Bunnyburn

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3rojsqdmk4s4vub/The%20Listener.docx It's been a while, but I have another couple chapters for you guys. Lemme know what you think/like/hate. Thanks everybody! (The links in this post and the opening post are up to date. Other links in this thread are obsolete)

Wasing the having of Capt. Crunch. Notting of the needing of milk...

I think it might be possible, if the kandra was skilled enough to ingest the object and form its muscles inside the object, using it like an exoskeleton. This would probably limit it to hollow objects with enough room inside for the kandra. I would think the kandra may need an aairhole or some access to oxygen. And of course it will need to eat. (and how do kandra pass waste?) It may be plausibe with specially designed objects, specifically tailored for a kandra to inhabit. (True-lamps and true-rugs)

Quite a tough decision... If I had to choose, probably Sazed. TenSoon was an awesome character, I enjoyed his growth and the decisions he made. Breeze was a cool character too. I liked him a lot but once he got a viewpoint chapter and you get a little more insight into his mind, I had a new respect for him. Kelsier, for being generally badass in every aspect. Yeah, good cast.

This thread makes me wonder... Do mistings exist in fairly equal proportions or are certain mistings more likely to Snap into existence. That makes me think of another question... Is the metal you will burn determined at birth? When a person Snaps? Is every person 'assigned' a metal at birth, regardless of if they ever Snap? Or perhaps any person 'tagged' as allomancer has the all parts in their spiritweb to be a mistborn and in the process of Snapping, investiture rips through the spiritweb, taking the path of least resistance. This one-time surge of invesiture either opens a pathway for one of the metals, or clears the way for all of them. Hmm, what do you guys think? Throughout all the books, i see many coinshots, tineyes, and thugs. This whole train of thought was brought on because I picked to be a Coinshot, tying steel and pewter as the most popular metals.

Maybe your magic could have self-image as a component. Somebody with poor self-image would need more augmentation to allow them access to the magic. On another note, maybe the cosmetic changes could be intented to imitate the appearance of magical beings. For instance, applying makeup to imitate the appearance of a fire-being would "trick" whatever force or god that endows magical powers into allowing you access to the particular beings powers.

Thos topic brings a question to my mind. The Parshendi can attune to certain rhythyms, and despite proximity they are always perfectly synced with that rhythym and any Parshendi attuned to that rhythym. If a Parshendi was to travel elswhere in the cosmere, would he still be able to attune to the same Rhythyms, perfectly in sync over light-years? Would the rhythyms be weak or absent, similarly to Elantrian magic and proximity? Or perhaps, proximity to a different shard/s would cause a whole new set of rhythyms to be heard?

You better hop to it, my patience is wearing thin! (jk) I definitely understand where you're coming from. Knowing there is someone willing to read your work makes is a lot easier to find motivation. Is this particular piece the story in which you have lots of 'gods' or somesuch? I like the concept. From mythology to fiction like Warbreaker, seeing a story from the perspective of a deity provides interesting opportunities.

In my idea, non-Eyeholders wouldn't be able to understand the concepts that make up identity. I am imagining somethong like computer code= identity. Anybodu with a keyboard can alter the characters, but if you don't know the language you will just break the program.

I had an idea, you can take it or leave it or twist it to your purpose. Manipulating an objects identity could be an ability seperate from the Eyes, but the different Eyes are what allows a person to 'see' and understand different aspects of an identity. Identity is a very abstract thing and these Eyes would provide the enlightenment necessary to comprehend and alter these abstractions. I am also a fan of an idea mentioned by another user (forgot your name, sorry) that bonding an Eye requires replacing one of the eyes. This would allow for a person to technically bond 2 Eyes perhaps? But without the vision and interpretation normal eye-vision provides these dual-Eyed individuals could have very strange, abstract, and possibly twisted views on reality.

I think Aleksial hit on a good idea. Manually working with wood is much different than working with stone or metal Wood cannot be reformed, while metal can for instance. Perhaps wood is used for different applications in your world? . Also, stone often contains trace metals, maybe that is an aspect that can be manipulated? Back to Aleksials thought: those 3 materials are manipulated in very different way, I think your syntax should reflect the differences in working with the materials

I imagining a shapeshifting god, but one who shifts in subtle ways, like: growing facial hair rapidly, altering nose or ears. But he would need a tell too, something noticible to the right eyes that he cannot change.

