ANHlittleinsane

hi hugs for all love yall sorry i like vanished i think i just didnt have the motivation to talk about anything? i was getting better, so i figured just keep everything behind me

i am. um. no longer getting better?? idk i just lack motivation for anything. last night i could barely even wash my face and turn the lights off, which sucks because i had a fantastic day…i mean on the bright side, at least i don’t really think i hate myself anymore. i think i just hate the positions i’m in. and i no longer have any sh related thoughts, instead it’s just “cut your hair cut your hair CUT YOUR HAIRRR” which is great because i’m fantastic at this one haircut and i’ve been told it looks amazing so win-win

yeah idk i guess i just feel like if i was doing so good, why am i suddenly displaying depression symptoms out of nowhere??

1 minute ago, Keke said:

Uh uhhhhh confusing. Lemme just. 

I watched the anime, then went to thr library to see if there was any more then the anime. They had like up to 25 and 26? 24 or 25? Either way. I was gonna read all of it but the first ones were missing so I just grabbed the last two they had. It ended with 

Manga spoilers

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Fyo taking iver bram then it ended. 

Ill see if I cah get stormbringer in wattpad and read it!

Yippee yesss stormbringer world takeover ehehehehehehehehehehehe

5 hours ago, Keke said:

I WANNA READ STORMBRINGER SO MUHCHHHHH

alsoi the light novelsssss

CHUUYAAAAAA 

I wuv ranpo tho

i have a love hate relationship with fyo, first he. Spoilerered for season 5 spoilers

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Shot my baby sigma

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Spoilered for manga spoilers

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and killed brammie 

 

 

 

Manga spoilers:

What chapter of the manga are you up to? Oh also there’s a free translation of stormbringer up on wattpad lol if you wanna read that

On 9/8/2025 at 9:47 AM, Sarcasm spren said:

heheheheheheheheh

started it an im obsessed

bungou stray dogs

LETS GO

Agency members combine!!!

also im only on like episode 9 of season one so no spoilers

favriote character? OSAMU DAZAI!!!!! Or runpo. But mostly dazai. Which i think means im at risk xD

least fav character- akutagawa.

uh 

if you had a power what would it be? If you feel like you wanna listen to my detailed explanation of how mine works then lemme know. I’ve spent to much time in the two days of watching the show thinking about this. 

@CoderDrag0n8

SHSHSHSHAJAOJWAHA BSD

i have…READ ALL OF IT SO FAR, AND STORMBRINGER, AND WATCHED THE MOVIE, AND READ DAZAI AND CHUUYA AGE 15!!

fav character is either Chuuya (nothing like the bond between a sapphic and a ginger) or bram he’s so funny what

least fav…fyodor in sorry I just don’t fw him like he’s nice he’s got great writing, I just don’t like him as a person and I’m petty so yeah

if I had a power I’d want it to be something useful in combat bc listen Yokohama is basically Gotham it’s dangerous there I need to be safe?? Like I’m sorry it gets INSANE

hi everyone i have to go to school in like two min so i cant respond to everything so

*hugs for everyone*

i finally got a therapist!! we've had...one (1) meeting so far but. progeress. yippee. maybe adults have not entirely failed me

ughhh yall know when you just acquired a new Media You Like but you just knowwww its gonna be bad for your mental health you just know ittttttt you can already see the negative affects but also you just fw it so hard

bro have i ever mentioned how much i love all of y'all y'all are just so helpful and amazing and sweet

10 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*hugs again*

Yes

You did good

Keep doing stuff that brings you joy, it's food for you

I'm proud of you

 

Edit: I meant to say "It's good for you", but I guess it's also food

in a spiritual sense

you know

Awwww thank you

ok lowk my cobbled together spiritual/religious beliefs are inclined to think food has significance beyond just cultural value. Idk, there’s something cleansing about eating food, whether it be with friends and family, alone just to feel better, or for holidays/traditions lol

1 hour ago, IHadAThought said:

*hug*

I’m sorry. It’ll feel scary and lonely for a bit if you go and focus on other relationships, but if not doing that is making you feel this way, you should do it. Every moment you convince yourself not to will only make it harder the next time. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but focus on yourself right now. 
* hug*

19 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

 

Thanks for the hugs *hugs back*

I should maybe set a bed time, but it's kinda hard because my timetable keeps changing

And also, I'm always late on work so I have to stay up to finish the stuff I have to on most nights

Well I only manage to do something half of the time which is another problem

 

No Hoid Slayer I don't think I'm talking about what you think

I just... need to do my work if I want to pass this semester and be done for school forever

