AonEne

*DND group gets in a longer-than-you'd-think discussion about sticky notes vs pop-up sticky notes and which is normal* 
"These are normal, those are pop-up" - Po after doing research 
"Those are cool, yours are lame papers with glue!" (paraphrased) 

"The average human is like ten HP right" (this is just funny out of context) 

My character: "Hi can I play cards with you -" 
Other character: *promptly grabs my character and yeets them at the kobolds* 
DM: "do you resist this, Ene" 
Me: "no" 
*the kobold dies on impact* 

Okay now the session has devolved into incorrect quotes generator and I'm loving it. Most of these are randomly generated, with me just inputting names: 

Ene: Stick and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Truth: *sighing* What did Stick do?
Ene: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and - 
Stick: Who wants a steering wheel? 

Ene: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.
Stick: You were flirting with Truth.
Ene: So what? They're my partner.
Stick: You asked them if they were single. 
Ene: 
Stick: And then you cried when they said they weren't. 

Ene: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited
Star: If? 
Xino: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and she might not even die. 

Tesh, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Salad, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids
Knight: what the frick are you guys doing?
Tesh: playing systemic oppression

Ene: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Salad: The car takes a screenshot.

Mist: I think we're missing something.
Goat: Teamwork?
Vapor: Cohesion?
Fadran: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Fadran, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Queen, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Kindness, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Connie, trembling: What are we playing

Safire: You know those things will kill you, right?
June, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.
Luna, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.
Beram: *nods while eating raw cookie dough* 

Ene: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!
Witless: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
Po: More or less, I guess...
Archer: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!
Ink: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.
Tesh: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on! 

*the squad right before Ene's wedding*
Ink: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Po: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Archer: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Tesh: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Witless, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Maybe I should have Witless officiate my wedding... 

Fritz: What does 'take out' mean?
Stick: Food 
Ene: Dating
Truth: Murder
Hen: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOURE NOT A COWARD. 

Adilie: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Eryn: Rude.
Drae: That’s fair.
Ladashwy: Not again.
Marie: Are you going to want this back? 

Marie: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a RUSTING THREAT. 

Marie: *Stubs their toe* RUSTS! 
Adilie: Mind your language!
Marie: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???
Adilie: ... 
Marie: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes. 

Marie: Go to Hell
Kelsier, tearing up: I wish I could

Po: What are your goals?
Ene: To pet all the dogs.
Po: No, fitness goals.
Ene: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Cassie, standing with her back turned: I’ve been expecting you, James.
James: How did you do that without turning around?
Cassie: ...to be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Ben: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Shana: You're like 15 years old
Ben: I MIGHT DIE AT 30! 

Jace: What time is it?
Ax: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
Ax: *plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Doc: WHO THE STORMS IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Ax: It’s 2 am

Mist: WHY. why did you give Emi a KNIFE?! 
Star: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe. 
Mist: Now I feel unsafe! 
Star: I’m sorry. 
Star: ...would you like a knife? 

@theTruthshaper @AonDii @Shard of Thought @xinoehp512 @Tesh @The Awakened Salad @Knight of Iron @Mist ill tag the rest of you later it about to die