Eisenheim

I'd love to finish out That Sweet Music and get editing.

Guns: you'll have to look way farther back for guns that work the way you want. The civil war was the last one fought with guns that fire as slow as you describe, and swords were only ceremonial by then, most officers had a revolver even if they didn't carry a rifle. Rifles with magazines existed even then, they just weren't universal. Bats: it helped me visualize, but it actively threw me out of immersion. Everything else is alien, bringing in a bat makes me wonder about where earth is instead of focusing on your world.

There is just a lot to absorb here. I think I actually need less information about the magic and the species. Normally dropping extra info as asides the way you do is fine, but there's so much story critical world building going on that the incidental stuff is just overloading me. Gripes/confusions: These people have an interplanetary society (because magic, I get that) and are inventing rockets, but they still don't have guns with multiple shot magazines? Unless I'm going to learn that space in this universe is actually an air and light bearing aether, that grates from a technological standpoint, even with magic retarding development in some sectors. You mention bats in describing a species, which is the only earth animal mentioned. I don't think these people have bats.

To go into a little more detail, the idea is that spells are cast by scarring yourself, with deeper, longer cuts for more powerful magic, but that the total magic you can ever perform is limited by the restriction that the scars can't touch or cross: magic is self-sacrifice, and you can't sacrifice what you've already lost.

Yeah, I think my problem is trying to get to the action while still giving the characters space for a meaningful arc. I re-wrote this from an earlier version that was essentially all cardboard cutouts and spear-carriers. Even Connor was basically static, but I'm still struggling, clearly, with getting meaningful characterization into a smaller space.

Okay. I love this. It's awesome that both of us have found this group just now, because I think we'll have a lot to talk about. 2 major issues: - I feel like I don't understand why going to Old Trahearn's house is taboo for your POV character. He's never explicitly told not to or anything like that. -The Swan speaks once, and is called out as not being heard, then it speaks a second time and it seems like the potions man understands. Then it speaks a 3rd time and he freaks out. General feedback: I like the feel of both stories. I don't think I can predict the next happenings, because I don't know what flavor your fairies are, and I don't yet know how Trahearn connects to the inner narrative, but very much want to find out.

Did you publish? I don't have a problem writing, but I am concerned about the difficulty and the implications of trying to publish a story that uses the magic as I envision it now.

In the first section, Connor was hired by Donn to find and stop Gwydion, the rebellious bastard son of Donn's master, King Math. Donn eventually revealed that Gwydion had stolen a horn capable of playing a tune that bound men to obedience. With the aid of Emer and Deaf Gerri, they tracked Gwydion to the City of Dyflinn

I have what I think is great idea for magic system based on scars, but it seems impossible to write a story with it that doesn't valorize self-harm, specifically by cutting. Does anyone have thoughts on how to deal with a problem like this?

I would love to submit the next part of That Sweet Music on Monday.

I think my biggest comment here is that the characters seem a little emotionally detached. Irving, I get. He's got clear motivation, and I can feel the emotional hooks, but Stephanie seems a little blase about coming face to face with a surrogate father who's betrayed her and is now using her summon the devil, and from this chapter alone, not having read the others, I really don't have a sense of Renfield. This might just be the effect of coming in late, but I thought I'd mention it.

Big picture question, I guess, is whether you'd keep reading a story that started like this, or whether I need to kick up the tension early to keep eyeballs.

Don't be gentle because it's my first time. I can handle it. This is part one of what will be 3 parts to fit the word limit.

Hi all, I'm new here, but I'd love to be part of this writing group thing. I've got a novelette I'm ready to workshop. It clocks in at just over 13,000 words, so I guess it will have to be in 3 parts, but I'd love to send the first one whenever there's space.

Hi, I love Brandon's books, but I'm here especially for writing excuses, and for the writing group some fans have going.