Bird Furious

I read 90 pages of Oathbringer today! Why do I isolate myself when I feel lonely now? 

It's been very good and fun Taravangian is awesome fight me It's kind of a new development. More and more I leave people on read (which is

...fine for a lot of interactions and stuff), but then I feel upset when nobody reaches out to ask me how I'm doing when I'm acting totally normal online and they can't see that I've not responded

...for two hours because I'd rather hide under the covers and pretend to have zero problems. I feel hurt when people, shall we say, sever ties with me, even if we never talk. I'm not the person I

...used

...to be online, simply due to my drop in activity. That shouldn't be as scary as it is. But it is. 

look he's a really good antivillain ok I feel lonely, so I don't answer my messages. I check my messages and have no new ones, so I feel lonelier. So I withdraw more and

and I haven't been reading a lot lately so NINETY PAGES IS A FREAKING ACHIEVEMENT more and more without hardly even realizing it (even when I'm not actively feeling lonely, maybe? I'm still figuring it out). 

Also! I wrote last night and I'm gonna write tonight too! As soon as I finish this pointless SU that definitely doesn't have a hidden agenda! lol. Prolly shouldn't even post this at this point, huh? 

Idk what this new thing I'm writing is Yeah, probably not.....

I just know that I have to write something  I don't even know what the heck I'm saying in it. 

Anyway, those are my tiny achievements toward building back the things I care about! Ok, I've found myself a compromise. As some of you may have figured out. 

Thanks for reading. Have a good evening! why do I even do this to myself? It feels so selfish to force people to care about me like this...but sometimes I'm afraidif I don't I'll be alone and nobody will care and I don't want to become one of those people who just commits the seven letter S-word out of the blue and nobody ever had any idea it could have happened so maybe a little bit of selfishness is a god thing but maybe if I didn't get to complain about it I wouldn't even be this way so I don't HECKING know what to HECKING think or what to hecking do anymore I just know I want somebody to have a chance to see my rambling idiocy I just know I need to know that maybe maybe somebody out there knows that my mind is unraveling and I don't know how to stop it or even exactly what's happening and I think maybe I need to scream. 

Get good sleep, drink plenty of water