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Ace of Hearts

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    Professional Apple Washer (they/he)
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  1. Thanks for the heads up! I don't usually look at critiques until Sunday anyways (turns out I stress out like crazy about it unless I plan a specific time in advance lol), so I may not even notice
  2. Hi everyone, Thanks for the comments last week! I'm glad to hear that the overall conclusion of part 2 felt all right, and I'll try to work on the clarity in revision. We're finishing up interludes and moving into part 3 today, which I'm hoping has a bit of a cleaner plot. But I guess the point of getting critiqued is to figure out and see! Thanks! (Also, looks like the comments for last week's sub got copy pasted into the email. Whoops.)
  3. I'll have a slot for tomorrow please @Silk!
  4. Hi everyone, Thanks for the feedback last week! Like I mentioned I'm planning to rewrite a lot of part 2, which I hope will help with the clarity near the end. For today, we have the end of part 2. No funny April Fool's Day shenanigans, unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately). Mostly I'm curious if the sacrifice here comes across well or if it feels contrived. Thanks as always!
  5. I'll have a slot for tomorrow please @Silk!
  6. Hi everyone, Thanks for the feedback last week, and I'm glad to hear that the submission read well! At this point we're getting into the climax of part 2, so I'm curious to see how it comes across. Thanks as always!
  7. @Silk I'll have a slot for tomorrow please!
  8. Hi everyone, Thanks for all the feedback on the last submission! I think I'll keep most of the broad strokes events the same, but adjust the buildup and work on streamlining the pre-battle dialogue scenes. I have a feeling that this one is going to also come across as a bit slow with dialogue that isn't immediately plot-relevant, so please do feel free to skim these sections once you get a gist of what they're talking about (especially since I'm over word count). I debated going in and making some more edits since I already suspect this will be an issue but honestly the amount of overhaul I'm planning for part 2 makes me think that it would be more helpful to get all the feedback first and then rewrite part 2 on a structural level. Thanks as always!
  9. Hi @Silk can I have a slot for today please?
  10. Hi everyone, We're jumping back into Everlasting Sunset with a submission that has a bit more action than the preceding ones. It's clear that I need to tighten up the overall narrative arc for part 2 but my current plan is to slot this in without too many big changes unless people feel that this needs big changes beyond changing the leadup to this moment. Thanks!
  11. Hi @Silk I'd like a slot for tomorrow please!
  12. Thanks @Silk @Mandamon for the feedback! As an update, I'd like to continue submitting this story but I had some chronic health issues flare up so we'll see how long it is until I'm in a place to keep submitting. Thanks as always for your all your comments so far!
  13. Hi everyone, This submission focuses once more on A connecting with her soldiers while they infodump, which I'll probably change in revisions due to the consensus being that those scenes don't work for the story that well. If it feels the same way here feel free to skim since I'll need to revamp a lot of these kinds of scenes anyways. Thanks as always!
  14. M is the bureaucrat who was getting on A's case in part 1, and then told A late in part one that they used to be a soldier and was secretly on A's side. It's been a while since we've seen them but they'll be important later. Thanks as always for the feedback!
  15. I'll have a slot for tomorrow please @Silk!
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