shortcake
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why does everyone keep asking if im okay?
like, do i really seem that sad?
maybe i just can't hide emotions well-
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okay I've gathered the motivation to list off whats been bothering me recently~
Spoiler- i can't seem to find "my people" and be able to stick with them longer than 2-3 weeks because I always end up causing some sort of problem and then leaving that friend group because it'll be super awkward
- in the friend groups that I've stayed in longer that that, I feel like people think of me as the "12 year-old ipad kid" (neither of those things are true)
- my grandma has super high expectations for me all the time that i can never meet
- I keep damaging my relationships with people, which sometimes ends up being irreparable
- I'm failing practically all of my classes
- multiple friends have threatened to end their life and I'm considered to be a "therapist friend," so i feel like it's my job to help them, but i have so many of my own problems that i have to deal with
- every time i try to repair my relationship with my mom, or even just talking to her, it ends with either me chickening out, or with her not answering my text because she was "busy"
- I just feel like everybody thinks of me as a little kid who won't leave you alone because of how annoying i can be
- I have a name that i prefer to go by, but nobody really ever uses it since they are used to my biological name, and I'm way to lenient when it comes to preferred names and dead names
- my grandpa is in a temporary nursing home, but he doesn't put in any effort when it comes to physical therapy so he's just gonna end up right back where he started- weak muscles and super slow
- people in my friend group keep trying to drag me into a bunch of drama that's going on right now, but i don't want to have pick sides and lose friends
I've never felt more alone in my life. I feel like a fraud, and I can't deal with all this for much longer. I'm not saying I want to put a stop to my existence, because I don't. I'm just tired of me and my problems and past trauma being overlooked, and then for people to pity me whenever I bring them up. that's all for now
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