But I can't

I don't know what to do and no one explains and I'm already so tired and completely demotivated

and so i run around like a headless chicken and do nothing for hours and it tires me even more

I've been in therapy for a couple months now, which has helped some stuff, but it's still not great and somehow feeling... worse than ever maybe

well not yet

it's not worse than that time yet

but it will soon be when we reach the finish line and i'll be still stuck with my head in the sand and weeks behind on everything

 

at this point i just wish i could come back to then and tell myself "my buddy you are doing a terrible mistake here"

though were the other choices better for me

i guess i'll never get to know

 

Btw i thought you might want to know, last night I went to bed right soonish after writing the message (so at 1AM; GMT+1 remember) and will try to get to it soonish now too

 

*big hug*

Yes I remember you

and I understand, kinda

 

and you probably should to go talk to your friends about what you feel

if they are your friends, they'll want to know

you have the right to be tired carrying everyone around you

it's not selfish at all

I know you don't want to let them down, but if you don't set boundaries at some point, then you will inevitably end up letting them down just because you couldn't take it anymore

 

It's a really tough situation to be in

I wish I could help more

*massive hug*

*hugs*

thanks y’all. I told the gc that i was gonna silence notifications and take a break, and I’d come back when i was ready and text when i wanted and they were like “kk take all the time you want, see ya”

it made me feel a bit more human and a bit less fragile. I still feel a bit shaky but I’m working on my homework to occupy my brain, and rereading one of my fave Star Wars fics (it features feral silly inconsistent gremlin Luke which is a hill I’ll die on he’s one of those people that got diagnosed with ADHD and later found out it was actually a response to unresolved childhood trauma and i fully support him being a kind of insane, well meaning little guy who should under no circumstances be allowed near Nightblood lol) (my babiesssss) (star wars found family fics y’all will always be famous)

Saw my old classmates today, they’re all past the inside jokes and over the old things we used to talk about and entangled in drama and boys and i hate that if you don’t have snap you don’t exist and i don’t WANT it, but i also don’t want to be left behind

idk it just feels like no matter how much they love me or care about me and how much i do in turn, i always get left behind and like they say they love me and they care about me but it’s only because I kept them healthy and alive and happy and I’m funny but not funny enough and I’m pretty apparently but not enough to get the usual greeting of “omg wait youre so pretty it’s been so long” and I’m part of a group that is lost to time and changing and i can’t move forward because i don’t have to means to because unless you have social media you aren’t a real person but i don’t want snap because all the kids in my age group in this city use it as a dating app

and one of my friends, my best friend, who isn’t really my best friend anymore unless it’s just the two of us and we haven’t seen each other in weeks and we’re around people just as nerdy as i am all the damn time and i know she cares about me but she doesn’t care about my interests or what i say and sometimes she gets mad at me because i don’t defend her to my other friends and she says she would defend me if someone even said a single word against me and i believe her and i feel bad that she doesn’t but there are parts of me that i care about that she ignores and don’t i have the right to do the same? It’s not a good friendship and she rarely leaves me feeling happy after we hang out but i don’t want to lose my last childhood friend and idk i guess i just hate that no one my age cares about what i say and the things in my head and its like you said I’m amazing at writing. You love to read my work. Is it any different from what i write when i talk about things? I’m still writing. It’s still some kind of fantasy world you know nothing about. It isn’t any less quality than the stories i used to write. It’s like she only cares about me when i am masking, or being “weird” in a way that she also is

I have friends in school, close ones, but they aren’t in most of my classes and i have people that i can talk to but I’m always going to be second choice and i hate how hard it is to integrate without social media and sports teams like i knew not doing sports was going to impact my social life but this sucks and idk i just really fricking hate change and i hate that i have to place making sure others feel ok and aren’t mentally struggling for the smallest thing that others can help with over whether or not i want to help. I’m not a therapist, I’m not being paid to do this, i don’t have obligations to anyone and my opinions do matter and sometimes I’m only there because if I’m not I’ll be lonely like it isn’t worse that I’m just in the ghost of what was there and I’m always always always in between friends on damage control and they vent about each other and talk bad about each other to me and i try to mitigate the damage the best i can so they don’t get hurt like they give a chicken fried frick about me unless I’m directly helping and then I’m the problem that I’m strange, I’m the problem that I’m silent when they want me to be loud, I’m the problem that i don’t act like a kid my age as if i haven’t been pushed into these situations and roles since i was fricking seven and a half years old and it has never mattered that my world was ending at the time and i didn’t want to put up with any of this bs and i just wanted to focus on the good, because i gave an inch once at seven and a half before i even knew what the word boundaries was, let alone what it meant, and now i have to do it for the rest of my life because none of them want to learn how

