonalsium' (the life death reflection less important than the existance of the conflict). Also the idea that the Fain is still around in the Cosmere during the events of the published books is pretty creepy.

It is something that I think I remember somebody asking Sanderson in Q & A but I can't find a quote for it. So yeah maybe completely baseless but possibly not.

Thanks for the response. It is an interesting question, although this theory is more concerned with the why would anyone attempt such a thing rather than how it was achieved. We already know that Adonalsium was shattered so we may presume that there was a way to do it. (and I am inclined to believe that Sanderson would not simply write that it was done by something of equal power in a big fight.) That said there are a couple of possibilities: Unlike the scenario you quoted Adonalsium does not neccessarily have to have a bearer and therefore may not need defeating. Then it would not require the humans to have the ability to overpower it only the technique to break it apart. Rayse If it was a pre shard ability then that could easily explain why he was needed in the first place.

Okay so this is a pretty far out theory, largely based on things I am pretty sure I have seen in interviews but have no quotes for so it could fall apart pretty quickly. So here goes... Base Assumptions Hoid is present at the shattering of Adonalsium There was once something that was the opposite of Adonalsium The shards were originally natives of Yolen It is theorized that Dragonsteel deals with the shattering of Adonalsium Liar of Partinel takes place before Dragonsteel. So if that is the case several thoughts spring to mind. Adonalsium was described in the blurb of one of the mistborn books as being the power of creation and whilst I take that to mean a more broad definition than the simple intent of a shard I think that Adonalsium broadly was a force of life. Even Ruin is not completely anti-life merely seeking the completion of life cycles. Tied with the other intents I believe could be directed towards creation. (See Harmony). This would imply that the opposite force was a force of death. Death in its most extreme form (possible Spiritual/Cognative and Physical death?) In Liar of Partinel we see the fain life which seems by far the most disturbing thing we have thus far seen in the Cosmere. Shards intents almost certainly interfere with each other. Before the shattering I am guessing that the various intents were all held in tension much as Harmony is causing them to be interpreted in the light of the other intents. This makes it impossible to use their power as an offensive weapon. Shards such as Ruin and Odium could be as dangerous to Fain life as they are to everything else. So here is my conclusion: On Yolen Hoid and others decided to attempt to fight the Fain Life by essentially weaponising Adonalsium breaking off the aggressive intents to create more lethal weapons. To do this they were forced into some kind of alliance of convenience with Rayse and Bavadin their human rivals/enemies. Hoid at this point quits the group essentially predicting that Rayse and Bavadin will be as much a headache holding shards as the Fain Life is. Adonalsium is then shattered and the Fain life either driven back or destroyed, leaving us with the state of affairs we have today (minus Odium's shard splintering quest.) What do you think?

I'm just going to throw Tom Hardy into the pot for Breeze. Slightly unconventional because he better know for playing muscle men but I think he showed as Eames in Inception he showed that he can do the cynical humour part really well as his relationship with the team reminded me of Breeze. Plus his built is better than some of skinnier actors and I reckon he could do the cultured look as well. Also, sadly he is dead but this guy from The Good, the Bad, the Ugly is Clubs as far as I am concerned http://www.rogerebert.com/scanners/opening-shots-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly