TwiLyghtSansSparkles

Berry Sperry Tries on Outfits Berry Sperry Tries to Forget Lycra!Lightwards Berry Sperry Is Going to Need Years of Therapy

QUICK! LOOK AT THE CUTE PUG! Pugs fix everything. Especially when they do the head tilt.

It's like a car accident. It's horrible, and it's going to give me nightmares, but I can't look away. Am I the only one who thinks Nathan looks surprisingly good in Lightwards' clothes?

Thanks. Yeah, for me the charm wore off during Eldest. I actually read it all the way through, even through the weird dancing elf twins scene (if you've read the book, sorry for bringing that up ) because I kept hoping it would get better. I skipped the other two books, which I almost regretted upon hearing that one of them has a riveting scene where Eragon compares his thumbs. I won't really canonize him! ...unless he gives Funtimes a very good reason to.

Lightwards dressed in Lycra. So basically, a sad, rather unattractive middle-aged man...wearing a Lycra bodysuit of some kind.

And every US citizen promptly asked "WHY DID YOU NOT DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE." Oh no. Solemnly swearing not to do something is the first sign that something is about to happen. *sigh* I'll work on a post where Funtimes makes Lycra!Lightwards canon.

Lightwards would be their only case, but they would need multiple caseworkers to handle all the violations he had. [ENDLESS ENDLESS SCREAMING]

If so, he's kind of a terrible mother. "Leap to your deaths, kids! Mommy will fix you up when she feels like it!" Still not as terrifying as Lycra!Lightwards.

"Jack tells Annie that in the future she can't just go running into dinosaur nests because the mother is always nearby. I'm sure this is going to be very relevant advice that Annie can utilize for the rest of her life." If Jack and Annie move to Oregon, this is going to be the best advice she's ever heard.

I hadn't until last spring, so it's okay. Mine: After reading LotR, I read Eragon. Not only did I think it was good, but I wished I could write like Paolini. I was also 15, so I guess there's that?

Same here. I found Ella Enchanted and that was the end of Magic Tree House for me. (Okay, so the made-up languages in that book were terrible, and the societies she came across didn't make a whole lot of sense, but that was one of the best Cinderella retelling a I've ever read.) And then LotR blew EE out if the water.

Magic Treehouse? That was my childhood. Mine too. Only now that I'm seeing it again as an adult, I'm realizing what low standards I had as a kid.

I'm reading a sporking of a book I read as a kid. In the book, a pair of siblings are whisked off to prehistoric times where they encounter a real pteranodon. Jack, the elder sibling, decides to take notes. The person reading/mocking the book points out that whoever found those notes would have to read them out of context. His notes are as follows: fuzzy skin small brain? mouth like scissors It reminded me of Lightwards for some reason.

I still say Liam Neeson would make the best Prof.

I shall make an antagonist in her backstory a Gloria Gaynor fan, then. No, I don't think I have.

Would it help if I made Funtimes a hater of disco? And feeding it to an adorable pug.

They're just a security precaution! They're not to hurt anyone. Unless they get too close. But there's no closet, I swear!

And part one of the compilation post has been edited by mutual agreement. Voidus, you…um…might want to hug a pet or something? The last part could bring back a few bad memories.

No, I don't kind of want to see it. What makes you say that?

Their infinite loop eventually devolved into an infinite childish argument, where Lightwards would resurrect a tree that then fell on Timeport, who resurrected and berated Lightwards for making his job more difficult, who would resurrect another tree to spite him, which Timeport would chop down and be crushed by. And Oregon was saved.

So THAT'S why I love the idea of Lumberjack Timeport so much!

I don't know why, but that mental image makes me happy. And it also confuses me deeply.

Part one of a Vanilla Sabotage compilation post is up.