and i get that they have worse things going on they need to worry about. Their worse things are small term I’ve been stuck here in between a missile and a cannon for almost all of my life so i could get a “thank you,” an “I love you,” a “you’re so mature,” an “i don’t know what I’d do without you,” and a request to do it all over again like a party trick right before they shoot me for being the messenger and the adults will tell me to stay out of it and set boundaries but I’m so wildly codependent on people I’ve “known” since i was five that I can’t say no. I don’t want to lose them and they don’t want to lose me but i am not a kid their age to them i am a trusted adult figure and i wanted that trust even at seven and a half so i have been doing it since then just for the blue moon time that they’ll take me seriously and indulge me like I’m another kid their age and I’m young and naive for not knowing other kids and more adult-y things, and not having social media, and not learning how to like the conformity of fashion nowadays but I’m oh just so mature and so helpful and such a lifesaver when they need me when I’m useful and the only reason I’m sticking around is because i just had to be taught that commitment is important but not the difference between toxicity and commitment and i need it. I need to be told and shown i have value and it happens rarely but it’s better than the period of nothingness if i cut myself off and dedicate myself to building relationships with my new friends which would be so so easy but i just really like nostalgia no matter how much it hurts and i think i know if i “take a break” from them my adhd brain will make me either forget or regret and either way i won’t come back

and I’m just so so done with compromising and empathy and diplomacy and intuition and supporting and valuing and caring and providing and being “high functioning” neurodivergent cause it’s like a party trick when I’m an emotional intelligence genius and a tiny silly roadblock when my hyper-fixation and petrifying fear of change and chance prevents me from happiness and i don’t understand how everyone moves on so easily from some things and clings so hard to other things and I’m only worth being alive when adhd is a enlightening, helpful thing that shakes things up like my brain isn’t all shaken up and blended into some kind of smoothie pressed against my head until it breaks like water and glass and i just wish i could be an immature mess instead of pretending i didn’t burn out at thirteen the moment i finished high school application essays

and there’s this group chat and most of the kids in it hate each other but are there anyways for the sillies because i think deep down they remember i made the group chat and i made it for a reason and i think it’s my little evil way of having my turn trapping friends into helping me to no end and it’s so twistedly angering to me how i have to do damage control and make everyone feel important and valid in this cesspit like i didn’t make this group chat at one am in Europe feeling so so alone and guilty sleeping under the stars in Corsica after having a panic attack because the stars are so anxiety inducing sometimes and the humidity is 95% and I’m with my grandparents and sisters who are asleep not my mom and i made a group chat because i felt alone and overwhelmed and filled it with people that i thought were funny that made me feel funny that made me feel wanted that made me feel alive and now i am still there, seven and a half, mopping up other’s problems and getting shot as the messenger and i can’t just leave because it is anything to feel alive

45 minutes ago, -ACE- said:

I know that I don't really know you at all, and I've never replied to any of ur posts before, but anyways *Hug*

That's why we are here. To make you know you are not alone. It isn't professional help, but I hope it is helping a bit. I hope you get the kind of help you gave to your friends. 

Good luck 

  Hide contents

Am I getting to involved for having just joined?

 

yes. ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!

i mean you don't have to get involved if you don't want to, or if something triggers you ofc, but it goes both ways. we'll always be there for you too lol as much as we can

21 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*squeeze*

I'm sorry my dude

Hope you can figure everything out

I'm always here if you wanna talk, btw

awwww thanks yall

*hugs*

hi y'all, hugs for all! do y'all remember me lmao

so i have always been the "mom" friend, or "therapist" friend, all of that jazz, since i was like eleven. i was raised to be mature, and i guess i friggin delivered or something because everyone tells me i'm comforting, i give great advice, i'm saving them where adults haven't. i'm a kid.

idk sometimes it just feels like i'm left behind, mental stability wise. a lot of my friends were in worse places than me, and i was mediocre. the kind of thing that isn't an immediate danger, but still should be addressed, and of course because most adults fail kids in the mental health department (i am done sugar-coating it i'm gonna be so fr y'all i'm so fed up with my friend's parents and all the adults that thought it was charming and not concerning that i conversed easier with them than with kids i don't care if it's hard i have had to talk my friend down on video call from sh-ing a second time that night they were bleeding and they were thirteen and they had so many obvious tells and the knife was in the fricking room and you mean to tell me it is only THIS week that he's going to go to a psychiatric hospital how are adults not catching this why is it falling on other kids and why is it always me even though it is rarely my advice that actually helps i don't know what i am doing i am the messenger and i'd really just like it if the people with the messages said it themselves and i know it's selfish and i know it's scary for them and they could relapse and i can't because i never did but i cannot bear the weight of all of my friend's problems and i know i don't have to but if i don't, no one else will until worse comes to worse) and so basically i helped them and they go "i wouldn't be alive without you" and "you mean to much to me" and i love them i do but they're all getting better and i'm still just here and it turns out i'm the problem because i cannot expect kids in my age group to provide the same support for me that i did for them. and i know its selfish of me to expect it but like

