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Archer

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  1. Archer
    A lone soldier, a bearded man in his mid-thirties, unarmoured and wearing the overcoat of his uniform half unbuttoned, strolled down the hallway soon after Sagitta entered her room. Her paused to listen at her door, closing his eyes and pressing his ear up against the wood. After hearing her movements inside, he seemed about to knock on it, but a then noise distracted him. A rhythm of deep thumps, like the beat of a massive drum, could be faintly heard emanating from underground, gradually increasing in speed and volume. He cursed under his breath and stepped away from the door. Hurriedly, he started jogging back down the hallway, buttoning up his shirt as he did so. “Never get a day’s peace, I swear…” Meanwhile, Tion was being half-dragged down a spiral staircase. A goliath soldier had a hand on the back of his shirt and was pulling him along as they descended. They hit a landing, and the God of Sensation was afforded a brief glimpse of a row of dimly lit, barred prison cells, but his escort quickly pulled him to the next set of stairs. However, as they continued, the sounds of metal tapping against metal wafted in from behind them. Voices murmured in the background, and soon the noises began to bang in time with one another, creating a slow, steady beat. Ting. Ting. Ting. By the time they reached the second landing, the prisoners there had already picked up the beat. Stomps and suspicious thuds added to the chorus. As Tion was led past and down a third flight of stairs, the pounding suddenly doubled its pace. Thump, thump, thump, thump. Ahead of them, guttural chants started up: deep male voices, singing in a language the god didn’t recognize. Wild screams punctuated them, and insane, hideous laughter. It was almost deafening when they reached the bottom of the stairs, where a black metal door blocked their progress. The soldier grunted, sliding the deadbolt on it to the side. “Welcome to the basement.” He pulled the door open. It screeched against the stone floor, barely audible over the cacophony of chanting, which had increased its tempo once more, becoming almost a single, drawn out scream. Nervously, Tion looked beyond the doorway. There was nothing. Only thick, impenetrable blackness. He drew on his Power, using his Sight to search for the glow of men’s souls. Strangely, he saw none – until he happened to look downwards. Twenty feet below him, a mass of writhing forms lit up, pressing against what he presumed to be the vertical walls of a deep pit which the doorway he stood in opened up directly in front of. He felt a shove on his back. It sent him tumbling forwards, immediately into a freefall, headed straight for the grabbing hands of the mob of feral prisoners as their cheers assailed his ears.
  2. Archer
    Two Hours Later... "And then I spotted a puppy! But the Captain didn't want me to pet it. But I stopped anyway!" Tion sat on a long wooden bench, waving his hands expressively as he recounted the story of the party's journey to the police station for the middle-aged scribe standing in front of him, jotting notes on a clipboard. They were in what served as the processing chamber of the building, a large front atrium full of desks and loudly chatting people: soldiers, the recently arrested, and a dozen clerks bustling about. At the back of the room, several well guarded doors led to the rest of the compound, either up the stairs to the offices and storage rooms, along ground level to the marshaling area and barracks, or downstairs to the cells. "I just need your name," the scribe groaned. He caught the arm of the Captain who had brought Tion in as she tried to slide past. "This is your nab, why is he like this?" She sighed. "Someone told him he could have a free tour of the city. And he's a little harder to wrangle than he looks, in case you hadn't noticed. He enjoyed it way too much." "Noit. After I'm done the paperwork, I have permission to send him to the basement, right? Please?" "Absolutely," the Captain grinned. "Jom's done the files on the others, I'm going to take them out back for a chat, but could you ask the Underground guys to leave a few cells open, just in case?" The scribe nodded, and pointed to where the Captain needed to sign the form. She did, then squeezed past him, pressing her rapier to her leg to keep it from hitting anything. Once she was out of the main crush of people, she strode purposefully to the small open space next to a crate of confiscated food that served as the unofficial snack bar. There, the unlikely group of gods and mortals was being watched by two of the guards from her patrol. "C'mon," she said, nodding her head at one of the doors. "Follow me. And put that sandwich down, Bo! How are you supposed to stab people if your sword slips from your greasy fingers?" Meanwhile, the god of Sensation was rambling about the beheading he happened to see on their walk. "...which is why he shouldn't have eaten chocolate before the event. That reminds me, I noticed you guys don't have an execution yard around here. I thought those were standard, what's up with that?" The scribe, excited to get a word in edgewise, was visibly excited to answer that. "Well, sir, we don't need one. I'm not supposed to say this, but that's what the basement's for." He smiled, checking a few boxes on his page. "Speaking of which, I think we're done here. My associate here will now give you another tour - of our splendid lower levels. Enjoy!" Someone grabbed Tion from behind, pushing him towards the most heavily guarded door along the back wall. Tion didn't resist.
