Snakenaps

Ugh, and he plays one fine Voldemort. It is so easy to hate him. Casting for the Harry Potter films was so good. I still have a hard time looking at Dolores Umbridge's actor Imelda Staunton without getting shivers of disgust.

Voldemort's eyes are red in the books. To quote Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, pg 293, "Where there should have been a back to Quirrel's head, there was a face, the most terrible face Harry had ever seen. It was chalk white with glaring red eyes and slits for nostrils, like a snake." The Goblet of Fire, pg 652, "Voldemort said softly, his red eyes upon Harry, whose scar began to burn so fiercely that he almost screamed in agony." The Deathly Hallows, pg 737, "jeered Voldemort, and his whole body was taunt and his red eyes stared, a snake that was about to strike." I am very rarely incorrect when it comes to Harry Potter, but if I ever am, you are more than welcome to rub it in my face.

This is so true. Draft Two of NotK is the culmination of...at least six read throughs? I cut an entire romance out (thank God!) and it looks like a heavy chunk of revising for Draft Three will be cutting. Here's a fun fact: NotK is originally inspired by a story I wrote when I was in high school. Pretty much all it has in common with the current version is that there are talking animals, the main character knows names, and that there is a unicorn king. Original version? Complete rip-off of Anne McCaffrey's Pern, main character bonded with a dragon, the King was evil incarnate and had Voldemort red eyes, there was a talking sword, and pretty much everyone died at the end, including both protagonists. I think my favorite parts were either that unicorns rode dragons or that the talking sword's maker was a fan of Doctor Who. Always keep your old versions, they are hilarious to look back on. Chart your progress. I guess my point is, stories change, and that's natural. Learn what you can from this draft, reevaluate, and see what kind of story you want to see this evolve into. Everyone goes through this process. Learning to "kill your darlings" is never fun, but is an important skill to learn. Fun fact: If you've ever seen Avatar: The Last Airbender, did you know that it was originally going to be a sci-fi story? One of the co-creators has posted concept art of it before:

Hey, that's what I'm here for. If you ever want to talk writing, my door is always open. I can always been found over in Reading Excuses. I've spent a rather ungodly time learning how to write, about the industry, and everything, so I'm great for resources. If I don't have the answers, I generally know where to look for them.

From one aspiring writer to another, let me pass on what has been said so many times on Writing Excuses, a podcast Brandon Sanderson is a part of: don't write to a market, write for yourself. Look at it this way: if you want to write a story with swords and shields, but force yourself to write about guns, the lack of passion is going to come through. If you want to write a fantasy with guns and cell phones, and force yourself to write about medieval England, the same thing is going to happen. No matter the market, readers always love one thing: well-written books. Are there more fantasy books coming out with higher levels of technology coming out? Sure, absolutely. The Temeraire series by Naomi Novik is all about shooting guns on the backs of dragons. The urban fantasy Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo has been massively popular. Then there is the Outlander series by Diana Galbadon. At the same time, lower technology in fantasy is still going strong. Take, for instance, the Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden, which takes place in Russia hundreds of years ago. Dungeons and Dragons produced a new book, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount, which surged to Amazon's #1 Bestselling book...before it was even released due to the amount of pre-orders. Tolkien is still going strong. And let's not forget the resurgence of the Witcher series by Andrzej Sapkowski. Ask yourself this: what do you want to write? What are you passionate about? If you want to write about swords, write about swords. If you want to explore early rifles and muskets, do so. If you want to jump into urban fantasy, do it. Don't try to write to the market, especially while it is in this current upheaval (getting Publishers Weekly's newsletters is very interesting write now). Write what you are passionate about, and the rest will follow. That's my take, anyway.