Part one of a compilation post between me and Kobold. Revolution leaned back in her sunken chair, smiling at Sam and Nathan in succession. "Well," she started musingly, smiling at both of them. "It's been a long day, hasn't it?" Nathan wasn't sure how to answer. Sam knew his secret, and Revolution knew, but Funtimes had no idea what they knew. So far as he was aware, the only one in the room who wouldn't care how he answered was the pug in Sam's arms, and the pug didn't speak English. So he slipped out of his coat, which felt heavy in the warmth of the cottage, and laid it over the back of a chair at the table. "Okie dokie loki," Funtimes sang, skipping back into the living room, "everybody gets pizza now!" Nathan smiled, wondering if he should put his coat back on. The smallest things could anger Epics, and he didn’t fancy being trapped in the floorboards. His girlfriend said nothing, taking his hand and towing him into the kitchen, so he left the coat where it was. Two enormous pizzas sat on equally large metal plates on the counter. Each was roughly divided into quarters, and no two quarters were the same. There was a quarter of cheese, a quarter of pepperoni, a quarter of sausage and mushroom, a quarter of veggie, and a few quarters with toppings that seemed to have nothing to do with each other. The aroma made his mouth water, and if he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine he was at a party with friends, during a time when Epics were the stuff of science fiction. "Wow," was all he could say. "I made it already cooked so the oven can't burn anybody," Funtimes said happily. "Um, thanks." Nathan felt a small tap on his ankle, far too heavy to be an ant that had somehow escaped the floor. Sam's pug met his gaze with wide brown eyes and a tilted head, and he couldn't help but smile. "You like ham, little guy?" "I'm sure it does," Funtimes cooed, crouching down to meet the pug at eye level. She didn't seem to notice when the dog backed a few steps. "You take care of my friends, okay? Make sure they're safe." Sam felt her stomach growl as a wonderful whiff of smell flowed from the kitchen. Her new pug hopped from her lap and began exploring the cottage, so she got to her feet and stood outside the kitchen, sneaking a peak. She couldn't help but to gawk at the feast. The pizzas were huge, lavished with more types of topping than she could count quickly. Meat, cheese, vegetables of all kinds... there was even a stuffed Chicago-style quarter, a recipe that probably hadn't been seen in this part of the country in years. Mom could bake out of pretty much anything, but suppers in the Trattner home usually consisted of bean stews. Sam suddenly realized how ravenously hungry she was, and was about to ask when they'd start serving when Funtimes squatted to talk to the dog. "You take care of my friends, okay?" the Doctor cooed happily. Make sure they're safe." Sam's attention reluctantly snapped away from the pizza at those words. "What do you mean?" she asked with a confused frown. "Are you leaving us alone here?" "Not for super long," Funtimes said, scratching the dog's ear. "And I'll be going all back and forth and back and forth and I'll leave up a whole bunch of stuff to make sure nobody gets in." She cupped the pug's chin in her hand. "I love your little smushed-up face!" Right. Nobody gets in, Sam repeated in her mind. Cynically, she added what she felt was implied: Or out. Not wanting to be buried under the floorboard, she kept those thoughts in the privacy of her head and put on a smile. "Well good luck on whatever you're doing out there. Thanks for the pizzas." Funtimes beamed as the pug trotted back over to Sam. Petting the dog seemed to have put her in a better mood than she had been in at the Sadrys', and the effects of whatever alcohol-like influence had taken her had apparently worn off. Nathan decided to test the waters. "Are you, uh, going to find Remington?" Her expression darkened briefly. "Yep. He's fine. I'll find him super fast and then I'll be right back over here!" On the one hand, having the hunter who spoke to Epics with impunity would make the cottage seem less oppressive. On the other hand, the thought of just twenty minutes without Funtimes was as tantalizing as the aroma of fresh pizza. "Sounds good," Nathan said. That was a nice neutral thing to say. Sam nodded along to Nathan's agreeable reply. She'd almost forgotten about Remington and the... man? Woman? Alien android? The person with the unicycle and the bagpipes. The fact that Funtimes remembered them was at once comforting and frustrating. Comforting because she'd never forget all about them and leave them in the hands of Lightwards or Nighthound; frustrating because it meant no chance of slipping away from her without the Doctor coming to find them. There was no relying on Doctor Funtimes being as ditzy and forgetful as she looked. When they escaped, they'd have to assume that they'd be pursued wherever they went. Sam briefly considered bringing up Lightwards and his threats; The sooner they could talk Funtimes into conjuring up some recording gadgets for them, the sooner they could take control of some zombies and bust out of town. Reluctantly she forced the thought down. Funtimes was temperamental even for an Epic, and it was probably best to wait for a good opening. Or better yet, for Nathan or Revolution to broach the topic ahead of her. It only took her a second to think of an alternate topic. "So," she began, eyes darting to the kitchen once more. "When do we dig into those pizzas?" "Whenever you want to, silly!" Funtimes gave Sam, then Nathan and Revolution each a hug. "I mean, I'd eat it now, but if you like cold and icky pizza, I'm not gonna judge. Stay inside and have fun bye!" With that, she vanished. Nathan waited a moment before taking a slice of cheese. How long could it take her to set up security measures? If she was planning to be in and out, she wouldn’t spring for anything terribly elaborate; and if she wanted to keep others out, she wouldn’t attract attention with a flying cottage. He hoped for a moat. A moat was something an normal Epic would create to keep her servants inside. Even if she filled it with acid, it would be less terrifying than whatever else she might create. He took a cautious bite of pizza--a warm, tangy, cheesy bite--trying not to think how long it was since he'd had pizza. And then he went to the window. As predicted, a moat surrounded the cottage, clear liquid shimmering in the fading light, trees and the cottage itself silhouetted on its surface. Wind stirred the trees, sending a few leaves into the moat. They sizzled and vanished. Funtimes knelt on the ground, both hands outstretched over something sleek and shiny rising from the dirt. As Nathan slowly polished off his pizza (he was too hungry to leave it be) the thing took on the long, sleek form of a silver alligator. Exposed gears whirred and spun within its head, near its joints, throughout the entirety of the machine until the mechanical gator opened its eyes and snapped its jaws. Funtimes clapped her hands, letting out a delighted squeal Nathan could barely hear through the cottage door. She turned to another patch of dirt, reshaping it into the likeness of the first gator, which had just fired twin bolts of red laser from its eyes. Nathan let the curtain fall, concealing his girlfriend’s progress on the second mechanical lizard. “Um, guys?” Nathan’s mouth was suddenly dry. “Don’t go outside, okay?”

I did that (or close to it) with the first Question, and it just made things harder on the mods.