Kobold King

The destination is "Stuff." Random is the journey. Stuff is the destination. It's really quite easy to understand.

Calamity actually had nothing to do with Nighthound. Satan made a pact with Michael Jager, giving him his healing factor in exchange for his soul. After a week, Satan crawled out of Hell, sobbing and bedraggled, to give the man his dark soul back. Michael said he would only take it back if he also gained the ability to control other people. Satan gladly accepted, and Michael took back his soul... but suddenly placed a firm hand on the devil's throat, gifting him his powers and taking control of his body. It is said that Satan still stands in a sleepy Oregon forest to this day, a dark cloud around him and a dog-like snout for a face. And that one day, Nighthound will die, his soul fluttering down to a Hell that's ripe for the taking.

But would that be truly random? Your essay's topic would have been decided by the title of the thread, and thus not picked in the unsystematic method necessary for a classification of "random."

I could honestly post seven dense paragraphs about the history of the Vietnamese National Anthem and nobody could complain about me straying off topic.

How ironic would it be if Backtrack accidentally stepped on it and wiped out the entire MEE?

Arsenal took a deep breath. Calm yourself, Dewhickey, a deep part of him whispered. The situation is under control. Save your rage for when you need it. He'd once lived by that maxim. It seemed he was needing his rage more and more of late to keep the city from spiraling into its own destruction. But for now, at least, the day's hardships were over and it was time to face the night with calmness and dignity. Breathing in and out again, Arsenal turned away from the room and prepared to walk out of the clinic--this time without the intention of burning it to the ground once outside. And then there was the crash. A heavy pistol spawned in his hand as he whipped around, face contorted into a snarl as he faced the newest disturbance. The blonde Epic had destroyed a chair in her rage, spreading spears of ice around her. "Would someone please tell me what is going on?" she demanded petulantly. Arsenal took another deep breath. "What is happening," he growled, his voice getting guttural as his anger snuck back in, "is a lesson on respect." In a single smooth motion he had his pistol raised, blasting a shot through several ice spears. The bullet shattered them on contact, sailing smoothly through them and connecting with the ice princess's leg. As the woman dropped to the ground, screaming as she clutched her shattered shin, Arsenal tossed aside the gun and raised his hands. The ceiling sprouted with a dozen tiny nubs--a rudimentary sprinkler system. Though that blasted dress and Scribbler's blasted tattoos made it difficult, he managed to work past his limitations to fill the sprinklers with a special substance and set them off. Still clutching her bleeding leg, the girl winced as she was suddenly bathed in a shower of purple antifreeze. Arsenal remembered seeing the same stuff used to grease jet planes in freezing weather; at the very least, the woman's ice would be significantly harder to conjure when she was soaked to the skin in the stuff. "Doctor Game will do what he can for your leg," Arsenal grated, glaring at the medic as he gave the order, "As soon as he stops you from bleeding to death, these guards will take you into custody. You will spend the night in a holding cell--rein in your impulses by then, or I swear I will burn you alive and hang your scorching skeleton outside the city. Maybe that will tell newcomers what we do not tolerate in this city." The sprinklers fizzed out, but he conjured another gallon of antifreeze and dumped it on her on principle, smacking her head with the empty jug for good measure. With that done, he once again glared at the remaining Epics. "I ask again," he barked furiously, "Does anyone else have anything to add? Threats to administer? Boasts to give? I think you'll be surprised how many powers can be countered by a little ingenuity."

In a strange way, having the Mad Ballooner of all people be the one whose suicide assault on the Museum destroys Portland would be kind of... somewhere between ironic or fitting, I guess.

In summary: the amount of retribution that will be exacted upon the MEE is roughly proportionate to the amount of inconvenience they cause. As things are now, if the Ballooner somehow manages to set the entire Museum on fire, and if he somehow manages to escape being murderized immediately afterward, then a fierce Epic turf war will immediately break out as Lightwards and his allies tear through Portland in an attempt to track down the MEE leaders and kill them. In summary of the summary: don't mess with the Empire. They have dinosaurs, laser alligators, and Nighthound.