Correct! When I say a "soft" vs "hard" magic system, I'm referring to Sanderon's First Law: https://www.brandonsanderson.com/sandersons-first-law/ Brandon on Harry Potter's magic system: Brandon on his own magic systems: Writing Excuses (a podcast Brandon is a part of) on hard magic systems: https://writingexcuses.com/2019/03/10/14-10-magic-systems/ Writing Excuses on soft magic systems: https://writingexcuses.com/2019/03/17/14-11-magic-without-rules/

No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a soft magic system! In fact, one of the main reasons I love Harry Potter is because of its soft magic system. It lends the world such a beautiful sense of wonder. The magic in the world seems so alive because there is little it cannot do. Sentient cars, talking paintings, crazy Christmas crackers, the list goes on and on. One of the many reasons, though, that I find that people tend to fault Harry Potter because its magic system can be easily broken (such as the time turners, especially in The Cursed Child, which I treat as fanfiction). For instance, if one gets used to the hard magic systems of, say, Mistborn, then the nearly unlimited magic system of Harry Potter can seem like cheating. I personally think that soft magic systems have their time and their place, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter is definitely one of them. If Harry Potter had a hard magic system, then I feel like much of the joy and wonderment that makes Harry Potter so much fun would lost. But, hey, that's just my opinion.

The Ship Who Sang! That's an Anne McCaffrey book!!! I know that title! I've just never read it! I love Anne McCaffrey! She has written so many books. I haven't read much of the mystery genre, but I did read a lot of The Cat Who... books by Lilian Jackson Braun a few years ago. I also enjoy the Dresden Files, which is like mystery/fantasy. If you like historical fiction, have you ever read any Sarah Dunant books? What about fantasy/historical, like The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker or the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik?

I went back and finished my critique. I just edited my previous comment to keep them all together.

My first book by her was Dogsbody, which I picked up at an airport during a layover years ago. I inhaled it during that long delay! I should reread it...

I'm glad that you liked it! Let's just say...Telling C about her shop isn't going to be fun. It's going to be very interesting revising this book with new eyes. Writing sudden loss of income, shortages, and restaurant closures is going to be a little easier now that it's something I'm getting real world experience in. Yay. I guess there are some bonuses to a pandemic?

Ooooh!!! Putting these on my To Read list! I recently finished Aurora by Kim Stanley Robinson. It's the first sci-fi book I've ever read that was narrated by the ship itself! If you've got any good sci-fi recommendations, I'm always down for those too.

@CherishLarain I've always had a hard time with short stories, because I always have too much to say! Then again, that's pretty reflective of me in real life. I'm a yapper. If short stories are your jazz, that's awesome! That just means you get to explore more worlds and characters than, say, me! Out of curiosity, do you listen to Writing Excuses? I had a massive problem with worldbuilder's disease until I started listening to Writing Excuses. I've found it has been incredibly helpful in curing me in many of my vices. If you get stuck writing, it might be an interesting podcast you for to start stretching your skills. Not to mention, the writing prompts might inspire a new short story! If you ever need help with formatting or anything, hit me up. I don't bite, and I love to help. Since I'm out of students to pester, I just bug everyone here

I never read the previous draft, so I'm unbiased! Yay! Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, " a high-end pet store" Completely off topic, but my local pet shelter has had all of its cats either adopted or fostered. Happy news! Pg 1, "G grumped" I liked this word play. Pg 1, "If he was leading the [masters] now, then he was going to lead them." I find this sentence kinda awkward, but I also get what you are going for. This is probably more of a personal opinion than anything. Pg 2, "the things were congregating" RIP E and S. Pg 2, "docks near lake T." I think lake should be capitalized? Pg 4, "nor was T.D." I will miss their stuttering. Pg 5, "The victim could be unfrozen once deceased": Thrifty, economical, brutal. I do worry about the future of the universe if the Symphony is militarized...This could lead to some rather dark consequences... Pg 5, "like a spider rolling up its web in the morning" Today I learned about orb weaver spiders. Pg 6, " they could see a multitude of possibilities and pick between them." Hmm...trying to fit in Master Memory Wipe into this...House of Time??? Hmmm.... Note: If you have something preferably over Master Memory Wipe for our BBEG, let me know. Pg 6, " the Council hadn’t wanted to put forward funds for renovations": That is the most government thing ever. Pg 7, "a cold but necessary calculation": I am grateful not to be in a leadership position and I pity M. Dude needs hugs. Pg 7, "He wouldn’t lose anyone else." Guaranteed lie Pg 11, " It obviously perceived what they were doing in some manner." I kinda wonder if it sounds like a dinner bell. COOOOME AND GET IT!!! A musical feast? Pg 11/12, "the Specie F waggled a paw at her." Do you mean waggled a paw at him? Pg 13, " A few seconds more and they would have a captured invader." Alright, what's going to go wrong now... Pg 13, "That was when the void opened." I knew it. It couldn't be that easy Pg 14, " called for its fellows to arrive": Or did MMW? pg 14, "had they been drawn by the concentration of changes": This lends to my dinner bell theory. Pg 18, "His eyes were wet as he stumbled after the others." Oh, poor M! Pg 16, "R gestured O forward." POV change! I don't recall a change in the middle of a chapter before, but POV switches rarely bug me. Pg 17, "a hole dissolved into the metal side" If they can eat impenetrable crystal, I am not surprised they can dissolve metal. Pg 19, "Maybe they could turn them on the Elg." Hah! Pg 19, "raised the repeating crossbow she had gleefully taken with her": I may have to finish this chapter tomorrow. I'm getting towards my bedtime and read "crossbow" as "eyebrow." That sentence gets incredibly weird when you switch those two words. Pg 20, " the safest way to begin with is a dead one": I agree with this statement. Okay, I'm just too tired to give any further quality critiques. I shall come back and edit this tomorrow. Goodnight, ya'll. I have returned to finish. Pg 22, " careful not to show any ankle" Blasphemous! Pg 22, "Fading Hands" You forgot to italicize the F. Pg 22, "She despised feeling helpless." I hate feeling helpless alongside characters... Pg 23, "the unmistakable bulk and huge bushy white beard of M" Whoohoo! I love it when two worlds meet! Pg 24, " far enough away from the creatures' disruption," Pg 25, "Something grabbed her boot, pulling her away from escape." It can't be an Elg...? She would vanish instantly...hmmmm... Pg 26, "Elg grasping her boot,": This begs the question...does the Elg have to touch organic, living material in order to make someone die...or do the Elg know who R is because of MMW hunting S??? Hmmm...Or was R not disintegrated because she was grabbed just as the portal was closing??? Hmmm... Pg 27, "splattered into a smear of purple": Rats! Pg 28, " taking a chunks of the ground": Singular or plural??? Pg 28, "F winced as his knee joints returned to normal." Oh, you poor baby... Pg 30/31, "the Elg could make itself understood to anyone, anywhere" Elg can 1) eat crystal 2) make themselves understood like crystal 3) don't have a typical biological matter 4) are the opposite of the Symphony ... Elg are like opposite crystal creatures of horror. Pg 31, "crest expanded and with excitement," Pg 33, "Behind her were the ruins of City D": This feels like a punch in the heart. Pg 35, "Surely you have contacted the Council?" Awwwwkwaaaaard... Pg 39, "as if a whole group of maji made the change at once" Who is this!? It can't be S...and I don't think it is Re... I hate waiting...if this had been handed to me as a full manuscript, this is definitely one I would have blasted through due to sheer suspense...

