The Paradoxical Phenomenon

*sigh* That stupid warning point, reminding why I’m just on here for the heck of it now. I don’t even know if I’m enjoying it or if I’m just addicted to this, the one social media platform other than BeReal I have.

I keep forgetting I can post and comment again now. I feel like I’m annoying, like nobody actually cares

I’m struggling to get things done IRL. I’m falling behind on school, cuz now I’m hardly even reminded to stay on task. 

I’m playing basketball, on my homeschool team’s middle school and high school teams. I’m bad at it because it’s my second year ever playing basketball. I have to start on my middle school team, as well as captain. I’m bigger than half the players we’ll go against, which is why I’m starting. I also want to believe I’m learning fast, but I don’t know. I have a lot of stress from that.

I feel like I’m failing on a spiritual level. Every time I think I’m doing better I fail again. I’m bad at talking to people, I’m bad at everything basically 

I’m struggling to keep caring to go forward. I have to pretend I’m fine, but I don’t know why. I shove everything down, which works better for me than other people, but my bottled stress and anger bursts at terrible moments.

I’m sorry guys. I’m sorry for ranting. If you read it, thanks I guess.