I appreciate everybody's critisicm and encouragement. It has helped me when I felt uninspired. Here is a continuation. Anotber chapter in either viewpoint, and a change in Reia's character that I hope fuels better conflicts as the plot unfolds. Oh yeah, I discovering threads I have made and I am beginning to see ways to craft them into a plot. All in all, I feel like I am making great progress, and much thanks goes to you 17th sharders. Alright, here it is! https://www.dropbox.com/s/xjqqdsifa6o22pk/The%20Listener.docx HAH, I noticed there is a character whose name changes back amd forth several times in one scene. My version has been fixed, but it remains here until the next updte.

This is my first draft of Reia fixing her door. I'm not 100% on how the different musical-magics are gonna work, but this is kinda the direction I wanna go with Reia's ability. --------------------------- The melody came easily, like a march, deep and staccato. Reia knew what she wanted to play and which Notes to use. In the key of D, the Time Note. The music began to crescendo, her melody reminding the splintered pieces of wood on the floor about their time as a door. She incorporated more Notes of Water into her melody, urging the fragments to move. The splinters, so touched by her song, started to dance. They vibrated on the floor, dancing for their past. The crescendo broke into a grand, flowing phrase, Notes of Water and Gravity dominant throughout the chorus. The melody growing more, going faster and faster. The pieces began to hum, in perfect key with Reia's flute. They vibrated faster and faster as the music reached a climax, and at the moment Reia played the final note the door snapped into existence, exactly how and where it was before being destroyed.

I don't know yet This particular piece is 99% discovery, its primary purpose is a world I can practice my writing in.

Thanks for the advice, I can definitely see what you mean. I'm kinda unsure of what in-world lore is necessary at this point, but I am quickly realizing I will have ample opportunity as I continue onward. As for Feinn's POV (specifically regarding his voice) can you think of a better way he would mentally.comment on his voice. I'm still figuring out the POV and how different characters will be reacting, but Feinn's voice will be a plot element. He is suposed to be a fantastic singer, and I wanted to begin laying the groundwork for that revelation.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/xjqqdsifa6o22pk/The%20Listener.docx I have pressed onward. Don't hold back the critisicms. I want to get better.

I've started trying to write a little more seriously, to get practice in. This world started as a place to practice in, but I am liking it, and so plan to continue. This is a world where musical notes are given attributes. eg: Time Note, Gravity Note Combining these attributes in certain combos and proportions can create all kinds of effects. https://www.dropbox.com/s/3rojsqdmk4s4vub/The%20Listener.docx

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8rwc80tqcyrv4g2/Spire.docx I think I need a new file distributor... old link disavled for "security reasons"

You can e-mail it to me [email protected] Thank you

https://www.dropbox.com/s/o9g1lrqnjv2gn9o/Spire.docx That should work. Apologies for private link.

sorry for the double post and cluttered download link. I assumed mark-up worked on this forum. The download link works fine however. For future reference, can I edit my posts after submitting them?

I am wanting to improve. The more critical you are the better. That being said, I have done a 2nd draft and I am providing a dl link. I apologize is downloading a .doc file is a hassle, but in pasting my scene from a word processor into the message box, I lose all formatting and such. I am an avid reader. If reading is a skill, then I am very talented. Writing however has always been trouble. Mostly it is a self-expression block, but I am also unsure on some of the finer points of writing. (Such as dialogue, paragraphing, and assigning and reassigning of pronouns.) That being said, I buckled down and wrote this little fictional passage. I didn't really plan so much as wrote in a stream of thought. I would greatly appreciate opinions, advice, grammatical/formatting corrections. Here it is: [link name=2nd draft]https://dl-web.dropbox.com/get/Spire.docx?_subject_uid=294061912&w=AAD9XxRu84ZFSvibhbEzEgVJBE7ZQSn9yWcWlPqpCwJFww [/link]