Hello, hello! This is my first time critiquing for you, so I hope you find it handy. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "He rode his stallion": Boo-yah, you already got my vote! I am Horse Friend. Pg 1, "And he is good at it." Have you ever read Matthew Stover? I just finished one of his books and your shift from past to present, along with this character introduction, reminds me of his style. Pg 1, "M is the best." I typically get suspicious and on guard when a story starts in such a way, but I'll withhold judgement for now since this seems to be a stylistic choice. This makes me wonder who the narrator is, and whether or not they are biased/unreliable. Pg 1, "chugged the entire gauntlet." I think you mean goblet, although I'd pay money to see someone chug a metal glove. Pg 2, "asked Pope B": Did you know that there are multiple Pope B's??? If you are writing historical fantasy, that's fine. If you are not, I'd suggest switching it. I'm embarrassed to say that I know about the B family because of Assassin's Creed II... Pg 3, "How Romantic." Did you mean to capitalize "romantic"? Pg 3, "M shifted uncomfortably as he sat": Since we obviously just had a scene jump, I'd add a blank line between this paragraph and the last. Pg 4, "Roared H before he bit down" Who is this fellow? Another monster hunter? I'm getting a little lost with all of these characters... Pg 4, "M sat cross legged below H on the floor" Wait, I thought M was sitting next to the Queen? Is this the start of a new scene? If so, insert a blank line between this paragraph and the last. Pg 4, "sat in an empty field" Okay, yes, new scene. Pg 15, "Possibly,” Count A stirred his stolen cup" Frankly, if I was a politician with loose morals, I would have just lied to this man. Pg 18, "He barely blocked the sword that L attacked him with." I always like a good feisty woman. Overall: I feel like this was more like a summary of an entire book than a short story. There was so many characters and so much going on that I began getting lost about a the third of the way through. I found that the interaction with L to be the most interesting part of the story, but that felt so quick and then was summarized at the end. I was much more interested in the few pages with L than with the majority of the story with all of the nobles. No matter what any of us say, don't forget to keep writing!!!

Okay, here's clarifications on the worldbuilding and setting! Thank you to all who have been pointing out my lack of clarification!!! I'd rather have you confused than future readers. Ir and her family are fully human. In this world, there are human/animal hybrids (referred to as "therios" which can mean any combination of human/animal, from animal-headed therios, to sphinxes, harpies, centaurs, and more), there are definitely mythical creatures, and standard Terran animals. However, more notably, there are three distinctive classifications of intelligence, which I do talk about later on but definitely need to be broadly hinted at for clarification at the beginning. Fey: These species are trapped up north and are essentially considered demonic monsters. They are massively magically powerful, but notably are unable to feel compassion and are not inventive. Civilized: These species are the cast of the book. These are essentially people that may or may not be a mythological creature, human, or a standard Terran animal. They talk, think, and act just like people. They open doors (doorknobs are horizontal and not round), they live in houses (of various sizes and structure), and have dietary needs matching their specie. A carnivore or omnivore eat our next classification, mundane. Mundane (mundies): These are Terran animals, which the same level of intelligence as the animals we interact with in our reality. Certain species can be either civilized or mundane (i.e. horses, dogs, cats, birds, rats) but cannot produce offspring with each other. They are considered two very separate things, and for a civilized horse to mate with a mundane horse is considered bestiality. This leads into a lot of problems for those with mental disabilities, because in a lot of societies in this world, they are unfortunately assumed to be mundane or close to mundane, and are usually killed (sometimes followed by their entire "cursed" family). This is not my own opinion, I literally have a degree in special education, I don't condone that. Fish, insects, and other bug-like creatures (looking at you, spiders), are always mundane. Mundane animals are typically used for eating, not for labor, as the labor can be filled by civilized creatures. Pets are uncommon, but not unheard of. There's little need to own a cat for rat control when you can hire your neighbor. It is easy to tell a civilized creature from a mundane animal, as a civilized creature typically wears clothing or accessories and, well, acts like a person. They talk, look at the world around them with interest, smile, frown, and generally act like people. Specism does exist, but it is more likely for someone to be discriminatory regarding the size of creatures than towards one exact specie. Some common species in this region include: humans, Terran animals common to the northern Mediterranean region/California valley, theriomorphic crosses of humans and these Terran species (i.e. restaurant owner C), griffins, unicorns, and two species of dragon. 1550's, give or take. I break the rules occasionally, but for the most part, I used the 16th century northern Mediterranean coast for reference. Mostly Italy. The world is mostly a blend of northern/mid Italy with a good dash of the California valley and hints of others. Architecture is a mesh of Roman, Renaissance, and classic Islamic. There are arquebuses (an early long-barreled gun), cannons, printing presses, caravel ships like Columbus', clocks, cranes, and more. Telekinesis: The ability to move solid objects. The average creature can move about 5-20 lbs max. Hydrokinesis: The ability to move liquids (usually water-based, depends on the creature). The average creature can move about 3-30 gallons max. There are many forms of kinetic abilities, although telekinesis and hydrokinesis are really only the main ones in this book. Ir's mother has photokinesis (can control light) but that is never mentioned by name, I believe. Another character has thermokinesis (can control temperature), but I know I never mentioned that one by name. I refer to the different abilities by showing them, but not necessarily giving the proper name. Ir, for example, is a nominascio - literally, "I know names" in Latin - but I don't use this term outside of my notes and the website. Someone moving tables and an entire pool's worth of canal water...??? Now that's unusual. I need to emphasize that. Creatures tend to have one or two magical abilities. A creature without magic is called a "null" and is not affected by iron/silver. There are definite cases of civilized creatures having more than a couple abilities. Fey tend to have around five, Greater Fey maxing out around 15-20. Mundane animals very rarely have magic, but it is not unheard of for a fish to suddenly turn invisible. Poof! I'll definitely make all of the worldbuilding clearer on in Draft Three. Trimming the unnecessary will leave room for the answers to necessary questions. Let me know if there is anything I can further clear up!