  3. Archer
    There was double ninjaing on that page! How was I supposed to know it was important? Archer managed to turn on the selfie camera, but his thumb was over the lens, so the entire TLT show became nothing but a dark pinkish blur. "HELLO! HELLO? Hi guys and- HELLO? Where's my *inaudible* with the? *inaudible* microphone. Is it this button-" He abruptly cut off.
  4. Archer
    Tion waited until his companions had refocussed their attention onto each other before he called out to the woman who had caught his attention. “Hey, Captain! I know how these situations go. I’m your prisoner, protocol states it’s interrogation time.” The commander looked down at the god, arching a single eyebrow. She tilted her head slightly, considering the proposition, then took a step in his direction. “Alright, if you insist. Let’s start with where you’re from, mister…?” “How did you get that sword?” “I thought you knew how these things work, civilian. I will be asking the questions of you, not the other way around.” “Cute. But seriously, where’d you get the sword?” He pumped some Power into giving those words an extra emphasis. She took another step forward, her hand hovering over the hilt of her rapier. “If you must know, it was a gift.” “She wouldn’t have given it away. You must have killed her for it.” “Pardon? Are you insinuating that you somehow knew-” “Don’t say her name.” “-my mother?” She leaned down, bringing her face within inches of Tion’s. He could hear her heavy breathing as he stared into her eyes, searching for signs of falsehood. There were none. “How did she die?” he whispered. The woman’s fist clenched around her weapon’s handle. She pulled it from her belt in one, swift motion, pressing the blade into Tion’s neck. “Honourably,” she hissed. “Unlike you.” She slashed the rapier across Tion’s neck, then raised it in the air and slammed its point into his throat. Amazingly, it failed to penetrate, just stuck into his flesh about an inch. The god showed no signs of having been wounded. Shocked, the commander let go of the sword, and it immediately fell through Tion’s body, like the spear had. “Tell me, soldier, did you ever meet your grandmother?” The commander’s eyes were wide. She started to scramble backwards, but Tion grabbed her wrist. “Hold, child, there is no need to be alarmed.” He magically pushed on her emotions, strengthening her consciousness of the aspects of the situation that gave her confidence: reminding her of her rank, her subordinates, and her training. After a moment, she shook her head. “Shame,” Tion said. “She was an admirable woman. You look less like her than your daughter does, though.” He took one last look at the girl in front of him, then released her wrist, dismissing her with a nod at the others. She shied away from him, in a mild daze, but as soon as she saw the soldier behind Tion looking at her, she regained her composure. “Straighten up, Bo! You’re on duty,” she barked with a scowl. Tion, for his part, simply looked down at the ground and smiled. I wonder if she believes me? Or maybe she thinks I’m just a crazy old man. Come to think of it, both would be accurate.
  5. Archer
    *794. I don't think page 305 really contributed anything.
  6. Archer
    *turns to look directly at the camera* "And that's how I got here! Hi. My name's Archer, and my life, is kind of crazy."
  7. Archer
    Fortunately, they all had matching novelty buttons to warn people about their condition.
  8. Archer
    *all the short people in the room huddle in a circle and whisper in soft tones for a few moments* "Sure you are, mate. We believe you! This had nothing to do with the fact that entry 236 prevents us from properly arguing with you about this." *someone in the huddle coughs* "Mention Reason 221!" "What, that tall people have larger lungs so they always seem to produce more hot air? Shhh, we're trying to be humble, WINK."
  9. Archer
    As you may know, Kazan Smedry, motivated solely by a desire to objectively and rationally study the implications of height on an individual’s ability to function in their communities and society as a whole, has compiled a collection of observations from his extensive scientific research into the nature of persons of comparatively diminutive stature as opposed to their taller counterparts. His list of reasons ‘why shorter people are better off than tall people’ is a landmark theorem in the totally legitimate field of ‘wee folk’ studies. Alas, while we know of some of the entries (noted below), the Librarians have successfully concealed much of Kaz’s research from us seekers of knowledge here in the Hushlands (likely because of their affinity for heeled shoes and other such height manipulating devices. I'm looking at you, stilts). This censorship is outrageous! I call upon you, enlightened rebels of the Shard, to help me crowd-source the rest of the reasons on Kazan’s List, to break through this realm's awful haze of tallness propaganda. The List (So Far): 1. Don't argue with the short person. He's always right. 15. Short people make smaller targets. 28. Short people can find things easier and follow trails better because they are closer to the ground. 47. Tall people's heads are in thinner atmosphere, causing oxygen deprivation, which causes their brains to not work as well as short people's. 56.5. Short people know when to stay on the ground (and avoid scary extreme heights). 63. If everyone were short, ceilings could be lower, thereby lowering building costs. 82. When short people plummet to their doom, they don't fall as far. 127. Short people have smaller bodies, but regular-sized hearts, so their heart-to-flesh ratio is larger, making them more compassionate. Possibly 144. Short people are better because it takes them longer to walk places, therefore they get more exercise. 236. Short people are more humble. 257. A tall person can shield you from dragon breath.
