rdpulfer

Here is my first short story submission. Please let me know if anything else is missing in the subject line. Minor content warning - this story includes very little language and suggestive themes, but I thought I would mention it nonetheless. Thanks, Richard

It is okay if I submit for this coming Monday?

I really liked the interplay between Aldo and Julia, particularly during their one-on-one fight. I also thought the dialogue and action were well-balanced to keep these scene interesting and constantly moving. I did feel the description was a little too sparse in times. While I liked that generally the description was blended in with the action, I felt there wasn't enough of it. I wanted to know what the armor looked like, and well as what the setting looked like as well. The grunt was very well-described, but I wanted to know more about the characters and the location over the course of the chapter. I generally liked the action sequences, but I felt the ending felt a little too abrupt. It didn't feel like this was the natural conclusion of the fight scene, even Aldo has a hold of her sword. Overall though, I was really entertained by this chapter and I'll like to read more.

I'm new to Reading Excuses, so this my first critique . . . ummm . . . ever, if I do anything taboo, just slap me later I'm obviously new to this narrative, but I really liked this chapter. I liked the idea of the different Fruits, and what it took to make them grow. I also liked the council intrigue as the village plots their new course of action. This might be nit-picking, but "magical hair coloring" reads a bit awkward. Maybe there needs to be a term for this in the world. I think the idea of hair coloring denoting a sign of special abilities is really interesting, but giving a special name to the phenomenon might make sound less awkward while freeing up more ways to describe it indirectly. Since Kisare is the central character here, it feels like she is sometimes lost in the shuffle. You do a good job of showing her reactions to the proposal. But I still think there should be more about her thoughts and voice in this chapter, even if it means there is less of the council. I hope this helps. I can't wait to read more!

Thanks Robinski, I'll think about looking into Reading Excuses. I've already had two alpha readers - I'm waiting to see how my alpha reader search goes. I'll definitely give it a look!

I'm going to the World Fantasy Convention in Washington DC in November. I'm more or less a complete newbie, which is why I'm ever thankful for the Writing Excuses podcast. I'm currently on the second draft of my fantasy-mystery novel. Mainly I'd just like to network with some fellow fantasy writers, though I wouldn't mind the chance to pitch my book to agents and/or editors. Does anyone have any tips on what to expect? This is pretty much my first literary convention, so I'm a little on edge