I definitely have an issue with "Oh ho ho, I've done all this research, now let me show it off." It makes for a lot of unnecessary details. Thankfully, I'm writing something much shorter than the usual fantasy epic. All pacing feedback is handy, because not everyone only reads a certain genre. Not everyone who reads my book if/when it gets published is going to be a specialist in the fantasy genre. Therefore, it is important to be able to write something that appeals to a broader market. Your feedback is still very important to me. Have any recommendations for historical/political fiction? I'm about done with People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks and I'm currently more interested in reading historical fiction or sci fi than fantasy at the moment. I switch genres a lot. You're totally correct. I drop words and mix up words all the time. My brain and my eyes don't always work well together, especially considering how fast I type. This was an issue in Draft One as well.

Thank you @Turin Turambar ! That is not something I have thought about before...hmmm...good question! Out of the way. I'll make this clearer. In Latin, this would be called the imperfect tense! It is in the past but still continuing (was/were verb-ing). Here is a handy reference guide for passive voice: https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/passive-voice/ The passive voice can usually be spotted like this: verb "to be" (is/was/has been/were) + verb-ed. For example: The cat's fur was brushed by Marie. If this sentence was not in passive voice but in the active voice, it would read like this: Marie brushed the cat's fur. Another way I remember it, is that the subject of the sentence is not the one doing the action, but rather being acted upon. In my example, in the passive voice sentence, the fur would be the subject, while in the active voice sentence, Marie is. I'm not sure if that helps or not. I learned about the passive vs active voice in Latin. Actually, I learned most of my English grammar through Latin...

Thank you @kais Agreed. I actually nearly cut them before deciding to leave Draft Two how it is currently, because I couldn't tell if it was just slow to me, or if there was an actual problem. I'm glad to see my intuition is on point. I definitely need to clarify the species of this world in Draft Three. It's something that flew by my radar because I take the world for granted. I'll make a separate post on this thread clarifying this and the magic system. This was one of my biggest worries: action scenes and things getting confused. At least the pacing is mostly there. Az is a hydrokinetic, which means he is able to control water with his mind. Outside of Ir knowing his name, all magic in this chapter is his, which I need to clarify harshly. I need to either delete this line or make it clearer that Ir's more shaking off any imaginary followers. I mean, if I was just attacked, there would definitely be a small part of my brain convinced I was being followed, even if I know logically that's unlikely. Hopefully, in Draft Three I'll clear out all of the confusing parts!

