Terror. Death. Agony. Death. Begging. DEATH. I startled awake, but everything felt wrong. Jamie slumbered on my bed. I sighed, watching her. I was pretty sure I had a crush. How could I not, when she had hair like -
I blinked, then did a double take. Her hair seemed off. I crept closer to examine it; just a normal red, right? Was it more shiny than normal? Feeling like a creeper, I touched it lightly...and jerked back my hand in horror. My fingers came away wet. Blood. That was why her hair color was just a little off - it was soaked in blood.
It was nothing to kill her, an ambiguous voice whispered in my soul. She had no protection, after all. She was only with you, and you are nothing. You're uncertain and weak; you haven't sworn the Ideals so many here have. You have no training. You only have a home because you uncle felt sorry for you, as well he should! You'll never be able to repay him; you don't really matter, after all.
"You're lying," I whispered, scrutinizing the room for Joy fruitlessly. "Uncle James doesn't mind having me here. I might not be as powerful as some, but at least I'm - I'm not a burden..." I trailed off, not believing my own words.
Oh, Cassandra, you are nothing. The voice took on an oddly familiar cast, and amused hatred beat at me from all sides. I know. I've watched. Joy appeared, glowing brightly. I've watched you for years, and even when I bonded to you, you've never been anything but worthless. She pulsed brighter, another flash of degradation slamming me. Never.
Never. I fell to my knees as even my own spren laughed at my incompetence. Dully, I remembered my parents dying, my dog's fur as slick with blood as Jamie's hair. Never. Images of the Radiants here dying flooded me. I stood alive until the end, too hopelessly small to be bothered with by the Voidbringers who swarmed our home. Never.
I drifted away, eyes too wide and dry, teeth clenched and set, curled into a ball. Joy's Light expanded, filling my vision until I was blind.
Never.
Nothing.