strange24

Was writing the feedback to chapter 4 when 5 droped so this a combo for both. Chapter 4 was really the one who brought me into the story. A finally feeling a connection to Palla by proving her genuine care by her actions in the battle and Palla opening up because of a new found respect for her was a nice payoff of the tension between them. It didn’t feel like too much too fast, they still kept a distance between each other and their friendliness had certain professionalism to it. That relationship is progressing and not growing stagnant in an old dynamic makes it fresh to read. But said battle carried little weight and didn’t bring any atmosphere of danger or urgency. The characters were in life and death scenarios but it didn’t feel like they would get hurt. It was hard to understand the scale of the battle or what was at stake. It was hard to empathise with the characters when I didn’t get why they fought or what they were up against. The monster themself had some interesting descriptions. That they weren’t the average behemoth monster something crystalised gave me the image that they were something quite beautiful. It feel they have more character to them. Referring to them did however take away some of their menace, might just be me but when I hear fish I just think of a normal salmon. Seeing the As decision from the battle have payoffs in chapter 5 and have further complications down the line. The team going from background names to more fleshed out personalities with their own perspectives and relationships to each other. The dialog between A and most of the character feels organic except when they reach the exposition. A has a pattern of becoming a question machine that just asks the right questions to get the reader up to speed. A can also feel a bit personality free and just a vehicle for the reader to experience the story. Bellas extremely modern talking style felt out of place in this world. Using ‘tiger’ in that way feels off, when the atmosphere is ‘to-days society is almost forgotten’. Chapter 5 is probably my favourite so far. It expanding the world and character and setting up the more plot points and character arcs, it made me want to read more. Palla and the team having more agency in the story making and having a Palla pov, makes the world feel bigger than just A.

First time giving critique here, so sorry if I do anything wrong. The interactions between A and the rest of the characters were fun to read and what I felt was the high points of the chapter. There was a nice double meaning and show-don't-tell to them. Especially with Palla and Lila. I got a sense of their personalities and relation to A without the texts needing to state it outright and they seem to have a rather fun dynamic. Lila seems far younger but it’s clear she could outwit A with little problem and has a wisdom to her that she almost plays with like a toy. The little I read of Lila she still gives quite the impression. The underlying tension between A and Palla was interesting to read. That Palla can speak so politely but it all being lies gives a fun conflict between A and him. On the topic of interactions: feel the prose was the strongest when the characters where in conversation with one another. The description of their body language and intonation gave some subtle info to the mode and feelings being felt. There was bit of confusion with the world building but the further I read the less of a hindrance it became for the story. Probably felt this because this was the first chapter I read. It had it’s shakey moment’s where I wasn’t invested in what was happening but in the end it really gripped me. One example of when I was feeling lost was when the story was concerned with the nuance detailed of the military gear. I personally never really care for the intricacies of weaponry in stories so it might be a me-thing and for all I know all of this info could have pivotal plot relevance later on. But as it stands, it feels more like a list of abilities that aren’t crucial to know now. If there is one thing about the prose that kept me from the story was the lack of environment descriptions. From the beginning to end I didn’t really have a grasp on what kind of a setting the characters where in and how the world looked or felt. Like when A travelled to her mothers home and we as readers got next to nothing on how that home looked or any details about it. There was a sense of being ungrounded in the world. (The ending however, when A concludes she has less time then she thought cus Palla might try to run away if she isn’t fast enough gives the story a nice sense of urgency) Overall it was a nice chapter, even if I came into it without knowing the previous chapters I had no problem following the plot or getting invested in the characters. Hope what I said helped! BTW I’m not a native english speaker so sorry for any misspellings.

Found this forum through the writing excuse podcast, which I in turn through Brandon Sandersons youtube lectures. Not a native english speaker but I try my best hahah. Been drawing since I was small and I suspect that I am and will always be a better artist than writer. But hey! Atleast I can make my own fan art Right now in school for game graphics and can at most spend time on my writing on my free time. Don't know if writing books will become a career for me but I do have a passion for story telling and have been wanting to improve my craft for a while. In the middle of a writing project that is probably faaar too big for me but I keep on. Duller than grey rock when it comes to books. Remember liking War Horse by Michael Morpurgo and the Earthsea book by Ursula K. Le Guin.