I thought this was fitting because Luke is hanging off of a kind-of cliff, and that's where you left me.

Here is Chapter Two, where the action kicks off. I want any and all opinions, good and ill! Chapter One began with Ir working at the restaurant, which is akin to her second home, where she used her magical ability to know names. When Ir went home, her older sister, Su, announced that Su and her husband were joining the Revolutionaries.

Late...so late. Did not read everyone else's critiques, the usual, yada yada. Thoughts as I go! Pg 1, "We couldn’t have been in there that long," This makes me wonder about my theory of Master Memory Wipe being a time traveler. Pg 2, "How many have come through while we’ve been safe and relaxed?" I would be feeling major guilt here... Pg 3, "Lack of luminescent light does not hinder Specie N": Noted: WW can see in the dark. Pg 3, "infested with them without being able to see them clearly" I feel like that is a poor idea even when one can see. Pg 3, " It is as if they do not show in the V" Do they eat the time stream? Are they somehow out of it? Do the Elg not count as living creatures? Pg 3, "from making things...disappear" What have the Elg made disappear with S watching? My brain is fuzzy, I can't remember. Pg 4, "They are like a disease which the N has not yet figured out how to fight." This reminds me of my comment that I made last time: the darkening of the N wasn't like it was worried, it was like it was sick. Infected. Pg 4, " There’s no telling what they’ve done." They've definitely killed a lot of people... Pg 6, "The three of you will protect me." I believe this, because E and I will protect S because they love him. WW will protect him because it is in xyr (xy's?) self interest to not kill xy's kind-of apprentice (I feel like I butchered the conjugation of that pronoun). Pg 8, "Xy waved her rightmost claw." Pg 9, "So we can’t leave that set path," And it appears Master Memory Wipe may know this...Is MMW having the Elg eat through this "bridge" through the crystal, to infect the next Facet? Or it is to simply block S and Co. from coming through? Pg 11, "a strain of thundering base" Would this be bass? I don't know much about music... Pg 15, " like lizards bathing in the sun" This is a surprisingly nice way to describe the Elg. I'm picturing worms lying on the sidewalk or crocodiles lying in wake. Pg 15, "I SEE YOU." Uh oh! Pg 16, "I WILL NOT LET YOU PASS." But E passed...did E agree to something, maybe that she was not aware of...? Hmmm... Pg 16, "THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND": Well, shards, the Diss isn't a what, it's a freakin' who. I have some very choice words going through my brain at the moment. Pg 17, "THEN YOUR SERVANT WILL DIE." E was allowed to pass through because she is BAIT.... D: Pg 18, "No." I agree heartily here. My stomach hurts. I don't like this. How about we return to happier times, please? Let's go back a few chapters to Ari festivities. Pg 20, "to the same physics as the rest of the" Pg 23, "he fell." CLIFFHANGER!? CLIFFHANGER???? Thank God I ended up critiquing on Sunday night. At least I don't have to wait a week for the next chapter. A CLIFFHANGER!!!! UGH!!!! I'm stressed and worried and I want to know what happens next. @Mandamon you are currently not one of my favorite people!