And of course, that's not getting into the fact that if the Museum is destroyed but all the MEE agents die in the attempt, Lightwards will still go on the warpath. I foresee him telling Nighthound and the dinosaurs to destroy vast swathes of Portland in an attempt to flush out remaining Epics and kill them. ... Actually that would fit quite nicely with our campaign goal, wouldn't it?

Honestly, it'd be best for the MEE as a whole if none of them survived. Because--and listen well, because this is the only time you'll ever see this sentence in an intimidating context-- If even a single MEE operative escapes and goes back to their headquarters, Backtrack will lead Lightwards and the rest of the Empire right to it. If the Museum is left intact, Lightwards will see them as a trifling matter and will devote his full attention to CorpseMaker instead. If the Museum is burned, then he will devote everything he has to killing every last one of them. And if Funtimes is fully cooperating with him, they will succeed.

I guess what I'm saying is, he has a fair chance of escaping the Museum, but not if he directly attacks Lightwards or anyone else. He is very veak, and also very slow. Also, if he sets the Museum on fire, Lightwards will likely succeed in hunting him down before he even manages to get to the ground. He does have a few smaller pterosaurs that could chase down his zeppelin, potentially causing a lot of slowing damage. And if Lightwards himself got on board, the Ballooner would be dead before he got the chance to create anything like an acid balloon.

Nice plan, but in the middle of an attack, Lightwards would rather shoot him than take chances with him.

How would he keep from being Nomnomnomed by Numnums Shredded by raptors Charged by a triceratops Shot in the face with a gun Kicked by Cricket Shot in the face with a gun that Aldo's holding Nighthound'd All of the above? ?

Is it wrong that I wonder if you could make a lot of spheres by getting darkeyed men to pay you to take your glove off in front of them? Not that I think you would ever participate in such a lewd business practice, Twi. Even you have higher standards than that.

Jas na. Though sometimes I call her "Jazz Jazz."

When you have cats named Blackthorn and Jasnah.

Nope, not at all. There's still Anglicans, Episcopalians, Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Mormons, and probably others that I'm not thinking of at the moment. "Christian" is better, if there isn't room for all the different denominations.

I'm sorry. It sucks to feel suddenly so self-conscious about oneself. For what it's worth, I myself have never felt you've gotten on anyone's nerves. Quite the contrary, you are a joy to have around! You have a dry yet still goofy sense of humor and a sharp eye for new ideas and concepts; honestly, you've contributed far more quality content to this site than I ever have. This site could do without me just fine; you are the kind of poster this forum couldn't live without. A supplier of quality humor and ideas, a veritable forge of fantasy and brilliance. As for keeping you feeling perky... well, this tumblr seems right up your alley...

Considering I'm non-denominational and currently attending an Anglican church, I find neither "Catholic" nor "Protestant" are particularly all-encompassing for Christian Sharders. Might I meekly suggest replacing them with a single "Christian" option?

Those poor animals. We only use good old-fashioned aqua in our spritzer bottles. Using industrial grade chemicals on pets is just sick.

KAYMYTH.member successfully updated. THAT SETTLES IT-- * cough * That settles it. Sorry Twi, but if I ever get a starship you don't get to fly on it. Your predisposal towards mutiny is too high.

Symptoms of dihydrogen monoxide poisoning can include: Fluids in mouth Moisture around eyeballs Perspiration of liquid from the skin Dissolution of chemicals within cell membranes. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may already have assimilated an irreversible quantity of dihydrogen monoxide poisoning into your body.

PROCESSING... PROCESSING... Shutdown aborted. New directive: COMPLAIN TO REAL MOTHER. Proceeding.

ERROR "KAYMYTH.member" issuing existentialist questions Initiating shutdown procedure KAYMYTH.member v2 loading Please shutdown your existence and restart.