  10. Archer
    Tion continued to square off against the soldier that had targeted him. His assailant was on the defensive, forced to catch or sidestep a constant barrage of punches from the god. Fortunately for him, whenever Tion aimed at blow at his face or neck, the shots seemed poorly executed, almost amateurish. The guard’s back pushed up against the brick wall of the alleyway. He spit some of the blood from his mouth and grunted tauntingly. “Is that all you got, mate? I fight best when my-” The God of Sensation kicked him in leg, cracking his kneecap. The soldier unceremoniously collapsed to the side, giving Tion a clear path to run past his body towards the exit while everyone else was distracted. As he dashed, he passed alongside the commander, who was speaking with Price. She glanced at him briefly, then, without missing a beat of their conversation or even looking fully at the god, she flicked her rapier into his path and landed three quick slashes on his chest. Tion stopped dead in his tracks, stunned. Blood started pouring from the shallow cuts in his torso, but he ignored it. Awed, his eyes locked on her sword, which she was in the process of casually wiping off with a pristine white cloth. “I surrender,” he announced abruptly, kneeling to the ground, surprising the soldier he had injured, who had hobbled up behind him. Roughly, the man kicked him in the back, then grabbed hold of his wrists to secure them. Tion didn’t resist; he barely seemed to notice. “I’m, um, a prisoner too. Oh dear, my clever plan to escape has failed.” His eyes never wavered from the rapier, and the woman wielding it.
  11. Archer
    Tion smiled when Zura brandished not one, but two knives. You wouldn’t mind if I borrow one of those, would you? He began visualizing his attack, mentally mapping out a flurry of blows that would disarm his opponent quickly, allowing him to focus- Price’s cry interrupted his thoughts. Tion chanced a glance towards the mouth of the alley, taking in the arrival of four burly city guards, three male servicemen carrying spears and their commander, a woman with an expensive-looking rapier in hand. “Alright then, what seems ta be the problem here?” the captain demanded, waving her hand to order the other officers to fan out alongside her, blocking the exit to the alleyway. They advanced slowly, spears pulled back, ready to throw. Tion pointed his thumb at Zura, then Sagitta. “I’m trying to maim her, she’s trying to kill her. Normally I’d ask you to wait until we’re done before butting in, but since you’re here, can I borrow your weapon for a minute?” He lunged toward the closest soldier, his hand grasping for their forearm. However, the man was still ten meters away, so the god simply fell on his face. Surprised, the officer paused, then threw his spear in a shallow arc to impale the prone Tion through the back, just to be safe. It passed through the God of Sensation’s torso like a hand passing grabbing at smoke; it was as if the deity was a hologram. The wooden shaft clattered to the cobblestones beneath where Tion appeared to be, having done no damage. The god stood to his feet, brushing imaginary specks of dust from his sleeves. His assailant, having approached to reclaim his weapon, narrowed his eyes at him. For a moment, both of them were too confused to do anything. The guardsman was the first to recover. Hesitantly, he raised his fist and bopped Tion in the nose. It connected solidly. “Ow,” said Tion, momentarily blinking back tears as he returned the punch, but harder, so his attacker was knocked back a few steps. “That wasn’t very nice.”
  12. Archer
    *shuffles in, stealing glances over my shoulder at the shadowy region in the corner behind me as I go* Hello, m-my name is Insert Nam- I mean, Archer, and completely of my own, um, volition, I would like to officially announce that I think that the frightening moderator known as Voidus, The Supreme Overlord of Hemalurgy, is incredibly intimidating and scary. Be sure to say that I've given more people nightmares than that nerdy- oh no, I've messed up. *cue cards flutter to the ground as I burst into a sprint, dashing out of sight* *faint screaming noises can be heard in the distance, then... silence*
  13. Archer
    Narrator Archer quietly crouched by their spasming body and placed an 'OUT OF ORDER' sign upon their chest.
  14. Archer
  15. Archer