Sorry I'm so late! I didn't read any of the previous critiques, as usual, so forgive me if I beat any dead horses. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "Maybe xy had.": Does WW sleep? Hmmm... Pg 1/2, "My kind does not sleep as such." Well, that answers my question. Pg 2, "it’s sort of creepy you’re spying on me": Somehow, I doubt WW ever thought about what S would think about that. Pg 3, "they’re changing the area from how I remember it?" But if that is true, how is that affecting Area D? Are the Elg at Area D as well? Pg 3, "But how did they stop the portal to Area D?": I love it when a character asks something I am wondering. Pg 3, "brusque tone and lack of empathy": It's funny how WW originally rubbed me the wrong way because of this, but now I like WW for the same reasons. Pg 5, " I’m not leaving the ones I love to possible death at their hands...feet": God bless you, S. I can understand WW's point, but I would have been incredibly surprised and disappointed if S had chosen to stay behind. Pg 5, "the tendrils of doubt writhing up through his brain": Ugh, this reminds me of the Elg. Not sure if this is purposeful or not, but it worked for me. Pg 5, " It wouldn’t help to worry about them now.": Reminds me of Newt Scamander, who said in Fantastic Beasts, "My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice." Pg 6, "This city had a lived-in feel": I really like the next few paragraphs, because it makes me feel like I'm the one walking through the world. I appreciate a slow down in stories to give me a glimpse of the world around the characters (and me). Pg 9, "Silent for the past day,": $5 says that this isn't going to last. Pg 12, "hundreds of spawn until the least qualified of the little things die off.": Tactful, WW, tactful. Also, I would hate to be the caretaker of hundreds of babies. Pg 12, "Thank you for sharing," Yah, I'm not too sure how I would have reacted beyond this myself. WW is so beautifully tactless. Pg 14, "that curmudgeonly old bird": My favorite. Pg 14, "H.D." Another favorite! Pg 14, " And R." Oof. Pg 15, " it was worried."...Worried...or sick? Pg 16, "feeling the resistance of the crystal": I still wonder if the N is sick, not worried. Like a creature infected by parasites. A house being eaten by termites. Pg 17, "There were shadows against the other side of the wall." Hmmm, the Elg? I am worried... Pg 18, " Not one, not five, or ten, but hundreds." I thought something very much not accepted by this forum's code of conduct. Pg 18, "a set of teeth bit off a chunk of the impenetrable crystal" Uh oh...Elg eat 1) Symphony 2) Crystal 3) People. That is not a good trifecta. Pg 19, "there was no way to pass through" So...S can change matter...can he Pg 19, "THEN YOU HAVE FOUND" This sentence isn't cut up. This isn't Elg. This is Master Memory Wipe. I am immediately concerned. I'm pretty sure that S, I, and E have good plot armor to survive...but not WW. So I fear for my tactless friend. Pg 20, "Xy could hear it too!" My fear for WW has increased. I'm afraid xy will die, and S will left without answers on who Master Memory Wipe is. Pg 20, "THE BRIDGE": Now I am worrying about M and the Society. They better not accidentally build a bridge for MMW trying to bring back a Three House. Pg 20, " what part of this conversation xy heard": I wonder is xy hears the same converstation or another? Pg 21, "who was closer to her" Do you mean xy? Pg 22, " It was unbreakable." Apparently, it's edible, though. Pg 24, " the other end of the wall": Can the Elg eat all the way through the wall to the other facet? Pg 24, "like a three-legged stool rolling on its side.": HAHAHAHA, oh my gosh, I love this. What a visual! Pg 24, "S finally slowed to a halt" Pg 25, "Xy was getting to xyr feet," Please tell me xy rolls back and forth first like a tortoise to get enough momentum to get up. Pg 26, "It was…fun.” This is when S turns into an adrenaline junkie. Pg 27, "It said it was their creator." That wasn't what S heard... "Then you heard something different than I did." Oh, well, there we go. Pg 28, "It gives me the creeps": That's an understatement. Pg 28, "Is it something of the House of Time?" Maybe MMW is a part of the Apocalypse from the past? Can the House of Time be used to achieve immortality? Is MMW reaching forward from the past, like a time machine??? I don't expect any of these questions to be answered now, obviously. But this is what is going through my brain. I am incredibly curious to see how they managed to get home to everyone else!

I'll have to see if I can nab the first three at the library once it reopens! The premise definitely intrigues me. As to books 4 and 5...well, this is what I get for not doing well in Spanish in college...I just won't be able to read them. Oh well!

Thank you! I knew it had to do something with critiquing but I wasn't sure what. I am not good with acronyms.