yeah idk jeez why is finding a therapist so hardddddddd

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

Damn this topic got huge, trying to tag everyone for these check in’s make it very very long so here we go. 

Ok so its bee a bit since we had one of these but i want to make sure everyone is fine.while the thread has been less active i dont know if thats good or bad.

first, how is everyone doing? Whats been happening!!

second, can we help you with anything? If so how???

tags time

@Ancient Elantrian @alittleinsane @Block @CoderDrag0n8 @DAVEY @Dilly honor spren @Dragonheir @Hoid Slayer @Honors ghost @Ironwill2112 @Just A Silvereye @kajsa @Bird Furious @Belandrius Ohhmar @Kansas Stormcursed @Through The Living Glass @mippo @MirkerLurker @Pariah @Shatter @Sherma Main @SpartanBrigade @strmblsd @Tam Tucker @The Wandering Wizard @TheSpearThatBroke @TwinStorm @VieB13 @Vyzkel @YouCantHaveMySandwich  @Seonid @#1 Taln Fan

ok did i miss anyone? This thread has GROWN so much golly gee

hi

i'm good, i think? trying to get a therapist but it's been like a month and there's a lot of people searching for good ones so honestly i've just accepted that's never happening. oh well

every so often i'll have really quick sh oriented thoughts but i've never really acted on them beforehand (well i've never broken skin or done anything i'd need to hide at least) but now when i have them i'll just stop. like someitmes i'll be itching a bug bite and instead of "wow i really hate mosquitos ugh" i'll think like "keep scratching until it bleeds" adn then i'll just stop itching it entirely until i stop thinking that. so yeah that's working

hs is going great, love my social studies teacher he's acc hilarious and amazing and yeah. i miss my old class sometimes but it's not that bad anymore.

i think i'm just generally doing better mentally (my self-esteem is still...iffy...but that's just being a teen i think so oh well)!! yippee!!! i've got some kind of seasonal depression-resembling thing (nothing's diagnosed) that starts up in spring so we'll see how i am till then...

a bit ago my friend asked if i had an eating disorder since i didn't eat a lot and don't even when i get hungry throughout the day and i had to explain that i think it's just to do with my adhd. most eating disorders i think are out of attempts to get more control by not eating, and when i eat very little it's uncontrollable so yea. if it doesn't spark joy i can't do it. wish it would stop tho cause i'm hungry...

anyways do y'all ever notice a friend or younger kid isn't doing so well mentally, offer your support and comfort, and then get saddled basically parenting them via text because their own parents do not tackle the mental wellbeing part of having kids apparently?? like i love this kid, and i want the best for him but it isn't my job to be his therapist or older sibling and their older sibling and parents just need to like man up at this point??

anyways yea local teen establishes herself as safe space, is surprised that is being used as safe space

also my cat bear says hi

hi

*hugs for everyone*

i'm back i haven't really posted here in a while lol i think i was afraid of like relapsing into bad thoughts?? idk

today i found this video it is very soothing except for that i am unaccustomed to acceptance and started crying but yea 10/10 would recommend 

6 minutes ago, Argenti said:

BL is... Interesting. It's not really about queer empowerment, most of the time. It's mostly read by straight women who think gay guys are hot. Which is.... problematic, and the reason so many of the tropes are so wild and stereotypical.

yeah, i've definitely seen that happen. and a lot of the self-published works are honestly just creepy at points...I think asian BL especially is mostly empowering not because of the content, but because it was made. Creation takes bravery, and telling a compelling love story where the lovers cannot get married takes downright ingenuity. There's something about the way that asian creators make happy endings outside of the typical "and then they get married" that I find really beautiful. There are only two countries in Asia where gay marriage is legal so it's kind of cool to see how people work around that.

32 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Dude real, thats why satosugu makes me so sad. 

 

AHAH!!! YOU SHIP SATOSUGU TOO!??! LETS STORMING GOOOO

 

Oh dang. Another way I can reject happiness

 

Ope.... ok well not that far into the arc

 

The Wan ones??