    Tion grunted, briefly acknowledging Gati as he lasered in on Sagitta. “Luck ain’t my domain, soldier. But since the gods appear to messing with me today, perhaps Probability’s in on this too.” He made a rude gesture at the rooftops that lined the alley, as if he expected to see the goddess watching them from some hidden vantage point. “There weren’t even any fausterloicks, but somebody can’t take a hint,” he muttered angrily. “Fortunately, Negation isn’t the only one here who can alter memories. Turns out you can also make a human forgetful if you punch them hard enough in the face.” He took a menacing step forward, raising his fists like a boxer. “When I did basic training, they did teach us how to fight with our hands, girl. Consider this your first lesson.” He advanced aggressively, only stopping briefly as he registered the presence of Zura and her knife. “Nice blade, kid. Hope you know how to use it.” Now unsure who to charge, he stood equidistant between the two of them, his eyes flipping back and forth between the two potential threats.
  16. Archer
    The hill, to the eyes of the travellers, came with them. "It's just not okay to- Thom's ***, who did that?" Tion dropped the illusion and looked around. "Which one of you's a 'porter? Geez people, warn a guy before you do that! Where's my stone? It's not here, it's not here..." The god began patting his pockets, searching his trench coat frantically. His breath hitched, he was close to hyperventilating. Finally, his hand closed around a small pebble in one of them, right where he had left it. Squeezing it tightly, he let out a sigh of relief, then spun to glower at the humans. "Never do that again."
  17. Archer
    "Don't they teach you unarmed combat anymore? I think you could wrestle at least three of them before being ripped to shreds. If we use Book Boy as a distraction, you could probably take down a fourth." When his fellow diety began to text, Tion stared at the phone, aghast. It was almost as if Gati wanted to re-reveal their secret. There was some miscommunication going on; Negation's game-plan did not make sense to him. Why do these mortals still know so much? "I don't know what you're talking about," he said very loudly and slowly, over emphasizing each word. "I have never tried to use my instinct to preform such a powerful feat." Now, which would be easier, hiding them, or making them think they're hidden? He elected to attempt the latter. "Oh dear. I've never done something like this for so many fellow humans before!" The zombie boy coughed. Seizing the opportunity, Tion let loose a small surge of Power to warp the sound that came from his mouth, effectively preforming magical ventriloquism. "I believe in you," the boy appeared to say, although his voice sounded more like a two-year old on helium. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid! That was just the encouragement I needed to unlock my full potential. Wow, I can feel the Power rushing through my veins! Here we go, everybody!" He extended his magic towards each of the assembled, coaxing their eyes to see the air around them shimmer, then seemingly solidify into a dirt-brown semi-spherical barrier about five meters in diameter that surrounded them completely. He snapped is fingers, and in the center of the mass, he suggested to them all that a campfire appeared, emitting a bright light, but no heat. "Oof," he grunted. "That was so hard. We're now hidden beneath an oddly located and shaped illusion of a hill. This should keep us visually hidden for a few minutes, but I should note that it won't conceal our scents or sounds, and to see outside, someone will have to poke their head out of the barrier, which is actually going to be hilarious to watch..." Task complete, the god began to pace.
  18. Archer
    The God of Sensation grinned. "That's the name! It's funny, they sound so much scarier when you call them that, I can see why they went with that one. It really helps you visualize their flesh rending teeth and gargantuan claws. Rawwwr, I'm going to eat you all, amiright?" Tion chuckled. His left hand, cupped to represent a beast's maw, began pretending to devour his right. The god made small screaming noises out of the corner of his mouth to accompany the tableau. "What?" he said. "The nice lady's got a sword, we'll be fine." He winked at the previously dead boy, and dramatically mouthed at him the words or will we?.
  19. Archer
    Tion had stood, as if in a trance, a little way away from the group for the last couple minutes. Suddenly, he shook his head briskly, and smartly stepped forward to reintegrate himself into the circle. That ought to have been enough time for Gati to do her thing. “Hello,” he greeted them warmly, oblivious to the tension between the party members. “It’s me, Tion! I know, I know, I’ve been away so long you’ve probably forgotten what I even look like-” He paused to give them the opportunity to laugh at his joke, and was only slightly disappointed by the tepid response. “-but I’m pleased to announce that despite the delays, my scouting was entirely successful!” He nodded at Gati, but the expression on their face made him pause. They seemed concerned about something. The God of Sensation made a mental note to ask the individual of indeterminant gender about it later. “Let me tell you,” he continued cheerfully, “there are so many of those beastie things following us right now. Fausterloicks. No, that’s not it. Gati, what were they calling those critters now? Doesn’t matter. You all know those big, angry cat things? There’s at least ten of them sniffing around about a mile back, moving this way at speed.” He smiled at them, exuding a manic calmness that seemed at odds with his dire tidings. As he stood, shifting his weight from one foot to another, he wiped the blood from his fingertips onto his coattails. The recently resurrected boy was staring at him with a confused look on his face, so Tion mouthed we are all going to die soon! at him, by way of explanation.
  20. Archer

