AonEne

We don't put metal in our cookies. This is a TUBA shop, not DA.

Yep! We made more, of course. The fortune says, You will enjoy this cookie. What, no, this isn't an advertisement... On the back it says, Lucky Numbers: 1-1-1-9,001. We hope you like the Spinner Cookie ™ !

I chose myself because I don't exist yet. Soon, I promise. Although I would be decently strong, I don't think I'd be that good.

So this is part TWO of this thread. Where's part one?

Hi! We're all happy you joined this awesome website. Who's your favorite character?

*applauds*

This is bad advice.

No, no. The phrase was meant as a stand-in for "some of the worst, most evil weapons you could use". That's all I meant. I would never insult your victims.

I'm sure that's true. I meant it figuratively.

*goes to find something random of @Nathrangking's to upvote because this deserves more than one*

Clue?

That's what you get for calling people jerks.

Hoid?

Disclaimer: I bear NO ill will towards @ElephantEarwax. This is all in fun...but seriously, don’t throw spikes at my puppy. “You have incurred my wrath.” I sweep Kelsier into my arms imperiously. “You stand there, so sure of your ability to hurt a puppy - not even a full grown dog! And you attempt to do so with the most crem-stained of tools - a couple of Hemalurgic spikes. Harmony’s forearms, you incompetent jumble of stormleavings, you didn’t even hit the pup. The next time a rusting, so-unable-to-complete-a-simple-task-like-throwing-pieces-of-metal-that-he-might-as-well-be-a-Blessingless-mistwraith fool such as you tries to attack our mascot, I will end you.” I let out a laugh - not abrupt, not amused: mirthless, merciless, and slow. I begin to pace around ElephantEarwax. “And it WON’T be fast. It will not be painless. My first action will be to hire an Elsecaller who won’t ask questions. Then I will have that person take us to Roshar. I will summon a Shardblade and incapacitate you by deadening your legs and arms. It’s too good of an act for one who would spike a dog, for then you won’t be able to feel it as I plunge knife after knife into you, each one heated to the temperature of the fires of ****nation. They will be Awakened daggers; the Command? To twist. And sink deeper. And DEEPER. But during all of this, I will block your view. You won’t even know what’s happening until, at last, I offer you some Stormlight. Just enough to heal your limbs from the Shardblade damage, and nothing more. Not having a reason not to, you will undoubtedly breathe it in. The agony of the knives will be stunningly strong, coming out of nowhere, and there it will remain for a day.” “In the middle of the Frostlands, without supplies, you will have nothing to drink. After one day exactly has passed, I will return and give you water. By this time, you most likely won’t trust me, but who would refuse water while dehydrated and dying? I think you will sip that water. However, it will be filled with a chemical causing your bones to become as fragile as the leg of a cremling. The next time you take a step, your legs will crack. Doloken, they’ll probably snap just from you standing! And then…” I smile. “And then, I will break the rest of the bones in your body and leave you to die.” A sigh. “A lackluster ending for the type of soul who might try to spike a young puppy, I know. But don’t worry. I’ll be there with agonizing torments galore the instant your spirit enters the Cognitive Realm. Being a sentient elephant in the DA, I’m certain you have enough Investiture spiked into you by now that you’ll stay for a very long time. And during that time...I’ll let you guess. Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.” With a smirk, I stroke Kell, who yaps angrily at ElephantEarwax, his bark filled with disdain.

So it has body parts in it instead? That sounds ominous.

Sorry, but they only ever have one fortune. The fortune says, You will find happiness tomorrow. On the back it says, Lucky Numbers: 5-55-5 to the fifth power-55 to the fifth power. We hope you like the Spinner Cookie ™ !

When having brown eyes makes you genuinely worried sometimes. When you look up the eye color of Donald Trump, (Unites States president if you don't know) and are vaguely mad that he's a lighteyes.

*facepalms* To be less forward than Bit, we here over in TUBA would really appreciate your loyalty. Have an upvote. Also, I can testify that the fortune cookie is amazing and will not steal your soul or any of your other attributes...unlike some other cookies around the forums. Be wary. But welcome!

Ene glares at you.

But what were the puns? I didn't get any puns! Granted. But you are only called by each of those once and then never again. I wish to know what the puns were. In detail.

Not as innocent as I wish I was. Thanks, high school. But yeah, yeah, sorry. On topic - Me in PMs*: *this specific scenario didn't happen

The fortune says, You will one day not explode. On the back it says, Lucky Numbers: 17-88-35-0. We hope you like the Spinner Cookie ™ !

Granted. It's Baba Yaga's chicken house thing. Whenever you get in, it doesn't listen to you, and whenever you're not in it, it chases you around. Sorry. I wish for Cosmere puns.

We keep on going so that none can ever challenge us. What IS an eperon? @Mraize, we need you.

So presumably it's inappropriate. Please, @Secrets, stop mentioning stuff like this. You are of course allowed to support whatever Internet joke you might wish to, but this fan site generally prefers to keep things like that out of everything. There are ways to express what you meant to say about Secret History without resorting to certain types of content.