Just-A-Stick

 So, it's kinda complicated, but on Friday night, I had a very vivid dream, and, like most of my dreams, people who I love and care about more than anything, died, and they were either in my arms, or it was my fault, or both. Anyway, that dream was a car-plunging-over-the-cliff-with-my-best-friends-inside kind of dream, and my mom was driving. What caused us to go over this cliff in the first place, was me distracting her by telling her that I forgot all my meds, and that we needed to go back for them.

Fast forward to the end of the (very awful) dream where I wake up on Saturday morning at 5:30, crying and freaking out. I was eventually able to calm myself down and pack everything for my sleepover at Veil's house. I (having never been to her house before), as you might be able to imagine, had a lot of anxiety about going. I was thinking about a lot of stuff, and accidently forgot my meds, (it's also worth noting that I didn't take my morning dose that morning either) like in my dreams.

In order for you to understand what this means for the rest of this, here is some additional info  

So, I found out that I forgot my meds when it was already too late to go get them, and I figured that I'd be fine and to just do without them from about 9:00 AM on Saturday to 2:00 PM on Sunday.

I'll say this. That is a HORRIBLE idea!! Don't do that!!!!

So, I was expecting some mild stuff (I.E. some bouncing, attention issues, mild anxiety, and some little indecipherable whispers of little voices in the back of my mind), right? 

Well, what I got, was:

Anxiety: Borderline panic for almost no reason, not being able to eat, and shaking uncontrollably 

ADHD: bouncing, unable to really focus, feeling really jittery, and forgetting/not being able to process things.

Depression: Not too much,(thank God) I just felt a lil sad/lonely

Psychosis: REALLY BAD!! I'm talking color changing hats, shadows, vision-like things of bloody things and unimaginable horror (visual), screaming, creepy animal noises, gunfire, artillery, people who I could recognize screaming/yelling at me to save them, crying people, gurgling sounds (blood probably), as well as thumping and footsteps and all kinds of other things that you don't want to hear at night when your anxiety level is already through the roof (auditory) and things crawling on me, at one point a snake wrapping around my left leg, feeling like I'm drowning, like my chest and lungs were being squeezed so I couldn't breathe, and a few more (physical) then there were some miscellaneous things, like smelling/tasting/choking on blood and mud and other things.

All these things came and went  a l l   n i g h t   l o n g!!

I was mostly in a constant state of panic and not being able to breathe. Veil, bless her heart, let me "sleep" with her (lay awake trying to calm down more like), and she stayed up for hours helping me, holding me close, and helping me decipher reality from hallucinations.

Guys, she is my bestie, and I love her so much. I... she just helps me so much and seems to intuitively know what I need. I just needed to tell someone that.

If she reads this, Veil, thank you. I love you so much.

Anyway, this went on all night, and I think I fell asleep for a lil while around 5:30 this morning (Sunday) then there was the whole 'I've never been to her church before' freakout that lasted most of church... not my most restful weekend ever.

I'm finally home, and doing better.

Thanks for reading and caring if you did