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Rushu42
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Khriss. She seems like she'd be willing to give a lot of information about the Cosmere, and that's pretty hard to beat. I pretty much had the same reasoning as @Ethan_Sedai. If she's not available, though, maybe Jasnah. She's just one of my favorite characters, although I doubt that she'd be willing to actually talk to me (I've read embarrassingly few Rosharan histories). -
@YmTheCobbler, try to avoid double posting if you can. The mods don't like it. I had hesitations as well when I heard that Era 2 had guns and electricity. However, I'd say that it's a really nice continuation of the first Era, and is a cool glimpse of how fantasy worlds evolve. I read Secret History before Era 2, and I think that was the right choice. Obviously it's up to you, but there's some stuff in Era 2 that makes more sense if you've read Secret History. Everyone's reading preference is different, though,
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Aln swayed slightly, vision blurring, and steadied herself by sucking in a small amount of Stormlight. Hopefully it wouldn't be enough to cause a problem with her captor. She coughed. "Mr. Redleaf, would there perhaps be a way for me to get a glass of water? I haven't had anything to drink for quite a few hours."
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Welcome! Which Sanderson books have you read, and which was your favorite?
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Aln fell silent, staring at a mannequin. After a few moments, she spoke again. "Do you perhaps have any news on other members of my Guild? Several of them were fighting on the rooftop."
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Aln nodded quietly, meeting his gaze. "Mr. Redleaf," she said, "Do you honestly believe you're going to win this war?"
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Perhaps I misunderstood some other posts. Thanks!
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I'd certainly say that only Sanderson stuff should be allowed. I'd be fine with eliminating some of his more obscure stories, too. Wheel of Time is a tough one, though, since he did write some of it, but he didn't originate the magic system. In my opinion, it should be fine, but I could be biased, since I have read the books. Other than that, integrating other works seems unreasonable. This is the Brandon Sanderson fan site, after all. Unrelated question: do characters carry over between Eras? I've seen some things that seem to imply that they don't, but I was hoping to keep Aln around.
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@Voidus
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Aln frowned again. "So, you claim that Lord Ajax is powerful enough to defeat the Dark Alley, yes? In that case, why is an army necessary? From what I've heard, Voidus could likely level the city on his own. Surely anyone able to defeat one such as him has no need for subordinates."
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He nodded. "They are. But Lord Ajax... Lord Ajax is very powerful as well." Aln frowned. Do I press for details? She deliberated for a moment, then asked, "What sort of Investiture does your Lord Ajax use? Can he access the Void?"
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"Right," she said, "I meant the Bureau. But how is Lord Ajax going to stop them? I thought that the DA was very powerful."
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Aln hadn't turned to look at him when she asked her question, instead staring at the bug on her arm. However, no words formed around it, and she had to spin to catch the last part of his sentence. "-sure it's a good question." "I'll do my best," she said, inferring a yes. "Could tell me how PlasmaCore plans to win this fight? If I can't observe, I'd at least like to know."
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Aln swallowed. This man is clearly unstable, she thought. I suppose the most reasonable choice is to do what he wants. Perhaps there is still information to be gained. She inclined her head and said, "I did not mean to imply ingratitude, sir. I simply did not understand why selecting clothing was necessary. I apologize." And she turned and began looking at the mannequins. As she did, she thought, Clearly PlasmaCore is very confident here. They have made no efforts to interrogate me for information on the defenses of the Alleyverse, despite the fact that I'm the leader of a Guild which specializes in gathering information, and was found on the rooftop where several high-ranking Guild authorities were discussing plans. Most of their actions, particularly toward myself, seemed grounded in the assumption that they were going to win. But they're facing down some of the most powerful beings anywhere in the Cosmere. They're fighting storming Voidus and the Stranger, for crying out loud. Surely they would take any advantage, however minimal, against those two. They must have some sort of advantage I haven't seen. A spy, perhaps. She frowned to herself, risking a small glance over her shoulder at her captor, then continued to herself, They don't even have their Sleepless fighting. He claims injury, but from what I've heard, Sleepless can regenerate nearly endlessly, making them practically immortal. Unless... She paused, giving him another glance. If he lost enough of his insects at once, this could potentially have damaged his consciousness. That would explain much of his unpredictability, and why he wouldn't be trusted on the battlefield. If this is true, then it could make it much more difficult to get information from him on PlasmaCore's resources. She turned to the next mannequin, but paid it barely any mind, trying to phrase her next question. "Mr. Redleaf," she said carefully to him, "May I ask you a question?"
