Eisenheim

Here is the hopefully exciting conclusion to my story. I think this will address some of the concerns about section 1's ending, which was just the best break point I could find to get things close to 5,000 words. From the first section, it looks like my biggest concerns are Davio's characterization and making the stray names and concerns feel integrated, but as always, mention whatever stands out.

Is there a slot open for monday? I'll send the second half of Spirits Abroad if I can.

Tirgearr publishing. They charge to read submissions. Not a lot, but anything is bad.

I've gotten likes from two small pressed at this point, but one looks kind of like a scam.

Well, I'll let you know when I get it published.

I got a like from a small press editor for this one " Maddie wears iron and puts fairy mischief right. When her teacher is killed, she deals with a fairy prince for revenge."

I'm giving SFFpit a shot. two so far, no likes, but it's early.

It's a sedan chair. I'll make that clearer. They're the conveyance of choice, because, as we will learn in the second half, horses are not generally allowed on the streets of Travento. As for a lot going on, I do hope so. I've written several stories in the setting a this point, but I try to make them all self-standing.

This is the first part of a novelette. I'm interested in whatever stands out. For more directed critique: Is the level of worldbuilding satisfying or do you want more or less? Do things feel appropriately tense?

I'd love to grab the last slot for Monday. I've got a novelette I need some thoughts on. I can get it in two parts of 5-6000, if that's alright with people.

My thought, just on the first page, is that there's too much extra, too much "the thing is", "anyway", cursing, asides. It really breaks up the flow. You can get the same character across with maybe a quarter of that stuff. This much volume makes Mark really unsympathetic, for me at least. It also reduces how much content you get across. There's nearly a thousand words here, and most of it isn't dialogue, but I don't get a lot of genuine emotion or detail about the setting.

Okay, 2 major thoughts. A few people have mention adjectives. I have the problem of overuse as well. My advice would be to pick which items really need detailed descriptions and focus on them, just let the unimportant ones be bare. That will clear a lot of clutter. I definitely agree with R. D. Pulfer about not hearing the Prochitsa's words. We're in a POV that's listening to them. Why don't we hear along with him? I'm certainly curious enough to read more, but I'm also frustrated at how little I've been given.

Alright. I'm back. I'll try critique a few things and get back into the rhythm of it.

I'm actually gonna get paid. The kickstarter for my first pro sale has enough to fund.

thanks for the heads up on that. I had never heard of it, but I think I will throw my hat in the ring.

I would, but I'm not marginalized, and seems like there's some kerfuffle over who should be pitching what.

Monty python definitely an influence. I think right now the changes I'm aiming for are resolving confusion about the centaur and a few other points, not solving the issues that lead to the final giving up, and making sure the lady's annoyance trends steadily up to match. Is there anything else people want to say is seriously needed, or particular points of confusion to flag, ones that harmed your enjoyment?

Thanks all for the thoughts. I'll try to un-confuse the centaur issue. Ecohansen, I was intending for the ambassador to read as a were-wolf, hence silver vulnerability, I think of pewter as primarily tin and lead. I used Cathyan because I thought it bolstered the overall send-up of poorly done fantasy kitchen sink settings. Spieles, we usually don't do line edits like that, unless someone specifically requests it. Some people are kind enough to provide grammar/punctuation/typo notes, but that's different. I would appreciate you not giving me prescriptive edits like that unless I ask for them.

yes, it is a coincidence. I understand that Robinski's been here for ages. I joined recently. Also, if you ever look for it, my published stuff will be under R. K. Duncan (once it gets published, which will actually be fairly soon.)

Hi all, this is a short, humor piece I'm putting together for the Unidentified Funny Object anthology. Biggest question is whether it works well as pure dialog or I should add description between the lines. Also, of course, whether the jokes work. Enjoy.

Ecohansen, did they tell you what they wanted from a re-write? I've only gotten one request like that, but I got pretty specific notes and they took it when I sent it back.

Hi everybody. I'm on kickstarter. This anthology has a story by me and also stories by a bunch of more experienced, well-known people. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/stevensaus/no-sht-there-i-was-an-anthology-of-improbable-tale

Good Luck

Well, then I guess I'll ask explicitly, since this is a general discussion space for this subforum. Would people find it appropriate if I posted a link to a kickstarter for an anthology I have a story in when it goes live?

Okay, I can't seem to find the forum terms today. I've got a question about conduct/etiquette on this board. A kickstarter for something that will pay me if it funds is going live soon. Can I post about it here? Post a link?