    Hi!

    Archer replied to fadiay08's topic in Introduce Yourself!

    Hi @fadiay08! You appear to have accidentally double-posted this topic, but you can easily fix that by using the Moderation Actions button to hide the redundant one. Anyway, welcome to the Shard! Obviously, if you were making a cosmere themed Mario Kart game, you'd replaced the shells you throw with confused chulls, but what other modifications would you make?
  21. Archer
    What's this? Am opportunity to amateurishly poke fun at tCotWR? I can't miss that. (I am so pleased to find that this thread exists. All of you are amazing artists, especially those of you who managed to make something out of the prompt soul. Please, take all of my upvotes.)
  22. Archer

    Happy... 

    1. Archer

      Archer

      ...birthday. 

      (had to reserve a spot earlier ;)) 

    2. MetaTerminal

      MetaTerminal

      Means you get two upvotes :P

      Thank you!

  23. Archer
    Tragically uneaten, the burrito grew cold, both physically and emotionally. As it shivered in Truthless' hand, it began to forget what love felt like.
  24. Archer
    Tion's visage reappeared, as he normally looked, but standing rigidly twenty meters away from the group. He stared straight ahead, unblinking, barely visible in the surrounding darkness. There was blood on the tips of his fingers. He showed no signs of acknowledging the others' presence.
  25. Archer
    Tion heard Price’s question, but his words sounded faded and distant. A slight ringing noise accompanied them, high pitched, almost inaudible but nonetheless annoying. “Right,” he said. Why is my voice so loud? The God of Sensation winced, squeezing his eyes and taking a deep breath. It seemed to clear his head temporarily. “Yes, definitely. Your purposes, that I mentioned.” He could hear the blood gurgling through the veins in his ears. “We are gods. You are not. Therefore, we give commands and you follow them. You find that fulfilling. I think that’s how the dynamic works, Curse Creativity! Why is it so bright around here?” Visibly frustrated, he got to his feet. “Excuse me for a minute.” He walked briskly away from the circle, into the darkness. After a few steps, he disappeared from view as his exterior illusion dropped, leaving him a solid black form in the mass of shadows cast by the countryside. They seemed to embrace him.
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