AHHHH A JJK FAN!! HOW FAR ARE YOU?? I FINIHSED THE MANGA THIS SUMMER

stormbringer’s good tho, depending on your tolerance for bittersweet endings lol

Oops haha spoilers. It’s just one line lol and it’s kind of throwaway but in the manga it looks, uh, very very important and very very gay

Wan is this cute little chibi mini-series! It’s great for when you’ve been saddened by the plot and need a little bit of silliness

10 minutes ago, Argenti said:

Boys love book clubs??

i think its to combat queer erasure??? its abt how bl in asia challenges traditions and what was considered acceptable. it sounds a tad weird i guess but it's important to me lol

8 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

I too am freshman

bro they do not let us do electives yet 

its ok we're allowed clubs and they let us do these mini book study things if you want and one of them is about the cultural impact in asia of asian BL and just the fact that people write these books in places where gay marriage isn't legalized and how the culture of the area influences the love tropes used and they will have to physically restrain my queer asian arse from joining i dare them not to let me in bro

9 hours ago, Hawks said:

DUDE SOUKOKU ISBSO CUTEEEEE

I L9VE THEN SO MUCHHHH

Hmmmm m?? Stormbringer huh? 

 

DUDE THE DARK ARX STSWWWPP i was BAWLING 

I just watched the 15 arc and omggggg

 

My babbieeesssss

Huh!!? Onion thoughtless child!?!?!?

SOUKOKU AHHHHHH

im ever for the soulmates who can never be together ships

...ideally they'll end up better off than satosugu lol but love is the most twisted curse so let's see!! (asagiri PLEASE)

stormbringer!! yes!!! one of the novels!!!! very sad! WARNING!!! SADDDDD!!!!!!!!!

the 15 arc...oh yeah the one where dazai fully says that he loves chuuya lmao

onion thoughless child is a reference to the Wan! episodes/comics

7 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Ah.

CHAT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN LMAO???

2 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Could you send me the translation site? I have been meaning to check up on it...

i use mangadex lol but im pretty sure there are like way better ones

2 hours ago, Hawks said:

AAAAH!!!

CHUUYA!!! I love him smmm.

Do you ship skk? Or sokouka? Or whatever, dazai x chuuya?

I havent met albatross yet.... 

Dude yes he is hegegrjejeiroeo

I changed my mind about aktagawa hes actually lowkey good

Future! Yes he is great

Season 3 episode 32

YES SOUKOKU OMG THEIR THEME SONG IS PARTNERS IN CRIME BUT FUNNILY ENOUGH THEY FIT A LOT OF EARLIER CARLY RAE JEPSON SONGS LMAO

albatross is in Stormbringer, the chuuya lore light novel lol

YESSS AKU MY FAVORITE LITTLE ONION THOUGHTLESS CHILD

so youve survived the terror of s2ep4...

hi hello im a freshmen or whatever don't like stab me please

On 9/8/2025 at 9:47 AM, Hawks said:

heheheheheheheheh

started it an im obsessed

bungou stray dogs

LETS GO

Agency members combine!!!

also im only on like episode 9 of season one so no spoilers

favriote character? OSAMU DAZAI!!!!! Or runpo. But mostly dazai. Which i think means im at risk xD

least fav character- akutagawa.

uh 

if you had a power what would it be? If you feel like you wanna listen to my detailed explanation of how mine works then lemme know. I’ve spent to much time in the two days of watching the show thinking about this. 

@CoderDrag0n8

WAIT OMG WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IVE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM SINCE LIKE 2023 LOL

OMG

BSDDDDDDDDDDD

my fav character is my beautiful son chuuya OR albatross from the flags can you tell i live to suffer

least fav character...m*ri. he scares me

fukuzawa is my dad actually yeah

WHAT EPISODE ARE YOU ON NOW??? ive read almost to the end of the manga, like two chapters left and the translation site i usually use doesn't have eng scans for those yet...

Oh my god yall are HILARIOUS lmao

2 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

do u like my Member Title?

YESSSSSS OMGGGG

You can always find ORV readers cause they ALWAYS have that somewhere in their bios lol

4 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

warning: i post a lot

like a lot

a lot a lot

Oh splendid! I use this site like I’m making twitter s—tposts so AYYYYYY TWINSIESSSSS

1 hour ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

  Reveal hidden contents

no yeah thats fair

yeah i have indoctrinated a buncha people into reading it, shardbuddies is when 2 people are like "your my friend, but 17thshard" and usually they both follow each other.

Okie dokie!! Shardbuddies then :)))