I am an avid reader. If reading is a skill, then I am very talented. Writing however has always been trouble. Mostly it is a self-expression block, but I am also unsure on some of the finer points of writing. (Such as dialogue, paragraphing, and assigning and reassigning of pronouns.) That being said, I buckled down and wrote this little fictional passage. I didn't really plan so much as wrote in a stream of thought. I would greatly appreciate opinions, advice, grammatical/formatting corrections. Here it is: Feinn slowly opened his eyes to the near-blackness of the forest canopy overhead. A soft rustling noise had woken him up moments earlier and he had immediately felt the sensation of being watched. Feinn did not believe himself to be a catious person, but he knew leaping to his feet would alert the creator of the quiet noise, the lurking watcher. So he lay there silently, still as stone and straining his ears for another sound. After the space of three slow, quiet breaths Feinn heard the same sound, like dry leaves crunching underfoot. Feinn had little doubt that the noise was exactly that. He had expected to be followed. The small parcel inside the breast pocket of his leather vest suddenly felt much heavier than the single piece of paper it contained warranted. He didn't know what kind of information the missive contained, but he wouldn't have been sent to 'aquire' this unassuming envelope if it wasn't important to somebody. The package had been locked in a solid wooden box, reinforced with iron bands. This box had been hidden in locked wardrobe in the sleeping chambers of lord Brandt. These lavish chambers had been behind a thick oak door, also locked. The grounds of Lord Brandt's forest haven had been patrolled by half a dozen guards bearing Brandt's colors of green and grey, armed with heavy maces and each carrying a lantern to hold back the oppressive darkness of thick woods on a moonless night. A pair of large men stood on either side of the massive set of doors that led into the small mansion. Although Feinn had no trouble bypassing the extensive security measures, it reinforced his client's assertion that this was a document of great import. So Feinn was not surprised that he had been located. And he was not surprised when he heard the muffled footsteps of the watcher approaching from behind and to the left where he lay. Feinn slowly adjusted his left hand so it rest on the hilt of a long, broad dagger -almost a shortsword- as he counted ten barely perceptible footfalls. Feinn estimated that the watcher now stood directly behind him, near his head, but his view still contained only the dark sillhouette of oak leaves and patches of pitch black sky. Feinn breathed evenly and slowly, maintaining the illusion that he was still asleep. He could feel the watchers presence mere inches from his head. A minute passed, perhaps two minutes, before Feinn began to feel impatient, and a little nervous. Did I misjudge his location? He asked himself. Feinn got his answer a split-second later when he heard the gentle grating of steel on hard leather from his left. I guess it's now or never. Feinn closed his left hand around the hilt of his dagger and rolled to the left onto his stomach. He came to rest with his chin in the mulchy soil and his eyes on a pair of boots and shins just inside the reach of his armed hand. The watcher had apparently failed to notice that Feinn had been awake, his surprise evident in his lack of reaction to Feinn's abrupt movements. Feinn took full advantage of the watchers surprise and swept his dagger from left to right as he pushed himself into a kneeling position with his right hand. Feinn's blade struck the watcher above the knee on the inside of his left leg. The dagger sliced deeply, striking bone. At the sweeping attacked reached the end of its arc, Feinn swung it back as quickly as it had come, but with an upward angle this time. The watcher had begun reaching down with his left hand to his wounded thigh as his right arm thrust downward with a now unsheathed knife. But before the blade could be resheathed in the side of Feinn's neck, his dagger sliced the watcher's stomach open diagonally, waist to ribcage. Feinn leaped backwards to his feet as the watcher stumbed to his knees where Feinn had just been. Both of his hands now clutched his guts, holding them inside as best he could. His lips moves wordlessly for a moment, but before he could find a breath to express his agony, Feinn jumped forward, and in a single fluid motion he flipped his dagger in midair, caught it blade down, and rammed it straight to the hilt into the soft flesh behind the watchers collarbone. A foot of steel pierced lung and heart, and the watchers scream came out a breathy gurgle of blood and spit. Feinn stepped to the right as he yanked his blade free with a sharp tug. Blood spurted from the wound, and the watcher fell forward, his quickly failing vision watching nothing but the decaying leaves and milling insects of the forest floor.

I just finished The Wheel Of Time after living in the universe for 3 years. I've been melancholy after finishing books before, but this has left a void in my life. I'm excites for a re-read but my life will never be the same again. Sorry if this isn't a prime topic for discussion, but I had to vent somehow, as nobody I know has read the series and my pain is laughable to them. To them it is just a book. But I'm sure some of you disagree. Have any of you felt as I do? How did you cope, and how can anything compare?