Truthweaver

The Fitz and the Fool Trilogy

@Zellyia @Sunbird @SilverTiger Thanks everyone for your comments. It's very lonely today without him around, I keep half-expecting to see him saunter into the room and do that cat slow-blink at me.

@Zellyia Thanks. We had to put him down this morning because he got worse overnight. It was an enlarged heart that was causing his partial paralysis. He was only two years old.

Woke up this morning and found my cat in the basement, huddled under a chair, unable to walk with his two front paws bent inwards. He couldn't straighten them, just inch-worm himself forward using his back legs. There were puffs of cat hair all over the floor, and the litter box was messed up, as if he'd had a major shock. He was also breathing heavily, even while lying down. We took him to the vet and they did x-rays. An area of concern was two vertebra in his upper back and something about his lungs. They're going to refer the x-rays to a radiologist and keep him at the vet in the meantime. I'm extremely worried for him. He's my buddy, and I have no idea what's happened to him. Last night he was fine, this morning he isn't. I really hope whatever it is will be treatable.

Yeah, I didn't even notice how inconsistently I had written his character here. I'll pin him down better, and change some of his reactions to be less "toady." I did some thinking, and it feels like it should be an "a" before the word if the "u" is pronounced as "you," so "a" here would be correct instead. Thanks for pointing that out, and for your other comments on the grammar as well! I'll be changing this. I'm playing around with the idea of there being far fewer time-travelers than there are in this version, and them being hired by people instead. I'll see how it works... Thanks for reading!

Avengers: Infinity War

Same for me too! Cool! Wow, I see Kelsier's name as royal blue as well! For some reason, a character with a dark blue name = dark hair color for me. I don't know why haha.

I have synesthesia as well, grapheme-color, and this always happens to me. Also, the color a character's name is influences what I think their hair color should be. Because of this, I doubt I'll ever be able to reconcile myself to a blond Kelsier. Based on his name, his hair should be dark black!

While reading WoK, I thought Sylphrena was Dalinar's wife reincarnated as a spren...

Thanks, I plan to! I have a better grasp on the world building now--next step is the new plot. I hope to have something solid planned in about two weeks. Noted, I'll keep that in mind! Yeah, I'll work on the consequences here and amp up the tension. I realize the threat (or lack of one) is very vague. I'll expound on the dangers and world building more in the first chapter. Thanks for your comments, @kais!

Mostly to pay their time-travelers. I'm leaning towards having the Agency charge a tax or have a mandatory tribute for its time-travel services. Still working out the kinks here... Right. Right now I think the Agency has too much power, and I'm going to limit how they time-travel quite a bit so they can't just reverse time whenever they feel like it. It'll be more structured and less of a free-for-all, hopefully. Oops, I didn't even notice that. Will fix. Yeah, I see what you mean. I have a new system that I think will solve this, and keep time-travel from being so chaotic.

A pretty short one this week--just a single scene from chapter two, which is also the last thing I've written in the original story. The time-travel mechanics and plot are undergoing some changes, but this scene will likely appear again in the next version, so any feedback on it is much appreciated! Thanks!

@Robinski Thanks for your comments--I'll definitely take A's character into consideration. I hadn't meant her to come across as unlikable, just bored, annoyed, and restless. I'll make some tweaks to her character. The time-travel magic system and plot are getting major overhauls as well (if I can force myself to actually develop a logical plot idea, lol) so the opening here will probably change drastically.

Hi Silk, I'd like to sign up for Monday.

In my original idea I had agents being at stationed or patrolling the most populated areas, and there was at least one agent for each city. This will probably change though, if I continue with the idea. I was going back and forth between making the agency public or not. For reasons to the current plot it needed to be, and it allowed the public to submit their own requests when agents weren't available. In this world the ability to time-travel is a generally accepted profession. Thank you I thought it would be an interesting twist, glad you liked it! Awesome! Thanks for reading!

When you hear about a hydro pole being cut down for the copper in its wires, and you think that's a perfectly reasonable action for a desperate allomancer.

@kais Thanks for your comments! I was considering giving up on the whole time-travel organization idea altogether, but now I'll dig into the world-building more and see if I can't make it work. I feel like I'm so close... It has to do with these time-travel "laws" that were proposed and led to the founding of the Agency. However, I'll probably rework this reasoning along with the rest of the world-building later.

Overall: I enjoyed this section, although the climbing seemed to last a little long. Things really picked up after the beetle stalled, however, and it felt like the story returned to its main plot. I would recommend maybe condensing some of the climb to get to the conflict of the stalled drill more quickly. As interesting as climbing a strange wall is, the attention span of young readers can be pretty short. pg 2 "It was beautiful, but also terrifying. I'm glad I'm not afraid of heights." If she's not afraid of heights, would she describe it as terrifying? pg 3 "...scattering wisps of water vapor like a pen through a wad of cotton." Very nice imagery, simple but effective. The whole paragraph of description here was great. pg 10 "We found the crystal beetle drill stalled the next morning." I didn't realize how interested I was in seeing them reach the top of the wall until the beetle stalled. Now my interest is peaked and there's some conflict to keep me reading. I don't have anything to offer on the actual mechanics of climbing the wall itself, as I've never done climbing before. Nothing jumped out at me as being super impossible, however, but then again I've always been able to thoroughly suspend my sense of disbelief when it comes to these types of stories.

I agree with @Robinski. 12 I could also find believable. After all, everyone ages differently.

You love hands!? Hands are my drawing nemesis. They either look like claws, mitts with only the thumbs, or weird blobs. It's very disappointing, because I love how expressive they can be. But I can never get them right. Now eyes...eyes are awesome, and I'm even pretty decent at them. My writing nemesis is actually coming up with ideas...if I have something, I can write about it easily. But ideas are hard to pin down, and even if I do, I start talking myself out of it because it either "won't work" or "it's been done before" or "you can't turn that into a real plot." Sighhhh...

@Asmodemon You make good points. Now I know why there aren't more fantasy time-travel stories...because they're so complicated to get right! I do have some answers to the questions you raised, but I didn't want to get too bogged down in explanation at the beginning of the story. I'm hoping if I give the whole concept more thought I'll be able to make it work, since it's something I've been thinking of doing for a while now. Sorry, I didn't make that clear--K is actually working from an agency branch nearby, not HQ. I will definitely trying working through the other rules some more...thanks for pointing out the potential problems.

@Mandamon Thanks for your comments! So, the agency is mostly concerned with random accidents that are easy to prevent, due to the 12 hour limit. Accidents resulting in death get higher priority than those that don't, followed by accidents that involve children. They aren't really worried about improving history and only focus on the here-and-now, and what they can immediately affect. I could explain this better in the beginning. Noted. I'll save that for chapter two, when he and A actually interact in person. You might be on to something there...

Hi all, Here's the first chapter of my (hopefully) full-length story about a time-travel organization. I won't be able to write anything else until I get time-travel out of my system, it seems. Any comments at all are welcome. I'm looking mainly for thoughts on the opening, the character's voice and what age you think she'd be, and whether this first chapter does a good job of setting up the basics. Thanks for reading!

If my power holds out during the 2-day ice storm we're getting, I'd also like to submit on Monday.

@Mandamon I don't think so, she sounds tween-age to me. When I was 9 I read a book that involved the main character's nine-year-old sister in some adventure. I remember really enjoying the whole book, but whenever the 9yr old was in a scene it annoyed me to no end because she talked and acted like a five-year-old. By the time a kid is a tween, they're usually able to understand most things at an adult level and act accordingly if they want to.