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Aln stood, staring at him. "You want me to pick out clothing?" Her voice was incredulous. "The Alleyverse is currently at war. This could be a huge turning point in the history of the world, and you expect me to accessorize." She gestured at her simple clothing, topped by her long brown coat. "If you don't mind, I'd like to remain with these."
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Aln sat carefully on the chair, tucking her notebook and pen into the satchel at her side, and surveyed the room through narrowed eyes. Although she wished to ask about the mannequins, the strange devices, and the large bug, she remained silent, waiting for John to speak.
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Me, too. John's a very interesting character, especially since he appears so unpredictable. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens to each of them in the aftermath of the war, and I do think that it'll provide some good opportunities for Aln to grow.
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Aln carefully pulled her hands from the metal cuffs and stood, scooping her notebook into her arms in the process. She then stepped through the door that the Sleepless had opened, taking in her surroundings.
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I'm not sure. By nature of her personality, most of Aln's character development happens internally, and I didn't feel much need to write it out. Probably the best place to look, though, would be her ongoing interactions with John Redleaf and others in the current main plot. If you need any further information, I'm happy to send you some of my thoughts on her personality and relationships. Thank you!
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A question for the moderators: I was wondering what it would take for my character, Aln, to swear the third ideal. She's currently a second ideal Truthwatcher, with the obligatory first ideal, and her second ideal as "I will seek knowledge wherever it can be found". I don't have a planned moment where I want her to swear the next ideal but I want to be ready for the possibility in case it makes narrative sense. My current idea for what her third oath will be is "I will hold truth above lies, and understanding above ignorance". This oath would restrict her ability to lie, so that would probably balance some of the power advancement, but what else would I need? It's a pretty big jump from second to third, even if Aln would very rarely use her Shardblade. My current character sheet is here: @Voidus @MacThorstenson
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Aln frowned at this. There was something not quite right about the situation, beyond John's dramatic mood swings or confusing death threats. They didn't even search me when I was captured, she realized. Either they're very trusting or very confident. Aln let her gaze wander the room, still trying to steady her heart rate. I'm in over my head, she thought. And I'm missing something, I fear. Aln met the eyes of the creature in front of her. "Mr. Redleaf," she said, choosing her words carefully, "You said earlier that you had been hurt, and that that is why you're questioning prisoners rather than fighting on the front lines. But...if you don't mind me asking how does one injure a Sleepless?"
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I'm honored to be tagged in this thread, if a bit surprised. I think it's a really interesting beginning, and I'm certainly intrigued about what's to come next. Much of what criticism I have to offer has already been said, but I'll do my best to contribute regardless. I can be a bit harsh with feedback, by the way; please understand that I was quite impressed with your story, and that I'm overstating any flaws. I understand that you're deliberately being confusing, and the dialogue is supposed to be a bit awkward, but you want to make sure that's it's obviously intentional. Something that is, to you, a purposeful style choice can easily come across as merely sloppy to an oblivious audience. Perhaps what happens next will clear that up some, but you don't want to discourage readers by being too vague from the start (although you still want to keep the mystery; it's a delicate balance). In addition, the switches between a visually descriptive narrator and the man's own restricted point of view did make it rather more difficult to follow. It did also heighten the surrealism, though, so if that's what you're going for, it should be fine. Just, again, make it clearly deliberate. For more specific criticism, I think that the passage where the man is interacting with the dog could be shortened. You seem to be trying to show something happening to the dog, from the man's limited view point, which is really interesting. However, I feel like it could be improved by making it more concise. Several other issues, such as sentence flow and missing commas, have already been addressed, so I won't bore you with that again. Overall, I think that it's a very promising start to an interesting story. I don't want anything that I said above to stand in the way of your artistic vision for the story. I mostly read books in a very different style from this (like Sanderson, for example), so my perspective is probably off. Depending on your target audience for this, though, it's still something to take into consideration. Anyway, I'm quite excited to see where this goes next, and I hope that you keep up the good work.
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