InfiniteInsanity
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I have done some organizing of myself and how I think about myself. If you don't want to read it don't you're absolutely fine to skip over this SU.
I think I mainly have three settings.
- High Energy
SpoilerIn this setting I'm actually having a good time. I feel mainly positive emotions. I'm being productive and feel like that productivity actually has use. I can easily find many positive aspects of my life. I'm generally okay around people and seem to have a high amount of energy in my social battery. Also sugar highs, people highs, performance highs.
- Low Energy
SpoilerIn this setting I am really tired. I just want to sleep at times when I probably should be pretty awake like during broad daylight. I tend to hide away in my bedroom or anywhere else I can. If I am around people I try to act like I'm in High Energy and though I can't tell what everyone else is seeing I often feel like I'm either trying too hard to appear that way or not enough. Often I look down on myself in almost all aspects of myself. But I pretty much can't bring myself to do anything that will actually help me in any of those things and if I do anything at all it will most likely have a negative effect rather than positive. Mostly negative emotions. I can't seem to find a way to shoot myself up to High Energy without crashing back down to Low Energy or even all the way to Off.
- Off
SpoilerI only want to sleep. Pretty much no interaction with people. Away from modes of communication more. I do lots of mind numbing tasks or just things. Most of the time I won't even try to fake other settings. Emotions are ideally a 50/50 shot though probably leaning more to the off or missing side. This is where I am when I actually admit I'm not okay because I don't see much point in trying to hide it.
The setting I'm in does follow some patterns.
The weather will affect it.
SpoilerThe brighter it is outside the more likely I am to be in the High setting. If there is rain I'm more likely to be in the High setting and even more likely if there are rainbows. If it's too hot I'll probably slip into the Low. If it's cold that is a complete toss up.
The season affects it.
SpoilerSpring - more in the High
Summer - more in High/Low
Fall - more in the High
Winter - more in the Low/Off
The more light around me the higher I'll be.
Same with color.
I don't know what any of this means or really what to do about it. I just noticed it recently. Some of you on here know me in real life and I don't know how this will affect y'all.
However I think that for the future this is how I'll respond to questions about how I'm doing. High, Low, or Off. And I'll put it down somewhere or link it so I can find it to explain as needed. Also note if I'm being honest unless I'm in Off I'll probably say High or something like it because yeah.
For anyone wondering I am currently in High. I get to see people and get out of my house tomorrow and I am excited. Even if something happens and none of that stuff actually happens I feel good now and will when I get up in the morning. It's also why I can type this out and put it somewhere.
Y'all are amazing. Thanks for letting me ramble this to you. Know that I appreciate it and you greatly even if you don't read this all the way through.
Have a good night! Or day! Or any sort of in between!
